No physical contact on dates

[nobody]

Hello all,

I'd just like to know what people's experiences have been when starting to date someone - as far as physical contact is concerned.

 

I've been out twice with someone that I've known for about 4 months. He has stated conversationally (in email) that he finds me attractive and enjoys my company but thus far there has been zero physical contact. No kiss, no hugs, not so much as a handshake.

 

Would this indicate that he is only interested in a purely platonic thing? I've never had this happen before. I also understand that a high percentage of people I used to date were jerks so I am wondering if this no-touch thing is ever a sign of respect or anything. I know I've certainly been taking it more as "romantic rejection" and I'd just like to hear other's thoughts on it.

 

Oh and as far as I can tell, we've both had pretty good times on both times out. Lots of conversation, laughter and fun. Does this sound like it still has potential or do you think I should set my sights on having made a new friend?

 

Thanks for any input!

[bluechocolate]

You say that a high percentage of the people you previously dated were jerks. Have you two talked about this? In which case, maybe he's just cautious and doesn't want to seem pushy or over-eager. You say that you talk alot and have a lot of fun so he's not terribly shy is he? Some guys do have a real problem initiating physical intimacy for the first time with someone new. How old are you two?

 

In emails he says that you are attractive and he enjoys having fun with you - these are indications to me that he is interested in something more than just being platonic. Otherwise why the need to say that you are attractive?

 

On your next date why not initiate the first kiss yourself? It can be something as innocent as taking his hand and giving him a kiss on the cheek - at least then he can get the impression that you are interested. Of course, the obvious thing to do is just come out and ask him what he's looking for. It may just be the case that he only wants to be friends, but you need to know sooner rather than later because it sounds to me like you want more than that.

 

In answer to your first question - from my dim dark dating memory - yes, after knowing someone for 4 months and having a couple of dates there most surely would have been some kissing going on!

[Papillon]

Sounds to me that this guy is a keeper, who is respectful of your potential boundaries. (God that sounded like soccer commentary)

 

He's probing those boundaries, all right - his mind is filled with EXACTLY this topic as well, I can guarantee that . I guess he's waiting on some sort of signal from you, like for example, as you're walking along, if you slip your arm into his. You'd probably be suprised at how the ice will shatter.

[niknac04]

Well if he's anything like me, its probably a few differnt things. I am the same way. I waited three dates before i even made a simple move just to hold her hand. Mostly Because I am incredibly shy when it comes to that stuff, and also i didnt want to rush her into things. I really like this girl, i knew she liked me too, but just didnt know how to handle it because of my nerves!! I would wait for subtle signals from her, but since I dont have very much dating experience i didnt want to mistake something she did for a signal. There were definitly a few moments when i thought it was "the perfect moment" to move in for a kiss, but didnt. I kinda regret it, but i didnt want to come on to strong. It finally to me to work up the nerve to ask her if i could kiss her goodnight, and it worked. Some women im told even like when a man asks first.