He Cheated AND is a good man>>>AM I STUPID FOR PUTTING UP WITH THIS??

[20Nlove]

Hey everyone and thanks for taking the time out to read this. Hope I can get some really good feedback.

 

Scenario::: I've been with my bf and for 10months, and I've been living with him for 5months. He treats me really good I can't lie. He kisses my feet and takes me out ect. I still make my own money and contribute to the house (just me and him). Recently I've been getting weird vibes from him::Not wanting to tell me where he's at, lying about where he's at. (I'm by no means a crazy girl who blows up my mans phone or stalks him or anything)SOOOOO OF course I looked thru his phone and he's been talking to quiet a few girls I believe he met off the internet, chatline ect. I called one girl (I didn't want to confront him face to face so I called her cuz I knew she'd tell him) he was FURIOUS> .....come to find out she'd been over to the house and had sex with him in the living room (oral and intercourse). She threatened to send people to beat him up ((she didn't) That night she came over we had a REALLY big argument and I left to stay at my cousins house. It wasn't till a month later I found out. AND he's telling these girls I'm just a roommate. He claims the important people ie.family and close friends knows he's with me) Am I not good enough for you to claim??? I don't know why I stayed. I guess I love him so much, when we argue I start to feel sick in my stomach. (1 time I even threw up). Since then I've found out about 3 other girls. When I confronted him about it (I say: why do you feel the need to talk or mess with other girls Cheater says: uggg I don't know, I just be bored I wanted something to do. REALLY>????) :oAll of this is coming from left field. I'm considering getting my own apt. idk yet.

 

He feel like he takes care of me so why should I trip about other girls who mean nothing to him? I'M the one he comes home to at night who he loves and cares about. Im the one he wants to have a family with.

 

????QUESTION???? I wonders sometimes if I'm settling for less or is it ok b/c that's how men are. Should I be happy to have found a good one? Or is he really good since he talks to other girll? I'm 20 and he's 28, but I've been on my own since 17, I felt as though we were on the same page. Now I feel like Im in a different book. Should I be able to get past this hurt and see things for what it is. He loves me and were a team together, or should I Usher it and let it Burn???? Or try to rekindle this relationship??

 

FYI::its 11:26pm and I called him @ 6 and told him I was making dinner, I called him @ 10:30something and he says he's chillin', NOW I just called him and he said he'll be home soon and rushed me off the phone. You know his dinner has been on the stove since 8:45:(. He thinks he's slick. Times like these I think he's with another woman but he probably Isn't. Or is he?

[Damia]

Ooh girl you so need to get out now! This is no way to live take it from someone who has been there.He is not respecting you at all and in the process your self-confidence is taking a beating.

Move on ,move out and move up you are better than this.

He is getting away with this why would he change for you when he is getting everything HE wants.

[Professor X]

Well, with all honesty you got 2 options really:

 

Either you just be quiet for the rest of your life, knowing he is with other women, and in 10-15 years from now after you had a kid or 2, he will probably leave you for a younger chick.

 

OR

 

You leave now and search for a man who respects you and loves you and will be good to you.

 

 

But the fact that you still call him a good guy makes me think you might be to depended on him and thus you can't really leave him...

 

P.S. He is slick; He does get away with it after all....

[Mongo787]

I Totally agree Professor X, she should choose her own happiness

[PegNosePete]

This is obviously some new definition of "good guy" that I wasn't previously aware of. In my opinion a good guy does not cheat on his girlfriend. Maybe it's just me who has outdated morals? But I don't think so.

 

He is an arsehole Dump the jerk.

[rafallus]

I concur, he's not a "good man", he's playing you like a violing, putting a mask of one.

[sally4sara]

It would be one thing if y'all just had an understanding that you both would get around with others but if he can't even be honest about what he is up to with other women I'm not sure how you can consider him a good man. Do good men run around behind your back while you call up his booty calls trying to find out where the guy who is suppose to be your BF is hanging around?

 

A good man won't reduce you to Jerry Springer guest status. He certainly won't put you through a mess like this just because he was bored.

[PegNosePete]

Oh, and after you dump him you'll need to get tested for STDs. Goodness knows how many women he has been with, and what they were carrying.

[Eddie Edirol]

He is NOT a good man, and no, not all men are like this. Youre only 20, you will find better. he is slick by admitting it and gaming you to stay with him. Bad for you though.

[vsmini]

A good man won't reduce you to Jerry Springer guest status. He certainly won't put you through a mess like this just because he was bored.

 

I agree with this - and to the OP: I don't mean to be catty or snide but I think it's terribly sad that you honestly think this is a good guy.

 

I do not understand how a guy can do a few simple things like pay for a girl's dinner, buy her flowers and that makes a girl think he's really a "good guy deep down" when he's all over creation making it with other women.

 

No clue.

[20Nlove]

For me it wasn't like this at 1st. Of course EVERYTHING seemed perfect, and sometimes it still feels that way. The ONLY is issue is him cheating. Its sad that him doing an act can cause so many issues in a relationship. I think I need to stop being naive and dumb and see things for what they really are. . . . .NOT GOOD lolz. What if he DOES changes. Can I chalk it up to him making mistakes? My grandparents were married for 48years:::My gpa cheated and fathered another child after being with my gma for 10yrs. Im so confused right now. I think I need a drink (if only I was old enough lol)

[Professor X]

For me it wasn't like this at 1st. Of course EVERYTHING seemed perfect, and sometimes it still feels that way. The ONLY is issue is him cheating. Its sad that him doing an act can cause so many issues in a relationship. I think I need to stop being naive and dumb and see things for what they really are. . . . .NOT GOOD lolz. What if he DOES changes. Can I chalk it up to him making mistakes? My grandparents were married for 48years:::My gpa cheated and fathered another child after being with my gma for 10yrs. Im so confused right now. I think I need a drink (if only I was old enough lol)

 

Like I said you got 2 options.

And you've already tried to talk to him so it's kinda pointless

"Cheater says: uggg I don't know, I just be bored I wanted something to do."

 

You are only 20, you got your whole life a head of you, it's such a shame that you want to live your life with a cheater from the get go.

Real shame...

 

But if it what makes you happy...

 

P.S. You can't really compare your grandparents to what you got here; They were together for 10 years prior to the cheating, they had more than just 10 months with them (babies, house, etc) so they had a valid reason to work it out after.

You on the other hand.. You got nothing here to work for really, only 10 months with him, he's already bored with you, going for other women.

 

Is this what you really want for yourself? Sad.

[PegNosePete]

The ONLY is issue is him cheating.

Right. And the only problem with jumping out planes without parachutes is that you tend to die. Sometimes ONLY one issue is ENOUGH!!!

[Richard Friedman]

Gotta learn how guys like this pull it off. Treat your women like **** and still she somehow rationalizes everything. Absolutely fascinating.

[dreamingoftigers]

OMFG

 

THESE AREN'T MISTAKES. THESE ARE CHOICES. VERY INCREDIBLY TOXIC CHOICES.

 

Honey, GET OUT NOW.

 

I am 29. I have never met a guy with this much sickening gall and I attend meetings for Sexual Addicts and Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Not only are guys not normally like this but the guys (and girls) who are screwed up sexually to the point where they seek a 12-Step program not normally like this.

 

Your guy is broken, badly. You can't fix him. Only maybe 50 people in the whole country would be specialized enough to fix that level of sexual toxicity and inconsideration. And it would take years. Do not believe another fycking

word he says. If he tells you that the sky is blue, check and then phone a friend to make sure. That level of sexual toxicity always comes with a lining of bull****.

 

I know that when you raise on objection he probably makes you feel really stupid or guilty for mentioning it in the first place or he tells you to get over it or leave. All of that is emotional abuse.

 

I know when you are on your own at a young age (I was too ) that having a close friend or boyfriend can really bring a lot of comfort but having this guy give you the sick to your stomach feeling is not worth it.

 

I am almost 10 years older then you right now and i know that sick in your stomach feeling. The feeling is not going to stop until you leave because it happens when he cheats, and he isn't going to stop at this age if he doesn't give half a crap about how you feel.

 

Seriously watch how he feels about you: you know in your heart that it has changed, he can't look you in the eye as much, the kissing sucks, he tells you what he thinks you want to hear but you never hear anymore emotion behind those words besides guilt, anger or frustration. You don't hear him adore you anymore.

 

That isn't your fault. He's broken. You didn't break him, you can't fix him. You have to get out of there before he breaks you emotionally altogether. You know that getting cheated on feels worse then being hit and it is just as if not more abusive.

 

Guys aren't like this. Wild beasts in the forest aren't like this.

 

Get out.

[tobeornottobe]

This one is a no brainer. If you don't get the heck out of there and run, you will be doomed for life, full stop.

 

To answer your original question: yes, you are stupid to sit up with this. You are a person of worth and you need to still discover your brilliance, that I can say. You deserve the best in life, not this type of cr*p. Leave this loser, work on your self-esteem, and you will see how you will one day look back and thank God you did.

Edited August 13, 2011 by tobeornottobe

[Barrsitter]

Girlfriend...you're in the wrong relationship. Have some self-respect and get away from this guy. He's not interested in you. He only wants someone to come home to after he's been out banging other women.

 

Santana said it best:

 

Give me your heart, make it real or forget about it.

 

Either commit to a monogamous relationship or get out. Simple.

 

And if you think you feel like crap now, wait till you are exhausting yourself looking after his children while he's out banging some other woman. PLEASE....DO NOT HAVE THIS MAN'S CHILDREN. GET OUT AND FIND A MAN WHO WILL COMMIT TO YOU AND YOU ALONE.

[Lobster29]

Are you kidding??! He is NOT a good man!!!

[amymarieca]

How do you expect people to really answer your question? I think you already know the answer. It's only been 10 months and he's screwed 3 other women that you know of. Wow, he's a real prize! I think you need to stop dating for a while and work on your self-esteem.

[nalfy88]

You are obviously a very caring, genuine and honest person. As we go through life, one thing that has made itself apparent to me, is that people of our caring persuasion come in small quantities. Funnily enough, the individuals who are most talented at hurting people like us, are also the people who are superior at deceiving.

 

I have been in a situation where I was pursued by someone, and they had even deceived their own genuine work colleagues into thinking they were genuine, which then made ME think they were genuine. Be warned these deceivers will normally go to any outrageous lengths... (not meaning to sound crude) but just to get their legs over.

 

Thankfully I was wary of this person, as I has just come out of severe trauma from a past relationship. Therefore he didn't have the pleasure of calling me number 1000 on his bedpost! Oh you have no idea how grateful I am for my intense intuition! However, you have seen what happens if you attempt to pursue something meaningful with a person like this. He is now the king of the jungle with you to run around after him, whilst he goes around disrespecting other members of the human race.

 

You have got to put your foot down woman! You are a beautiful and empowered woman, please stand up to these people! If everyone became more choosy and rejected people like this, one day the leopards would be forced to change their spots because no-one would have any interest (whether emotional or physical) so they would have to change in order to attract a potential partner. I know some girls portray women as easy meat, but real women like us need to stand up and be counted so we are not tarred with the same brush. I know it will hurt at first, but trust me you will never find true happiness until you find yourself. You cannot find yourself with a loser like that dragging you down to his swampy pit! Ditch him, then you will realise it is he that needs you for an ego boost, and you will find you do not need him.

[Memphis Raines]

Hey everyone and thanks for taking the time out to read this. Hope I can get some really good feedback.

 

Scenario::: I've been with my bf and for 10months, and I've been living with him for 5months. He treats me really good I can't lie.

 

the only person you are lying to is yourself. he is not a good guy. he is playing you. Treating you all nice, keeping you trusting him so he can go out and mess around with other girls

 

 

what is it about these bad boys that can have women wrapped around their finger and still have them saying, "but I love him!!" ??

 

He will get away with all of this until you learn to stand up, see him for what he is, and quit trying to convince yourself and others that he is a good guy. he isn't. The only thing I can think of is that he must be really good looking.