Dont know about spending the rest of my life with him!

[HannahLeigh]

Hi guys, im new to this site and needed some advice. Thank you all so much in advance!

 

I am 21 years old, my boyfriend is 24 and we have been dating for a year. From the moment we started out together we both had this feeling of just knowing it was right, and that this was *it* for both of us. We had both had long term relationships before this and just felt our search was over.

 

Up until recently, things had been great. We were together everyday and were basically living together for about 8 months, until we moved back home for summer (i am in college and so is he, he took 2 years off because of money issues). Due to my parents being strict, i do have curfews and cannot stay at his house overnights. I understand and respect their wishes, but its really hindered our growing connection from before, and i feel weve almost drifted away a little. What doesnt help, is that his ex is around alot now due to mutual friends and such, and i think thats also taken a toll on me. Shes a nice girl, i dont have anything to worry about, its just the idea of her being around him so much. Ive had trouble with my ex boyfriends on this issue before, and its never ended well, so i think that this just brings up old issues for me.

 

Another issue; his bad breath. I dont know why but for some reason his breath always smells bad Its gotten to the point where i dont even want to kiss him because of it, which means no intimacy what so ever. I have made little hints about it like saying, "yikes i think we need some breathmints!" or things along that line, not singling just him out, but saying its me as well. I hate this, and as stupid as it sounds, i feel like this is also driving us apart from each other.

 

Last issue; he got my name tattooed on him. His reasoning was that he knows we will be married(we have talked about it alot, he says within a 2-3 years we will be, he wants to be married sooner rather than later) but, i think it kind of freaked me out alot! I mean nothing in this world is permanent, and he doesnt know what could happen. I DO want to marry him, but i think this tattoo just confused me a ton! I mean, he can tattoo my name on him, but he did it BEFORE he proposes?! Not only is that stupid and in poor taste, but i really dont like it and cant see why he did it.

 

Since then, ive found myself wondering if this is really right. Sometimes i look at him and think "what am i doing? hes not going to make you happy forever". He is much skinnier than me, hes about 5'6 and 109 lbs. This really makes me wonder about finding someone else who fits my ideal. But, there are other times where i think ill never find anyone else who treats me so perfectly and whom i love so much.

 

My question is, am i being petty? Am i just scared of the future? i do love him alot, i love his family and could see myself being in it forever. My parents dont like us together though, and sometimes i find myself wondering if its really right or not. He wants to be together forever and get married, and the idea of marriage doesnt scare me one bit, i always knew id be married someday and i live to raise kids. So why am i thinking these things sometimes? Is it just being apart so much now? Is the 'honeymoon phase' over?

[Bridgey]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with being unsure about whether or not he is the person you want to marry. You both are still young, very few people are ready to make major life decisions like who you want to spend the rest of your life with at 21. The tattoo thing would scare the hell out of me if I was you. That is in very poor taste and I would seriously rethink dating a guy as impulsive as him. You two have only been together a year, that isn't normally long enough to really know someone.

 

It sounds like your head is in the right place. Don't rush into anything and don't feel bad about not being sure if he is the one. Also, listen to what your parents have to say. Its not a good sign if they don't like them unless you and your parents have very different values.

[Hazel_eyes]

You feeling uneasy I think is probably natural. No person is perfect, and no matter how much we love someone there will be things about them that annoy us. Some of the things are small issues that can be addressed. For instance the bad breath, there could be a number of reasons for it. Could be diet, hygiene, or maybe he needs some dental work done. But you should be able to talk to him about it. My husband is prone to bad breath as well, and whenever it 'acts up' we laugh about it and call it his dragon breath. We turn an awkward thing into a sort of funny thing then I demand he do something about it .

 

Have you guys tried premarital counseling? I really recommend this for anyone! It's not only going to provide you with a chance to get your concerns out, but you will also learn so much about each other such as each others ways of dealing with conflict, each others role expectations, etc. It will really shed some light and either strengthen your bond and opinion that you are right for each other, or will help both of you see that perhaps this isn't right and move on into different directions.

 

I do think that since he is your fiance though you need to talk to him about these concerns. You need to establish a pattern of when there is something bothering you bringing it to his attention so that a solution can be reached. Because if you ignore problems while they are small they will grow, and can eventually get to the point of becoming rifts and destructive to a marriage.

 

I am a little biased on the parents thing. Just because someones parents doesn't like their child's choice doesn't make the choice wrong. Does he treat you badly? If they have a reason like that for not liking him then I could understand, but if it is that they just don't like his personality well you are the one marrying him not them. My husband's mother can't stand to be in the room with me, she never has. She had had it set in her heart that she wanted him to marry his ex, and I just wasn't the ex. We've been married 3 years now and no matter what I do nothing is good enough for her. Doesn't make me undeserving of my husband.

 

It is your choice, not your parents or your friends. However since you are nervous maybe try to slow things down a bit. You don't have to get married tomorrow. And like I said get the premarital counseling. It will truly help!