dreamingoftigers Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I hope you can pay for your wedding, cause it sounds like he may not have a pot to piss in after his divorce. And you better have it quickly too before your replacement arrives over your dead body. (this is in no way implying that _I_ am making any kind of threat whatsoever). Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 At first, BS said they wold get a D over her dead body. Then my love told her he could make that happen ...'nuff said. He's the MM from hell. I wonder if your typing this out on LS constitutes documentation of this threat in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 My lover man told W that he wanted a D and he laid forth a VERY GENEROUS settlement.At first, BS said they wold get a D over her dead body. Then my love told her he could make that happen and then her attitude changed and she got real sweet. Then she wanted to try to fix everything and my love told her to get out of town. Then she acted like she didn't care and we thought that everything was going to be real good.Now she's being really passive aggressive and acting like a total b*itch. She will call him on the phone and be all nicey nice and try to talk about old times and crap and agree to what he says, and then she will have her lawyer send him some stupid thing over the settlement! Like she told him she agreed to his terms on keeping the house. He told her she could keep the house and it was this many dollars in value. She said ok to him on the phone. Then her stupid lawyer send him notice that it's not ok and she wants more! He will talk to her on the phone about it, and she's all sweet as pie again!I told him a whole lot of times to STOP TALKING to her! He should let his lawyers take care of everything cuz that's what he paid them for you know? But he insists on talking to her and try to get her to make nice and go away. But then he gets all upset again and real grumpy! I suggested again sweetly with a kiss that he GO NC and he was real pissed about everything and he told me to mind my own business.What should I do?? She is making my life MISERABLE!! Daisy, I was just asking about you the other day! Anyway, I suggest you do as your lover man has requested, which is mind your own business. This matter is between him, his still-wife and their lawyers, and apparently your input is not helping him. You can support him but I don't think it's for you to be extra vocal about what he should be doing and whining about his divorce making your life miserable----really? Perhaps you should take the advice you're giving him about NC and go NC with him until he sorts stuff out, if it is ruining your life so much. You don't have many options besides, be sweet and back off and allow the whole process to play out and for all that business between him and the wife and the lawyers to be sorted out.... There is no way around it, and you unfortunately do not get to control what's going on if you're dating a married-trying-to-get-divorced person. You accept that your boyfriend may have a BS from hell and brace yourself or opt out, at least for a while, until their marital business is sorted out, finalized and has blown over. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I hope you can pay for your wedding, cause it sounds like he may not have a pot to piss in after his divorce. I am sure that DL will loan him a pot, after all isn't true love just that special? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Daisy, like you said, he could just let the lawyers handle it and avoid all the drama. He's perpetuating his own drama. This is apparently how he likes to handle things. Besides, he told you to mind your own business (nice). Apparently HE does not believe this to be your business. That is HIS opinion. And then there is the thinly veiled threat toward his wife....good lord! I agree with pp who said this is the MM from hell. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
TurboGirl Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 How is it not my business? We can't get M until they get the D, so it is VERY MUCH my business! HIS divorce from his current W is NOT your business, Daisy. Have a little class and let the man of your dreams handle his divorce from his current W in his own way and time. Get your nose outta there - not your business how much he is paying her or what happens with her lawyer, etc. As for her going quietly away... well, how do you think YOU would feel if it were your husband - you were the W and there was a DaisyLove who came and broke up her M? the W still loves him and wants him back - and if you keep behaving like an immature brat you will drive him away. Geez, you KNEW he was married and this would all have to play out to have your dream man, so back off, sit down and give the man his space to settle his affairs! Link to post Share on other sites
jthorne Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I have an idea. Since telling him what to do didn't get you anywhere (rarely does), why not just ask him how you can be most helpful? I suggested again sweetly with a kiss Did you also sit in his lap and bat your eyelashes? Who knows, maybe your "man" is into that. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Darn, I hate that she got a stupid lawyer. She needs a cut throat bulldog lawyer! She needs to let the lawyer work with her H and his lawyer. Actually, though, he's right, it IS none of your business BUT perhaps if you call her lawyer and give him your side of the story, it might help to expedite things! Nothing you've said though makes her the BS from hell. Not yet anyway! She's simply fighting for what's rightfully hers. Now if she aspires to be "the bs from hell", put her in touch with me, I know some gals who can mentor her! I agree. I think when one chooses to proceed with an affair, you have to be realistic and even-keeled about how things can possibly go down. I think if you have gotten to the point of your MM getting a D, you should especially understand the drama that will unfold, particularly if the BS realizes an affair took place. I think the best way to handle that is to realize and EXPECT that the BS is not going to be as sweet as pie, and as long as she isn't threatening your life or some such....if she wants to be a big biatch who is getting her lawyer to toy the MM around, then you just hold his hand and wait it out. But to be whining and trying to call the shots and say your bf's wife is ruining YOUR life is a bit ridiculous. For every situation in life we sign up for certain things and in this case...having to deal with or watch your bf deal with a BS from hell is par for the course. *shrug* It's not fun, it may be annoying, but that's what it is. Ofcourse you can feel frustrated but to carry on like a giant child about the whole thing and to behave as if you just can't believe the BS's gall...really raises an eyebrow like are you serious?? Even the MM seems quite annoyed that you're behaving like a brat Daisy....I'd suggest you relax and back off if you don't want your lover man to reconsider the whole thing. But funnily, I'm going to be honest Daisy, if you and your MM did marry and let's say he did cheat and there was a D, I can see you behaving EXACTLY like the BS or worst. You think so? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Daisy, like you said, he could just let the lawyers handle it and avoid all the drama. He's perpetuating his own drama. This is apparently how he likes to handle things. Besides, he told you to mind your own business (nice). Apparently HE does not believe this to be your business. That is HIS opinion. And then there is the thinly veiled threat toward his wife....good lord! I agree with pp who said this is the MM from hell. Good luck. Very true! Good point... Lover Man is choosing to talk to his wife and listen to her sweet-nothings, time and again, so that's his choice, even after Daisy is telling him to go NC he seems quite aggravated at that suggestion (even though it was sweetly put with a kiss---that says a lot!). Therefore, he seems quite content to play out this drama and back and forth with the wife. Why? There could be many reasons, but the point is, he's choosing to respond like that and chooses to pick up the phone, even after it hasn't done much good, versus simply going through the lawyers. I can imagine it being frustrating, the whole thing is giving me a headache to think about, but the truth is, there probably is going to be lots of complex emotions, behavior, feelings etc going on now, even if this man is leaving his wife....so it is going to be a trying time for all parties so some patience and understanding and evaluation are in order versus whining and impatiently trying to control what's going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy love Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Hmmm....well given that view, wouldn't it also mean that your affair with him is indeed her business as well. Why not sit down with her and tell her the truth in that case? Sorry...can't have it one way (well...a realistic, grown adult would recognize that you can't have it one way...other mileage may vary).We live together. If she hasn't figured it out by now, then......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy love Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Comes with the territory Daisy. You have to expect it. The STBXW in my situation is playing an 'interesting' game, and it's all a bit annoying but you know, it's not her I'm in love with, and she has no influence over how happy we are or how much we love each other. And she feels wronged (though I might debate that on some counts) so she's entitled to react as she sees fit. Her life, her prerogative. If you try and control those things you'll drive yourself doo-lally THANK YOU! Finally, someone to answer my question! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Never ASSUME that the BS knows. You have no idea what lies she's been fed. Like I said...if she does indeed already know...then you contacting her shouldn't be any issue, right? If she doesn't...then you're providing her with critical information she needs. Who knows...maybe she'll give up and tell you that you can have him? Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 THANK YOU! Finally, someone to answer my question! But...everyone has said the same thing that Silly_Girl did: Basically, just stay out of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy love Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Very true! Good point... Lover Man is choosing to talk to his wife and listen to her sweet-nothings, time and again, so that's his choice, even after Daisy is telling him to go NC he seems quite aggravated at that suggestion (even though it was sweetly put with a kiss---that says a lot!). Therefore, he seems quite content to play out this drama and back and forth with the wife. Why? There could be many reasons, but the point is, he's choosing to respond like that and chooses to pick up the phone, even after it hasn't done much good, versus simply going through the lawyers. I can imagine it being frustrating, the whole thing is giving me a headache to think about, but the truth is, there probably is going to be lots of complex emotions, behavior, feelings etc going on now, even if this man is leaving his wife....so it is going to be a trying time for all parties so some patience and understanding and evaluation are in order versus whining and impatiently trying to control what's going on.I know you alls are very disappointed and you all would like it to be some other way, but he is choosing to talk to his W because he wants to try to keep it civil. The offer he made her was a whole lot more than she would get if she took it to a judge. She isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but she DOES understand that! She is just trying to be a bitch and string things along. My lover man says that she will want to wrap this up super quick the minute she finds a boyfriend. Alls I want to know is how to get this **** she's pulling to not frustrate him so bad. Cuz that's all it is ****! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I know you alls are very disappointed and you all would like it to be some other way, but he is choosing to talk to his W because he wants to try to keep it civil. The offer he made her was a whole lot more than she would get if she took it to a judge. She isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but she DOES understand that! She is just trying to be a bitch and string things along. My lover man says that she will want to wrap this up super quick the minute she finds a boyfriend. Alls I want to know is how to get this **** she's pulling to not frustrate him so bad. Cuz that's all it is ****! Well, it usually means game recognizes game...KWIM. And if she is being a biotch, I say be the best damn biotch that you can. String his behind as long as you can.....I think turnabout should be fair play, especially in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We aren't disappointed, nor will we be. Don't you have a wedding to get to? Oh, right, not yet..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy love Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Never ASSUME that the BS knows. You have no idea what lies she's been fed. Like I said...if she does indeed already know...then you contacting her shouldn't be any issue, right? If she doesn't...then you're providing her with critical information she needs. Who knows...maybe she'll give up and tell you that you can have him? :lmao: LMAOOOOOO!! I ALREADY have him! Why would I want to fan a hornet's nest that I'm trying to smoke out? Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 We aren't disappointed, nor will we be. Don't you have a wedding to get to? Oh, right, not yet..... That's just sad. Link to post Share on other sites
Author daisy love Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 Well, it usually means game recognizes game...KWIM. And if she is being a biotch, I say be the best damn biotch that you can. String his behind as long as you can.....I think turnabout should be fair play, especially in this situation. You're suggesting we should both play her game? That's an idea I hadn't thought of! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I know you alls are very disappointed and you all would like it to be some other way, but he is choosing to talk to his W because he wants to try to keep it civil. The offer he made her was a whole lot more than she would get if she took it to a judge. She isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but she DOES understand that! She is just trying to be a bitch and string things along. My lover man says that she will want to wrap this up super quick the minute she finds a boyfriend. Alls I want to know is how to get this **** she's pulling to not frustrate him so bad. Cuz that's all it is ****! So he has a "type." As for getting her stuff not to frustrate him so bad.... You have no control over how he feels about it or how he is going to react. Zilch. Word to the wise... Don't ever try to own someone else's feelings: it is a recipe for a very unhealthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I know you alls are very disappointed and you all would like it to be some other way, but he is choosing to talk to his W because he wants to try to keep it civil. The offer he made her was a whole lot more than she would get if she took it to a judge. She isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but she DOES understand that! She is just trying to be a bitch and string things along. My lover man says that she will want to wrap this up super quick the minute she finds a boyfriend. Alls I want to know is how to get this **** she's pulling to not frustrate him so bad. Cuz that's all it is ****! I have no idea what you mean by the bolded.... I said what you said, which is that he's choosing to talk to her for whatever reason, you say it's to be civil, therefore that's his cross to bear. He has TOLD YOU what to do to help him, most people have reiterated what he said! Why won't you listen? You can't control things frustrating him....just be sweet to him, help when he ASKS for help, otherwise don't try to call any shots. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I know you alls are very disappointed and you all would like it to be some other way, but he is choosing to talk to his W because he wants to try to keep it civil. The offer he made her was a whole lot more than she would get if she took it to a judge. She isn't the brightest bulb in the box, but she DOES understand that! She is just trying to be a bitch and string things along. My lover man says that she will want to wrap this up super quick the minute she finds a boyfriend. Alls I want to know is how to get this **** she's pulling to not frustrate him so bad. Cuz that's all it is ****! That's ok...from what I've seen of this box of light bulbs overall, I don't think the MM is gonna be worried overly much about his electric bill in any case. Just bear in mind, you can't control him, or how he reacts to what she's doing. You can't control her, or how she reacts to this whole situation. All you can do is control you, and how you respond to everything. You can either respond with class and style...or choose to do otherwise. That choice is entirely yours alone to make. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 You're suggesting we should both play her game? That's an idea I hadn't thought of! No, I think you and super special lover dude are being beat at your own game. Tawanda!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
dreamingoftigers Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 That's just sad. There's lots of sadness here on LS. My spidey-sense tells me that there will be more. What do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Daisy, I was just asking about you the other day! Anyway, I suggest you do as your lover man has requested, which is mind your own business. This matter is between him, his still-wife and their lawyers, and apparently your input is not helping him. You can support him but I don't think it's for you to be extra vocal about what he should be doing and whining about his divorce making your life miserable----really? Perhaps you should take the advice you're giving him about NC and go NC with him until he sorts stuff out, if it is ruining your life so much. You don't have many options besides, be sweet and back off and allow the whole process to play out and for all that business between him and the wife and the lawyers to be sorted out.... There is no way around it, and you unfortunately do not get to control what's going on if you're dating a married-trying-to-get-divorced person. You accept that your boyfriend may have a BS from hell and brace yourself or opt out, at least for a while, until their marital business is sorted out, finalized and has blown over. Isn't funny how that works, mention the devil and in he walks. Link to post Share on other sites
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