evry1luvzaazngrl Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I've been seeing someone for a few months and made things official when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I like him a lot, he's so funny, he is basically the perfect boyfriend, and there is a lot of chemistry. I am afraid that I won't love him though or that I'll be unable to fall in love with him. There has been times where I feel like I like him so much that I'm falling for him but I know that it's just infatuation when people feel butterflies and constant daydreaming and stuff like that. Is it too soon to worry about whether I love him if I've only known him a few months? I fear I will not love him how I loved my ex who was my first bf. This is my second relationship and everything is new so I'm not sure how things are supposed to go. I had the same bf since I was 16 for 5 years and this is my second relationship. High school dating is so different than adult dating. With my ex I would've done anything in the world for him and I was pretty clingy lol...but I'm not sure if it's only because that was my first love? With this guy it seems like a very healthy relationship and I've been happy. My life has actually been brighter and more interesting since he's been it with the things he's introduced me to. But I keep worrying whether or not I'll ever truly be in love with him. =\
neowulf Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 I have some not so great news for you. You won't feel exactly the same way about this guy as you did your previous boyfriend. The "love" will feel different. It's different every time you experience it. I know it's hard (I'm guilty of it myself), but try and judge the relationship on its own merits. You seem to be happy with him for now. Why not just enjoy that and see where it goes. All I can suggest is give it a little time and relax. If you get to the 6 month mark and you're still feeling a little uncertain, it'll probably be time to call it quits and get some space.
Cypress25 Posted August 11, 2011 Posted August 11, 2011 Is it too soon to worry about whether I love him if I've only known him a few months? Yes. In fact, there's never a good time to worry about that. You can't predict your future feelings, so why are you worrying about them? Besides, you don't have to fall in love with every guy you date. Just because he's your boyfriend doesn't mean you have to be in love with him.
Author evry1luvzaazngrl Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 So when you say when I hit the 6 month mark do you mean being in a RELATIONSHIP with him for 6 months or seeing him/hanging for 6 months? Cypress...I feel like when in a relationship you should eventually love them and want no one else within a reasonable time period. Haha, what kind of relationship is it without love and passion???
Eddie Edirol Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 So when you say when I hit the 6 month mark do you mean being in a RELATIONSHIP with him for 6 months or seeing him/hanging for 6 months? Cypress...I feel like when in a relationship you should eventually love them and want no one else within a reasonable time period. Haha, what kind of relationship is it without love and passion??? if the passion doesnt come naturally, then you cant force it. Plus, if you worry about it too much, you will be creating barriers and not let things flow smoothly. So dont worry about all that. Just enjoy his company and let nature take its course. If you feel like youre not as attracted to him as you should be, then let him go and find someone you have more animal attraction to.
Cypress25 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 It won't do you any good to feel like you should love someone. Maybe love will develop, maybe it won't. You just have to wait and see, and there's no set time period for it. You can't give yourself a deadline for falling in love. True love develops slowly and gradually. If you give up after 6 months, you'll never experience love. Why are you in such a rush anyway? You can have a great relationship even if you're not in love. You can have passion and chemistry and a strong bond even if you're not in love. In fact, all of that has to come before love. New relationships don't start out with love, but that doesn't mean they're not awesome. All that awesome stuff leads up to falling in love. And 6 months is ridiculous. Give yourself time to enjoy the relationship as it develops. You have no way of knowing how you'll feel in the future.
Author evry1luvzaazngrl Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) "If you feel like youre not as attracted to him as you should be, then let him go and find someone you have more animal attraction to." Oh no I'm very attracted to him lol I had a great time with him today. Days like these make me think I could fall in love with him. But you guys are right...I'm afraid my worries will disturb the flow of things and create issues. @Cypress, I think also I been reading too many people online saying "Oh I knew when I first met him!" bs like that and it makes me think somethings wrong with me lol Edited August 12, 2011 by evry1luvzaazngrl
Professor X Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Just enjoy your RS for what it is, life can surprise you. Over thinking stuff that might or might not happen will just ruin the moment for you. Who knows what will be in a year from now anyway, right? You enjoy his company? He makes you feel good? Than be with him.
Tasha49 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 OP... Those who ever say that it was love at first sight are full of it. There is NO such thing as love at first sight. Especially when you know nothing about the person. It is lust at first sight. They are focused on their face and how "attractive" the person is. But never do they truly know and understand that person. It is butterflies and adrenaline. Love can never be formed at first sight and I think it is really childish to claim such a thing. It sounds cute... but it is not possible and a fairytale. Your relationship seems to be going well, and guess what? That is exactly how they start before you start to fall. Every relationship takes a bit in order to start to develop those strong emotions. If you have a chemistry-filled connection and get along and he keeps you smiling, then you should never worry when you are going to fall in love. You will know it. Don't ruin a good thing by being a worry-wart!
Author evry1luvzaazngrl Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 Thanks, I feel a lot better I am a worry wart though. My last relationship I constantly worried I'd lose him inside my head. We lasted 6 years and it was a good relationship but I wasted my time worrying. I have to say that when I'm with my boyfriend I have no worries. If I'm away for a day or two at a time doubts begin to creep into my mind and I start to over think again. I wonder if there's anyone that has issues like me or if there's anything to help stop this...
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 "If you feel like youre not as attracted to him as you should be, then let him go and find someone you have more animal attraction to." Oh no I'm very attracted to him lol I had a great time with him today. Days like these make me think I could fall in love with him. But you guys are right...I'm afraid my worries will disturb the flow of things and create issues. @Cypress, I think also I been reading too many people online saying "Oh I knew when I first met him!" bs like that and it makes me think somethings wrong with me lol Are you completely over your x/BF? 5 years is a long time. My guess is that your still hung up on the Xbf and that's why you can't hit the next plateau with your current BF. Suck.
Author evry1luvzaazngrl Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 I don't know honestly. I feel like I've moved on and that I will always have my ex in my heart in some way whether it's romantic or not...if I'm with someone or not because we've been friends for 3 years before dating.We are on good terms but we aren't going to be together. Even if we wanted to work at it...it's kinda too late ya know? I feel like with my new boyfriend I have everything I ever wanted in a relationship though that my ex definitely lacked. I'm not the type to leave someone for someone else if I'm happy and things are fine... I'm just not that way.
Professor X Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I don't know honestly. I feel like I've moved on and that I will always have my ex in my heart in some way whether it's romantic or not...if I'm with someone or not because we've been friends for 3 years before dating.We are on good terms but we aren't going to be together. Even if we wanted to work at it...it's kinda too late ya know? I feel like with my new boyfriend I have everything I ever wanted in a relationship though that my ex definitely lacked. I'm not the type to leave someone for someone else if I'm happy and things are fine... I'm just not that way. So you are still in touch with your ex' ?
Damien Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I don't think the OP is truly over her ex yet since she's still comparing new relationships to her previous ones.
charagher Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 dont worry about that, over time you definitely love him cause.... you like him
chelle21689 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I think it's only normal to compare and see the differences when you've only been in two relationships. How can I not notice it when I've been in one relationship for 5 years since I was 16? I'm pretty sure if you've had one significant other for a long amount of time and date someone new you'd definitely see differences in how each relationship is.. And I was only comparing it to my new relationship because I am not sure how it is. High school dating/courting and adult dating is very different the way I see it.
Pierre Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I've been seeing someone for a few months and made things official when he asked me to be his girlfriend. I like him a lot, he's so funny, he is basically the perfect boyfriend, and there is a lot of chemistry. I am afraid that I won't love him though or that I'll be unable to fall in love with him. There has been times where I feel like I like him so much that I'm falling for him but I know that it's just infatuation when people feel butterflies and constant daydreaming and stuff like that. Is it too soon to worry about whether I love him if I've only known him a few months? I fear I will not love him how I loved my ex who was my first bf. This is my second relationship and everything is new so I'm not sure how things are supposed to go. I had the same bf since I was 16 for 5 years and this is my second relationship. High school dating is so different than adult dating. With my ex I would've done anything in the world for him and I was pretty clingy lol...but I'm not sure if it's only because that was my first love? With this guy it seems like a very healthy relationship and I've been happy. My life has actually been brighter and more interesting since he's been it with the things he's introduced me to. But I keep worrying whether or not I'll ever truly be in love with him. =\ First love is always very special and perhaps you broke off with your 1st BF a short time ago. Therefore, your 2nd BF may not be able to compete with the excitation of first love. When did you break up with your 1st BF?
chelle21689 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 (edited) Well to be fair I've only known my new boyfriend for 5 months. I've known my ex for 10 years lol so that's different and you can't really compare. I still have a lot of getting to know about my boyfriend. We broke up about 7 months ago. It just happened when my met my new bf when I showed interest (a lot) in him and vice versa a month after. I didn't want a relationship but just to get to know people and have fun. I didn't want to rush into a relationship or be on the rebound so we took things SUPER slow. We didn't hold hands until 1 month of hanging out, 3 months until a kiss, 5 months until we became official. Edited August 12, 2011 by chelle21689
Pierre Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Well to be fair I've only known my new boyfriend for 5 months. I've known my ex for 10 years lol so that's different and you can't really compare. I still have a lot of getting to know about my boyfriend. We broke up about 7 months ago. It just happened when my met my new bf when I showed interest (a lot) in him and vice versa. I didn't want to rush into a relationship or be on the rebound so we took things SUPER slow. We didn't hold hands until 1 month of hanging out, 3 months until a kiss, 5 months until we became official. Very nicely done! You seem to be a great woman; a keeper. Just see how it goes. Do not rush anything!
FinOuch Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 I think there's a huge distinction between the "in love" feeling, and developing an actual attachment to someone. The former is mostly just infatuation – which is strictly a self-sourced feeling of attraction to what you perceive someone to be like, and a desire to be wanted by that person. The latter is much less exciting, but it’s the stuff solid, lasting relationships are built on. Some relationships start with infatuation. The infatuation eventually ends, and the relationships that transition into something lasting are the ones in which both parties realize that the fantasy can't go on forever, they have a pretty darn good thing going, have grown attached and to care for the other person, and make a decision to stay committed to that person. Some relationships don't have that intense infatuation in to begin with. These tend to either 1)end very quickly, or 2) over a long period the attachment/caring/realization that it isn't about fireworks & butterflies creeps up on you and you find yourself loving that person. So, it's really hard to judge a relationship early on because a lasting relationship can spring up a variety of ways. However, I also don't advocate stringing the guy along for a year plus while you sit on the fence and try to figure that out. The reason I say this is because while you're perpetually uncertain...he's likely developing feelings and attachments for you. I think anywhere between 6 to 11 months (after you become romantically involved) is a good time frame to figure out how invested you are and (more importantly) are willing to be in the relationship. Also, while it's normal to compare past relationships to current relationships (this is, after all, how we learn)...try not to judge the current relationship or the feelings you have for the current person based on the past relationship and your feelings for them. Ever person is different. Every relationship is going to be different. The only real value that past relationships provide in the present is red flags of the guys/gals you should avoid like the plague.
Author evry1luvzaazngrl Posted August 12, 2011 Author Posted August 12, 2011 By not being in just one relationship I see that now. I used to think that if we were to break up then it'd all feel the same but by being with different person I see it now and understand. With my ex I didn't have infatuation at all lol I skipped that part. This guy yes. I did very badly for a month and then it faded pretty fast lol.
Eddie Edirol Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 OP... There is NO such thing as love at first sight. It is lust at first sight. Tasha you should put that in your signature, its so obvious, but people can forget it when they are in the ether.
Tasha49 Posted August 12, 2011 Posted August 12, 2011 Tasha you should put that in your signature, its so obvious, but people can forget it when they are in the ether. It is true It just bugs me. How people say "I knew I loved him/her the moment I saw them." Nope. They really just knew they loved the 'appearance' of them. Love develops over time, and the only way to honestly feel it is through getting to know a person. Someone could be the most beautiful human being in the universe... but underneath, they could be the ugliest person.
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