Confused57 Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I found this chat on my wife's FB chat: --------------------------------------------- wife: ... and yes there will be nice boobs, like mine... male friend: and thanks for the rub yesterday... wife: for you, anytime! friend: wow should I have squeezed..lol wife: lol... gently at first --------------------------------------------- The dude is someone she worked with for years and has referred to him (I thought jokingly) as "her work boyfriend". I didn't even know they still talked, since they haven't worked together for about 2 years. I'm very upset. Am I blowing this out of proportion? Link to post Share on other sites
Hazel_eyes Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 I don't think you are blowing it out of proportion. Lets say, best case scenario, that nothing happened and this is just flirty talk. It is still incredibly inappropriate for a married woman to be having any sort of sexual conversation with a man other then her husband. Just with words she crossed a boundary. That is best case. Most affairs start in the mind and heart and go from there. It sounds though that there has been some physical contact You have every right to be extremely upset by this! She has broken boundaries and shared things with another man that should only be shared with you. Have you made it known that you found this to her? My heart breaks for you, I can't even imagine being in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused57 Posted August 11, 2011 Author Share Posted August 11, 2011 @ Hazel_eyes: Thanks for the quick response! In response to your question: Yes, I let her know. I didn't really like her response though. First she apologized, and tried to explain it by saying that her relationship with the guy was that way for years before she even met me. (We've been married for two years now) Then, she de-activated her FB account and said she'd "break it off with him" and that she didn't want any male friends in her life and I was the enough. I think that part is ridiculous.... there's really no reason to not have any male friends or de-activate her FB account. Just don't flirt. I thought this type of flirting was way over the line and she agreed that she felt the same way and has expected me to not engage in any flirting like that. But this happened a couple days ago, so I'm having a hard time believing her. If she'd NEVER do it (as she claims), then why did she? Obviously, she's not making sense. So, instead of just accepting responsibility for it, she went a little defensive and in the process ended up saying conflicting things, which make it hard for me to trust her. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 You are NOT blowing this out of proportion. You should be livid. It certainly sounds like there has been previous physical contact. If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would be happy with this. I feel sorry for you but they may already be in an affair. This is really bad news. The fact that she has not worked with this guy for 2 years and he is saying how much he appreciated her rubbing and she talked about him how to touch her boobs. It is previous obvious what is going on. What are you going to do about it? Link to post Share on other sites
Hazel_eyes Posted August 11, 2011 Share Posted August 11, 2011 Just saying as a wife if I was having an innocent conversation with a man that hurt my husband the last thing I would be is defensive. I would be so upset that I hurt him and would want to do everything I could to rectify it! Defensiveness is usually brought from guilt. What she is doing is backpeddling and trying to sooth the situation (hence deactivating Facebook and the comments about male friends) yet she is not willing to admit any wrong on her part (the defensiveness). Don't be blinded by her attempts to fluff the situation. If it was me I would demand at that moment to see the Facebook account. Even though you deactivate your account you can instantly reactivate it. If she has nothing to hide you should be able to see it. I guess you are at a crossroads. Do you want to work through this or end it. I, too, think that it has gone into a physical affair. And even if it didn't, and they talked this way before you, she should have respected you and the relationship a LONG time ago and told her male friend that she is now committed to you, and the nature of their conversations and joking has to stop out of respect for that. No matter what she is in the wrong here I'm so sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 It sounds like she is in damage control. I doubt you have the full story. Something does not smell right. He said thanks for the rub? You have only been married 2 years and she is doing this. This is not good. I do not blame you for not trusting her. I still say you do not have the full story. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Agree, you definitely do not have the full story. The chat log is a bit vague but obviously there was an incident where he got a rub of something, and she got a squeeze of something, which she enjoyed. And her boobs were mentioned. It certainly doesn't sound like this was an isolated incident either. It doesn't take a genius to work out that SOMETHING happened and she is being way too defensive to be innocent. Most likely the affair has gone underground rather than stopped. You need to get to the bottom of this my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Woman In Blue Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 These two sounded like high school morons in their silly little Facebook exchange about "squeezing." Reminded me of junior high. Jesus. They're skirting the edge, obviously. Playing dangerously close without having crossed the line - yet. Is your wife 21 years old? She sounds so damned childish. So big deal, in a little childish act of defense she shut down her FB. She sees the guy during the day at work obviously, so shutting down her FB doesn't do squat. There's texting, email, leaving messages for each other on thousands of other websites (hell, people can even do it on this website). Free web-based email accounts are a dime a dozen and FREE. If people want to act like jackasses, there are thousands of ways to do it. FB was merely ONE of the many ways. Link to post Share on other sites
April72 Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 All I could think when reading that was WTF??? I would be flippin" out!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Severely Unamused Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Keep onto this. Forgive the cliché , but your wife is playing you like a violin. Prepare for bad news. she went a little defensiveCleaning up the evidence, you mean. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm with Severely Unamused... "cleaning up the evidence" seems most likely. (FB can easily be re-activated though, and everything within the account, unless it was manually deleted, will be restored) Link to post Share on other sites
Ginger Beer Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Ahh this made me angry reading this. She's up to something. Link to post Share on other sites
Try Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 First she apologized, and tried to explain it by saying that her relationship with the guy was that way for years before she even met me. So if her relationship with someone before she "even met" you included sex, in her mind it would be OK for her to continue to have sex with them after she got married because hey they met her first? That is lame logic that would have me thinking there might be more to it. That being said, you are the only one that truly knows her. The rest of us do not. Go with your gut. Link to post Share on other sites
Kelemort Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 So if her relationship with someone before she "even met" you included sex, in her mind it would be OK for her to continue to have sex with them after she got married because hey they met her first? That is lame logic that would have me thinking there might be more to it. That being said, you are the only one that truly knows her. The rest of us do not. Go with your gut. Agree with you. "But honey, I was porking this guy before we met - what's the big deal?" Either an affair's already happened or it's very, very close to happening. Link to post Share on other sites
flyaway Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 wow. that is totally inappropriate and wrong of her. i agree with others, it sounds like an affair is going on and you dont have the whole story. the fact that she got defensive and never admitted any wrongdoing is extremely troubling. you need to keep on her about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Best case scenario: Your wife has come to her senses.... Worst case scenario:...you haven't even begun to uncover it....sounds to me by her initial reaction of deleting her own FB account and rattling on about having no male friends is a self justification to her to continue with someone else if not him. I have multiple reasons for saying that. Deleting an FB account is really nothing, given that most people have multiple accounts, usually under the guise of a "looter" account for Mafia Wars or something seemingly benign. Her rash deletion of her account makes me think she is moving this to another account, and her declaration about "breaking it off" makes me feel that she is in the throes of the fog right now. sounds like this guy is stroking her ego, if not just her titty. Of course you could right now demand any and all access to her passwords, accounts, etc. and many say its an invasion of her privacy, which I understand those who share that point of view. But remember she has already demonstrated she is unworthy of being trusted on a social network, and now by this confrontation I expect if in fact she is carrying on with this guy, that she wont be able to stay away for long from him on FB. And in this case, as hard as it may be, and as counterproductive as it may feel, please consider installing a keylogger on the computer. Chances are any affair is now underground, but it will surface sooner or later, as cheaters eventually always make a misstep. Many people like to link their accounts as well so don't be surprised if she has MULTIPLE accounts.... and check your phone records as well.... Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 You are NOT blowing this out of proportion. You should be livid. It certainly sounds like there has been previous physical contact. If the roles were reversed do you think your wife would be happy with this. I feel sorry for you but they may already be in an affair. This is really bad news. The fact that she has not worked with this guy for 2 years and he is saying how much he appreciated her rubbing and she talked about him how to touch her boobs. It is previous obvious what is going on. What are you going to do about it? Original Poster I am sorry but I think what Bryan says espeicially in the last part is absolutely correct. If they haven't worked together for 2 years, then there was some RECENT physical contact...and no you are not getting the real story from your wife and YES I would say there is much more than she is letting on...Keylogger ASAP... Link to post Share on other sites
imagine Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I'm waiting for the comment to take a polygraph! Do it now. Your marriage bed must be clean from day one. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueShell Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 I am sorry this happened to you! Unfortunately I have been in this situation, I found message threads on my husbands computer with several other women including pics and so forth. I got the "I will never do it again", "I am so sorry", "I have no excuse for my behavior" and so on! Being the forgiving person that I am I forgave him and moved on took him at his word believed that everyone deserves a second chance etc. Needless to say, he never did stop, just created different accounts on different web sites and continued his behavior. I only found out when a co-worker approached me as she had found his profile on a hook-up site which included his damn picture!!! My point is how will you know? If you think you can forgive and move on, be my guest! But I only want to say that if she can get away with it once what's to stop her from doing it again? Link to post Share on other sites
piggyoink Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 http://socyberty.com/relationships/should-couples-share-passwords/ Jaja – It is on your own discretion if you will give your passwords to your partner. It is okay if you do not give him/her your password because it is your right to have your own privacy. It does not mean you do not trust him/her if you do not give him/her your password.Heralda – If one of them doesn’t want to, there should be no pressure to reveal passwords. Everyone is entitled to a little privacy, and sometimes having a moan with your friend about a partner can put things in perspective. If your partner found out what you had said, they could be hurt and think things were much worse than they are. You want to trust each other, but there is such a thing as being too intimate. It really depends on each individual and their relationship. If you have no doubts whatsoever, then go ahead, share passwords. If you have even the slightest doubt, don’t. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 I found this chat on my wife's FB chat: --------------------------------------------- wife: ... and yes there will be nice boobs, like mine... male friend: and thanks for the rub yesterday... wife: for you, anytime! friend: wow should I have squeezed..lol wife: lol... gently at first --------------------------------------------- The dude is someone she worked with for years and has referred to him (I thought jokingly) as "her work boyfriend". I didn't even know they still talked, since they haven't worked together for about 2 years. I'm very upset. Am I blowing this out of proportion? A wife dos not tell other men she has nice boobs. A wife does not accept questions as "wow should I have squeezed them" A wife does not give other men instructions on how to squeeze her boobs whether serious or joking. A wife should not be getting thanks for "a rub" from other men. No matter what she rubbed. And, a wife does not give open invitations to "rub you anytime" to other men. Also a red flag is when many affair partners work together called their OP their work husband/wife. I suspect they had a physical affair years ago. It may of ended, maybe not. What I will say it that it has restarted. Time for two DVARs for the WW car and home, keylogger on the PC ww uses. Maybe a GPS if WW location can not ascertained. Link to post Share on other sites
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