Is it really the end ?

[MrSomewhere]

My tale is over what I now know was an emotional affair, that led into a sexual affair.

 

For a number of years I had been deeply close with a female friend, we had bonded strongly and told eachother everything, this was over the internet and for a number of years she has been wanting me to visit.

 

There was never any sexual talk between the two of us, although I always suspected deep down there was some feelings on her end. Little hints dropped here and there.

 

While I understand some people will view this a little different than real life, I want to explain the situation more. Her husband and her have had a difficult time together, over the last few months her husband had been acting odd, angry almost cold at times. He had said mean things towards her like "dont love being married", or esteem put downs that would hurt her feelings, I've heard her call him a douchebag more than a few times while he knew she was talking to me, they had been fighting all night more than a few times also.

 

He had mentioned to her that he was trying to be more honest with her, whatever that means, if he was cheating on her or not I have no idea. Anyway my friend and I have talked daily, at work, and at night in fact she spent more time with me than him, recently she confided in me that she was thinking about me more than friends, that she would be with me in a second if anything happened to them, at work she could not get her mind of me and was considering mb at work, she could not wait to spend time with me when she got home, the night before she thought me while they had sex.

 

That night while her husband was over entertaining his male friends, she ended up flirting with me hard, I did not pursue this much till it overwhelmed my own emotions as I had liked her but always kept it as friends. She ended up having voice and cam sex with me twice in 2 hours, and we went to bed very happy after, she told me she loved me and everything she said at this point was zero care towards his feelings.

 

Prior to this she had sent me a list of everything she could not stand about her husband, how I make her feel sexy, that he is not rough enough with her and turns her off the way he wants sex, I've heard him put her down before, there is even a slight question that he might have kept his ex around in contact, but neither of us are sure about this, on top of that the marriage seemed to be going downhill and more fights, he would never tell her what was really wrong, and even though I am aware that he may have wondered about us, he had never mentioned anything to her or me, I had slight dealings with him and while I never considered him much of a friend for how he disrespected his wife and showed her that he cared more about his friends and drinking than her its no wonder she wanted to spend more time with me.

 

The night after this happened I woke up to messages how she felt guilty and still had feelings for him now ( very strange behavior yes ? ), that we can't do this again, she did not want to tell him because she was afraid of losing me. As the days went on she felt more and more guilty but we had decided not to tell anyone because we love eachother as friends ( and more I thought ), after 5 days she finally broke down, left me a message saying she was telling him that night and that contact would be hard, but that if we ever meet again time will tell.

 

So I waited and no contact, the next day she replied to my email saying he was devastated and she messed up everything, that she deleted messengers ( because she was paranoid of him finding out ), but that we cant be in contact.

 

I responded a bit without asking very much, I am confused beyond belief, surely she cannot love this man after all she said to me in private, all the mean things and complete lack of feelings towards him and do what she did with me, then wake up the next day saying we cant speak again ? that is not normal to anyone, especially after speaking with someone daily for years like that, does she even miss me ?

 

Neither of us said a proper goodbye or anything, there was no meanness or blame or anything. I don't know how someone could just stop talking to someone in that situation like that instantly, not only that but her whole lifestyle will now be changed forever as I imagine her husband will monitor her and her activities and possible never trust her again, I know her well enough too that it will be highly difficult for her to adjust to this way of living, no matter how guilty she feels she is the kind of woman who will fight back nasty in arguments, and if blame gets placed or complete coldness towards her or name calling, it will only get worse, if it can be really fixed at all ?

 

Each day is a battle for me now, this day 2 of no contact as I am respecting her wishes, I believe if you love someone you are willing to let them go, but the only way I can explain this feeling of loss is that of someone so close to you dying and then waking up each day saying I can never talk to them again, it hurts so much and I don't know what to think or feel now, my head is spinning, I feel depressed and unsure of any of this.

 

I never wanted anyone hurt and I miss and love my friend.

 

I don't know what to do...

Edited August 12, 2011 by MrSomewhere

[bentnotbroken]

My tale is over what I now know was an emotional affair, that led into a sexual affair.

 

For a number of years I had been deeply close with a female friend, we had bonded strongly and told eachother everything, this was over the internet and for a number of years she has been wanting me to visit.

 

There was never any sexual talk between the two of us, although I always suspected deep down there was some feelings on her end. Little hints dropped here and there.

 

While I understand some people will view this a little different than real life, I want to explain the situation more. Her husband and her have had a difficult time together, over the last few months her husband had been acting odd, angry almost cold at times. He had said mean things towards her like "dont love being married", or esteem put downs that would hurt her feelings, I've heard her call him a douchebag more than a few times while he knew she was talking to me, they had been fighting all night more than a few times also.

 

He had mentioned to her that he was trying to be more honest with her, whatever that means, if he was cheating on her or not I have no idea. Anyway my friend and I have talked daily, at work, and at night in fact she spent more time with me than him, recently she confided in me that she was thinking about me more than friends, that she would be with me in a second if anything happened to them, at work she could not get her mind of me and was considering mb at work, she could not wait to spend time with me when she got home, the night before she thought me while they had sex.

 

That night while her husband was over entertaining his male friends, she ended up flirting with me hard, I did not pursue this much till it overwhelmed my own emotions as I had liked her but always kept it as friends. She ended up having voice and cam sex with me twice in 2 hours, and we went to bed very happy after, she told me she loved me and everything she said at this point was zero care towards his feelings.

 

Prior to this she had sent me a list of everything she could not stand about her husband, how I make her feel sexy, that he is not rough enough with her and turns her off the way he wants sex, I've heard him put her down before, there is even a slight question that he might have kept his ex around in contact, but neither of us are sure about this, on top of that the marriage seemed to be going downhill and more fights, he would never tell her what was really wrong, and even though I am aware that he may have wondered about us, he had never mentioned anything to her or me, I had slight dealings with him and while I never considered him much of a friend for how he disrespected his wife and showed her that he cared more about his friends and drinking than her its no wonder she wanted to spend more time with me.

 

The night after this happened I woke up to messages how she felt guilty and still had feelings for him now ( very strange behavior yes ? ), that we can't do this again, she did not want to tell him because she was afraid of losing me. As the days went on she felt more and more guilty but we had decided not to tell anyone because we love eachother as friends ( and more I thought ), after 5 days she finally broke down, left me a message saying she was telling him that night and that contact would be hard, but that if we ever meet again time will tell.

 

So I waited and no contact, the next day she replied to my email saying he was devastated and she messed up everything, that she deleted messengers ( because she was paranoid of him finding out ), but that we cant be in contact.

 

I responded a bit without asking very much, I am confused beyond belief, surely she cannot love this man after all she said to me in private, all the mean things and complete lack of feelings towards him and do what she did with me, then wake up the next day saying we cant speak again ? that is not normal to anyone, especially after speaking with someone daily for years like that, does she even miss me ?

 

Neither of us said a proper goodbye or anything, there was no meanness or blame or anything. I don't know how someone could just stop talking to someone in that situation like that instantly, not only that but her whole lifestyle will now be changed forever as I imagine her husband will monitor her and her activities and possible never trust her again, I know her well enough too that it will be highly difficult for her to adjust to this way of living, no matter how guilty she feels she is the kind of woman who will fight back nasty in arguments, and if blame gets placed or complete coldness towards her or name calling, it will only get worse, if it can be really fixed at all ?

 

Each day is a battle for me now, this day 2 of no contact as I am respecting her wishes, I believe if you love someone you are willing to let them go, but the only way I can explain this feeling of loss is that of someone so close to you dying and then waking up each day saying I can never talk to them again, it hurts so much and I don't know what to think or feel now, my head is spinning, I feel depressed and unsure of any of this.

 

I never wanted anyone hurt and I miss and love my friend.

 

I don't know what to do...

 

While I get your feelings of losing whatever...I am highly offended by describing your affair as losing someone to death. I lost someone I love very much to death, and I can't talk to him, hear his voice, or feel his touch. Not now or ever again. Losing an AP isn't the same as burying your loved one.

[MrSomewhere]

I am not trying to be offensive and I know your loss is hard, but I'm saying the feeling I have ( and I have lost friends in death myself ) is that close daily deep very deep bond ( we both know many private things that will remain that way ) is so hard to deal with and to think that is the end of it, it feels like this person is almost dead and you just sit and wonder.

[Silly_Girl]

I understand what you say about feelings of loss and devastation and the confusion. It's awful. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

 

But I don't know that you're going to get answers. I suspect that were you able to grill your friend either a) she couldn't really articulate why she's suddenly behaved like this and b) any explanations she COULD offer would probably seem empty and senseless to you.

 

I had a similar experience, and we're now together full-time and things are great, so it doesn't mean it's The End, but in all honesty it's better to deal with things as they are now, than create dreams for the future.

 

She may well be back in touch (in fact that seems to be a common event when this happens), and she may well be missing you terribly and regret cutting contact. But also, you may never hear from her again. Sorry, don't mean to be the doommonger but better you know that, right?

 

Are you taking good care of you? Food, exercise, things you enjoy doing etc? Keeping on, getting out and living life - HARD though it is - is a great way to deal with this upset.

[LilyBart]

While I get your feelings of losing whatever...I am highly offended by describing your affair as losing someone to death. I lost someone I love very much to death, and I can't talk to him, hear his voice, or feel his touch. Not now or ever again. Losing an AP isn't the same as burying your loved one.

 

And I am highly offended by you describing that the end of an A as NOT akin to death. Considering how so many of you (general "you") like to subscribe to the notion of No Contact.

 

No Contact - as in not being able to talk to your lover, not being able to hear your lovers voice, nor being able to feel your lovers touch. Not now. NOT EVER. After all, isn't this the premise of NC?

 

So tell me how different this is from death? Oh, because the actual person isn't dead? If NC holds true, might as well be.

 

Personally I think NC is the stupidest thing ever.

[MrSomewhere]

Thanks silly and yea that helped me feel a little bit better, I try to have some hope, which is all I have right now, I am shutting down my emotions and trying to focus on important positive things for myself, which helps take my mind off things.

 

I'm having trouble eating much right now and my emotions are in a rollercoaster, but I'm also trying to stay focused.

 

I just try to take each day as it comes, it's difficult to fathom someone who wants to meet you for so long and take all these pictures together and then tell you they want to be with you if anything happened, then switch overnight its like....

[bentnotbroken]

I am not trying to be offensive and I know your loss is hard, but I'm saying the feeling I have ( and I have lost friends in death myself ) is that close daily deep very deep bond ( we both know many private things that will remain that way ) is so hard to deal with and to think that is the end of it, it feels like this person is almost dead and you just sit and wonder.

 

 

How about a child you gave carried? Or a parent who gave birth to you? I know you aren't trying to be offensive.

[bentnotbroken]

And I am highly offended by you describing that the end of an A as NOT akin to death. Considering how so many of you (general "you") like to subscribe to the notion of No Contact.

 

No Contact - as in not being able to talk to your lover, not being able to hear your lovers voice, nor being able to feel your lovers touch. Not now. NOT EVER. After all, isn't this the premise of NC?

 

So tell me how different this is from death? Oh, because the actual person isn't dead? If NC holds true, might as well be.

Personally I think NC is the stupidest thing ever.

 

 

Personally I am glad you have personal opinions. And yes it is different than death. If you haven't put your child in the ground...you wouldn't know would you?

[MrSomewhere]

How about losing your entire family as a child, with only your parents left who are dying with health problems that will never get better, with no brothers or sisters and knowing once they go you are the only one left.

 

Do you know what is like ?

[bentnotbroken]

How about losing your entire family as a child, with only your parents left who are dying with health problems that will never get better, with no brothers or sisters and knowing once they go you are the only one left.

 

Do you know what is like ?

 

 

Losing parents...yes, siblings no. And if this is you, you still compare an AP to losing your heritage...

[alexandria35]

OP how old are you? How did you meet the MW?

 

Your whole relationship with her seems to have taken place online and that makes it hard for you to know reality from fantasy. You mention several times how awful her husband is, how he doesn't make his wife happy and how he puts her down. How about how she treated him? She calls him a douchebag, she gives you a list of all the things she hates about him, she complains to you, another man, about her husbands sexual performance. Sounds like she was every bit as disrespectful to him as he was to her and maybe more because you don't know if everything she said was really true.

 

Seems that her marriage hit a rough spot and rather than work that out with her husband she decided to indulge in an online affair with you. What were you hoping the outcome of this would be? Were you hoping that she would leave her husband for you? or did you just want her to continue her affair with you and stay married?

 

Sorry but I just can't relate to the whole online relationship thing. To me, a healthy relationship develops in a certain way. You meet each other, there is an attraction, there is dating and fun and getting to know one another. Eventually there is sex and perhaps plans for the future. I can't see a successful relationship being the outcome of your situation. What is attractive about listening to a woman call her husband names and making a list of everything she hates about him? Yuck! So disrespectful of you, her husband and herself. I have dated single men who want to tell me how awful their ex was and I send them on their way. I don't want to hear that crap!

 

She confessed to her husband and now they are in crisis mode. Once that passes and her guilt subsides, she may contact you again, she may even want to continue an affair with you, but why would you want that? Don't you think you deserve better than what she has to offer?

[whichwayisup]

I responded a bit without asking very much, I am confused beyond belief, surely she cannot love this man after all she said to me in private, all the mean things and complete lack of feelings towards him and do what she did with me, then wake up the next day saying we cant speak again ? that is not normal to anyone, especially after speaking with someone daily for years like that, does she even miss me ?

 

Imagine how her H feels.

 

I know you don't want to hear this but people who cheat on their spouses .. LIE! Exaggerate truths to suit them best! They put their wives/husbands in the worst possible light for their affair partner.

 

Bottomline is, she chose her husband, and as painful as this is for you, it's your reality. She's put his feelings for once above her own and above yours too. For once she is focussing on him. Like it or not, she IS married and has no real obligation to you..

 

You two were too close to be 'bestfriends' considering she was married. Maybe the PA was new, but the EA has been on going for a long time. You were too emotionally attached and involved in her daily life, and Im sure her husband wondered at times wtf, if there was something there, but he trusted her so probably put doubts out of his mind..

 

I know it hurts but you need to leave her alone and focus on healing.

 

Question? Have you dated or been with anyone else in the past xx amount of years? Or has she been 'it' in your life, even as a BF?

[MrSomewhere]

I won't get into all of that because I am keeping some things private here, those things are nothing sexual in nature, but some has to be left out.

 

While I understand what you are saying about online, this is a little different than some standard internet fling people have, there were phone calls exchanged for many years, gifts sent to eachother, she has wanted me to go there for a long time and I explained that I will, she even wanted to come here.

 

I was present during alot of things between the two of them, so I know firsthand she was not making these things up, I heard arguments and how she treated him and wise versa, so that part is for sure a reality, she admitted to making mistakes getting married over his attitude at the start and I knew her before the marriage, this was always a friendship, we were always close but grew stronger and stronger over time with our trust and chats.

 

As far as the negative verbal stuff from her, much of this never came into being till things became worse and worse, I believe she did love him at one time but I do not believe anyone could say and do something like this and still love someone, what started as a friendship and grew into a deep loving mutual friendship turned into an affair.

 

I am sure this is hard for some people to understand if they are only used to one kind, I am used to both in person real life and online relationships, regardless when you are engaged in talking to someone this much and it becoming stronger, you form a bond there is still a real person there and when you see them and speak to them on the phone it goes beyond say just general chat on a forum like this etc.

 

For example I work from home and deal with people from all over, and some of these people have a friendship with me that is strong and has nothing to do with an EA or anything sexual, that is how the world today is with the internet.

 

I don't agree that all of what happened was disrespectful, she even mentioned this feels right, while I agree she has made a terribly damaging situation for all involved, it was her choice and I never forced her into anything, and if you treat someone you are supposed to be married to and love as number #2 then you also have to be held accountable for what they may do with that lack of respect, I am not saying what happened is good or ok, I've never done anything like this myself but the way she had been acting was that ( and she told him this and he said he understood ) he no longer turned her on, and that she believed he would cheat on her because of some of his actions with other women while they were out in public.

 

She had also told me her feelings for me over the last few days and that she would be with me if it ended, to then have an affair, to the majority of men put in this situation would believe that the marriage was either over or there was no longer love, and regardless of what she has now done, again...nobody can love someone after saying and doing those things, you may feel guilty but that does not mean you honestly love that person after those actions, even if you are sorry.

 

No I was not exactly thinking those things, I was thinking that we will see where this goes but that I would like to keep this strong friendship and if something happened it did, which is one reason I was at first holding back as hard as a I could ( and this is difficult for any healthy male stuck in that situation ), on top of that because she has esteem issues if I had said no I would be doing damage there too, I gave into her temptation but she initiated it so while I won't blame her...facts are facts, I'm not feeling guilty here, I'm feeling very sad I lost someone so close to me, the other reality is that even if I had said no, she may have felt guilty just for hitting on me so strongly and told him which would have caused this also.

 

I want that close friend back and that is what hurts.

 

Don't misunderstand me here, I am feeling pity for the damage caused for all, her two mistake choices here is what ultimately led up to this damage, which if I ever here from her again, may have destroyed a good part of her life and emotions, which is terrible sad and could have been avoided, guilt can be overcome but being betrayed usually cannot, I can tell you as a man ( a man who still has both his and dose not subscribe to modern bs politics ) that I would walk out in a second if this happened to me with 2 worn pennies on the way out ok, but this man is quite a weak individual who allowed his friends to disrespect both him and his wife in his own house for a very long time, I even warned him a few times to grow a spine and his reactions was just yea...yea I know...

 

This is another major problem with their marriage, most real women cannot stand a spineless wimp, especially when they are putting you down or ignoring your needs, I think we all know that right ? and we also know that even though women would love to change men, they won't change which is something most find out in the end/when its too late. And the cold hard truth is that in life, people in general don't respect that and that is why people are doormats, I still get alot of women so I'm not too worried about this, but it does hurt deeply to lose someone who has so much in common and you can talk to and lay things to bare you would hold back from most people since they would take advantage of that.

 

On top of all this, I do not believe for one second she has even told him the entire truth, because I know full well it would be 110% complete destruction and it would be cruel pain beyond just finding out someone did this.

 

Whichway is up, in the last 3 years I have slept with more women than I would like to admit, while I gave each one a chance ( and I knew deep down most were ^%res ), she was always there for me to help me through some rough ones and give me guidance along with me helping her over, this was very much a solid deep friendship than anything else. If some of you knew what I looked like you would be quite shocked, alot of women throw themselves at me and while some men enjoy this, eventually you start looking at dating differently, some of us are actually looking to have a strong lasting relationship with someone similar to us, because you think do they only care about my looks or who I am as a person, why do you think I love my (ex?) friend so much because she saw passed that and wanted to get to know me, now I'm faced with getting to know more tramps, but hey one thing I have learned the best way to get over a woman is go to out and find another.

Edited August 12, 2011 by MrSomewhere

[fooled once]

And I am highly offended by you describing that the end of an A as NOT akin to death. Considering how so many of you (general "you") like to subscribe to the notion of No Contact.

 

No Contact - as in not being able to talk to your lover, not being able to hear your lovers voice, nor being able to feel your lovers touch. Not now. NOT EVER. After all, isn't this the premise of NC?

 

So tell me how different this is from death? Oh, because the actual person isn't dead? If NC holds true, might as well be.

 

Personally I think NC is the stupidest thing ever.

 

End of an affair is NOT akin to the death of a child or a spouse. Baloney. Ending an affair isn't like burying someone and knowing that person will never walk the face of the earth again; you will never see that person again, etc. You can run into an affair partner or get that all important 'text' message one day from them fishing to see if you (general you) are willing to be reeled back in. To even remotely imply an affair is like death is low GEL. How crass.

 

No person is going to DIE because they don't have their secret lover's touch. That is silly and so juvenile. But the death of a child, a spouse or a close family member is something that you don't 'get over' or have another kid/husband to replace the one that died. You can get another lover.

 

Thanks silly and yea that helped me feel a little bit better, I try to have some hope, which is all I have right now, I am shutting down my emotions and trying to focus on important positive things for myself, which helps take my mind off things.

 

I'm having trouble eating much right now and my emotions are in a rollercoaster, but I'm also trying to stay focused.

 

I just try to take each day as it comes, it's difficult to fathom someone who wants to meet you for so long and take all these pictures together and then tell you they want to be with you if anything happened, then switch overnight its like....

 

So you are going to hang onto hope that one day she will pop back on messenger and you two can have cyber sex again?

 

She chose her husband. Whether you want to accept it or believe it -- it was the decision she made. She felt guilt after being with you - guilt so bad she told her husband. That shows she cares for her H. Sure, she liked the attention you gave her, the way you made her feel, but ultimately, she cares more about hurting her husband than hurting you.

 

She may contact you again - not because she is divorcing but because she needs an ego stroke from you. I know you are adamant that you KNOW what her home life is like because of a few instances of 'hearing' things -- where you ever there in person to WITNESS what caused the argument, how the argument was resolved? I know you like to think that having an online relationship means so much because of whatever, but people HIDE behind the computer screen. You can be anyone you want -- but that doesn't necessarily mean it is real. You would like to believe you were all that and a bag of chips to her; but obviously she misled you since she chose to tell you goodbye and stay with her husband.

 

You can continue to hope and long for her .... but you will only be wasting your life, IMHO. Get out and live life. Find someone in person who can share life with you; not someone on messenger or text messages or a phone call. Get out and feel life!!

[MissBee]

And I am highly offended by you describing that the end of an A as NOT akin to death. Considering how so many of you (general "you") like to subscribe to the notion of No Contact.

 

No Contact - as in not being able to talk to your lover, not being able to hear your lovers voice, nor being able to feel your lovers touch. Not now. NOT EVER. After all, isn't this the premise of NC?

 

So tell me how different this is from death? Oh, because the actual person isn't dead? If NC holds true, might as well be.

 

Personally I think NC is the stupidest thing ever.

 

................

 

As someone who "discovered" the formal idea of NC a few years ago when trying to get over a hard breakup, I initially was very resistant to the idea. It was scary. I tried and failed several times until I had enough of an unfulfilling situation and drama and decided not speaking to this person would be in the end, the best.

 

Sometimes the best medicines, don't always taste the best, but they sure do the job.

 

The reality was that, prior to formally hearing about it, I had practiced it before, in cutting contact with exes and had been on the receiving end when someone cut contact with me. It wasn't a novel idea, people have instinctively done it for ages.

 

I am alive and well, and so are they, and we're all in a better place in our lives now....well I don't know about my most recent ex. NC allowed that space to have perspective and to heal and is not like death, as today, I can still talk to these people should I decide to and I have! NC wasn't for all eternity, it was until I got to a healthy mindset, until things equalized, when I could separate myself from pain and pointlessness, a way to get my boundaries together. In fact my former AP and I broke NC in 2009, after an entire year of not speaking to one another, where the NC was one-sided for a good while. It was painful but it wasn't like death, sorry. Death is final. NC is not. I currently speak to him on occasion and we've reconciled. Had NC not been established, who knows what kind of mess that would have been, as I was at a breaking point and me continuing to run myself into a wall would have been what was stupid.

 

If you're not trying to end your affair then NC is irrelevant to you. However, if you are trying to separate yourself from hurt, clear your mind, gain perspective and heal from a relationship in which you're not happy, then NC is certainly a godsend.

[TurboGirl]

While I get your feelings of losing whatever...I am highly offended by describing your affair as losing someone to death. I lost someone I love very much to death, and I can't talk to him, hear his voice, or feel his touch. Not now or ever again. Losing an AP isn't the same as burying your loved one.

 

 

Agree with that most definitely.

 

@LilyBart, you are entitled to your opinion. Perhaps you have never lost someone very close to you in your life, to death. I have.

 

OP, As for your female friend, you crossed the line and maybe she is embarrassed by her behaviour - not a big believer in phone sex or web cam sex personally. OP, you never indicated that you had a true physical relationship here, only emotional and friendship. Yes, it does suck to lose a friend. However, you are going to be ok.

 

I read your most recent post, and you relied upon her far to heavily. You didn't really give any other woman a chance to get close to you, b/c you had your married friend to fall back on, RISK FREE. She used you to make herself feel good as well, equal blame there.

 

Sounds like she wants to try & fix things with her husband. Yes, rejection is painful I have been there. Get out & do something, put her out of your head and move on. Hope that you have the sense not to start up again if she weakens and contacts you - because she might when she is feeling really bad about herself. You gave her little old ego a boost.

[whichwayisup]

Whichway is up, in the last 3 years I have slept with more women than I would like to admit, while I gave each one a chance ( and I knew deep down most were ^%res ), she was always there for me to help me through some rough ones and give me guidance along with me helping her over, this was very much a solid deep friendship than anything else. If some of you knew what I looked like you would be quite shocked, alot of women throw themselves at me and while some men enjoy this, eventually you start looking at dating differently, some of us are actually looking to have a strong lasting relationship with someone similar to us, because you think do they only care about my looks or who I am as a person, why do you think I love my (ex?) friend so much because she saw passed that and wanted to get to know me, now I'm faced with getting to know more tramps, but hey one thing I have learned the best way to get over a woman is go to out and find another.

 

I'm not sure how to respond to this but you are honest.. You feel the women you slept with were whores? Literally, or do you mean they were easy? Only good for one thing? You use the word tramps too. Is there something from your past or upbringing that makes you feel this way towards women?

 

You can't control a woman who throws herself at you, but you can control your reaction to it. I understand you don't want to have meaningless sex (or am i totally off base here) with women who aren't right for you (much better to express it like that then to call women whores and tramps who enjoy sex .. Unless you meant you slept with a prostitute?) so instead of letting them have their way with you, slow it down and get to know them. Banging women is not going to help you get over MW. Deep down I think you know this too.

[FightClub]

Your story sounds very familiar MrSomeWhere, take some time to read one of my first threads when I first came to LS almost a year ago. ( http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t253073/ )

 

I had a long-distance friendship with a MW that became intimate towards the end of one year of communication and ended once we became physical.

 

The difference in our experiences is that I never assumed too much and we never did the 'cyber love making', as a matter of fact the feelings were more in genuine in that we know something was there but it was subtle, etc.

 

What I am curious to know is, why are you on LS? What are you hoping to learn from the responses here? What have you been doing since contact was ceased with ex-MW and most importantly, what avenues have you taken to block her from your life completely?

 

I know how it feels, the pain, the wondering, the in-between but right now it is time to focus on you and let everything else go, easier said than done but you will reach that point in the future once you allow yourself to grieve the end of this fantasy.

 

Feel free to post here and speak your mind, my friend.

 

All the best,

 

-FC

Edited August 13, 2011 by FightClub

[Quiet Storm]

While I understand what you are saying about online, this is a little different than some standard internet fling people have, there were phone calls exchanged for many years, gifts sent to eachother, she has wanted me to go there for a long time and I explained that I will, she even wanted to come here.

 

 

 

All talk and no show.

 

Actions tell the story. Not talk. Not wishes. Not hopes and dreams.

 

That is all fairytale BS. You were a puppet in her puppet show. Giving her validation, lending an ear, giving advice. Listening. You were meeting her need for validation. Filling in for her H.

 

Now that he realizes there is a problem. Now that he sees that she will go elsewhere to get her needs met...he may just put in more effort to fulfill her. You forget. He is there in real life. Not just words on a screen, not just a voice. He is sharing a life with her. Sharing space. Breathing the same air.

 

Her actions show that she is choosing her husband. You were her escape from reality. He is her reality, and now that he knows her fantasy (you), game on.

 

Find your own woman.

[East7]

All talk and no show.

 

Actions tell the story. Not talk. Not wishes. Not hopes and dreams.

 

That is all fairytale BS. You were a puppet in her puppet show. Giving her validation, lending an ear, giving advice. Listening. You were meeting her need for validation. Filling in for her H.

 

Now that he realizes there is a problem. Now that he sees that she will go elsewhere to get her needs met...he may just put in more effort to fulfill her. You forget. He is there in real life. Not just words on a screen, not just a voice. He is sharing a life with her. Sharing space. Breathing the same air.

 

Her actions show that she is choosing her husband. You were her escape from reality. He is her reality, and now that he knows her fantasy (you), game on.

 

Find your own woman.

 

I totally agree.

 

I had a similar story, long-distance A with a MW. All seemed like a fairytale but at the end she was (still is) in the same home with her H not with her undying sweet love (me).

 

A woman can be very powerful and talented to have a man she likes but at the end only her choices count.