befuddled11 Posted May 2, 2004 Share Posted May 2, 2004 Originally posted by Simon LeBon as a guy I wouldn't want to contribute to such a forum either. Well isn't that ironic, really.....because although you say you wouldn't want to contribute to this forum, being a guy and all......you sure didn't have a problem with coming her for HELP, did you? *snicker* Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Maybe we should start a forum called "Tell Us What You Want To Read"...and people can post their sordid tales...... *sigh* truer words were never spoken.... Ok, Simon, if you are reading this, then I'll go ahead and say you are not a cheater. Will you at least admit that you will have sex with her if she comes on to you? Please let us know that you are not that far gone in denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Jenny317 Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Well you don't wanna leave your wife that really good but... you loved your bestfriend since 2 years the axact year you loved your wife, but you have to know this, you cannot always love two people! You have to chose 1 person. If your wife ever finds out how much you love your bestfriend, she will want to get in a divorce! Sorry! I hope it helped -Jenny Link to post Share on other sites
Julie McCoy Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Originally posted by Tony It sounds like you want your cake and eat it too. You want to keep your marriage and have a real close, romantic non-sexual buddy on the side. Well, if you can pull that off, it's called an emotional affair, we can't draw you a blueprint on how to do it. And don't you think we would be hyprocrites for advising someone on exactly how to do this if we simply don't believe in it? I agree. Simon, I'm sorry but it sounds like you're just being overly defensive because no one is accepting that you're an innocent bystander in the events that swirl around you. These things don't just happen! You're there, you're acting or not acting. Playing the ostrich won't lessen your culpability. People here have given you very sound advice. It's ironic that you choose to dismiss it on the mistaken assumption that it's all coming from women. Even if that were true, why on earth would that be reason for rejecting the advice? Link to post Share on other sites
leilab Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Dear Simon, I have read your post and am certainly not here to "slam" you. It is clear that you are seeking guidance by this post. However, before I get to my points, in order to receive guidance out of your situation, you MUST be willing to hear what other people have to say. To tell you where I am coming from. I am married as well, but with two children, 7 and 11, who I love more than anything in the world. My husband is a good man and father and we have been married for 11 years. Please listen to what I want to tell you. I have been down this road and it end up in a DEAD END. No way out. Pain, agony and a lot of heartache ahead. I was reading a post by "Red Flag Rick" yesterday and he says is so very correctly. This is a huge red flag. You are in the train station and you know where this train is going - GET OUT NOW. Now to the points that you will have to consider, and most of which you will not want to hear but I urge you to ponder because at this point you have choices and the damage down the road will become much greater. 1. Consider the OW - if you really love her she deserves 100% of you and your love - you cannot offer her that because you are emotionall, physically and spiritually involved with someone else. She WILL think that if you love her enough that you will change your mind and leave your wife for her. THAT IS A FACT. This is not fair for her because you get to go back to your wife and from what I am hearing she is the love of your life (but you think of the OW when you make love to your wife????) 2. If you are that emotionally involved with someone else, you need to stop and think about that. Not by continuing this relationship but by looking deep within yourself. To have such deep feelings for someone else, other than your wife will not allow you to live up to the full potential of your marital relationship. Be thankful you don't have any children right now, so you do have the option of divorce without impact on lives of involved children. 3. After having spent time with your self determining what it is that you are going through, and you make the decision to COMMIT to your wife, you WILL NEED TO END the relationship with the OW. Whether that means changing jobs will need to be seen - but by seeing her every day will not allow you to reconnect with your wife. 4. Link to post Share on other sites
leilab Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 4. Ending a marriage takes careful consideration - and if you chose that route you need to assure yourself that this is what you need to do. You need to take out time for yourself and your marriage to make that determination. 5. I know you don't want to end this "friendship", but let me assure that the pain down the road will be much greater than if you end the relationship now. Take care and "DO THE RIGHT THING" From what I hear, you love your wife very much and your relationship sure sounds worth fighting for. Link to post Share on other sites
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