proactivedreamer Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 Today, after speaking with my ex. I decided it would be best to try an extensive period of no contact. I feel like, although we have been talking 1-2 times every week or two weeks, I am not healing. He also informed me of a new woman in his life a week ago, which even though we talked about it today, didn't help me to feel any better. When he told me of her, I responded with an email, which resulted in the conversation we had today. He said that I have still didn't understand the reasons for the break-up, and that it wasn't soley because of the distance between us. I complained in the email that this new relationship was long distance and I didn't understand why he could give her a chance and not me. He said that he also broke up with me because he felt that I was too passive and that because of that it was not a good fit. Sigh...it has been six months and I still feel immense pain. I guess I am still processing all that happened and examining why I still feel the way I do. I get it; we weren't right for each other(I don't even believe that). But now this girl. HER! I mean he complained incessantly about how I was not learning french-she doesn't even speak very much french and she has lived off and on in Paris for five years. He said we were so culturally different. huh?She is Nigerian and I am American. I think I have more in common with him than he does with her. He says she is not as cute as me-guess he is trying to see past that. He said that I was one of a kind. He said that I am "such" a girl-translating from the french..sorry. I cried a bit afterwards. I really loved this man and a big part of me still does. I want to be happy for him. I really truly do. Why can't I accept that I wasn't being proactive enough during my stay abroad-for various reasons, for one I was overwhelmed, and that caused him to rethink our relationship. Why can't I accept that my inaction caused our demise and now someone else gets to have him. Why can't I just be happy for him? I just feel like this break-up ruined me to some degree and I can't seem to loose myself from it. I have dated others since it happened, but my ex haunts me. My life is moving in a positive direction. I am in school for international studies and, dare I say it, french, so things are great in that regard but I just feel like I lost something. Truth is that I simply don't know what to feel about it all or myself, but passivity ending a relationship? I was passive because I was in Switzerland,I didn't know anyone but him, it was so amazing but overwhelming,and it was going to take me sometime to adjust, but I wouldn't say I was overly passive...I don't want to beat myself up about it anymore. Any comments? Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 oh dont beat yourself up. the right one will love you just the way you are. and if there is something that is REALLY need to be improved, he would have worked on that with you. He wouldnt leave you and then tell you like that. Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 12, 2011 Share Posted August 12, 2011 and hey, you are a woman, you have the right to be passive to some certain degree, and a lot more passive than the guy. he is the one that needs to work. and when you are that young, being a bit passive is a good thing because it leaves you with air for growing up. you dont want to be all over the guy and chase him every single minute of the day, because you wont know what else is out there, and he will feel trapped. this one guy doesnt know what hes talking about. just know that he is not a good fit for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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