Two questions since I'm trying to move on...

[antinko]

Seeing my ex with her new guy knocked me for six and I've been up and down like a lunatic since Wednesday. I'll spare details here since they're documented elsewhere.

 

As stated in the title, I have two questions:

 

1. Should I totally block her on FB?

 

Reason I haven't totally blocked her is because we agreed to allow each other to send messages and I didn't want her to think I was just being a dick, blocking her unannounced. I'm wondering if, at this point, it really matters, though...

 

2. How can I avoid her?

 

When we bumped into each other plus her new man creature, it was a pub/club which I never thought she'd go into, let alone at that time.

 

We live in a small town and I go out quite a lot; whereas, she didn't, nor did she go into that place... I'm now realising, though, that with her new man creature thing tool (sorry, still bitter and totally tired...), she'll probably be going into some different places, places I tend to go and I really, really don't want to see them.

 

I know I can act cool and fine in front of them, but it kills me inside. Although I didn't see them earlier, I came home early simply because I just couldn't relax. I know it's my problem, but I'm trying to heal here and I feel like it's being rubbed in my face now.

 

I know she's just moving on (two months after swearing eternal love... /rolleyes) and living her life, but I don't want to know about it. I don't want to acknowledge her existence. Frankly, I'd like to move far far away, but I can't, not right now.

 

I helped her move to this town shortly after we first met and now I feel totally stifled in it.

 

To be honest, I'm seriously considering simply not going out to town for a couple of months, or not until I've healed anyway. I'm doing other things... It's just that part of me is wondering why I'd allow my social life to be altered just because of her... As I said, though, I'm hurting a lot right now; it might be the lesser of two evils.

[SCG_Sasa1111]

I know how you feel man. I am going through a very similar situation. My ex of 4.5 years left me for this guy i also knew from her science program in university. a guy who i would completely not consider a threat or anything who is not even close to me in any way. but she did and thats how it goes. The reason this happened is because i went on vacation for 15 days and she couldn't deal with the separation and got attached to him while i was gone liek wtf?

 

but ye the whole fb issue. i didn't block my ex on it either i don't kno why at the time it happend which was back in november I didn't think too much bout it. I find that now that shes flaunting photos with him and stuff and if i do block her and she finds out somehow it will show her i care enough that i went to block her. if i just leave it- i guess it just shows i don't care and if i do see her write on someone elses wall because we have over 100 mutual friends (it does hurt) but at least to her it won't seem like i care if i don't do anything.

 

I also ran into my ex and her family on canada day. very akward moment- 500,000 people and here i am running into her out of all people. My point is you kinda have to just deal with it. no matter how much it hurts seeing her with someone else its something that is happening and staying home until you heal although sounds like a viable option its probably way better to just go out and get your mind off it. because when it comes down to it the reason your not going out is because if you do you don't want it to ruin your day and trust me when I tell you this when I saw her- it ruined the rest of my canada day- It was on the back of my mind the entire time and that really pissed me off because I really didn't want it to affect me that much but what can you do. We got together when we were 15 and ended it when we were both 20 years old.

 

hang in there.

[antinko]

Yeh, that's the thing - I don't want to make it look like I care too much. I can't not go out either...

 

I just feel trapped and it hurts because it does seem like she's happy as anything and really doesn't care.

[wilsonx]

Ugh, what everyone needs to understand here is it does not matter what anyone else thinks about your actions. Its about you healing.

 

Block them or keep posting here when you see their pictures again and you backslide. You are better then they are. Have some dignity for your own well being. Who cares what your ex thinks? or their friends?

 

I have blocked my ex's closest friends, her new trailer trash boyfriend, and her from day one. Do I care what they think? No! Its about me.

 

 

Also, dont pause your life. If you run into them just ignore them. You want to piss off your ex, if you pretend like they don't exist, that will do it.

[BrettLost]

Antinko,

 

I too am in a small town and word gets out fast. The more she's out and about and seemingly "over u", the more pple will see how cold she is to not care for what has been left behind.

When u go out (u have to face her eventually with him), when/if pple see u are reserved and cautious BUT still out at least, they will know u are sincerely hurt and giving it an honest go of gettin back into it.

These polar opposites of attitude post breakup will paint a beautiful picture of u in ur town, TRUST ME.

 

I went out once. First time since i had my kids. Didnt actually see them together, but the vibe i got off of everybody in general was extremely uncomfortable, like they all knew..... FU(K EM. I tried, and to a point succeeded in having a good time, eventually though i was over it and left early.

 

Monday at work i was told by mates, they WERE there, very close to where i was. Another mate also said he had backpackers lined up all night for me to hook up with, I just wasnt there. (hes a great wingman).

 

So, Il be out again, soon enough. It's gotta come from within though, the desire to do it. That particular night nuthin was gonna stop me going out, and Im shy, introverted and socially awkward.... I just didnt give a fu(k at that point.

[antinko]

I've deactivated my account; I'm going to keep it deleted until I've recovered.

 

Thanks for the advice guys.

[california15]

Ah the first time I ran into him after the breakup I looked sh*tty, turned around in the middle of the aisle, and left the store trying not to break down. And he wasn't even with his new girl then. And I really haven't frequented that store since to be honest.

 

I agree with wilson - its all about you. Who cares what other people, least of all her and her creature (haha), think. Do what you have to do to heal. Period.

 

Your ex is living her life. You should too. But, if not going out temporarily is what is best for you at the moment, then do that. But don't be a hermit because of her. Shes doesn't deserve to have that kind of influence over you, and you shouldn't let her either.

 

I also suggest no facebook. Just to heal. If you think you can handle being friends with her/seeing her fb than you can do that... LATER after you've healed. Like wilson said, its all about you. If you deactivate/delete your fb account, Your true friends will have other ways of contacting you than fb.

[antinko]

Thanks again california15, wilson and folks.

 

I reactivated my account and blocked her. IF I meant anything to her and if she has any sense, then she'll realised that previously devoted boyfriend is understandably upset by current circumstances and needs to survive. It isn't personal.

 

If she takes it as a jab against her, though, I don't care. She shouldn't care if she's deliriously happy with her new person.

[The Aviator]

Definately de-friend her on facebook dude. I had my ex as a friend for about 2-3 months after the relationship ended (although I did block her news feed so I could not see what she was up to). I wanted her to see I was getting out there and having fun and maybe to send me a message or 2 but she never did.

 

Every now and again she would pop up down the side of my profile along with a different display picture and that really killed me for some reason. In the end I figured this girl is like poison or radioactive waste and with almost complete NC since the break up I deleted her off facebook so I knew I would never have to come across her again. (I haven't blocked her although I never did look on her profile once. I would now rather live in happy and blissful ignorance!)

[KathyM]

Seeing my ex with her new guy knocked me for six and I've been up and down like a lunatic since Wednesday. I'll spare details here since they're documented elsewhere.

 

As stated in the title, I have two questions:

 

1. Should I totally block her on FB?

 

Reason I haven't totally blocked her is because we agreed to allow each other to send messages and I didn't want her to think I was just being a dick, blocking her unannounced. I'm wondering if, at this point, it really matters, though...

 

2. How can I avoid her?

 

When we bumped into each other plus her new man creature, it was a pub/club which I never thought she'd go into, let alone at that time.

 

We live in a small town and I go out quite a lot; whereas, she didn't, nor did she go into that place... I'm now realising, though, that with her new man creature thing tool (sorry, still bitter and totally tired...), she'll probably be going into some different places, places I tend to go and I really, really don't want to see them.

 

I know I can act cool and fine in front of them, but it kills me inside. Although I didn't see them earlier, I came home early simply because I just couldn't relax. I know it's my problem, but I'm trying to heal here and I feel like it's being rubbed in my face now.

 

I know she's just moving on (two months after swearing eternal love... /rolleyes) and living her life, but I don't want to know about it. I don't want to acknowledge her existence. Frankly, I'd like to move far far away, but I can't, not right now.

 

I helped her move to this town shortly after we first met and now I feel totally stifled in it.

 

To be honest, I'm seriously considering simply not going out to town for a couple of months, or not until I've healed anyway. I'm doing other things... It's just that part of me is wondering why I'd allow my social life to be altered just because of her... As I said, though, I'm hurting a lot right now; it might be the lesser of two evils.

By all means, block her on fb. But don't isolate yourself or refuse to do what you like to do just to try to avoid her. You would not be fair to yourself if you gave her that much power over you.

[DontWorryBHappy]

Word of advice... don't ever make any sort of "agreement" with an ex, unless it's that things are completely over. I tried to make an "agreement" of sorts with my ex. We had an understanding that he would fix his issues then try to come back... if he ever fixed them and if everything else fell into place, etc. Guess how well I handled that "agreement"? Not well. I know you solved the facebook issue now, but if you decide to reactivate I would suggest blocking her. It's true that this is about you now. Any agreements you had between her should quickly fall away once you understand that.

Edited August 14, 2011 by DontWorryBHappy