gator_cutie Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 I really need some unbiased opinions. So here's the story, I have a really good guy friend. We met at work in a call center. We started working there around the same time and sat next to each other for about 2 and 1/2 years. During which time we developed a really cool friendship. For the first 7 months I worked there, I was in a serious relationship with my son's father. After we split up I was in rebound type relationship for a few months. So for about the first year that I was friends with this guy, I was taken and he was single. Not long after I split up with my rebounder is when I started developing feelings for my guy friend. I made a comment one day about how we should go out together kinda jokingly and that's when I found out he had just starting dating this other girl that worked with us. I was a little disappointed but I had not developed really strong feelings for him yet. So at that point, I kinda pushed back my feelings because we worked so closely and I didn't want things to be awkward between us. Also, I'm not one to be a "homewrecker". In fact, I have never liked a guy that has a girlfriend and always steered clear of men that are taken. Just wanted to throw that out there so you don't think I'm some chic that chases other women's men. My feelings for this guy just developed over the course of our friendship and honestly I feel really bad for liking him when I know he has a girlfriend. I was never friends with his gf and she works somewhere else now. So anyways, me and my friend sat next to each other at work and we would hang out and talk about life and sports and all kinds of stuff. I'd even come to him for guy advice. By the way, I've been single for a year and a half now. I've dated several guys during that time but nothing serious. About a month ago, we both got promoted and moved to separate departments. He moved to his new department about a week and half before I moved to mine. So I guess it was the point that he moved to his new department when those feelings that I had pushed down for so long just starting coming back. I think because I didn't get to see him and hang out with him everyday I started to really miss him and I think he misses me too cuz when I moved to over to my new department (which is in the same building) he started stopping by my desk and we take breaks together and we chat each other on aim and talk crap like we used to. Also he has said some things recently that make me really think that he may like me too but I'm still not sure. Lately I just can't stop thinking about him and I really want to tell him that I like him. I keep going over all of the factors involved and possible outcomes in my head and I'm just stressed out over it. I kinda just want to put it out there, see what he says and take it from there. But then if he doesn't like me, I know things will get awkward and there's a possibility of losing our friendship all together which would really suck. But if he does like me, who knows, maybe we could end up together. I don't expect it to be an immediate thing because I don't plan on starting anything up until he is single. I don't think I can take the not knowing anymore. I'm tired of beating around the bush and dropping hints. I really want to know if he has feelings for me too. If someone could please give me some advice on this I would be so grateful. Should I tell him and risk losing our friendship but gain the possibility of a relationship? If I do tell him, how should I approach it? Or should I keep him as a friend and move on? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Lately I just can't stop thinking about him and I really want to tell him that I like him. Don't tell him! You asked him out, he said no. You know he has a girlfriend so you telling him how you feel is asking for trouble and putting you both in a place that will be uncomfortable. Instead of hanging onto to him, back off. You're too attached to him already. If or when he and his girlfriend are no longer together and the timing is better, then ask him out, or talk to him about how you feel. To do so now isn't a good idea. What would be the point? In hopes he'll dump her for you? Have a side fling with you while having a girlfriend? Stop hanging out with him so much at work, the chit chat and stuff. You need to detach.. IF he senses things have changed and he talks to you about it, then possibly let him know you do like him but feel it's best for you to not be as close. He knows why, he isn't stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gator_cutie Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I really appreciate you opinion. Just wanted to clarify, I have not and would not ask him out while he is in a relationship. And I have considered that in a way, telling him I like him could be asking for trouble. With that said, I think I would rather tell him and find out if he returns those feelings than not tell him and always wonder "what if?" If I were to tell him, I would approach it very carefully. I would let him know first and foremost, that I don't want to loose his friendship but I just want to let him know that I like him and ask if he may have the same feelings in return. I'm not going to pressure or even ask him to break up with his girlfriend or try to start anything with him while he's in a relationship. I would leave it up to him at that point on what he wants to do. If he doesn't return those feelings then I will let it go and move on. Yes I know it will make things awkward but I guess it's a chance I'm willing to take. Again just want to let you know I appreciate your opinion! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gator_cutie Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 I would love to get someone's opinion who has been in this situation. Please share your experience. What you did? What was the outcome? What would be your advice based on your experience? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 It's pointless to tell him you like him while he's in a relationship. You wait until he becomes single again, then tell him how you feel. I mean , what if he admits he has feelings for you as well? What then? He dumps his girlfriend for you and dates you? How could you trust a guy like that? Meaning, what if you two got together and then somewhere down the road there was another girl who liked him, told him how she felt, all the meanwhile knew he had a gf(aka you) and then he dumped you to go out with her. Not saying that would happen, but it could. How serious is he with his girlfriend? How long have they been a couple? Link to post Share on other sites
waytogo Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 The closest I've come to your sitch GC, is I had a crush on a guy that was more of a friendly associate than he was a friend. I did sort of, ask him out. He was a very kind person. Told me he would have liked that and was flattered but did have a girlfriend. Because I left it at that and never tried flirting, etc. it was never awkward to be around him. I went on to have many nice boyfriends that were available. You've already asked and learned his situation. In my opinion, it is really not appropriate for you to ask him for 'guy advise' for 2 reasons. 1st and foremost, he's in his own R and he's not a counselor (as far as I can tell from your posts). 2nd, he's the guy you really want and again, he's in his own R. No matter who you are in a R from here, do you want girls asking your mate for guy advice? It's a kind of sharing that usually leads to no good, I promise. Good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Under The Radar Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 gator_cutie, I agree with the other posters who said you should not tell him about your feelings right now. If he was already your boyfriend I doubt you would want a female friend of his to share those feelings with him. If he is a good friend you care for deeply then you want him to be happy. There is not reason, from what you posted to think he is unhappy with his current girlfriend. I know that isn't what you want to hear because if I was in your shoes I'd want to tell him too. Nevertheless, I think you should wait until he becomes single, and if that doesn't happen, some other great guy will come along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gator_cutie Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Thank you all for your opinions! It's great to get other perspectives on this situation. I'm definitely taking your suggestions into consideration. I'm thinking that I should just wait it out and see what happens. I guess if it's meant to be it will be right. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts