layercakegal Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Hi all, Crappy breakup two weeks ago, after reading the post regarding the 7 type of breakup, mine was a combination of the 1st type (blind side), but actually not really, coz he has said many times its not working, we've 'almost' broken up loads of times.........and 2nd type (first love). Which just sucks. Really. Anyway, i'm a very quiet sort of person, and i don't like meeting new people because i feel really awkward. Even if i go out with friends, unless i feel very comfortable with them, i need to have a sort of person that i know will talk to me so i wont look like an idiot with no-one to talk to. I was invited out tonight by a girl i know pretty well, just to the pub for a meal and then going out for some drinks. I dont really want to go though, as i just feel like staying in and doing nothing and lying in bed at the moment Since the breakup 2 weeks ago (after a 4 year relationship) i have been out a couple of times with friends (to a 'sleepover' at my friend's house (i'm 23), then for breakfast the next morning at a place in town with the same people, to lunch with workmates twice and to the gym twice, but actually one time was on my own). Not much in 2 weeks huh? I'm wondering if i should be forcing myself to do more and go out more - i'm very unconfident and the whole idea of putting myself out there scares me. Meanwhile as i can see from Facebook, my ex seems to be moving on as if i was never there, which just feels ****ty. Ugh Link to post Share on other sites
Easyguy14 Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 you need to get out there and meet people even if you're just hanging out with your friends. staying in the house and feeling sorry for yourself is not the answer. you have to maintain a positive attitude no matter what. now I know its not easy but you gotta put in the effort. enjoy your weekend. Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 It's normal. I've been socialising a lot since my break up but had a few melt downs, especially last night where I just had to come home early because I was in pieces. You need to do what's right for you. You can go out when you feel like it, but I will say that if a friend is offering to accompany you on a night out, you might benefit from it. You can always come away early if it gets too much for you. At this time, you want to make use of your support network, but also listen to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 everyone deals with pain differently, so do what feels right. At some point, you will probably want to get out and do things, so go ahead when you feel the time is right. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 You can stay inside and mope until youre ready, but keep this in mind; your friends wont keep asking you to hang out if you keep turning them down. Then when youre ready, they wont want to hang with you. SO you dont have to go out EVERY time, but maybe every other time so they dont feel like youre blowing them off. You also dont have to put yourself out there. You dont have to hit on men, or turn on the charm, but be social pressure free. Just chill and laugh. Dont let them see you depressed, no one wants to be around a downer. Keep this in mind, in a couple months, if you talk to men and get positive reactions from them, it might help you get over the ex by raising your confidence and self esteem. You will that there are personalities that fit you better than your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author layercakegal Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Thanks for the replies - I really should have gone tonight, but its just too easy to hide away.... I've just read your coping log Antinko.....you sound like a nice guy if only you were nearer me - i'm in Cumbria! I will maybe invite the same friend to go out for tea perhaps during the week as I don't want to seem ungrateful. I'm planning to go on a night out at the end of the month with some friends from uni, they're my best mates, so maybe its just about feeling comfortable with what i'm doing, not that i don't want to do anything at all? Link to post Share on other sites
Author layercakegal Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Anyway.......the 5th Harry Potter film is on TV, and that my friends is a good enough reason to stay in! Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Anyway.......the 5th Harry Potter film is on TV, and that my friends is a good enough reason to stay in! I'm guessing from this response and your use of syntax, that you're in the UK? Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 Thanks for the replies - I really should have gone tonight, but its just too easy to hide away.... I've just read your coping log Antinko.....you sound like a nice guy if only you were nearer me - i'm in Cumbria! I will maybe invite the same friend to go out for tea perhaps during the week as I don't want to seem ungrateful. I'm planning to go on a night out at the end of the month with some friends from uni, they're my best mates, so maybe its just about feeling comfortable with what i'm doing, not that i don't want to do anything at all? Oh ok, you are UK. Thanks, I am nice, I think, and thanks for reading my emotional catastrophe journal. You seem like a nice girl yourself, from what I've read. Perhaps I need to start approaching the quieter girls when I'm out. I've never been to Cumbria, but I'll be driving up near there next week as I'll be in Scotland visiting some friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author layercakegal Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 (edited) Yes in Cumbria with the rain I'd love if a nice guy saw that i was quiet, just thought i was nice and approached me - you should definately try it i've never been approached when i was out by a guy i didnt know and it would really make my day. Have fun in Scotland - i'm on the Scottish border so wave as you go past on the M6! Edited August 13, 2011 by layercakegal new post to respond to Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 As outgoing as I can be, typically, I do tend to be fairly quiet. I used to hold the view that I'd never find relationship type girls in bars, but I think I was just looking at the wrong girls at the time. If you want to compare notes at any point, I don't mind. Yeh, Scottish border is where I'll be, but the eastern side. I believe Cumbria is westward? Anyway, back on topic, I think Harry Potter sounds like a good choice for tonight. Link to post Share on other sites
Eddie Edirol Posted August 13, 2011 Share Posted August 13, 2011 so maybe its just about feeling comfortable with what i'm doing, not that i don't want to do anything at all? Youre not going to want to do anything for a while, so you have to force yourself to go out. think of it this way, you never know what could happen to make you feel like youre coming out of your slump....trust me on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author layercakegal Posted August 13, 2011 Author Share Posted August 13, 2011 Antinko - thats exactly what i think about lads in bars - since i dont really like going out that much, is something i don't like doing really the best place to find a match? yes cumbria is in the west - so wrong side! its nearly finished, i feel a bit silly being 23 and staying in to watch harry potter but whats needed is needed! Eddie - thanks - i will try and accept maybe every other offer, as someone else said - and force myself to go out and have a good time. Mr Right isn't going to find me in my house is he Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 i know exactly how you feel, layercakegal. i am very introverted and aside from a few close friends, i have no inclination to go out a socialize. in part because i never really have before then - -not even when i was in my teens 20's - - my mom used to have to force me to got to school dances. what makes it even harder is that the ex is very extroverted (he even urged me to go out and meet men/date when he dumped me! which of course - - only made me feel worse and had the opposite effect). and while i've made it a point to stick to strict NC and have no idea what he's been up to, there's no doubt in my mind that in the past 5.5 months he's moved on completely but since being dumped (he is first love as well - -i'm 35; late bloomer ) i've made it a point stay busy during the day. so during the weekends/holidays, i try to line up lunch dates with friends and family. day time events work better for me. i'm not much of a night person primarily because the typical nightlife scenes make me uncomfortable and nervous. if i got approached by a strange guy i would probably run in the other direction! especially with me feeling so vulnerable and insecure after being dumped. but getting out for a few hours during the day has helped me a lot and then when i go home i can just curl up with a book or watch tv and feel better about the fact that i didnt spend it at home all day - - depressed and staring at all four walls. Link to post Share on other sites
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