7 days NC and i'm hurting more as time moves on

[Dblock10]

Well it was last sunday when i went to see my ex and she and i broke up

 

she is 21 graduated, and wants to be free and to fully enjoy her time travelling. we talked about meeting up once shes back and to see how things go between her and i if we are both single and in a position to do so, or even if its as "friends" as she said.

 

but she cant make any promises as she may not be sticking around permanently once she is back hence why staying together wouldn't be "practical" as she put it and so there doesn't seem to be any "options".

 

Its like shes almost just wanting it to be civil than to actually be a friend or anything more again though.

 

I am really hurting as ive not heard from her what will be a week tomorrow and fair enough you could argue i havent contacted her either, but the fact i drove to see her and the way it was left between us would mean the ball is more in her court than mine. I cant help but to feel if i dont hear from her before she goes, then i never will quite frankly.

 

I just feel like we are completely drifting apart now and will continue to do so despite her saying we should update each other with our lives. I just don't see why she would want this to happen between us. I can appreciate her wanting to travel being single and just enjoy her time with her mate and not worry about being open to take opportunities to get with other people etc but it does hurt me.

 

yeah she could have just been trying to be nice by saying what she said, but i still keep questioning why is she so adamant that it wouldn't work and now she is fully focused on just being single and getting on with travelling i just dont register in her life at all anymore and i am starting to think she is just making excuses up as to why she doesn't want to be with me.

 

I tried to salvage it by going to see her and everything but her mind was made up, she just seemed emotionally cold at times. so therefore i've technically been dumped in a round a bout kind of way.

 

this is so hard to accept. i really want to contact her and try and change her mind or to make her realise we shouldn't break up for this. but obviously it %90 wouldn't change it now. at the same time i wish i could just accept her decision and then just get on with my life and then see what happens when she is back. i know deep down i'll be waiting for her to come back though. and that is obviously a dangerous game and i'll probably end up hurting again. this is so bad. I cant figure out how to address all these thoughts and emotions.

 

I just dont know how to continue leaving things the way they are between us knowing how strongly i feel for her.

 

Because ultimately the feelings inside me want to fight for her and be with her get her to change her mind, but if i do try, it will make me weak and insecure in her eyes thus confirming even more that her decision was the right one.

 

I get that we cant see each other for the duration of the 6 months and so it would be hard to stay together, and maybe she is right, maybe it wouldnt work given how bad she is at communication, she is like a speak when spoken to type of person.

 

so ive tried being content with just leaving things be, but at the same time If that chance to see her never comes around again, (her meeting someone else or just not wanting to see me, change of mind or what ever) then i feel like i have given up too easily now. and not pressured her to answer direct questions in order to help myself completely move on. but again doing this will then totally remove the chance of reconciliation once she returns as she will just then from the point of arguing about it move on 100% and wont look back.

 

 

please help me out, i keep getting majorly down about this.

Edited August 13, 2011 by Dblock10

[Nohbody]

She doesn't want to be with you, and all you can do is let her go. Maybe she'll change her mind, maybe she won't. She has taken you for granted, and she has failed to appreciate the awesomeness you brought into her life. So let her go.

[Dblock10]

thanks nohbody. I just cant stop kicking myself for influencing her it wouldn't work. when the only reason i was saying that was because she didnt seem bothered if we stayed together or not.. then she made her mind up, and it was all to late! i regret that so much.

although... if she had true feelings for me, she would have listened to what i said and why i said it, and would definitely want to make it work. so clearly she gave up on us.

 

i do feel like she has taken me for granted. i hope she regrets it. like most of my other ex's. it hurts thinking she actually didnt care much about me though... it gets me down

 

i am letting her go. i have realised you cant be with someone that doesn't appreciate you. you will always feel 2nd best to everything.

 

more i think about it, after the fact she hasn't asked if my nan was ok, or asking if i was doing ok, due to the fact my fb status is about my nan and when i left her she knew i was going directly to the hospital... COLD!. I gave too much of myself to her for not a lot in return. even old ex's have showed more concern about the matter. and friends that i have just made through a recent new job. you wouldn't have thought i was with this girl for 7 months. I felt like i was always waiting for her to be really into me. but other things in her life were always far more important than me i was never high up on her priority list! so screw that. wether its her mates or plans she had already made, which could easily be changed but she never did for me. id drop plans at a hat for her, or re arrange things to be with her.

 

its over now and i'm going to forget about her. ive done it before. i'll do it again. just this time i wont be so stupid to get caught up on someone that wont ever be there for me.

 

my friend told me not to contact her at all. they said i'd regret it and feel foolish if i did, i think they are right.

 

if she does contact i will post what was said. i wont be holding my breathe though... what do you think?

Edited August 14, 2011 by Dblock10