I'm so angry

[sadintexas]

This is going to be pretty long, but I have to get it all out. The anger right now is eating me alive. If you don't read it all, I don't blame you.

 

My H is a recovering alcoholic. He was sober for almost two years, went to AA religiously, went to a year of counseling to aide in his recovery. Staying sober was a requirement for me even marrying him. We have a long history...17 years, but just got married last October.

 

I had faith. He was very commited to his recovery and sobriety and his actions showed that. He moved here, got a fantastic job, we bought him a really nice truck when he got his new job. He was elected to our local AA chapter board of directors. He was routinely being recognized by the higher ups in the very large and reputable company he worked for.

 

Some things happened that led him to seeing a Urologist who determined he had low testosterone. He started him on replacement therapy. Through a series of errors made in the prescriptions, he ended up getting double the dose he was supposed to have...for six weeks.

 

He literally lost his mind. For a week prior to what I'm going to tell you, he literally stayed at home all week from work and "guarded" me...with a 9mm...because he was afraid something was going to happen to me.

 

He started drinking again, and trying to hide it, but I knew better. I finally found the bottles one day and told him he had to leave if he wanted to drink. It was not going to happen in my home in front of my kids, so he left and got a hotel room.

 

I monitored his activity and four days later he called me to come get him. The truck was missing. He thought I'd had it picked up from the hotel. I thought he had wrecked it somewhere and was waiting for the police to show up. Apparently it has been stolen, and as of yet, has not been recovered. Insurance is getting ready to total it, and we will be several thousand dollars upside down due to depreciation.

 

I picked him up from the hotel and he was so sick from drinking, I took him straight to the ER. He literally went lifeless on me in the car...eyes staring, mouth gaping, not breathing. He'd taken his seat belt off on the way and when I turned a corner, his lifeless body fell over on me as I was driving...

[sadintexas]

In the ER, he did the same thing several times. They had a large team working on him. They took me to the "family room" where I sat, alone, crying and terrified because he was dying.

 

They got him stabilized, but he spent 8 days in the hospital. They had him on 3 different anti-psychotic medications and an anti-anxiety medication. He was still very much out of his mind until the last couple of days. They made him spend 24 hours in a psychiatric hospital after they released him to ensure he was okay after they weaned him from the other meds.

 

He's home now. I got a call from HR at his company while he was at the hotel. Turns out he'd told them that I had commited suicide and they had given him some time off to grieve. That's how he was at home that whole week prior to me making him leave. When I'd tried to contact him through work, they knew I was not dead. They immediately fired him. I received his termination letter at the house the next day.

 

He doesn't remember any of this...nothing up until the last couple of days in the hospital...

[sadintexas]

He was diagnosed with "Steroid Psychosis". His company, now knowing the details of what happened, is willing to talk about reinstating him. He's not following through with his end to make this happen. He has to get a letter from the doctors reflecting that and he's placed one call to them to get it. If it was me, I'd be on the phone multiple times a day, or sitting in their offices until I got to talk to someone to make this happen.

 

He's sitting on the couch, depressed and doing nothing to help himself. He's not drinking anymore but that's almost irrelevant at this point. He's lost his motivation. He's wallowing in self pity. He has the chance to put his life back together and he's doing nothing.

 

I am so angry. So angry that our lives were turned upside down in a matter of a couple of weeks. So angry that we can mitigate our damages, and he's appearing uninterested in doing that.

 

I've never been as terrified as I was the night I got him to the ER. I don't know that I've ever been through as much stress at one time as I have been the past couple of weeks. I was in shock and operating in crisis mode until the past few days. Now it's coming out in anger. Loads and loads of anger directed at him. I can barely stand to look at him. What happened was not his fault, but what he's doing now, he's very much in control and he's choosing to do nothing.

 

I'm afraid this will do us in if something doesn't change fast. He doesn't understand why I'm angry. I try to explain to him that he was not the only person effected by what's happened. I went through it too, and REMEMBER everything. I'm also the one left financially responsible for everything. I've told him WE need help to get through this. He's willing to go to MC, but I can't even get him off the couch. Right now, getting his job reinstated is priority #1 so we even have the benefits and money to go!

 

I just needed to vent here and get some of this off my chest without plowing into him over and over. That's not doing any good nor is it helping either one of us to feel better about this situation.

Edited August 14, 2011 by sadintexas

[Quiet Storm]

((sadintexas)))

 

Sorry you have to deal with this.

 

Although my spouse does not have addiction issues, my father has struggled with cocaine and alcohol addiction and my sister is an alcoholic.

 

My sister actually told her work that my mom died to get a few days off. She found out when they sent sympathy flowers to their house. You can imagine how my mom felt...

 

These two, and others in my family, have been back and forth in their addictions for many years. I think it is rare that someone becomes sober and stays that way, consistently. Every addict I have known, has periods of using and sobriety. I think they are likely to go back and forth for their entire life.

 

A person can be sober for many years, and one small trigger can send them back into the depths of addiction. It usually happens very fast, like in your situation. Everything is going great, and two weeks later they lose their job, they cause all kinds of drama, money goes missing, they begin to see you as the enemy when you question them. It sucks.

 

Growing up in a home filled with this, I remember hearing many fights between my parents with my mom crying and yelling, he would spend the rent money on coke and we'd be stuck eating bananas and hot dogs for weeks on end while he was living it up. He would storm out and disappear for days only to come back and start the cycle all over again.

 

You are a strong woman, you told him to leave when he slipped. If my mom had done that, she'd have protected me from a lot of heartache. You are a good mom.

 

I don't have any advice, as I think he will probably be like most addicts. He will keep it together for awhile, and then probably slip again in a few years. My mother expects that. She enjoys the good times with my dad...with the knowledge that it will change in a blink of an eye. She takes care of him when he drys out, and has saved enough during the good times so that she has a cushion if he loses his job. She has decided to stick it out, and after 38 year of marriage, he still slips every few years (with alcohol, not coke). She views it as a disease, and would not leave him if he had cancer or alzheimers...that is her rationalization.

 

For you sake, I hope this is a one time thing, triggered by that medication. However, it sounds like he is down and unmotivated and it is important that he realizes that it does noone any good for him to wallow in self-pity.

 

He probably feels bad that he slipped and lost his job, but he needs to see that he has a chance to make this right.

 

I wish you the best. Focus on you and those kids. My mom was so focused on my dad and his addictions that I felt like she didn't really care about me. She was obsessed if he was using or not, and it seemed like she didn't care about us. Just him and what he was doing. Now that I am grown, I know that wasn't true, but it still affected me.

 

Sending you strength and positive thoughts.

[sadintexas]

Thank you QS for making it all the way through that . What you say makes a lot of sense and I appreciate your thoughts.

 

I've considered a lot of things over the past few days and one of those has been if this is likely to happen again in the future. This has been a huge slap of reality and I don't like it. I've told him I won't go through this again, and I do believe I mean that. Never say never, but I know myself well enough to know that I can have a very good life without him. I love him and want to be with the man I married. I in no way want to be with the man he was the past couple of weeks. Had it not been for the circumstances surrounding this event, I would be gone this time.

 

I feel he deserves the benefit of the doubt so I'm going to give it to him. It doesn't come easy though. It's hard, even if I can say with a clear conscious that it was the testosterone overdose that caused this, to think about reinvesting at the level I invested in this marriage before. Because now I know how quickly it can all change. And how severe it can become in such a short period of time. And how irrelevant the length of sobriety really is. Can I breathe a sigh of relief in a year? Two? Five? No, I probably will never be as confident about it as I was before. Ever.

 

He was almost 5 times the legal limit when I got him to the ER. He almost drank himself to death. That fear, that he'll actually kill himself if he goes on a bender again, is something that will be very hard to let go of.

 

So counseling is definitely in order, no doubt. Even if I go alone, I have to work through some of this. Our M is still very much in jeopardy. What he does from here will make all the difference in whether or not we survive it.

Edited August 14, 2011 by sadintexas

[KathyM]

This relapse was not his fault. I think you owe it to him to stick with him and help him to overcome this. Getting him to counseling is the first step. Maybe it's possible for him to take a medical leave of absence from his job and go on temporary disability until he recovers. I'd look into that if I were you.

[Mme. Chaucer]

What a horrible story. My heart goes out to you so sincerely.

 

I am a recovering addict with over 23 years clean and sober. So, it can be done. And, I will tell you that I know quite a few other "old timers" who are strong in their sobriety.

 

But, my marriage was destroyed because of my ex husband's inability, or unwillingness, or whatever, to stay clean.

 

I am sorry if this may sound harsh - but I would hesitate to relieve your husband of all responsibility for his relapse, despite the prescription mess-up. He may have even been abusing his prescriptions willfully.

 

My ex "slipped" starting with, unbelievably, tylenol PM. Then he started hammering down multiple bottles of Robitussin. Ultimately he was back where he'd been over a decade earlier - addicted to heroin. And now, 5 years post divorce, as I look back - I can't say that I really, in my deepest place, believe that he was 100% clean and sober for those 14 years. I think he was "chipping" here and there, with maybe just a sneaked beer or a joint, and using my sobriety, my toughness, and the strictures of the life we'd built to keep him from falling back into the abyss during the "happy" times. Which really were happy - but I always had this uneasy feeling, and could never discern whether it was my own "trust issues" with him due to what we'd already experienced together ... or, my real intuition.

 

I also had a very weighed down feeling, which now I recognize as the feeling of holding him up all that time. He was too dependent upon me.

 

I don't have any advice for you, except:

 

No matter how depressed and in need of you your husband may be, you MUST stick to your conviction that you are not going to live that life, nor are your kids.

 

And, yes, counseling. Try AlAnon, too. Even if you have already and rejected it, there are a lot of different groups and they have different "personalities." I had a problem with AlAnon, but when I really needed that kind of support I ultimately found a group with people (mostly other women) who I could relate well with.

 

Your husband really messed up, and I truly HATE the diseases of alcoholism & addiction. Since he did screw up so tremendously, he is going to have such a hard time picking himself back up and regaining all that lost ground, with you, your kids, his job, and especially his program.

 

I am going to be thinking about you and sending all positive thoughts.

[sadintexas]

I am sorry if this may sound harsh - but I would hesitate to relieve your husband of all responsibility for his relapse, despite the prescription mess-up. He may have even been abusing his prescriptions willfully.

 

Not harsh at all. I can say though with confidence that he didn't do the T overdose to himself. He was prescribed injections that I gave to him weekly. He only had the six vials and I administered them all. There was definitely a mix up and I've gotten the presciption records from the pharmacy. They ran his T levels at the hospital several times and they were so high and dropping at a rate of about 40 points a day. It had been ten days since the last injection to the first draw to test his levels, so the doctor said that it could have been easily as high as another 400 points, but that's speculation.

 

The doctors also explained to me that drinking or drug seeking in this psychosis is actually very common as the person is trying to normalize themselves, or rid themselves of what they're feeling. He had become very paranoid the week leading up to him leaving (ie the gun and protecting me). He had also started having flashbacks from his time in the special forces. The week leading up to him leaving was scary and then it went downhill from there.

 

I don't feel much reservation in saying that it was brought on by the overdose. I've thought about that a lot too because I do not want to make excuses for him. But it is what I believe after seeing what I saw, talking to the doctors, etc. He knows that's why I'm still here. He knows that another relapse is not in the future for *us*. He will do it alone if he does it.

 

It is hard though. The damage is still real and we still have to recover from it. I'm here to support him, but I'm not here to do all the work for him. He still has to take responsibility for putting his life back together.

 

Thank you all for your replies. It has helped a lot just being able to get some of it out here. I have felt some of my anger release. We still have a lot of work to do, and it starts with him getting off the couch and doing *something* that moves in the right direction.

[dreamingoftigers]

I live with an addict too. One thing I have learned is that they don't have the emotional capacity to handle stress from spouses very well.

 

Especially men. When they feel shame, it is very overwhelming to them and they withdraw. Your concern for him and fear for his life etc. Would be very loving/caring if he was a woman. But he's a guy, so now he feels like ass and has to worry about having hurt you too. And now he has to worry about keeping on the straight and narrow or losing his marriage on top of it.

 

I am not in any way trying to guilt you here. I am just saying that from a testosterone/cortisol point of view, I can see why he is drained and not getting off the couch. He hasn't normalized yet and he doesn't feel you are behind him getting better. Your encouragements to him will sound like criticism and threats, instead of concern.

 

Right now he needs to be left alone a little bit and let him know that you have faith in him to sort it out.

 

The number one factor for men divorcing is emotional hyper-arousal (meaning their women getting worked-up and it shames them).

 

What I have found with my own husband is that he reaches the same conclusions as I do, about 25% slower. But only if I chill out and let him get there himself.

 

Is there a friend you could lean on now instead if your husband.

 

You see, for us, we listen and share to build each other up. Men take downtime to build themselves up. So when we go to share with them our feelings, if they aren't in the headspace to hear it (I.e. They are already overwhelmed) it doesn't build them up at all, it actually drains them and makes them feel worse, even though you may feel better after sharing.

 

I know.... They're weird.

[dreamingoftigers]

He can't stay on the couch forever. Fix him dinner on the couch on night one. After that he's on his own. Voice your concerns once when you are sure he us listening. Keep it under 5-10 mins and just let him be.

 

I mean if he isn't up and at it in 2-3 days then get some backup. Bear in mind he is probably pretty ashamed over whet happened, he isn't going to share that though (that would just bring more shame). The cortisol released by shame needs a little time to go down.

[Mme. Chaucer]

How goes it?

[sadintexas]

Thanks for asking...sadly, it's pretty rough right now. This is going to be long again lol. We're staying on opposite sides of the house but about once an hour or so, he'll come back here and sit in front of me and mope. Sometimes I ignore him and sometimes I'll ask if he needs something or wants to talk. That's usually met with some sort of insult from him, so I've kind of given up the idea that rational conversation is possible.

 

He asked for a plane ticket back to his home state Sunday (for tomorrow). We talked about it some and I booked the ticket. I think that's why his moping episodes have increased today. He's made offhand remarks about ME wanting HIM to go and acts like I'm kicking him out of the house. But I'm getting used to him playing the victim and twisting things to suit him. I told him he was a grown man, capable of making his own decisions, so he needed to do what is best for him. Honestly, at this point, I'm really hoping he gets on the plane. The latest tonight was if I really wanted him to go, then I would go do all his dirty laundry and pack his suitcases. Needless to say, he's not packed anything and we leave the house at 10:30 for the airport. I have a feeling he's going to back out of going.

 

I believe he started drinking again today, possibly yesterday. His demeanor changes drastically when he's drinking, even if it's not physically notable (slurring, staggering, etc). I've endured quite a bit of verbal nastiness from him in the last 24 hours. He gets domineering and controlling and that's been very evident today. That, along with him leaving the house when I went to the dr today, withdrawing $100, and having $60 left in his pocket with nothing to show for it is a little telling. I have a feeling it started yesterday though with something he'd hidden in the house that I didn't find. It's funny too, because when he's not drinking, he puts his money in his wallet, all facing the same way, in decending order of denomination. When he's drinking, he wads up the money and sticks it in his front pocket. Little tell tale signs...like I need to slueth it out at this point.

 

Oh, and coming in earlier tonight claiming I had stolen his grandmother's bracelet from him. Not asking, but yelling at me and threatening me if I didn't return it. This was a bracelet he'd given me, and he asked for me to return it a couple of days ago. I did. I got angry and started to get the kids up to go to my parents' house. He didn't want us to leave so I told him he needed to go find the bracelet, wherever he'd put it, and come back and apologize to me. He found it in the guest room where he's staying, so he did say he was sorry. He slithered to bed after that and has left me alone.

 

Not surprisingly, with the stress my resistance is low, so I got a pretty nasty sinus infection last week. I thought it was getting better, but yesterday I developed a terrible ear ache. I went to bed, and then he decided that it was time for my parents to know that I had been molested as a young child. Not by anyone in my family...it was a one time thing by a stranger when I was on vacation with my Grandmother. So he calls them and drops that bomb. Then my ear drum ruptured and I'm sitting there with blood coming out of my ear, in extreme pain (lemme tell you, that hurts like a son of a b***h) and he's yelling at me about how my parents think he's an *******.

 

I went to their house on my way to the doctor today and my poor mom hadn't even slept an hour the night before. She didn't know the difference between molestation and rape, and had stayed awake crying all night thinking her little girl had been raped. So I explained to her what happened and that it wasn't really a big deal and it wasn't anything as bad as she was picturing. She seemed relieved by that.

 

So that's been my last two days. I've been accused of being a thief, of needing intense psychological work to be "right" in my mind, told that I'm possessed by a demonic spirit and I should go read the Bible. I feel like I'm in hell. I just keep hoping and praying that he decides to get on that plane tomorrow. Now he's left that to me getting the suitcases and packing him. And I would at this point if I could climb the tall ladder to get the suitcases off the top shelves in the shop. But I have vertigo on and off with this ear problem and it's not safe at all. I've asked him just to get them down and I'll do the rest and he refuses.

 

He's not rational AT ALL. I can't help him unless he wants to help himself and I can't live like this. I can't let my kids and family be affected by him. If he doesn't get on the plane, the only other option I have unless he decides to get help, is to file for divorce. My attorney will ask the courts to have him removed from the house for the safety of my children. He's giving me no other choice right now, and that breaks my heart, because I know it doesn't have to be like this.

Edited August 16, 2011 by sadintexas

[sadintexas]

He didn't get on the plane. He gave me a a speech about how we can make this work, and he'll do everything he can, etc. So I told him that I would support him while he was getting help for his alcohol addiction. He said he doesn't have a problem and then got ugly.

 

I went to the DA's office today to explore my options. I have a few. They said I can have a protective order issued by a judge. They can do it for me which would take 3 WEEKS to get the temp order placed (seriously?) or I could march the request down to the judge myself and get it issued the same day. They gave me a packet with the request form and filing instructions.

 

They got the mental assistant (forget her exact title) involved because issuing an order for a mandatory mental evaluation would be warranted and he'd be picked up today. Since we don't have insurance right now (we were told not to COBRA it by the Ombudsman since it would be reinstated back to Aug 1st if he follows through on his end) they would have to take him to a county psychiatric hospital. Ideally he would go back to the psych hospital he was in a couple of weeks ago because they would keep him. The county facility will process him out of there asap if he shows any rationality at all.

 

The best option is to see my divorce attorney and have him file it all in one whack. Then the protective order will be wrapped up in the final orders for the divorce and be permanent.

 

Taking some time to think about it all because whatever action I take is serious.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Oh my God. My heart goes out to you SO much. I really do know what you are going through. And I know how happy you were when you got married.

 

Stay strong. I hope you have good friends and / or family close by.

 

I don't know ... but my instinct tells me that your husband needs to move out of your home, and you need to begin to sever your ties.

 

When my ex husband destroyed our family, our business, finances and home by returning to drugs, once I really GOT what was happening I had him leave. Honestly, I was not "wishing and hoping he'd change," and I was carrying on with preparing to live my life without him. Still, I truly believed in my deepest parts that he and I would ultimately be together. I would have gone back with him if he'd entered treatment, acknowledged what he was doing, made amends. And I did believe he'd do this. But, he did not.

 

Anyway, I didn't tell you that to make you lose hope; my point is that you can make decisions and judgements based upon what is really happening. Now, it all points to not living with this man. But the future can still be different. You cannot count on that though.

 

Please take good care of yourself.

[dreamingoftigers]

Jeezus, can't you send him somewhere to dry out or commit him into temporary psych. They would have medical records of what happened.

[sadintexas]

I could have had him commited yesterday. The hopsital he was in a couple of weeks ago would have kept him for at least the mandatory 72 hours. But they are a private hospital that only takes insurance and we don't have any right now. That left us with the county psych hospital and the woman advised me that their goal, since they work on tax dollars, is to process people through as quickly as possible. Private facilities will look for a reason to keep you lol. It's all about money.

 

I had considered that option anyway, but the DA's office basically steered me away from it because if he showed any rationality, or if they determined his problem was from drinking, they'd process him out of there and he'd probably have been home the same night. It would have done nothing more than pissed him off...which we're trying to avoid for mine and the kids safety.

 

The DA's office also warned me that a protective order is just a piece of paper and if someone wants to hurt you, they will. I was aware of that, but hoping that with his removal from the home and no subsequent place to go, he would be encouraged to go home to his parents for a while.

 

They gave me the card for our county womens shelter and explained to me how that worked too. They felt THAT was our best option for now along with filing for divorce and having my attorney file for the protective order.

 

I came home to think about things. He knew I'd been somewhere and wanted to talk. I basically told him that I KNEW he was drinking and wasn't going to argue with him whether or not that was true anymore. I told him I was done arguing and debating with him period. I told him that I was worn out and stressed and there IS going to be peace in this house one way or the other. I explained to him what my boundaries were and where we could go if he re-commited to his sobriety. I explained to him that I couldn't live like this anymore, and his insistance on drinking and hiding and lying wasn't something I signed up for nor was it something I was willing to live with. I explained to him that I was done talking about it...he knew what he needed to do if he wants our marriage to work. He's a grown man. He's capable of handling this and making the decisions he feels are best. I explained that I was going to make the decisions I felt were best for me and my family if he couldn't do what he needed to do.

 

We talked about priorities since we have so much on the table right now. I said in my mind this was the order of priority:

 

1) Re-commit to sobriety.

2) Get his job back, or another one.

3) MC, IC, whatever we felt was necessary, but steps 1 and 2 had to precede that so we could afford to go. 2 wouldn't happen until 1 did.

 

There was a point in the hospital where he'd misunderstood the doctor and thought she had told him he had cirrosis of the liver and was dying. She didn't say that, but I see how he misunderstood it. He became very upset, was crying, saying all he could think about was leaving me and the kids behind, etc. We finally got it straightened out and he calmed down. I asked him yesterday if he remembers how he felt when he thought she told him that. He did. I told him that if he keeps going like this, one day that will be true, and it will be too late for him to make the right choice.

 

He started drinking water after that. Lots of it. I've heard the term "diluting" before, explained to me by him so I think that's what he was doing. He's done a 180 with his attitude. So far today, no sign of him drinking. In return, I'm being nice and encouraging to him...smiling, laughing, relaxing more in general. I'm going to give him a few days to see what happens before I take any further action.

 

I DO want our marriage to work, but I am NOT a person who will hang on based on false hope. I'm a realist for the most part and I know what I'm facing. Part of the reason why I'm taking this road for the moment is to give him the opportunity to make a different decision. I was so pissed before that I was a bucket full of hate too. I need to conduct myself in a way, and communicate to him in a way, that if I have to end this, I'll know I did it the right way.

 

He has an appointment with his psychiatrist from the psych hospital tomorrow. She is the one who needs to write him the letter to get re-instated in his job. We'll see if he goes and if he does what he needs to do.

[dreamingoftigers]

I forgot about US health care.

 

Up here the waiting time sucks but you can get someone committed with enough cause. And it's free. One of my friends had to do that to his manic brother two weeks ago. Lucky.

 

Glad that things are starting to turn around.

[dreamingoftigers]

When I wrote my original post up, I thought he had stopped drinking and was just low on the couch.

 

Sucks that he isn't a reasonable drunk too.

[sadintexas]

Initially, I thought he was depressed too. It didn't become apparent until a couple of days ago that drinking was a factor still as well.

 

The insurance situation sucks right now. We could have continued it through COBRA from the getgo. And I planned to right away because his hospital stay extended into August and our benefits ended last day of July per the company policy. It's much cheaper to pay for the coverage than pay for the hospital bill. But, we were advised to wait pending the outcome of this informal mediation (his company assigned him an Ombudsman to represent him/help him get reinstated). We have until the end of August to COBRA it. That doesn't help us at all right now though, and now is when we need it the most.

 

I would like to be optomistic about the change since yesterday afternoon. I'm just happy that right now things are peaceful. He seems much more like his regular "sober" self today.

 

Mme had asked about family. I do have my parents very close emotionally and physically. We live on contiguous acreage so they are my next door neighbors. My mom is staying home today (she works for me) so I can go into the office for a few hours. Will be nice to get out of here for a while and be productive. I have literally only been in the office a couple of days in the last month. The kids like to go between my house and theirs, and I didn't want them to be here alone with him. My dad (although retired and able to) will not just walk in my house to check on things. My mom will lol. So that's the plan for today.

 

I am thankful that I own my business so I can take this time off when needed. Just taking a moment to send thanks out to my employees that keep things running as they should I tell them that frequently, but it doesn't hurt to send that vibe out into the universe as well.

Edited August 17, 2011 by sadintexas

[sadintexas]

Things are settling down. He's been sober the last two days. Kept his appointment today with the psychiatrist and she's going to draft the letter he needs to get the work issue resolved. He asked me to go with him, and then wanted me to go in the room for his session. He addressed a lot of things, and asked her for a reference for a family counselor. She gave us two: one that specializes in *generic* family counseling and one that specializes in addiction recovery.

 

He's started talking more on his own about where we are, what he's feeling and what his intentions are. He helped me cook dinner tonight and did the dishes/cleaned the kitchen afterwards. So that's good...that's progress. The man I married is slowly resurfacing. Let's hope he makes it all the way out of the hole.

[sadintexas]

We've made it through the weekend with no drama. Still no sign of him drinking. Each day he's more like his old self. I'm hopeful that things continue on this path, but I still have my reservations.

 

We are supposed to get the letter from the doctor tomorrow. It will be a relief to get to the next part of that process with his job reinstatement.

 

We've been working on getting copies all of his medical records. His prescription records that I got last week show that the "wrong" prescription had his doctor's signature on it. His doctor was out of the country when that prescription was written. We'll be filing a complaint with the medical board to have this investigated. We've decided not to sue or take this any farther other than notifying the proper people so they can do their jobs and look into it...put a stop to negligent practices if its warranted.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Is he back in meetings?

 

I also would probably not sue, because it keeps all this mess alive for much longer that it may need to be. Also, I despise the way our society has become so disgustingly sue-happy.

 

BUT, maybe you should have a quick consult with a lawyer. You are having financial ramifications because of the mistake. You may be able to get something that will help there.

 

Anyway, I'm glad you are experiencing some calm and that his behavior seems to be getting back on track.

[sadintexas]

He's back in meetings. He's going to start counseling again too (IC and MC) once we get insurance back.

 

I've talked with a friend of mine who is a malpractice attorney. Since they've put a cap of $250,000 on judgment awards, it's barely worth it for anyone to sue. In our case, we'd have to have expert testimony showing causation, like toxicologists, pharmacologists, then add in legal fees and any proceeds, if we won, would be pretty much spent in advance. Then there's the whole aspect of them digging dirt and tying up your life, dragging this stuff out for a lengthy period.

 

The doctor showed negligence. When I called him afterhours as an emergency when my H went bonkers, he tried a total CYA and said it wasn't a big deal and just to come in the following week to have blood drawn. There was no danger according to him. My H almost died a couple of days later. The attorney is willing to sue based on that alone, but he warned us that it is a very difficult and long road. We just want to move forward with our lives and try to get back to a good life. We have up to two years to initiate a suit if we change our minds. But, like you, I think we (generally speaking) have become entirely too litigious as a society and don't really like the idea of pursuing it.

[Mme. Chaucer]

How are things?

[sadintexas]

It's going fairly well. Just taking things one day at a time. He's doing well and we aren't having any problems that way.

 

We got the letter from the doctor which we forwarded to the Ombudsman. H's company is checking with legal and reviewing all of the information put together by the Ombudsman. They have reservations, saying it's a trust issue (and I can certainly understand that one) so no determination has been made yet.

 

I unraveled a little when I started thinking that they might not reinstate him. I really shouldn't because I have no control over it at this point. We've done what we needed to do and it's in their hands. I think it's just still grief at how much our lives changed so quickly...and fear, again, at the thought that this could be a way of life for us, not just an isolated incident.

 

Thanks for checking on me You've been a great sounding board through this whole process.