justletgox51 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 Hello, Loveshack community. I can't sleep.. I've been crying for the past hour about a past lover. Ugh. My ex-boyfriend whom I refer to as my first love -- he was my first boyfriend in my current high school career whom I felt a connection with. Furthermore, he was the first who I actually cared enough to put an effort into the relationship and the one who made me believe that there was such thing called, love. I've been through huricanes and fireworks with him but, I guess that ended permanently. We lasted for 11 months and was on and off for the last months because of trust issues on my side and sometimes his side, and low communication skills between us. Furthermore, parents who disapproved about the relationship (my mom allowed me to finally have a bf because she thought it woukd help me in school), which always made me paranoid to even donintimate things such as kiss him in public or at school (we got suspended for making out), and being able to visit each other or call each other without me putting a time limit because of my dad finding iut who the other person on the line is. Yes, I'm still young- 16 yrs., but I believe I am just like everyone on this community who is coping about a loss of a loved one. My ex broke up with me... 8-9 months ago. I know it has been months since the relationship ended but there are nights still when I think about his painful words, and thoughts about me. Tonight, I mostly thought about a past situation that happened a few weeks after we broke up, which he told my best friend that I am 'hit' (ugly). At that time, I started wearing make-up to feel good and look good but when I look back I looked unattractive-- put too much of everything. However, his comment of me being ugly, hurts which is the reason i cried so much tonight. I guess, it hurts because the person who once called you beautiful, pretty, nice, and sexy calls you ugly. In addition, I began thinking about how after a few months from the break up, he would tell my friends that he wants to be friends but doesn't make a first move. Though, whenever I'd make the move-- he'd tell me it's too early to be friends. Fast forward to the present, a couple of weeks ago he came up to my friend (he used to not talk to my best friend because of our break up) and basically checked up on me. At that time, my best friend and I didn't talk that much because we were busy with our summer plans with families. Anyway, thabkfully my best friend replied to him that she and I haven't talked in a while so she doesn't know how I am. We have not talked in about 7 months now and sometimes I thi k about it. Anyway, sigh. You know how you think you're moving on and there are some nights that reminds you that you're still missing your ex, that you want to be with them and hiw much you want them to call you, or visit you and say a sincere apology? That's how I feel on some nights-- such as today. I've been moving on... Months after the break-up I started focusing more on my school, and other priorities like spending more timr with my familiy and friends. A few days later, I started working out using my Wii Fit and so far I'm doing well. I guess, I just came on here to vent about my feelings and hoping to fall back to sleep. I still think about him every single day-- mostly when I'm about to sleep. I just want to stop crying about the past and smile about it. I don't want to think about him anymore as an enemy and stranger but be able to forgive him for the things he has done. Sigh. You don't realize how strong a person really is until you see them at their weakest moment. And always expect the worst and wish for the best. That way you'll never be disappointed. Link to post Share on other sites
Dblock10 Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 sorry your upset and hurting. it does hurt though. i know this will sound bad, but in a way its good, because you are soo young and experiencing this now, it will help you soo much more with other relationships you get into.. you need to realise that all good things come to an end and like most relationships it has come to an end now. it could be worse like my first love i met when i was 17 and stayed together until i was nearly 21! Just spend time with your friends and meet new people. Stay focused on family and studies as those two things will always be in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
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