1 year on

[swfc_77]

well it will be 1 year since i broke up with my ex 18th sept

 

i know its only 11 months but i have a bit of free time and i think this will be my last contribution to this site.

 

background -

 

together for 2 years

split up for a while, she got with someone else

came back to me

and left again after 2/3 months

 

i worshipped the ground she walked on, welcomed her into my families home (she lived here) the girl wanted for nothing.

 

i was there for her and suported her in every which way possible.

 

looking back i was lied too, used and thrown to one side like new toy on boxing day.

 

now -

 

like said its been nearly a year, i'v not seen her (not even a picture) but she does keep trying to contact me either txting me/calling me or contacting my family on facebook. i gathered this was to maybe find out what i was up too or maybe she wanted to keep a presence in my life, which i certainly didn't want.

 

i kept a strict NC i broke it last xmas but she strung me along for a few weeks when she heard what she wanted, which was that i still loved her.

 

since that i walked away and turned my back on the whole situation.

 

she would tx and ask silly questions 90% i wouldn't reply as i couldn't be bothered and wasn't ready.

she would get very, very aggressive if i didn't reply or told her i wanted leaving alone or abuse me with name calling if she didn't hear what she wanted to hear.

 

an example for you

 

she txt asking 6-7 months after split -

 

"do you want any of the old photo's, as i am going to throw everything away and forget we were ever together just like you have"

 

me - " im ok thank you, just get rid of the things you dont want, thanks anyway"

 

"are you sure, even the pictures of the dog, i can post them if you like"

 

me - "no its fine, thanks anyway"

 

seems pretty normal but 3/4 days later i recieved one of the most abusive and disgusting tx messages i'v ever seen

 

basically calling me all the names and telling me how immature and how everybody hated me ect ect and even went as far to tell me her dead grandfather would be looking down and thinking i was a di*k.

 

this reaction because i asked my mother not to tell her anything about me on facebook.

 

facebook - i deleted this in april 2010 and have never looked back, my social life improved i met people face to face and i can honestly say it was the best thing i'v done in a long while.

 

i spoke to 2 police officers this week (who came to see my naughty 12 yr old sister) what effect facebook had on their work these days and the officer replied that maybe 1/3 jobs now have or relate to the site.

 

for me its too personal and way too intrusive.

 

i think by deleting it, i skipped the whole knowing about what she was up too or doing and if i had kept it going maybe i wouldn't have come on so well in the short space of time, i think or should i say i know i swerved a hell of alot of pain and suffering by having the strenght stay off facebook.

 

im in a good place now, it must be 3/4 months since i'v heard anything we live within 1 mile of each other so i'v done well to avoid her.

 

i have now met someone new and while i do still think of my ex and miss her slightly i would rather the past be in the past and try to move on with my life, i have learnt from the mistakes i did make with my ex and have learnt to spot what i think are good and bad qualities in young women these days.

 

the whole experience has been hard and i wish i never had to go through it but i did and came out the other side ok.

 

i might sound like an old man im only 24 lol.

 

i just wanted to tell people how it went for me and again thank you to the people who are here and to those who have left the site who helped me through a dark couple of months in my life.

 

cheers. swfc_77

[Nohbody]

Thanks for coming back and sharing! Best of luck to you.

[Ddeepprreesseedd]

:: standing and applauding ::

 

Fantastic. Congratulations!

 

Keep on pressing forward. I hope you do many more successful things in your life.

 

~~~All the best ~~~

[ccfan]

SWFC ..

 

My one year mark will be on sep 28 just ten days after you.. like you i worshiped her and she treated me as bad as one person could treat another for an unkown reason to me, trying to figure why is wasting even more mental enery and more suffering.

 

Like you , i played my last card right (the only thing i did right i think) and cut ALL contact with her, she cried and tried to manipulate me into being "best friends" but thank God i just dissapeared for good. Yes, i miss her sometimes and yes i will have in my my the eternal question of why was she such a bad person with me.

 

One year is not that much to recover for a trauma like this, i dated tons of girls in the meantime and the results have been really bad, i still think that i can trust them and to a point i miss her still, even whe its just sleeping with no string attached the next day is an emotional mess...

 

You story inspires me to keep on healing and to know that there are many like us outthere.. if i learned something about this BU is that no matter what we cannot stay friends with the person that destroyed our life... simple as that. I'm still hurting and i'm definetely stressed about this so called BU aniversary.

 

We need to remember this: we had a life before our exes and we'll have a life after our exes

[giuliano-3]

This should be required reading for anyone coming out of a bad breakup. Stay off Facebook!!! Seriously. Do it!!! Proof positive of the results to be had by getting social networking out of your life for a while.

 

swfc, cheers mate, all the best.

[Ajax]

Good post swfc_77. My one year mark comes up... today. I'm also planning on posting my thoughts and feelings.

[reimeivn]

oh well i think sleeping with no string attached after you know what it means to be intimate and connect on a different level will always be bad. one of my friends just did it the other day and she wonders why she feels so bad. she just, used to do that with somebody she loves, now this one guy she doesnt. no wonder why.

[california15]

Thanks for sharing. I've followed your story for a while now. Good luck

[swfc_77]

thank you for the kind replies.

 

the people who are in pain about a break up should smile, plod on and look forward to the day they can strip back the emotion and look at what your ex was really like.

 

we were together for a while as said above, and i will always, always have a small place for her inside of me, but she will never know this.

 

the only reason she has that place is because we had some good times together and she was my first proper love i think.

 

but over the last few months i have tried to seperated myself from the emotional feelings i had and just looked at her as i would any girl, and i can honestly say she is not the type of girl i would look at for any kind of relationship or friendship.

 

dont get me wrong she is a very attractive young women, but the fancy hair, nails, fake tan, short skirts just dont tick the boxes for me though its nice to look at may i add. lol.

 

i must add that i was pestered on facebook (when i had it) by my ex for my number and i was very unsure about her then, but i gave it a go and we had 2 years together.

 

i wouldn't say the relationship was a mistake, but i feel should have gone with my gut feeling and passed up the opportunity as i often look back and wonder how else i could have spent the time. it might be horrible to say but i feel it was 2 years of my life wasted more than anything else.

 

my ex use to tell me i was miserable and never smiled, and i have only recently realised maybe it was because she didn't make me as happy as i once thought, im the kind of guy where if i dont like something/someone i cant sit there and pretend. not the easiest way to get on in life but thats just me.

 

i have read some of the threads over the past few days and there is a lot of pain and heartache, i was in a mess when it happened but apart from the NC/delete facebook i tried to smile and enjoy being single and it helped alot. i kept my chin up and tried to make others smile around me and eventually the pain did ease up and go, because i had started having a good time again.

 

there is/was no "magic button" to press that got me over it, it just takes time and a cheeky grin every now and again.

 

take care people.

[broken-and-lost]

My one year is coming up in september not sure what i'll post if anything has to be the hardest year of my life and she still in someway has an impact even tho we have spoken in 3 months.

 

Good on you fella keep going and i hope you have a great life thanks for returning and posting