bluepoppy Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 managed to get upset. From the email, it's very clear that he's discussed something very personal about the two of us, with a friend (female), I'm betrayed, angry and sick (I have his email password, because he gave it to me, and when he is away he sometimes asks me to check his email) - he isn't away, but it's sunday night and I'm bored. He has a friend (female), who I don't like (met her once, she's a bitch), and I know that they meet up about once a month or so for lunch. It's no big deal and it doesn't interfere with us, I don't express and opinion. I don't need to, he knows I don't understand why he a friend with a bitch. However I had a crisis last month that affects both of us, and our future (and because it's personal to us, I'm not going to post it), it's worked out in the end, but it's clear while I was making decisions, he talked to her about it. At the time I felt very alone and isolated. I want to confront him, admit that I've read this email, and let him know that he's crossed a boundry and I'm incredibly hurt by it. We've been together 6 years, and for the most part, it's good. Certainly the best relationship I've had. Last week he was telling me how lucky he felt that we had each other. How much damage is that likely to do ? and if I don't how angry and resentful am I going to get about a friendship he has with someone, that to me crosses the boundry by discussing details about us. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 managed to get upset. From the email, it's very clear that he's discussed something very personal about the two of us, with a friend (female), I'm betrayed, angry and sick (I have his email password, because he gave it to me, and when he is away he sometimes asks me to check his email) - he isn't away, but it's sunday night and I'm bored. He has a friend (female), who I don't like (met her once, she's a bitch), and I know that they meet up about once a month or so for lunch. It's no big deal and it doesn't interfere with us, I don't express and opinion. I don't need to, he knows I don't understand why he a friend with a bitch. However I had a crisis last month that affects both of us, and our future (and because it's personal to us, I'm not going to post it), it's worked out in the end, but it's clear while I was making decisions, he talked to her about it. At the time I felt very alone and isolated. I want to confront him, admit that I've read this email, and let him know that he's crossed a boundry and I'm incredibly hurt by it. We've been together 6 years, and for the most part, it's good. Certainly the best relationship I've had. Last week he was telling me how lucky he felt that we had each other. How much damage is that likely to do ? and if I don't how angry and resentful am I going to get about a friendship he has with someone, that to me crosses the boundry by discussing details about us. Yikes. Very sorry this is happening. I think its probably time you had a heart to heart with your guy and to express in no uncertain terms what is a deal breaker for you as far as his friends are concerned. I know that you have been together 6 years, but when you said basically you don't express an opinion about the one friend in particular, I think its high time you did. Actually even though he may have discussed a delicate situation with this friend you have a decided advantage in nipping anything that might be starting up in the bud if you act now...not saying there is anything romantically to nip but it is a time honored tradition of cheaters that at some point that they begin to divulge details about their current relationships as a justification to cheat. Again I am not saying is going on for sure, but obviously to you boundaries have been crossed, so please prepare accordingly. What you said you wanted to do, about confronting and letting him know how hurt you are? DO IT! I am not advocating a huge fight but if one partner in a relationship does not feel appreciated any incident will make this feeling grow exponentially and resentment will continue to creep in if you don't resolve it one way or another... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluepoppy Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 Thank you - I needed the validation - I know that I have to confront, but hate confrontation. Men eh ? Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 My advice, don't snoop. Trust him. If he gives you reason not to, speak up and confront him. But snooping like that is the way to make sure things turn into a nightmare. This is a problem with technology--people leave audit trails on things that should just be said in confidence privately if at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluepoppy Posted August 14, 2011 Author Share Posted August 14, 2011 Well I have his email passwords, because he gave them to me, as from time to time he asks me to check and respond. But he's crossed boundries (clearly so have I by reading the emails), and we need to discuss that. I suspect he knows that I've checked in (after all, he does go out with me, and must know what I'm like by now). He might be waiting for me to call him on what is acceptable. It might blow up, but I actually feel so betrayed that it will affect the trust either way. Link to post Share on other sites
TheGrimSweeper Posted August 14, 2011 Share Posted August 14, 2011 What exactly was crossing boundaries here? I have a female friend who I talk to all the time for advice about my girlfriend and relationship and I don't think its an issue at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluepoppy Posted August 15, 2011 Author Share Posted August 15, 2011 in response to what boundries he's crossed. This is an issue that is incredibly intimate and personal to me. I've only discussed it with my partner - I don't want people to know about this. In terms of boundries - I told him that and specifically requested that he didn't discuss it with anyone else. and he did discuss it with a friend, so I feel completely betrayed. I don't want this person knowing these details about me, or have an opinion or judge me about it. It's a form of initimacy, which he has with another woman know, and I'm not happy about that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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