Author dreamingoftigers Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 I was thinking about that "middle ground" thing. It doesn't mean, at least to me, that one ALWAYS has to maintain an exact balance at all times. To me it means that each in the R should be aware of the situations each other is in and give or take based on current circumstances. For example, if I know my sweety is extra stressed over events at work at any given time, I'll give him a little more slack as regards his attitude at home. In fact, I might go the extra mile to make sure his home life is really relaxing. Like the other day, after he'd had a super long work day on his feet, I treated him to a foot soak and scrub and a massage with lotion. He loved it! Another time he might give me a full body rub after a bedroom romp (which he does from time to time). It's basically caring about each other's creature comforts and emotional needs, as well as taking care of mundane chores, bills, etc. And you have to give yourself some slack too. Perfectionism has caused the death of many relationships. That tightrope actually is only present when you go from unhealthy, dependent coping skills over to the other side. Once you get there, you actually feel really free and healthy. You don't feel trapped at all! You can actually connect with someone instead of feeling either dependent and needy or being trapped by them. It's pretty wonderful. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamingoftigers Posted August 21, 2011 Author Share Posted August 21, 2011 I completely get what he says about the tightrope walk. The thing is that most men hate drama. We love home to be a place of peace but sadly there are some women who get bored with too much peace and stability so men try to provide the right amount of drama without driving ourselves nuts and sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it. Relationships like my own and Donnamaybe's are very rare and becoming increasingly rare as women's taste for drama seems to be increasing these days. It's why myself and her SO took so long to warm up to the fact that they actually did find a woman who wants a healthy relationship. When you decided not to settle for unhealthy crap: you got your current wife. When we aren't healthy and grounded in ourselves we attract the same. After growing up having your identity framed as just another piece of "man-crap" there is almost no way that you could have found a healthy relationship right out the gate. Me neither. Our hearts don't change the fact that youth tends to bring a certain amount of blindness with it. Even still if a dramatic woman wishes to poke the bear and gets no response, eventually she stops poking or she finds a bear to poke. Our society's media is primarily the babysitter and educator of both our nation's lower class. That media is constantly "poking the bear." The newer ideas are largely for shock value. So now youth are I inclined to shock "the most." Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 When you decided not to settle for unhealthy crap: you got your current wife. When we aren't healthy and grounded in ourselves we attract the same. After growing up having your identity framed as just another piece of "man-crap" there is almost no way that you could have found a healthy relationship right out the gate. Me neither. Our hearts don't change the fact that youth tends to bring a certain amount of blindness with it. Even still if a dramatic woman wishes to poke the bear and gets no response, eventually she stops poking or she finds a bear to poke. Our society's media is primarily the babysitter and educator of both our nation's lower class. That media is constantly "poking the bear." The newer ideas are largely for shock value. So now youth are I inclined to shock "the most." Very true. Not to make it about gender but after my divorce my BS tolerance with women was zero and the first sign of drama addiction and I was out of there. I wouldn't settle for anything less than a healthy relationship and I found it. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 21, 2011 Share Posted August 21, 2011 The fact that you found it gives hope to some of us who have zero tolerance right now. Thanks Wog. I hope it does. The thing is that I completely stumbled upon it. When I met her the last thing on my mind was committing to another woman but she proved herself and then some. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted August 23, 2011 Share Posted August 23, 2011 She loves you. And it is clear you love her when you speak so lovingly about her. Sometimes I feel like pinching myself to see if I am still dreaming. Before I met her I was truly convinced women were incapable of truly loving a man and she changed that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dreamingoftigers Posted August 23, 2011 Author Share Posted August 23, 2011 That's awesome! We gotta keep this thread going a little longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Rosemarie Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 It's hard to just up and leave. So the affair will commit you to that course. Like jumping of a bridge - you take the first step but gravity finishes the job for you. Isn't that rather cowardly? Link to post Share on other sites
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