She loves me more...

[Poodle]

She loves me so much more than i love her.

 

She sees forever in me, she would marry me.

 

But to me, she is not "the one".

 

I wish i could feel for her, what she feels for me.

 

We are 18, and for both of us, it is our first relationship.

 

Everything we do, the hugs, cuddles, kisses, we shared the first with each other.

 

Only difference is, i am the first guy she has even liked.

 

I, on the other hand, have felt stronger feelings for some1 else.

 

Do i stay in the relationship and hope my feelings for her will increase? Because the longer i wait and the further we go together, the more i will hurt her if/when we breakup.

 

We have talked abt it, and she knows i do not see forever in her. Yet in her mind, she imagines it to work out.

 

i DO love her. She loves me, cares for me, and has always been there for me. But i am beginning to think my love for her only comes from her love for me.

 

What can i do? Do i stay or not?

[Tony T]

You have been honest with her.

 

You are at an age when chemicals flow at a pretty good rate and the hormonic sizzle that testosterone produces is often mistaken for love. You do not have that going here. It feels good when it happens, though.

 

If you were 35 or older, I would say stick with her and let love grow. You do love her and what's truly important for a life of happiness is REAL love, the kind that is stable, content, and caring. But you are 18 and you deserve to feel those fireworks and all the sizzle. If you don't move on and look for a lady that sets your heart on fire, you will regret it.

 

Further, I think you've sort of ruined this relationship with your mindset. You cannot stay in a relationship and think every day about whether your feelings have grown...you cannot force that. You will resent being around each day because your mind will be solidly focused on whether things feel better for you. It's like staring at a red light at an intersection, if you stare at it and concentrate on it, is seems to take forever to change.

 

Let this lady down real easy. See if you can remain friends with her, do so without hurting her by sharing subsequent romantic experiences with other people.

 

You may be very surprised that, over time, you could be quite IN LOVE WITH this lady...expecially if others you feel the sizzle for don't reciprocate...or worse...slam your heart. But don't mention this to her either. Don't give her false hope.

 

You sound like you would be very gentle with this lady and her felings, no matter what you do. She should be glad for that.

[Paulie]

Tony:

 

I have a couple of problems with your reply to this dude's post. The poor girl obviously loves this guy alot. You suggest that he try to remain friends with her? This seems to me to be a little self-centered on his part. It's extremely difficult to be friends with somebody that you're in love with, and to try to remain "friends" with this girl would be to neglect the potential hurt that this might cause her. She will need to heal.

 

You also suggest that he "let her down real easy." To me, this is a real sh***y way of doing it. Bullet in the head, as harsh as it sounds, to me is the best way. No sense in making a person suffer with the little warning signs, head games, etc. Be upfront, honest, consistent, and LET HER GO. After this, I agree, in time, this guy may realize his love for her...but it seems to me that your reply somewhat neglects what is ultimately fairest for her.

 

Please correct me if I misunderstood you.

[Tony T]

I think at some point this guy may place a much greater value on this lady. It's a gut feeling I have. Maybe they shouldn't be close friends...but he shouldn't lose contact either. He has admitted he has a love for her and that's a first step to bigger and better things.

 

I think when he's away from her and sees all the crap out there, he very well may return.

 

I also think he should let her down easy, be considerate of her feelings. She hasn't cheated on him, jerked him around, been mean to him or anything. Why should he be other than gentle in ending the relationship? I didn't mean drag it on for months...I just meant do it with love and kindness.

 

I think breaking up with anyone that has been so nice and loving in any ofther way but easy and gentle is a pretty shxtxy way to do it. But that's my own idea and I do see your point it, accept it and respect it.

 

If you will review my posts of the past, it is extremely RARE that I recommend letting people down easy or remaining friends with someone who wants more. You have obviously been paying attention. But this is a unique circumstance, in my opinion.

 

Now Poodle will have to make his own decision on just what he wants to do and how he wants to do it. Isn't democracy great?!?!?!

[Deejette]

At eighteen, we don't realize it, but we have many loves ahead of us and lots of growing to do. I think Poodle is smart to recognize that his feelings are not the big love that his girlfriend wishes them to be. I hope he can break it off with her kindly and let her know what a good person he really thinks she is, but that he is just not ready for this kind of love, yet.

I think at some point this guy may place a much greater value on this lady. It's a gut feeling I have. Maybe they shouldn't be close friends...but he shouldn't lose contact either. He has admitted he has a love for her and that's a first step to bigger and better things. I think when he's away from her and sees all the crap out there, he very well may return.

 

I also think he should let her down easy, be considerate of her feelings. She hasn't cheated on him, jerked him around, been mean to him or anything. Why should he be other than gentle in ending the relationship? I didn't mean drag it on for months...I just meant do it with love and kindness. I think breaking up with anyone that has been so nice and loving in any ofther way but easy and gentle is a pretty shxtxy way to do it. But that's my own idea and I do see your point it, accept it and respect it. If you will review my posts of the past, it is extremely RARE that I recommend letting people down easy or remaining friends with someone who wants more. You have obviously been paying attention. But this is a unique circumstance, in my opinion. Now Poodle will have to make his own decision on just what he wants to do and how he wants to do it. Isn't democracy great?!?!?!