Ex never wants to talk to me again. Thought we were going to stay friends!

[cryshuh_jj]

I need some advice on a recent break up with my boyfriend of a year and a half.

We broke up about 5 weeks ago because he said he wanted to take a break for awhile. I'm still wondering what he meant by that. We decided we would stay friends and we hung out a lot about the first week after we broke up. After that every time i would ask him if he wanted to go do something he would blow me off for his brother-in-law and say they were going to hang out.

 

We got to the point that everytime he would tell me he didn't want to do anything i would get mad because he seemed like he always had something better to do.i would end up saying things i didn't mean and would end up calling him to apologize. Well the other night i had gone over to his house to talk to his mom and get a book out of his room and i ended up telling his mom that i was really worried about him because he seemed really stressed. he got mad that i went over there and when i saw him yesterday he told me that he never wanted to have any communication with me again because i was crazy and psychotic and that there would never be anything between us again. But he also told me that He still loved me but he just wasn't in love with me and he also said he still cared about me.

 

I guess what i am wondering is what exactly did i do wrong to make him not ever want to talk to me again. i know i have to move on with my life and get over him, but i am wondering if this means we are done for good or is there a chance anything will ever become of us again?

[Blah Toolz]

Yeah, it seems like you are in the same boat that I am in right now.

 

I think that the best thing to do is just leave him be for a while, and respect the fact that he wants some space. I know it's hard... and I'm still in the mess right now, but if you've got some good friends, they can be your "conscience," of sorts, and help you get through it with a clear head.

[cryshuh_jj]

You are probably right it is just hard to deal with the fact that he thinks of me as the crazy ex and doesn't want to talk to me. Is there any way he will change his mind about that.

[clia]

I guess what i am wondering is what exactly did i do wrong to make him not ever want to talk to me again.

 

He told you he wanted a break, and then you proceeded to:

 

-- Get mad at him when he didn't want to hang out with you. (Hello? What do you think a break means? It means not seeing each other.)

 

-- Go to his house.

 

-- Talk to his mother about him.

 

-- Go into his bedroom.

 

Is there any way he will change his mind about that.

 

With time and space, he might. But honestly, once you cross the bridge into psychoville in someone's mind, it's very hard to go back, at least IMO.

[tuffpuff]

Originally posted by cryshuh_jj

You are probably right it is just hard to deal with the fact that he thinks of me as the crazy ex and doesn't want to talk to me. Is there any way he will change his mind about that.

 

there is:

you are not going to like it:

 

leave him be.

 

if you leave him alone, i know its hard. i KNOW its hard. in time, he may grow to see you in a better light. but the more you try to contact him, the worse he will see. its just the way it is. but its really best that you leave him be, if he wants to talk he may call you, but if he doesnt dont call him.

[overseas2004]

You did nothing wrong. You did what was natural at a time when someone tries to get rid of you .... you hold on for dear life. ANd that is normal and I understand you.

 

The problem is .... is that after a break up if there are hurt feelings then it is realistically impossible for people to stay friends. You would constantly be expecting to be treated the same way you where while you were together. And he just is seeing you to ease his concious which probably feels bad for breaking up with you.

 

The best break in my mind is a clean break because in reality you can not begin to heal until you stop seeing the bugger.

 

So chin up and stay away from him. And don't believe that crap about loving you but not being in love with you. That is such a crock of ****.

 

 

Just a little antedote. I broke up with a boyfriend who I was with for 6 years. After that we decided to be friends. And we stayed friends for 4 years after that. From time to time we ended up in bed together. Well I lost 4 more years like that. Dont even try to do the same to yourself. Forget the **** head.

 

And that is such crap about you being psychotic.

 

WHAT A LOSER

[cryshuh_jj]

Thank you overseas2004 for your reply. You were right on what you said. He is just a selfish jerk and I should just let him go about his selfish ways. Well I found out today that he is in pursuit of someone new. She is someone he has been going to school with all year and he did mention her quite often throughout the end of our relationship. Maybe that is why he was so eager to break up!! I wish them luck and maybe she'll get to hear him call her a psycho.

[meanttolive4ever]

hmmm i dont know really what to tell you...im in the same boat...

[faux]

Originally posted by cryshuh_jj

I need some advice on a recent break up with my boyfriend of a year and a half.

We broke up about 5 weeks ago because he said he wanted to take a break for awhile. I'm still wondering what he meant by that. We decided we would stay friends and we hung out a lot about the first week after we broke up. After that every time i would ask him if he wanted to go do something he would blow me off for his brother-in-law and say they were going to hang out.

 

A "break", I think, should always be interpreted as "a break up". I have never met anyone who meant anything other than "end of relationship" when they said "break".

 

I also have learned not to buy the "I want to be friends" speech, either. It seems that most of the time people do not want to stay friends.

 

We got to the point that everytime he would tell me he didn't want to do anything i would get mad because he seemed like he always had something better to do.i would end up saying things i didn't mean and would end up calling him to apologize.

 

Having no contact, and not calling to apologize or ask for hang-out time, is what I would recommend.

 

Well the other night i had gone over to his house to talk to his mom and get a book out of his room and i ended up telling his mom that i was really worried about him because he seemed really stressed. he got mad that i went over there and when i saw him yesterday he told me that he never wanted to have any communication with me again because i was crazy and psychotic and that there would never be anything between us again.

 

Believe what he said, as in these circumstances what you are told is what its meant. At this point in time it has been made clear that he wishes no further contact from you at all, and that he is not interested in a relationship with you again. Difficult, I know. I've been through the same thing over and over.

 

But he also told me that He still loved me but he just wasn't in love with me and he also said he still cared about me.

 

The "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" thing has got to stop. People need to learn to say what they mean. It sounds that this guy is trying to spare your feelings, and instead of telling you how he feels he is sending messages that you can take the wrong way, and which are making things worse. He told you no more contact and no more chances. Believe that and do not call him, talk to his close friends, or his mother, or contact him in any way. It's over.

 

I guess what i am wondering is what exactly did i do wrong to make him not ever want to talk to me again. i know i have to move on with my life and get over him, but i am wondering if this means we are done for good or is there a chance anything will ever become of us again?

 

Ah. I see that you are like me. When the relationship ends you blame yourself. If there were something obvious and horrible that you did, you would know about it by now. Chances are very good that you did nothing, and he had his own reasons — reasons you probably will never know and honestly do not need to.

 

You are right that you need to forget about him, at least in the sense of being near him, trying to see him or communicate with him in any sense. It will take a long time for you to really stop thinking about him, but if you leave him alone things will move along faster, and you will cause yourself less turmoil and stress.

 

I believe that when a relationship ends that is it. There can be no immediate hopes of rekindling things, and you cannot go out of your way to try to patch things up. Time has to go by, and a great deal of time. Months, maybe years need to pass to see if two people can try things again, or just become friends. If you want to be his friend, or you wonder if you might be able to try thing with him again, you will know in a few months or perhaps years.

[amerikajin]

>>>I guess what i am wondering is what exactly did i do wrong to make him not ever want to talk to me again.<<<

 

"I think we should take a break"

 

"I think we should see other people."

 

"I need some space."

 

It's all the same. It's another way of saying "adios." There's not much you can do about it, really. Also, keep in mind that it's difficult to remain friends after a relationship ends.

[meanttolive4ever]

Originally posted by amerikajin

>>>I guess what i am wondering is what exactly did i do wrong to make him not ever want to talk to me again.<<<

 

"I think we should take a break"

 

"I think we should see other people."

 

"I need some space."

 

It's all the same. It's another way of saying "adios." There's not much you can do about it, really. Also, keep in mind that it's difficult to remain friends after a relationship ends.

 

yep basically..ive decided not to wait for him...if he wants to come back thats cool n all but i have no time to waste on him. i have myself to take care of now..