How is she so happy to not be with me

[Under The Radar]

Yep, and what does that tell you? She's never wrong and the problem is never her, it's everyone else. The way she justifies things is pretty warped and one sided. People like this never see the other side of the coin, because they don't believe there is one.

 

People like this are always going to make you feel like you're the problem, and it doesn't take long before you just start to believe it. That's another reason why you have her on this pedestal- because she's manipulated you into thinking she belongs there.

 

Think back to the times where she drove you crazy being overly needy or demanding, excessive in her requests of staying in touch on an hourly basis while you were simply spending time with your friends.... The fact that she made you feel guilty for even having the nerve to want to spend time with your friends or enjoy some alone time. I wonder how long it would have taken before you tired of that behaviour. As indicated in your posts, it was already taking a toll on you on some level.

 

Does thinking of any of that allow you to absolve yourself from taking all the blame in the demise of this relationship?

 

Start talking more about the things that pissed you off- focus on that more if you can tonight.

^^^^^^THIS^^^^^^

 

JohnEl, this is a great post by D-Lish and is the truth. Please read it several times and start trying to believe it! You feel so guilty because your ex-GF is manipulative and selfish. She has you doubting yourself through shame tactics and blaming. She seems to comment so readily on you having been a "bad" boyfriend. Ask yourself: Was she a terrific girlfriend? She never addressed any of your concerns in the relationship or admitted that her behavior could be harmful. You dodged a bullet, dude ...

[SCG_Sasa1111]

Bro are you sure you weren't with my ex?

 

THIS SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE MY EX Girlfriend. And i mean to the CORE. everything you said my ex has done to me. SHE WAS ALWASYS RIGHT. i was always wrong. it was always her way. SHE WAS SO INSECURE. ALWAYS WANTED full attention. needed everything to be about her.

 

Guess what? I go for vacation back in may 2010 for 15 days. she is devastated. she can't eat, sleep and do anything without me. sends me emails saying she cant breath without me and how much she loves me- guess who comes into the picture? her friend while i am gone who is in her program in university.

 

Guess what ends up happening throughout that summer when I got back? She kept texting him and i told her eventually to stop its getting really annoying. she tolf me i was over reacting and that they are just friends. I never NEVER NEVER thought she would leave me for anyone- especially him. he wasn't a threat to me at all. but here we are now..

 

She started getting more distant and eventually September came along. i got fed up and broke it off with her, it continued til november we were on and off she told me she was confused, blah blah before you knew it. I was at her place beginning of november and that guy was at her place- my entire world fell upside down at this point.

 

Here she is trying to "fix" it with me- but he's at her place at 11 at night?

 

After that I knew it was over- i gave up on everything. I let her have what she wanted- me gone out of her life.

 

In january i get a phone call from her- crying telling me she made a mistake and she needs to break up with him. She never did it though and they are still together.

 

All her friends told me that she made a mistake, even her sister, my friends everyone. We were together for 4.5 years since we were 15 years old...

 

Now shes with him and i can tell you--9 months later I am feeling better and I have done a lot to move on with my life - but the pain is still there everyday because I loved this girl with all my heart - i tryed everything to please her and of course as a lot of people said in this thread- you can't please her or girls like her - they are emotionally immature and the fact she left a 4.5 year relationship because she got attached because i was gone for 15 DAYS?!!?!?!?!

 

speaks volumes. Shes dead for me and I know eventually she will come running back to me because she wasn't with me for 4.5 years for nothing. she felt something new and jumped ship- when that's old and done she will be back and she only than will she know what it feels like to hit rock bottom because she never had the chance to get over me- she went from one relationship to another. I could never do that to her or anyone and be that cold- it just shows you the type of attachment these types of girls have and how immature and just nut cases they turn out to be.

[LovelyDaze]

You know how when we were kids we had a favorite toy and played with it everyday? We loved it so much until Christmas time came and we saw a fresh, new toy in the store. Our old toy lost value in our eyes and all we wanted was the new one. So we threw the old toy in the box as soon as the opportunity came to get our brand new toy in our grasp.

 

Fast forward to our birthday. The new toy has NOW lost its value and we want something else already! Sometimes we get another new toy and repeat the process on the next Christmas, birthday, etc. And other times we go back into the old toybox and remembered how much we loved that old favorite toy and go back to that.

 

Most of our exes have this kind of childlike mentality. They want something that seems fresh at all times. That is why they do come back to the dumpee to rekindle that fire or move on to person after person because they want a fresh new person all of the time. Nobody wins in the latter example.

 

Keep your guard up and stay NC from her. She is not being genuine. Just in the bliss of her new toy until...

[wilsonx]

You know how when we were kids we had a favorite toy and played with it everyday? We loved it so much until Christmas time came and we saw a fresh, new toy in the store. Our old toy lost value in our eyes and all we wanted was the new one. So we threw the old toy in the box as soon as the opportunity came to get our brand new toy in our grasp.

 

Fast forward to our birthday. The new toy has NOW lost its value and we want something else already! Sometimes we get another new toy and repeat the process on the next Christmas, birthday, etc. And other times we go back into the old toybox and remembered how much we loved that old favorite toy and go back to that.

 

Most of our exes have this kind of childlike mentality. They want something that seems fresh at all times. That is why they do come back to the dumpee to rekindle that fire or move on to person after person because they want a fresh new person all of the time. Nobody wins in the latter example.

 

Keep your guard up and stay NC from her. She is not being genuine. Just in the bliss of her new toy until...

 

I love this analogy. Actually I think you are partially incorrect with "nobody wins in the latter example" The dumpee actually wins because they see this type of behavior actually exists. They can actually stay away from these types of people for the rest of their lives

[JohnEl]

Bro are you sure you weren't with my ex?

 

THIS SOUNDS EXACTLY LIKE MY EX Girlfriend. And i mean to the CORE. everything you said my ex has done to me. SHE WAS ALWASYS RIGHT. i was always wrong. it was always her way. SHE WAS SO INSECURE. ALWAYS WANTED full attention. needed everything to be about her.

 

Guess what? I go for vacation back in may 2010 for 15 days. she is devastated. she can't eat, sleep and do anything without me. sends me emails saying she cant breath without me and how much she loves me- guess who comes into the picture? her friend while i am gone who is in her program in university.

 

Guess what ends up happening throughout that summer when I got back? She kept texting him and i told her eventually to stop its getting really annoying. she tolf me i was over reacting and that they are just friends. I never NEVER NEVER thought she would leave me for anyone- especially him. he wasn't a threat to me at all. but here we are now..

 

She started getting more distant and eventually September came along. i got fed up and broke it off with her, it continued til november we were on and off she told me she was confused, blah blah before you knew it. I was at her place beginning of november and that guy was at her place- my entire world fell upside down at this point.

 

Here she is trying to "fix" it with me- but he's at her place at 11 at night?

 

After that I knew it was over- i gave up on everything. I let her have what she wanted- me gone out of her life.

 

In january i get a phone call from her- crying telling me she made a mistake and she needs to break up with him. She never did it though and they are still together.

 

All her friends told me that she made a mistake, even her sister, my friends everyone. We were together for 4.5 years since we were 15 years old...

 

Now shes with him and i can tell you--9 months later I am feeling better and I have done a lot to move on with my life - but the pain is still there everyday because I loved this girl with all my heart - i tryed everything to please her and of course as a lot of people said in this thread- you can't please her or girls like her - they are emotionally immature and the fact she left a 4.5 year relationship because she got attached because i was gone for 15 DAYS?!!?!?!?!

 

speaks volumes. Shes dead for me and I know eventually she will come running back to me because she wasn't with me for 4.5 years for nothing. she felt something new and jumped ship- when that's old and done she will be back and she only than will she know what it feels like to hit rock bottom because she never had the chance to get over me- she went from one relationship to another. I could never do that to her or anyone and be that cold- it just shows you the type of attachment these types of girls have and how immature and just nut cases they turn out to be.

 

yea my ex could never be wrong about anything. even when she was wrong and knew it, she would just attack me and make me feel like an A-hole for calling her out on something.

 

however, she was very caring for me for the most part, she did care about me and did show me that she cared. things were good with us most of the time but i did always notice how she was selfish and arrogant when it came to people other than me. like with her friends, she complained about them a lot and would say things behind their backs. i never really noticed or really cared bc it usually didnt involve me. but looking back, a lot of things show me that she does only care about herself and always points the finger at someone else for her problems. she always wants people to feel sorry for her. she always plays the victim. im sure she is using this break up as a way to get attention. shes probably telling people that i treated her so badly and that she was stuck in a relationship with a horrible person who just wouldnt let her go. and people are probably buying into that too. shes probably loving the attention shes getting now as the "victim" who was mistreated for so long. ill garuantee that shes doing that. she always used to tell me how bad her boyfriend before me was. she always said that he treated her bad and never gave her attention etc. basically the same things that she said she broke up with me over...

[JohnEl]

You know how when we were kids we had a favorite toy and played with it everyday? We loved it so much until Christmas time came and we saw a fresh, new toy in the store. Our old toy lost value in our eyes and all we wanted was the new one. So we threw the old toy in the box as soon as the opportunity came to get our brand new toy in our grasp.

 

Fast forward to our birthday. The new toy has NOW lost its value and we want something else already! Sometimes we get another new toy and repeat the process on the next Christmas, birthday, etc. And other times we go back into the old toybox and remembered how much we loved that old favorite toy and go back to that.

 

Most of our exes have this kind of childlike mentality. They want something that seems fresh at all times. That is why they do come back to the dumpee to rekindle that fire or move on to person after person because they want a fresh new person all of the time. Nobody wins in the latter example.

 

Keep your guard up and stay NC from her. She is not being genuine. Just in the bliss of her new toy until...

 

she did the same thing with the guy before me. she dated him for almost 3 years and then broke up with him when she met me. she said how bad he was and how he didnt care about her and just sat around and got high all day. im sure shes telling this new guy the same stuff about me. to make the guy feel like he is "saving" her or something. she just wants the attention and wants people to feel sorry for her.

[D-Lish]

Yep, and what does that tell you? She's never wrong and the problem is never her, it's everyone else. The way she justifies things is pretty warped and one sided. People like this never see the other side of the coin, because they don't believe there is one.

 

People like this are always going to make you feel like you're the problem, and it doesn't take long before you just start to believe it. That's another reason why you have her on this pedestal- because she's manipulated you into thinking she belongs there.

 

Think back to the times where she drove you crazy being overly needy or demanding, excessive in her requests of staying in touch on an hourly basis while you were simply spending time with your friends.... The fact that she made you feel guilty for even having the nerve to want to spend time with your friends or enjoy some alone time. I wonder how long it would have taken before you tired of that behaviour. As indicated in your posts, it was already taking a toll on you on some level.

 

Does thinking of any of that allow you to absolve yourself from taking all the blame in the demise of this relationship?

 

Start talking more about the things that pissed you off- focus on that more if you can tonight.

 

 

Well I am quoting my own post again, because I think that sometimes when you your post ends up at the bottom of a page- it gets missed.

I want you to look at the above, and really start thinking about all the things that were red flags about her.

[JohnEl]

by the way, looking back on the last few weeks. im embarrassed for how i acted when we first broke up. i cried to her and begged her to come back. i told her that i couldnt live without her and that she meant more to me than anything in the world. i gave her all the power. she probably felt so good knowing that i was hurting over her. i wish i didnt act so pathetic. i cried like a baby to her. i called her or text her everyday for a few weeks and she never replied to any of them. i sent her flowers one day too and she never said anything about them. she probably thinks im still a mess and cant even get out of bed and it probably makes her feel good.

 

well, im sure ill run into her at some point. its going to happen eventually bc we live so close to eachother and have some mutual friends. ill be a lot better by then. ive been back in the gym and eating good again. ill get everything back that i lost when she broke up with me. i dont care if she ever regrets breaking up with me but im gonna let her know that im doing just fine without her. i dont need her to be happy. she doesnt control my feelings and she doesnt control my life. its going to be a process but im gonna beat this and im gonna come out the better person when its all said and done.

[JohnEl]

Well I am quoting my own post again, because I think that sometimes when you your post ends up at the bottom of a page- it gets missed.

I want you to look at the above, and really start thinking about all the things that were red flags about her.

 

she was always so quick to point the finger at someone else for her problems. she always played the victim and wanted people to feel bad for her. like i said, shes probably using this breakup as a way to get attention.

[wilsonx]

by the way, looking back on the last few weeks. im embarrassed for how i acted when we first broke up. i cried to her and begged her to come back. i told her that i couldnt live without her and that she meant more to me than anything in the world. i gave her all the power. she probably felt so good knowing that i was hurting over her. i wish i didnt act so pathetic. i cried like a baby to her. i called her or text her everyday for a few weeks and she never replied to any of them. i sent her flowers one day too and she never said anything about them. she probably thinks im still a mess and cant even get out of bed and it probably makes her feel good.

 

well, im sure ill run into her at some point. its going to happen eventually bc we live so close to eachother and have some mutual friends. ill be a lot better by then. ive been back in the gym and eating good again. ill get everything back that i lost when she broke up with me. i dont care if she ever regrets breaking up with me but im gonna let her know that im doing just fine without her. i dont need her to be happy. she doesnt control my feelings and she doesnt control my life. its going to be a process but im gonna beat this and im gonna come out the better person when its all said and done.

 

The past is the past, you cant change anything in it. You should never feel bad for what you did by going back and begging her. Every person does that, thats what gives these type of people their power. Even I did it to my ex. They are so god damn manipulative, that you have your head and heart fighting over who is correct. If you would have seen me almost 3 months ago. My head and heart were battling each other constantly and as time passed by, my head has started becoming the victor in the battle.

 

Yours will too, it just takes time. Keep looking at the red flags and remember them for future relationships. Make sure you learn something to take with you and grow and become a better person. Don't think you did anything wrong in this relationship besides picking the wrong person. You sound like you tried as hard as I did to make something that was not going to work, to work.

[D-Lish]

by the way, looking back on the last few weeks. im embarrassed for how i acted when we first broke up. i cried to her and begged her to come back. i told her that i couldnt live without her and that she meant more to me than anything in the world. i gave her all the power. she probably felt so good knowing that i was hurting over her. i wish i didnt act so pathetic. i cried like a baby to her. i called her or text her everyday for a few weeks and she never replied to any of them. i sent her flowers one day too and she never said anything about them. she probably thinks im still a mess and cant even get out of bed and it probably makes her feel good.

 

well, im sure ill run into her at some point. its going to happen eventually bc we live so close to eachother and have some mutual friends. ill be a lot better by then. ive been back in the gym and eating good again. ill get everything back that i lost when she broke up with me. i dont care if she ever regrets breaking up with me but im gonna let her know that im doing just fine without her. i dont need her to be happy. she doesnt control my feelings and she doesnt control my life. its going to be a process but im gonna beat this and im gonna come out the better person when its all said and done.

 

Good, getting angry is a good start.

 

For the record, we've all begged and pleaded and handed over our dignity for love. How you've acted post break up doesn't matter now- because it's all about moving forward now.

 

The pattern is starting to emerge- she was with someone for 3 years, left them when she met you, she was with you for 3 years and left you when she met someone else. Guess what? 3 years from now she will be leaving the guy she left you for.

[JohnEl]

Good, getting angry is a good start.

 

For the record, we've all begged and pleaded and handed over our dignity for love. How you've acted post break up doesn't matter now- because it's all about moving forward now.

 

The pattern is starting to emerge- she was with someone for 3 years, left them when she met you, she was with you for 3 years and left you when she met someone else. Guess what? 3 years from now she will be leaving the guy she left you for.

 

yea, if this guy is dumb enough to stick around for three years. good luck to him...shes a handful.

[D-Lish]

yea, if this guy is dumb enough to stick around for three years. good luck to him...shes a handful.

 

I think you dated the kind of girl that is never going to accept she has any flaws, and she's always going to place the onus of happiness on the person she is dating. Working out the issues you had in your relationship would have forced her to accept whatever part she was playing to affect the relationship- but she is the kind of person that is never going to be capable of taking responsibility. She really doesn't have insight into her own issues- if she did, she wouldn't be going from one relationship to the next without EVER having to deal with her own issues.

 

Could you imagine meeting someone tomorrow and just throwing this past relationship behind you? Probably not... Why? Because you are a healthy individual that needs to process and grieve. She doesn't do this because she can't face reality. I suspect her patterns are narcissistic in nature- in that all she ever thought about was herself- even when she was doing nice things for you, there was a selfish motivation.

 

She's going to go through her life in denial, never dealing with anything- only thinking about herself.

[LovelyDaze]

Ahhh patterns! This is so true. We always think we can be the person to change a person's pattern of relationships. They have to want to change for themselves-by themselves!

 

And I stand corrected. wilsonx had it correct that we dumpees do win because then you get to see the ugly behavior in blooming color. Believe it. That girl is showing you EXACTLY who she is.

[JohnEl]

im looking back and picking up on things about her that show me she has some issues. i didnt notice them when i was with her. im still having a hard time completley accepting everything bc i knew her for so long. its hard to understand how her feelings can change so quickly. one day she was basically ready to marry me, then the next day she doesnt want anything to do with me. it doesnt make any sense. its got my mind running in circles looking for answers and trying to make sense of it all.

 

i have felt pretty good the last few days. the mornings are pretty hard tho. waking up alone and gettin ready for work alone. its pretty hard to do bc i talked to her every morning for three years. i always wonder what shes doing. i always wonder if she thinks about me at all and if she is wondering what im doing. but it doesnt really matter. only time will get me to stop caring about all that.

[singsparkles]

Honestly, you've probably heard this before but it's true but in the end instances like this usually happen for your own good...maybe she isn't good enough for you if she doesn't realize your worth. If you guys really did have something great and she can move on that easy, chances are she will do that to the next guy as well.