Venting

[JerseyMamma]

Hi, I'm New here, (actually new to forums in general) and just need to vent & hopefully get some advice on what to do next. OK, here's my situation. I've been with my hubby for 13 years, married for 7 (I'm 28, he's 33) and have been unhappy for a long time... mainly ever since he had an emotional affair (possibly physical but I have no proof) back in 2006/2007. Looking back I wish I had left him, but convinced myself to stay for our daughter (she is 9 now) Anytime I try to express how miserable I am, or talk about things he needs to do, he either yeses me to death, or gets defensive, then things will change for a few days, but then go right back to the way they were before. He hasn't had a steady job since my daughter was a toddler, but has "tried" to maintain half-ass jobs unsuccessfully. He doesn't want to give up his "dreams" of being a self employed internet entrepreneur. and the little money he does bring in, I only get 1/2 due to his internet expenses...Sadly his dreams seem to be more important than his family. I feel alone in my own home, even with him being downstairs. he sits in his "office" day and night. We now have 2 children, (9 & 2) that have to practically beg for his attention. He barely cleans, doesn't cook, I do EVERYTHING, including work full time! I'm just sick and tired of wearing the "dress and the pants" in the household. He went to school to pursue a career, and I find out after graduation & that he doesn't like it and (without him actually saying it) went to school to shut me up... sorry for my scatterbrained rambling, I'm just so frustrated & overwhelmed, that I don't know what to do with myself. I know I should kick him out and ask for a separation but when he was at school he stayed with his mother m-f (since it was less of a commute for school) and he came home on weekends. so it was almost like a separation, and to be honest, I enjoyed him being gone. My false hopes of him "changing" have finally diminished, and I'm finally realizing that I deserve better than this. my question is, Is it even worth trying counseling to save the marriage? Should I Tell him to go back to his mothers for a few months? Or just file papers?

[andyg99]

Is it even worth trying counseling to save the marriage? Should I Tell him to go back to his mothers for a few months? Or just file papers?

 

yes! please go to counseling with him... even if you are more inclined to think that the marriage is over I think couples counseling is a great idea. If he goes with you at least it shows that he cares somewhat, if he doesn't go then maybe you can go yourself and talk about these issue and help decide if you want to continue your life as is or end the marriage and move on... anyway it seems yor marriage is at a point where things need to change drastically, a good counselor can help guide you (and your husband if he chooses to go) during this decision process...