ScienceGal Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Just over 2 months since the breakup. I've been through blaming myself, anger, saddness. denial, false hope, and back around again. I've worried about what others will think of me, I have made sure to look pretty and seem happy wherever I go. I signed up for online dating because the ex has been dating so why shouldn't I? I deserve way better than him anyway! I've spent too much time trying to figure out what I should be doing instead of just feeling, and just being. I've stopped fighting with myself. I deleted the online dating account because I am not ready, nor have I ever believed love will be found by hunting it down. I've stopped pushing myself, and now I only do things I want to do. I moved to a new place, which i have wanted to do for a while, and it has lifted my spirits tremendously. And although I still miss him, I can breathe easy again. The past few mornings haven't been as hard. I think this is part of letting go. To those of you still struggling. Keep going. Get back to YOU and forget what anyone else thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 This is a great, refreshing post! I'm very glad for you! And kudos on the decision to avoid online dating for now. It's a tempting distraction, but I whole heartedly believe that people who jump into the dating game before they're ready end up worse off than had they just allowed themselves time to work through it and allowing for something more organic to arrive/develop. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 this is a great post! the trajectory you've taken since the break up sounds just like mine! i too, joined an online dating site with the attitude that i should be able to date too. but overtime, i realized that wasn't a good idea. i've never been one to go looking for a relationship. i think it someone is happen with themselves then let whatever happen happen. if someone comes into my life and the time is right and i'm in a good place, so be it. but for now, i'd rather focus on being ok with me. i still think about him quite a bit. but i finally feel as though i can breathe easier. it's so nice not to have to have my stomach tied up in knots - - wondering why he hasnt responded to my texts, what's he really doing when his IM chat says he's "away", or having tell me his weekend sucked only to go on his facebook and seeing the posts between him and his friends talking abt the awesome party they went to said weekend. i have no desire to go back into another situation like that; where i'm constantly doubting myself. and the best way to do that is to keep building that sense of self. so when i do see the warning signs, i'll be in a better place to pull out and twice as fast! Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 This gives me hope , glad you're better x Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Great news ScienceGal! I also deleted my online dating account; it just felt too weird for me at this point. Even the date I'm going on with this girl I met...it feels weird to me, but I'll give it a try. Keep on going! Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 15, 2011 Share Posted August 15, 2011 Yes ! All cards on the table. No need to start another game. Call it quits for now. The stakes are to high ! No Kings around any way !!! Queen for the day Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Excellent! Very glad to hear you are doing better! Link to post Share on other sites
moontiger Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I've stopped fighting with myself. I deleted the online dating account because I am not ready, Speaking from my own past experience, this is a very good idea. After my ex-ex blindsided me and left, I took some advice to push myself to meet someone. I met my ex (online) when I wasn't quite over my ex-ex. I thought I was--but I wasn't. I was still sad, needy, and lonely, and I attracted someone who was depressed and needy and lonely. That said, I stuck by my ex faithfully; I did not make a rebound of him. But ultimately, after a brief period of being happy because he was in a relationship, he returned to being depressed, needy, and lonely. And he left--he broke our engagement, broke our lease, and I'm left picking up the pieces and cleaning up the wreckage. I ended up--as an above poster said--far worse off than if I'd just sat tight and waited. So I'd say don't push yourself to date before you are ready. I won't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 (edited) Thank you all for the responses and support. I've always been an advocate for cutting yourself some slack and taking the good moments as they come, so I wanted to post that I am doing just that. I am still hurting, but i feel like my perspective is changing. I have been patient with every man I have ever been with, but I have never been patient with myself. Its always been go,go,go and do more and what's next? Its time to relax. It's time to drink wine and watch movies. Its time to stay in my pjs all day and not do the dishes. Its time to go hiking. It's time to get back to my hobbies that I once loved. It's time to find happiness in being alone and doing nothing. Its time to stop second guessing myself and just BE. It's time to love me I sure hope this feeling lasts, I feel so peaceful. Edited August 16, 2011 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Ya back to me. I met some new people recently and I tried to look cute and stuffs. And then, I am like, I dont think anybody think I am cute or interested. So I feel like swearing off dating or boys for a while. Now it feels much better. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Ya back to me. I met some new people recently and I tried to look cute and stuffs. And then, I am like, I dont think anybody think I am cute or interested. So I feel like swearing off dating or boys for a while. Now it feels much better. it really does! it makes me realize how much pressure i was putting on myself to please him or some other guy i was interested in. the ex once told me i come off as unapproachable with the way i dress and act; i wear baggy clothes and look right through people. and as far as i'm concerned, that's fine with me. i'm all about just doing what i want and not worrying if it comes across as boring or deemed as not compatible with someone else's interests Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 The hardest part for me is going to be waiting. I know that I will not fully move on until I find someone to fill that void. But, I have no desire to force it or find just anyone. I am determined to get it right this time, so I need to be clear and strong about what I want. I need to be ready to meet him, and be able to recognize him when I do. I also need to also recognize when a guy is not the one. Link to post Share on other sites
thelovingkind Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Great stuff, you are going down the same path I did, and it only gets better. I am quietly having one of the best years of my life now, after feeling like I couldn't possibly have been in more directionless agony a few months ago. I'm in the best physical shape ever and getting stronger and fitter, I'm reading more novels than I ever have before, I've met new people and gone on enjoyable dates without hurling myself at them, I have this solid sense of myself and my values and what I'm looking for now. It's so great, isn't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Great stuff, you are going down the same path I did, and it only gets better. I am quietly having one of the best years of my life now, after feeling like I couldn't possibly have been in more directionless agony a few months ago. I'm in the best physical shape ever and getting stronger and fitter, I'm reading more novels than I ever have before, I've met new people and gone on enjoyable dates without hurling myself at them, I have this solid sense of myself and my values and what I'm looking for now. It's so great, isn't it? The best way to describe it is calm and peaceful. I still get sad sometimes, but it is nothing like it was... and certainly nothing like the wild ups and downs experienced in an unhealthy relationship. I am reading more too. Also volunteering and getting back to my hobbies. It's a lonely stretch of road, but a necessary one. I am just "ok". But that's fine by me. I'm just getting recharged Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 the destination is to feel fine again, without a boy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ScienceGal Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 the destination is to feel fine again, without a boy. True. But I also know that I want a relatioship, I want to get married. I want a baby someday. Its ok to want these things, but I accept that it isn't happening on any certain timeline. I cant just make these things happen simply because i want them. The destination to me is to be the happiest person i can be, so that I am making the best choices for myself. Only then do i even have a shot at a healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen of Hearts 10 Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 On the playground at school I use to throw rocks at the boys !! Didn't they try to mess up our fun ! Girls Just Want To Have Fun !!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Ha Ha Ha ! Link to post Share on other sites
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