I am lost...need

[Wonder2Woman]

I need some advice. Before I start, please know that I am not trying to offend anyone. I admire committed, exclusive relationships based on trust and honesty, but sometimes life doesn't go as planned.

 

He and I used to go out years ago. We had this great connection and attraction to each other. Back then we were both single. He used to take me out to lunch and dinner (we worked together), and sometimes even breakfast. When friends of ours invited us over to their house, we would attend the event together.

 

We had amazing sex and I used to love how he made me feel. He loved to please me and made me feel like I was the only one for him. He always kissed me passionately. We never officially dated, but we were always irresistibly attracted to each other.

 

Fast forward a few months and I decided to move across the country for a new job opportunity. Because we weren't dating (we never really discussed what we had - I believe it was more attraction and desire than anything else), there was never a good-bye or discussion about my move. Well, he did spent the night before I was scheduled to move with me. He kissed me like he would never see me again and we made passionate love.

 

We didn't talk again after that. I would think of him from time to time, but I never reached to him again. Neither did he.

 

A few years went by...and I decided to reach out to him to congratulate him on his promotion. That was my only intention. Well, he surprised me by saying he has a soft spot for me. He also started asking me where I was and saying he couldn't wait to see me. He also asked for my picture.

 

We started talking again. I told him I was in a relationship (which is on the rocks, by the way) and he told me he was married. He also said he is not a saint and that his wife knows that. He sent me his pictures and wouldn't stop complimenting me after I sent him my picture. He told me all the things he wants to do to me when he sees me again. He even asked me to travel to meet him.

 

 

We exchanged lots of emails back and forth. Sometimes we'd be up until 3,4 am writing to each other. We shared our deepest secrets and emotions.

 

 

A week or so ago I had to travel to another country to see family. We exchanged emails during the first few days of my trip, but then he stopped replying. Initially he told me he was upset because he wanted to go with me. He said he was jealous and also that he wanted to travel with me. Then when I arrived in my destination he emailed me saying he was thinking of me and asked me to tell him everything that had happened. I gave him all the details, but after that he didn't respond again. I sent a few more emails while I was abroad, but never got a response.

 

I am not sure what to do. I feel like I should reach out to him to find out what's going on, but I am afraid I will bother him. Maybe he is not interested anymore, though I'd expect him to say something if that was the case. Because of our situation, our relationship was very open and honest. We were never controlling or possessive.

 

I cannot stop thinking of him and wondering what's going on, but I also feel like if he stopped replying, there's my answer.

 

What should I do? IM him? Email him? Try to let it go? It feels like at the same speed we brought our great connection back to life it died...

 

Thank you for your help!

[bentnotbroken]

Leave him alone.

[TigerCub]

I need some advice. Before I start, please know that I am not trying to offend anyone. I admire committed, exclusive relationships based on trust and honesty, but sometimes life doesn't go as planned.

 

He and I used to go out years ago. We had this great connection and attraction to each other. Back then we were both single. He used to take me out to lunch and dinner (we worked together), and sometimes even breakfast. When friends of ours invited us over to their house, we would attend the event together.

 

We had amazing sex and I used to love how he made me feel. He loved to please me and made me feel like I was the only one for him. He always kissed me passionately. We never officially dated, but we were always irresistibly attracted to each other.

 

Fast forward a few months and I decided to move across the country for a new job opportunity. Because we weren't dating (we never really discussed what we had - I believe it was more attraction and desire than anything else), there was never a good-bye or discussion about my move. Well, he did spent the night before I was scheduled to move with me. He kissed me like he would never see me again and we made passionate love.

 

We didn't talk again after that. I would think of him from time to time, but I never reached to him again. Neither did he.

 

A few years went by...and I decided to reach out to him to congratulate him on his promotion. That was my only intention. Well, he surprised me by saying he has a soft spot for me. He also started asking me where I was and saying he couldn't wait to see me. He also asked for my picture.

Yeah he just wanted to make sure that you didn't let yourself go during those years and that he'd still be physically attracted to you.

 

We started talking again. I told him I was in a relationship (which is on the rocks, by the way) and he told me he was married. He also said he is not a saint and that his wife knows that.

Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. Chances are she's not aware that he'd cheat on her.

 

 

He sent me his pictures and wouldn't stop complimenting me after I sent him my picture. He told me all the things he wants to do to me when he sees me again. He even asked me to travel to meet him.

Sure, why not?! You're paying your own way to go and (most likely) have sex with him - wow what an offer!!

 

We exchanged lots of emails back and forth. Sometimes we'd be up until 3,4 am writing to each other. We shared our deepest secrets and emotions.

 

 

A week or so ago I had to travel to another country to see family. We exchanged emails during the first few days of my trip, but then he stopped replying. Initially he told me he was upset because he wanted to go with me. He said he was jealous and also that he wanted to travel with me. Then when I arrived in my destination he emailed me saying he was thinking of me and asked me to tell him everything that had happened. I gave him all the details, but after that he didn't respond again. I sent a few more emails while I was abroad, but never got a response.

 

I am not sure what to do. I feel like I should reach out to him to find out what's going on, but I am afraid I will bother him. Maybe he is not interested anymore, though I'd expect him to say something if that was the case. Because of our situation, our relationship was very open and honest. We were never controlling or possessive.

 

I cannot stop thinking of him and wondering what's going on, but I also feel like if he stopped replying, there's my answer.

That's exactly why he's cutting you off and on and giving you little bits (even in emails) - he's doing it so that you would feel the way you do.

 

What should I do? IM him? Email him? Try to let it go? It feels like at the same speed we brought our great connection back to life it died...

 

Thank you for your help!

Honestly I think you should let it go. Don't chase after him and don't indulge him in his bulls**t, he's married, and you're in a relationship.

 

What do you want to come of this?

Say you write to him and you guys meet and f***, then what?

You're just going to get yourself in deeper and get more tangled together, you're already going nuts thinking about him and wondering all kinds of stuff and its just at emails right now.

 

I'm really not trying to judge you or sound mean, I just know that affairs are so destructive and if you get emotionally invested, you'll just get hurt.

 

He's saying that his wife knows he's no saint, but you don't know what she knows and you don't know what's going on in their home.

 

Same goes for you partner, he doesn't know what you're upto and your R is already "rocky" - why not deal with one thing at a time?

 

I just see what he's doing (I didn't see crap like that when it was me in your shoes (to an extent), but I totally see it now.)

I hope you spare yourself, your partner, and your "friend's" wife the pain.

 

He's already setting it up to play you.

[2011aug]

Leave him alone.

 

 

I agree. Leave him alone. You could get broken, instead of bent.

[MissBee]

BB...I agree with your assessment!

 

I love this:

 

 

Don't you think that if it was meant to be something long lasting and a relationship that it would have been back then? It sounds like more of a fwb relationship. If you two had really loved each other it would have been discussed and a relationship would have happened, but it didn't. Great sex and having fun does not a relationship make.

 

I have to agree...I think reuniting with loves gone by, often does NOT work out and things and times have changed and people get stuck in some romantic fantasy of reuniting based on the past, not paying attention to the current reality. It is rare for people to reunite with former loves and it works out; hence, when it does happen, the stories are so romantic. And cosign x 100 that great sex and having fun doesn't make a great relationship and is hardly worth trying to re-spark the past over.

 

I agree that he doesn't seem to be that into you OP. I have realized that if I seem to be doing all the work, a man doesn't respond to messages and if I am overall not sure what's going on...he is just not that into me for whatever reason! It is not for me to find out why or convince him he should be...I want a man who can't wait to see me, speak to me, is just as excited to pursue something with me etc. Not one who is ambivalent and keeps me guessing or pops up every now and again hot and heavy then nothing. When a man is really into you and more importantly, READY, those things don't happen.

 

I suggest you forget about this fantasy, as it already isn't going "as planned" and yes life doesn't always go as planned but sometimes we help the plans to go awry by our own actions.

 

From my experience in my own life and other people's lives...when there is some long elaborate story which boils down to: "I don't know what he feels, I don't know where we stand, what should I do"...the elaborate details often do not matter, as the whole point is that, the fact that it is so long and complicated to explain means something has already gone wrong, and that something is usually, a huuuge sign that it is just not meant to be and you're fighting against the current. Let it go and see what happens.

Edited August 15, 2011 by MissBee

[FieldFlower]

Actually, if I were a betting gal...I'd say that wife of his, you know the one who knows all about his un-saintly acts intercepted those emails, and is most likely having a "come to Jesus" moment with him.

 

AND...if I were a all in bettin gal, I'd say that he's pretty busy denying, denying, denying what and who you are to him. If she found out, then I imagine he is rather busy right now.

 

Be happy, this may be the one little chance you get to make the right choice, before it all blows up in your face.

 

Good luck.

[jthorne]

Him telling you he's not a saint means he's not faithful. To his W or to you.

Either he got caught, or has an OOW.

My bet's on the OOW.

 

Either way, leave him alone. Find someone local who is available (ie SINGLE).

[So Very Confused]

I've found that when a man quits contacting me, it's in my best interest to just walk away from the situation. He's either playing games or he's not interested. A man will walk across hot coals if he really wants to be in your life. This guy could have stopped communicating for any number of reasons, but that's the least of your worries.

 

Take it from someone who fell for a MM and is now trying to get my heart and head back together, you are doing yourself a favor to get out now.

[fooled once]

Yeah he just wanted to make sure that you didn't let yourself go during those years and that he'd still be physically attracted to you.

 

Maybe she does, maybe she doesn't. Chances are she's not aware that he'd cheat on her.

 

Sure, why not?! You're paying your own way to go and (most likely) have sex with him - wow what an offer!!

 

That's exactly why he's cutting you off and on and giving you little bits (even in emails) - he's doing it so that you would feel the way you do.

 

 

Honestly I think you should let it go. Don't chase after him and don't indulge him in his bulls**t, he's married, and you're in a relationship.

 

What do you want to come of this?

Say you write to him and you guys meet and f***, then what?

You're just going to get yourself in deeper and get more tangled together, you're already going nuts thinking about him and wondering all kinds of stuff and its just at emails right now.

 

I'm really not trying to judge you or sound mean, I just know that affairs are so destructive and if you get emotionally invested, you'll just get hurt.

 

He's saying that his wife knows he's no saint, but you don't know what she knows and you don't know what's going on in their home.

 

Same goes for you partner, he doesn't know what you're upto and your R is already "rocky" - why not deal with one thing at a time?

 

I just see what he's doing (I didn't see crap like that when it was me in your shoes (to an extent), but I totally see it now.)

I hope you spare yourself, your partner, and your "friend's" wife the pain.

 

He's already setting it up to play you.

 

Great post Tiger and I totally agree.

 

Actually, if I were a betting gal...I'd say that wife of his, you know the one who knows all about his un-saintly acts intercepted those emails, and is most likely having a "come to Jesus" moment with him.

 

AND...if I were a all in bettin gal, I'd say that he's pretty busy denying, denying, denying what and who you are to him. If she found out, then I imagine he is rather busy right now.

 

Be happy, this may be the one little chance you get to make the right choice, before it all blows up in your face.

 

Good luck.

 

Yeah, I'm betting the wife had no idea what the hell he was doing; but of course he had to tell the OP that she did. I am betting he is doing whatever he can to cover his tail to his wife (if she was busted).

 

OP, what do you want to happen? To continue to be FWB? Do you not care that he is married? Do you not respect your partner enough to not be engaging in this behavior while still with him?

[Woman In Blue]

It sounds like every thing that comes out of his mouth is pure fantasy. Talking about what he wants to do to you when he gets his hands on you (blech), talking about how he WANTS to travel with you, and blah blah blah <insert jerking off icon here>.

 

The guy is yet another bored husband sitting at his computer at night while his wife cleans up after dinner and gets the kids ready for bed - all without any help from her keyboard Romeo husband. How very, very attractive a package HE is - I can see why you're over the moon about him.

 

Go read the infidelity boards. I can guarantee you'll see a TON of posts from wives who have caught their dumbass husbands busily typing away in fantasy land every night with some woman instead of being a productive part of their family. No doubt, this guy's wife is probably ONE of them. And if she 'knows' he's no saint, it just means she's caught him at OTHER skuzzy behavior before his LATEST skuzzy behavior with you.

 

Do yourself a big favor. Aim higher. ALOT higher.

[MissBee]

I've found that when a man quits contacting me, it's in my best interest to just walk away from the situation. He's either playing games or he's not interested. A man will walk across hot coals if he really wants to be in your life. This guy could have stopped communicating for any number of reasons, but that's the least of your worries.

 

Take it from someone who fell for a MM and is now trying to get my heart and head back together, you are doing yourself a favor to get out now.

 

Ditto.

 

Trying to figure out why a man isn't communicating with you is such a waste...the fact that he isn't should be a turn off and you leave it at that. I had to work hard to get to that mindset and it is still a struggle sometimes to not go into rationalizing mode and trying to say: "Well maybe he's busy...maybe this...maybe that...maybe I should call or text"...smh. I can't allow a man to reject me and I go chasing after him....it's never worth it. Just as much as you care to speak to him, he should feel the same and not leave you hanging around to wonder.

[MissBee]

It sounds like every thing that comes out of his mouth is pure fantasy. Talking about what he wants to do to you when he gets his hands on you (blech), talking about how he WANTS to travel with you, and blah blah blah <insert jerking off icon here>.

 

The guy is yet another bored husband sitting at his computer at night while his wife cleans up after dinner and gets the kids ready for bed - all without any help from her keyboard Romeo husband. How very, very attractive a package HE is - I can see why you're over the moon about him.

 

Go read the infidelity boards. I can guarantee you'll see a TON of posts from wives who have caught their dumbass husbands busily typing away in fantasy land every night with some woman instead of being a productive part of their family. No doubt, this guy's wife is probably ONE of them. And if she 'knows' he's no saint, it just means she's caught him at OTHER skuzzy behavior before his LATEST skuzzy behavior with you.

 

Do yourself a big favor. Aim higher. ALOT higher.

 

 

I concur....

 

LMAO @ "Keyboard Romeo" Smh....