How do you get Women to approach You at Bars? Or is it not going to happen?

[Jeff]

Hi, i'm just going to talk about a little section of my life here. Now, i'm 20 and haven't got a girlfriend right now, and have been trying my luck in city bars. After i leave work in the evening i will usually go to a bar by myself, where the main objective is to see if any young attractive women is interested in me and will approach me. So far, i've had quite a lot of women eyeing me up but to no avail.

 

 

There's a series of problems with this option though which is:

 

1. I stand at the bar, and women will not stand at the bar long, and go back to a table with their drinks and so will not be in my sights for long.There can be a woman at the bar looking at me, but not enough time for me to give eye contact.

 

2.I've tried different bars, but they are always male-dominated.Some bars will have more women than others, like the upmarket ones but still haven't been approached by a woman at the bar.

 

3.Most women come in groups, completely ignorant of the strangers around them. Men in groups, however, would be more aware of the people around them. Women just don't come on their own because the male dominance may intimidate them not to enter the bar.

 

4. Sometimes it's only the women working in the bar that are in my eye's view, but they'll be busy, and no time to converse.

 

 

One question you might ask is "why don't you try approach the women at the bar"? Well, i'm a confident fellow but i don't do it at all because i don't do "desperate", like me doing the chasing. Also, if it's the guy doing the chatting up, they're more likely to be made to look like a fool than if a woman did it. I'd prefer the more flattering reward of an attractive women coming up to me so the power will be in my hands.

 

 

It's not all been doom and gloom, i can survive without a girlfriend as i'm a secure person, but there's a part of me that thinks i should have one.

 

Also, If women are in my view, some of them will give me a long look or a series of looks but only for a limited amount of time. As i said, they do not stay at the bar for long.

 

 

Interestingly, the closest i've gotten is with the women working at the bar. In one bar, the best looking woman working there was giving me the eye... quite a lot. She does it everytime i'm there. But she must have some kind of a boyfriend or husband because if she's that interested, she would've started talking to me. I've had a little small talk with her, but i think she's already been taken.

 

I've had this before in another bar, where the best-looking woman there working is giving me the eye. Then there was another bar where i am absolutely sure one barmaid said to the other "that guy over there is gorgeous". I knew it was about me because i was the only one at the bar!

 

 

The best result i had recently was talking to a similarly aged girl working at the bar for a quite long time. She definetely liked me but it seems one of the guys also working there is her boyfriend because i seen her kiss him. She didn't dare talk to me after he started his shift he, he.

 

 

However, i'm getting sick of the tedium of this. I'm not getting approached by women NOT working at the bar, who i know i have the better chance with because they are most likely to be single if they approach me.

 

It's becoming clear that the bar is not the best option for this type of thing, but i'll keep trying! Wouldn't it be better if i'd went to a club?

 

 

You see it's trying to give the right enough eye contact to a women, then it might go to the stage that she starts smiling at you, and then you're in there! And hopefully she might want you to come over. I'm just not being given enough time as women can prove to be elusive in bars.

 

It's just my luck that none of the women at my work aren't attractive. They're at best, average looking!

 

I will tell you this; if a women at the bar is eyeing me up i will not smile at them because i don't normally smile at people in general. Is it something i should be doing?

[Tony T]

Well, Jeff, it seems like you limit yourself to bars. Since you don't have a lot of luck there, why not look for women every other place and stay away from the bars. I personally have never met a female I have gone on to date at a bar...never taken one home. I think when I was real young, I took one outside and we made out but she was drunker than hell and would have made out with a gorilla if one had approached her.

 

There are just so many other GREAT places to meet really nice ladies. At your age, the greatest place in the world is at the mall. Every store practically has at least one or two nice female sales clerks in your age bracket. The bigger department stores have them all around. All you have to do is start a conversation about anything. They are just so happy to have somebody to talk to if they aren't busy. You could be dating every girl at the mall who isn't taken....until, of course, the word got around that you were a player.

 

There are many other places to meet ladies including restaurants, amusement parks, libraries, concerts, etc. If none of these things are in your town, start saving your money to move!!!

[greyskies]

You sound as if you have the intellegence to be able to charm any girl. I'm sure you do. But girls very few approach guys that I know unless they are tramps looking for an easy piece. But any girl that I ever known with any class just wont approach a guy. I suggest that you start approaching these chicks that you feel are staring at you and start chit chatting. Whats your problem with not wanting to do that? Are you afraid of being rejected? If not get the show on the road and quit stalling already! :lmao: :lmao:

[magda]

many many women feel that it's inappropriate for them to approach a guy and they are used to being approached. You say you're confident but I'm not really believing you because you're scared to look "desperate" or to "look like a fool".

 

Women can approach just as well as men, but if it's not happening take matters into your own hands and quit making excuses and sitting there. I mean, "not enough time" what do you want, a written invitation? They can't tell by your eyes whether they are interested or not, they can tell by what comes out of your mouth.

[Bobbie]

One question you might ask is "why don't you try approach the women at the bar"? Well, i'm a confident fellow but i don't do it at all because i don't do "desperate",

 

desperate?

 

Nothing desperate about looking for a mate, so long as you're respectful.

 

I think a bar is about the worst place to meet someone: people are already there under the scrutiny of their mates, it's too noisy to talk, and because everyone is pretty static any movement is really obvious/ self-conscious.

 

if a women at the bar is eyeing me up i will not smile at them because i don't normally smile at people in general. Is it something i should be doing?

 

er yes, or how will she know you fancy her?

 

you're not an engineer by any chance Jeff?

[faux]

Don't worry about looking "desperate" initiating contact with women at bars. If anything they love that! They like to see that you are confident and that YOU are going to make the move and not wait for them. Additionally, I just like conversation, so I don't go looking for anything more than new friend or a great late night chat with these women. It isn't always at bars, either. Depending on what type of bar it is, I might even go talk to some guys Generally, the places I go to aren't bi-friendly so I stick to just minding my own beeswax, or chatting with some girls.

 

Go strike up some conversation. It won't hurt!

[morrigan]

Take the initiative--it's silly to expect the opposite sex to always hit on you. And strking up a conversation with someone is not desperate.

 

A lot of women won't take the initiative either--they always expect the guy to come up to them. If I like someone, why waste my time waiting for them to come up to me?

 

Start working out at a local park, go to a library or a bookstore. Music concerts are great places to strike up conversations about your favorite bands.

[Miakal]

 

You just made my day!

 

Dear boy, you have obviously analyzed this far beyond it's worth.

 

You don't want to meet a woman in a bar. You won't meet your match there. Trust me.

 

Your lady is hanging out somewhere with a book in her hand...not a bottle.

 

You will have no trouble finding the right girl once you find the right forum!

 

Go forth and conquer!

[Dragonflys]

I supposem it depends where you are, but the bar isn't a bad place to meet a partner, but only if the right social situation is set up.

 

Firstly, going on your own is a huge disadvantage. You could be the hottest guy in town, but unless you have a camera around your neck and map in hand you have no hope of attracting attention. You have to have a good reason to be in a bar alone.

 

Going with a friend is the first adjustment you should make. It shows you are there for a reason, and having a friend with you conveys an image of social ability and worth in the eyes of another person. Go with someone you can chat with easily yet also want to go out and meet people.

 

Oliver

[Jeff]

Thanks, your comments are being very helpful to me.

 

 

What i'm saying is that i'm not given enough time of eye contact with a woman that is staring at me. I think it's more likely that a woman will signal you to come over to her, rather than her walking up to me if she likes you.This has actually happenend to me before - but not in a bar- when i had a long period of eye contact with a girl and started to signal to me and i couldn't believe it. But i had to hold back because i was with my family at that time. I would've gone up to her if i was alone.

 

 

Interestingly, a guy talking to me at a bar actually pointed out to me that 2 of the women working at the bar were eyeing me up. So it's not something i'm imagining. The man said that they're just waiting for me to chat them up, but i didn't do it. Miraculously, 1 of the those 2 women did start talking to me but i basically did not continue the conversation with her because i didn't fancy her. She was older, and was quite ugly in the face.It was the OTHER woman i fancied.

 

 

It's hardly me that starts a conversation with a stranger. Communication skills are one of my weaknesses. So there's a lack of experience with this. I'm finding it tough. I'm not much of a socializer and i don't have attractive girls around me. I'm just not used to it.

 

I just get annoyed that i'm not getting a result, despite the potential that's there. Man, i must be sexually frustrated. I will tell you though, i do see the funny side of things. It's just sometimes if a woman's attracted to you, they've got that dead-serious look on their face watching you which can sometimes make me laugh.

 

 

Yeah, it's alright if you're a hot woman. You don't have to lift a finger to motivate a guy to come up to you.

 

The tip about the mall has definetely made me want to check it out.

 

Hopefully i will give you an update.

 

Thanks...

[aurora19]

Originally posted by Jeff

 

Is it something i should be doing?

 

Yeah, stop worrying about it so much! You freaking young, enjoy your freedom. When the time is right you'll meet the right girl....and to give a little hint, looking for a girlfriend in a bar isn't the best idea!

[livnnlrnin]

As my Grandma used to say:

 

"Ya find 'em in a bar, you'll lose 'em in a bar".

[UCFKevin]

It probably ain't gonna happen.

 

I've been to many bars in my time. Never happened to me once. Guys gotta do the work, it seems.

 

But yeah. A bar isn't an ideal place to meet a girl, unless it's a low key kinda place. Bar would be better than a club, in my opinion.