What does he want?

[Cookie]

I met a guy who I found really attractive and I wanted to use him for sex...I know that was a mistake, but anyway, I slept with him. The problem is that I thought I could just have a casual relationship, but I found myself being more attached to him than I planned. It seems like the guy was a bit surprised and hurt when I told him my intentions and he told me himself that he didn't feel anything also. We had a talk about the whole deal and I gave him an option--that I felt that I had more emotions going on for him after we slept together so I could date him. Well, he said that he didn't feel anything for me so we should just stay friends. That was OK for me, but then we hung out a few more times like friends and he's been quite nice. I once "used" him to make this other guy jealous at a party once and I think that he noticed my intentions...but I thought it was OK because he and I were just "friends" and what are friends for? Well, the other night we went to another party together and he started acting all awkward around me and he ended up leaving with a different woman!!!

 

Even though he hits on girls at parties, he's never actually left with one like that!!! I couldn't believe that he did such a thing!

 

I felt that he was trying to hurt me or something, but anyway, I thought after that night, I would never hear from him because the message that he sent was quite obvious, right? But after a week, he called me up as if nothing happened! I was dumbstruck by his actions, so I talked to him and found out that he was oblivious about the whole deal. He claimed that the girl was just a friend and she gave him a ride home. Well, since I was in no position to accuse him of anything I just told him that I was really hurt because at least that's not a cool thing to do in front of a woman who he had a relationship with. Anyway, after talking on the phone for a while, I realized that he was quite moody. He always goes moody whenever he talks to me. In general, he acts quite hyper and vulgar and never shows his real emotions in front of people, but somehow, he sort of opens up to me alot. When I asked him why he was moody, he aswered that I make him feel that way. So I thought that he was trying to offend me, but he said that's not what it was. He just finds himself becoming introspective whenever he talks to me. Well, we ended up sleeping together that night again, which was strange because I thought that he didn't want a casual relationship. Now he's telling me that he does...which is hard to believe because I know even though he acts all casual and everything, he's actually quite conservative.

 

To cut the whole story short, I'm having a difficult time because I find myself getting more attracted to him and I'm afraid that he's not. I want a relationship with him, but I can't express it. What is it that he wants? could it be that he likes me but he's afraid that he'll get hurt by me as well? Can anybody help me on this matter? I really need some advice.

[Grace]

I met a guy who I found really attractive and I wanted to use him for sex...I know that was a mistake, but anyway, I slept with him. The problem is that I thought I could just have a casual relationship, but I found myself being more attached to him than I planned. It seems like the guy was a bit surpris and hurt when I told him my intentions and he told me himself that he didn't feel anything also. We had a talk about the whole deal and I gave him an option--that I felt that I had more emotions going on for him after we slept together so I could date him. Well, he said that he didn't feel anything for me so we should just stay friends. That was OK for me, but then we hung out a few more times like friends and he's been quite nice. I once "used" him to make this other guy jealous at a party once and I think that he noticed my intentions...but I thought it was OK because he and I were just "friends" and what are friends for? Well, the other night we went to another party together and he started acting all awkward around me and he ended up leaving with a different woman!!!

 

Even though he hits on girls at parties, he's never actually left with one like that!!! I couldn't believe that he did such a thing!

 

I felt that he was trying to hurt me or something, but anyway, I thought after that night, I would never hear from him because the message that he sent was quite obvious, right? But after a week, he called me up as if nothing happened! I was dumbstruck by his actions, so I talked to him and found out that he was oblivious about the whole deal. He claimed that the girl was just a friend and she gave him a ride home. Well, since I was in no position to accuse him of anything I just told him that I was really hurt because at least that's not a cool thing to do in front of a woman who he had a relationship with. Anyway, after talking on the phone for a while, I realized that he was quite moody. He always goes moody whenever he talks to me. In general, he acts quite hyper and vulgar and never shows his real emotions in front of people, but somehow, he sort of opens up to me alot. When I asked him why he was moody, he aswered that I make him feel that way. So I thought that he was trying to offend me, but he said that's not what it was. He just finds himself becoming introspective whenever he talks to me. Well, we ended up sleeping together that night again, which was strange because I thought that he didn't want a casual relationship. Now he's telling me that he does...which is hard to believe because I know even though he acts all casual and everything, he's actually quite conservative. To cut the whole story short, I'm having a difficult time because I find myself getting more attracted to him and I'm afraid that he's not. I want a relationship with him, but I can't express it. What is it that he wants? could it be that he likes me but he's afraid that he'll get hurt by me as well? Can anybody help me on this matter? I really need some advice.

 

No offense, but this guy sounds like a real loser! Drop him as quick as possible. I don't know how old you are, but with age comes experience, and I've experienced a couple of these users in my time. He's after sex and nothing more. He'll be all sweet talk until the deed is done, and then he'll be making a bee-line for the door. You sound like a sweet girl, and you deserve better. There are nice guys out there. All you'll get from this guy is low self esteem. STAY AWAY!!!

 

Grace too.

[Stan]

I tend to agree with Grace, although your problem actually started when you slept with this man. No matter how innocent it starts, when two people sleep together each person loses a small part of themselves. With that is also a small loss of control over your emotions. I know that sounds deep, but you never know what will happen (to your heart) when you open up your body to someone. With that comes an accountability that the other person may not share.

 

First of all, I wouldn't sleep with him again. Next you need to reveal your feelings and find out his. Remember, he may be feeling the same things you are but is also confused. Men will have a tendency to hide their true feelings.

 

What have you got to lose, you both have already experienced the most intimate part of each other.

 

If he wants a relationship, take time to build that trust between you, before you continue a physical relationship again. Just remember the anticipation is half the fun. Get control of the relationship and your emotions. Good Luck!

No offense, but this guy sounds like a real loser! Drop him as quick as possible. I don't know how old you are, but with age comes experience, and I've experienced a couple of these users in my time. He's after sex and nothing more. He'll be all sweet talk until the deed is done, and then he'll be making a bee-line for the door. You sound like a sweet girl, and you deserve better. There are nice guys out there. All you'll get from this guy is low self esteem. STAY AWAY!!! Grace too.