Why wont MW tell it like it is?

[confused_88]

Now that I'm a couple days removed from the conversation we had and the way I ended up, I find myself at peace with the way it went. Sure, I could have lashed out at her, made her feel the hurt and anguish she caused...but I couldn't do it. The fact remains that I care(d) about this woman. The whole point in getting involved with her is that I wanted to make her happy. Sometimes I'm a little too selfless, to a fault.

 

But one thing remained clear, she is trying to work it out with her H. For whatever reason, she wouldn't end contact with me. Calling it friendship, and emotional affair, or whatever the semantics of the day were. So by ending it in the way I did, I took control. She knows or will know soon that all she can do now is work it out with her H. The myriad of distractions that I provided for her have come to an end. Now she is free to find out what she wants. Independent of me. I no longer exist. Perhaps she'll find the reasons why she fell in love and married her H in the first place...or she'll realize that they truly have grown apart, and have nothing in common. The bottom line is this was the fairest course of action to all parties involved. I can move on with my life. She has to do the work 100% now focused on rebuilding or ending her marriage. And her H, whether he realizes it or not, will not have to worry about my continued involvement with her.

 

It's strange that when I all really wanted to do was to lash out...I ended up being benevolent. I can rest my head at night knowing I did what is right, ultimately...after all the wrongs that were created along the way.

 

Just food for thought.

[East7]

Now that I'm a couple days removed from the conversation we had and the way I ended up, I find myself at peace with the way it went. Sure, I could have lashed out at her, made her feel the hurt and anguish she caused...but I couldn't do it. The fact remains that I care(d) about this woman. The whole point in getting involved with her is that I wanted to make her happy. Sometimes I'm a little too selfless, to a fault.

 

But one thing remained clear, she is trying to work it out with her H. For whatever reason, she wouldn't end contact with me. Calling it friendship, and emotional affair, or whatever the semantics of the day were. So by ending it in the way I did, I took control. She knows or will know soon that all she can do now is work it out with her H. The myriad of distractions that I provided for her have come to an end. Now she is free to find out what she wants. Independent of me. I no longer exist. Perhaps she'll find the reasons why she fell in love and married her H in the first place...or she'll realize that they truly have grown apart, and have nothing in common. The bottom line is this was the fairest course of action to all parties involved. I can move on with my life. She has to do the work 100% now focused on rebuilding or ending her marriage. And her H, whether he realizes it or not, will not have to worry about my continued involvement with her.

 

It's strange that when I all really wanted to do was to lash out...I ended up being benevolent. I can rest my head at night knowing I did what is right, ultimately...after all the wrongs that were created along the way.

 

Just food for thought.

 

Confused it is good that you are going through retrospection, this analysis stage is normal. We all end up with a lot of WHY-s, it is just human.

 

When I got involved with MW, I was happy to make her happy, she was so exiting, smart, funny and we had this incredible connection. An affair starts like a normal relationship exept that the single other partner sets up with all the limits (hidding and sneaking around crap). The 'fog' that the A creates make you overview the reality : that the other person is (damn) married !

 

Married partners are also very talented in making you look at them like a "marriage victim" - the spouse is a roommate, no sex, she is soooo unhappy at home and you are the ONLY one why makes her happy, her oasis of peace from this cruel life, her only love on this planet... You look at her with loving eyes and you want to hug her and tell her "baby, it"s gonna be okay, I love you, I'll never let you down"

And when you ask her why does she stays married to her "roommate" she will look at you like you are asking the craziest thing in the world. And then she will tell you all she has to endure for the kids, that you are single and have no idea what a divorce is..oh boy..

 

Believe me, when you are in love you buy every word of hers..

 

Now please don't wonder what she is going through in her M. That is the latter of your problems.

 

Our worst trials are sometimes blessings in disguise.

 

Maybe you dodged a bullet. Imagine for a second, she ran to you with 3 kids. Would you be able to handle that? You were never married let alone raising kids. What if they resented you? What if she had a moment of doubt/confusion and wanted to go back to hubby..how terrible could it be? She proved you she was able to throw you under the bus.

 

When you will find the gorgeous and lovely Miss.Right who'll be 100% for you, you'll look back and think "man...how foolish I was.."

[cavedweller]

East7,

 

I agree with you..

 

88 dodged a bullet--He is a lucky man.

 

my 2 cents

[confused_88]

Maybe you dodged a bullet. Imagine for a second, she ran to you with 3 kids. Would you be able to handle that? You were never married let alone raising kids. What if they resented you? What if she had a moment of doubt/confusion and wanted to go back to hubby..how terrible could it be? She proved you she was able to throw you under the bus.

 

When you will find the gorgeous and lovely Miss.Right who'll be 100% for you, you'll look back and think "man...how foolish I was.."

 

During the period of silence i had from her...I really finally began asking myself how this would play out, if I got my wish, and we got together. And much of what you say cropped to forefront of mine. What if the kids did resent me? Plus her whole family knows about the A, so there would be this perpetual awkwardness around any of her family members. That's certainly no way to live. The biggest realization I had though is that even if she got the D, she and her H would always be linked, because of the kids. Suppose one of the kids was going through something, she would need to drop everything, meet with the xH, and figure things out. Once again my needs would be kicked to the curb. Plus at the sametime, how could I not wonder what they were doing. That would drive anyone insane.

 

I guess the greatest shock I had was of a neighbor of a family member, who I was friends with. She drifted apart from her H, got a D...and now three years later after the D....they are back together. That was the biggest eye opener. No matter what transpired, I could never have the one thing I needed out of a relationship with her...assurance. There would *never* be assurance. There would just be too many extenuating factors which would ultimately prevent this from being a healthy, traditional relationship...and that's when it all started to change for me.

 

And I know when I find the one I was truly meant to be with, free of all this baggage (I prefer the term luggage cause you're always carrying it with you)...I know I will be like "wtf was I thinking." cause I'm already starting to feel like that.

 

I'm just glad that I didn't invest any more than what I did in this. Getting out now, is the easiest exit I could make. Any latter down the line, and one of those bullets would've found it's mark.

[stillafool]

You are absolutely right about the above. Some people can handle it but I'm like you it would be waaaaaay too awkward for me.

[PatFinkle]

It's funny how you mentioned about being felt used. I actually told her that I felt like she used me. And oh man I must have pushed the right button, cause she got highly offended by it. It was funny to watch all the color evaporate out of her face when I said it.

 

Yes because identifying her as what she is--the user--doesn't fit the convenient pseudo-feminist narrative that in any relationship, the woman is always the passive victim, yet the male is always the predatory aggressor.

[PatFinkle]

During the period of silence i had from her...I really finally began asking myself how this would play out, if I got my wish, and we got together.

 

She would end up cheating on you just like she is on her current husband/father of two of her children, most likely sooner rather than later. You were fun enough to bang on a company-paid "honeymoon" and mess around with on the side when she has some spare time but you're just an object and not a person to her.

 

 

 

And much of what you say cropped to forefront of mine. What if the kids did resent me?

 

What "if"? Unless the dad is a total a-hole, if the kids ever find out you were f*cking their mom behind daddy's back, you will be lucky if they don't try to kill you. If any of her kids are males and they grow to adolescence it is almost guaranteed that you will get your ass whipped sooner or later by him. (You don't strike me as much of a "macho man" based on the way you post so I assume a 16 year old kid who has put some time in the weight room would be able to kick your ass pretty much.)

 

 

 

Plus her whole family knows about the A, so there would be this perpetual awkwardness around any of her family members.

 

Yes they will also probably want to murder you. If you were to ever go to any large family parties or reunions a whole group of them would probably get drunk and beat the sh*t out of you. Again unless the current husband is a complete a-hole. So there's that to look forward to, I guess.

 

 

 

That's certainly no way to live. The biggest realization I had though is that even if she got the D, she and her H would always be linked, because of the kids.

 

Wow you're the sharp one, aren't you?

 

How long did it take you to figure out that parents of minor children spend a lot of time interacting even after a divorce?

 

 

 

Suppose one of the kids was going through something, she would need to drop everything, meet with the xH, and figure things out. Once again my needs would be kicked to the curb.

 

Well you obviously don't give a sh*t about her kids or you never would have been able to have an affair with her (thus helping to screw up the parents' marriage, whether they ever get divorced or not).

 

And she didn't give too much of a sh*t about them either, did she? But guaranteed her kids will ALWAYS be a much higher priority to her than you will ever be.

 

Plus at the sametime, how could I not wonder what they were doing. That would drive anyone insane.

 

Yes, "exes" often have a little f*ck "for old time's sake" don't they? Something to be afraid of with a woman like your gf, for sure.

 

 

 

I guess the greatest shock I had was of a neighbor of a family member, who I was friends with. She drifted apart from her H, got a D...and now three years later after the D....they are back together. That was the biggest eye opener. No matter what transpired, I could never have the one thing I needed out of a relationship with her...assurance. There would *never* be assurance.

 

 

Well if you married her you would be assured of one thing: Your wife's a cheater and can never be trusted.

 

There would just be too many extenuating factors which would ultimately prevent this from being a healthy, traditional relationship...and that's when it all started to change for me.

 

Actually it kind of sounds like you are just getting tired of the hassle of dealing with her. The thrill of her p*ssy is just sort of wearing off, isn't it? You're starting to figure out what most guys figure out with enough life experience--sometimes no matter how good the p*ssy might be, the "total package" comes at too great a price.

 

Is this chick your first serious girlfriend or something? You can't possibly be out of your 20's yet.

 

 

 

 

And I know when I find the one I was truly meant to be with, free of all this baggage (I prefer the term luggage cause you're always carrying it with you)...I know I will be like "wtf was I thinking." cause I'm already starting to feel like that.

 

 

Well hopefully your soul mate if ever you find her, won't be someone skanky enough to cheat on her husband with some office boy.

 

 

 

I'm just glad that I didn't invest any more than what I did in this. Getting out now, is the easiest exit I could make. Any latter down the line, and one of those bullets would've found it's mark.

 

 

LOL you're not "out" by a long shot. You will be back just as soon as she feels like curling her finger towards you and spreading her legs for you.

[confused_88]

LOL...a lot of hatred in you, eh?

[PatFinkle]

LOL...a lot of hatred in you, eh?

 

No not at all.

 

Everything I said is true and there's no hate in it at all.

 

You just want to play "victim" and don't want to hear it like it is.

 

Folks such as yourself--and they seem to be women more frequently than men for some reason--don't want to take any responsibility for the stuff that they do and the situations they find themselves in.

 

Re-read your own thread carefully and you will see just how very ridiculous, unrealistic and immature most of the stuff you have posted is.

 

"Gee I wonder if I will get along with her kids?"

 

Are you serious man?

 

No wonder she picked you to have the affair with, you're an idiot.

 

Oh and by the way if you are having a make-out session with her on your couch in your house after supposedly being in "no contact" mode obviously your affair is still on-going. You can pretend otherwise and blame her all you want but you were the one who insisted she come to your house.

 

Stop playing the victim game and all your problems will magically disappear. Man up and grow a set of balls for gods sake. Get a girlfriend who isn't married.

 

 

Since your screen name is confused 88 is it safe to guess that you were born in 1988 hence are 23 years old? That level of youth, immaturity and inexperience explains pretty much everything. As I suspected (see earlier in the thread).

Edited August 22, 2011 by PatFinkle