Casablanca Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 ...does this actually mean anything? I've never had that happen until last Saturday; I've had women (before exclusively dating if it got there) offer before on dates, but never on a first date with a woman. Does it mean... A) she isn't interested and doesnt want me to "waste" my money B) she is interested and wants to pay her share C) she is interested and wants to "test" my dating ways or D) does it mean really absolutely nothing or E) something I didnt think of I know I'm looking way too much into this, but I'm just curious for a female's perspective I know you can't generalize dating...as I've had fabulous first dates where conversation and laughter flowed for hours and never get a response from her afterwards... And I've had a first date where I didn't feel like there was much chemistry and I ask if she wants to go for walk and talk more after dinner, she responds she has to go grocery shopping, and then she contacts me a few days later wanting to go out again....
LoveandSuch Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 a) if she did would not take, "no, I will pay," then congrats, you just went on date with one of several possible LS female posters. b) she reads the LS board c) she is testing you Did you pay? Did you all go dutch? Has she contacted you after the date? If you both had fun and enjoyed one anothers company, does it really matter?
sm1tten Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I always offer to pay or get the tip or something. It just means that I'm considerate. I do it whether I like the guy or not.
alphamale Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 its either A or C. Either she doesn't dig you and doesn't want to be indebted or she digs you and wants to see if you're cheap. Either way you offer to pay at least twice and if she pushes it then let her pay.
Dust Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 Never pick an expensive place for a first date. Pick a place with good food where the bill won’t be much more then $20. Even if she offers to pay you should just say something like “how about I pay now and we go out and get a drink and you could pay.” If she really wants to pay and you couldn’t convince her with a simple “please let me pay this time” it could be anything. It could be that she doesn’t like you, but it could also be that she’s just wants to pay. You don’t want a girl thinking about money to much on a date so just change the subject and don’t dwell on it.
xoxoDaniellexoxo Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I always usually pay my half or for the full thing. I just like that the guy dosn't feel that I am being "selfish" not saying that's the case for everyone. I like being able to pay because I know that the economy still sucks and that sometimes people want to make a good impression and pay but sometimes can't I know there are girls who don't pay and guys who don't let girls pay but I always do. How did she pay though? I've been known to take the full bill not let him look and when he says that he wanted to pay I usually tell him he will have to take me out again and then he can pay . Obviously if I can tell he isn't intrested I don't say that but if it was a good date I will.
Dust Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I always usually pay my half or for the full thing. I just like that the guy dosn't feel that I am being "selfish" not saying that's the case for everyone. I like being able to pay because I know that the economy still sucks and that sometimes people want to make a good impression and pay but sometimes can't I know there are girls who don't pay and guys who don't let girls pay but I always do. How did she pay though? I've been known to take the full bill not let him look and when he says that he wanted to pay I usually tell him he will have to take me out again and then he can pay . Obviously if I can tell he isn't intrested I don't say that but if it was a good date I will. I would say just let the guy pay in the beginning with out even thinking about money. Then once you’ve been out on a few dates (like 3 or 4 over the course of weeks) and you guys are more comfortable with each other then let him know you’d be happy to pay for things too.
Cypress25 Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I always offer to pay half on the first date (and every date thereafter). I think it's polite. I don't make a big deal out of it though. If he declines my offer (and he usually does), I let him pay.
Dust Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I always offer to pay half on the first date (and every date thereafter). I think it's polite. I don't make a big deal out of it though. If he declines my offer (and he usually does), I let him pay. Sounds like a nice gesture. Makes you seem more grateful when he does pay. I don’t mind a girl just expecting me to pay on a first date though.
FinOuch Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I always offer and it has nothing to do with interest. I've heard too many guy complaints about how it shouldn't be expected by women. However, I will say that it greatly affects my opinion of them if they accept my offer. After that, I'm happy to let them pay and would only push to pay for my own if I definitely wasn't interested...
patagonia Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 doesn't mean a thing! If anything she probably likes ya!!
FinOuch Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I should specify: My previous response was in reference to the first date. After that I'll try to pick up a tab after they have to keep it sort of fair.
Ruby Slippers Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I always offer, no matter how much I like him or not. And I strongly prefer it when he insists on paying.
Pierre Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I always offer, no matter how much I like him or not. And I strongly prefer it when he insists on paying. I know that some people are embarrassed to to have someone else pay the bill. So what I do is: Before the check arrives I pretend I am going to the bathroom and on my way I find the waiter and pay the check. In that manner I avoid that moment when the waiter comes to the table with check in hand. If she or they ask I simply say: "Is taken care off" and change topic. However, like Ruby most women will yield if I make it clear I have the bill.
2011aug Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I used to insist on paying. Then, as I got older, I dont care who pays.
Star Gazer Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I suppose it will depend on the woman. I've seen women who say they offer to pay ONLY IF they're not interested. As for me, this sums it up: I always offer, no matter how much I like him or not. And I strongly prefer it when he insists on paying.
Tayla Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I am a believer in being gracious when someone offers to go out and pick up the tab, be it male or female. I draw the line on dates though. To avoid expectations I insist on paying my portion of the meal or the nights event. Perhaps tickets to a music affair or such is in the plans, I pay upfront. First it shows I am not a money hungry date nor do I care whats in his wallet, but rather what tolerance he has for meeting me on equal grounds. A lady can tend to herself and this is the time to shine at it. A gentleman can show his flair in other ways, by having good manners, being of civil mind and enjoying the company of his date. For those are things money cant buy but are more endearing . I think the OP needs to simply enjoy the date and accept the generousity that the lady can pay her way. Trust me, money is such an issue for some couples so having each pay there way says much about where the relationship can be headed
rafallus Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I don't think you should evaluate emotional connection by who paid for what.
zengirl Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 It means she's polite. I pretty much always offer. If --- on the first date --- she insists after you say, "I've got it," it may mean: 1. She's not that into you. And knows she won't say yes to the next date. 2. She's doesn't want to be treated and isn't comfortable with someone paying her way. (The more forceful and awkward it is, the more likely it's #1 IMO.) For me, it'd be #1. When I insist, it means I'm not going on another date. Not true of when I offer at all---that's automatic. But if a guy says no, no, I got it, and I like him. . . that's cool. He can get it. There will be plenty of time for me to pay for other things. Now, sometimes, if a guy has already paid for stuff on other dates, there will come a time where I'll insist on future dates . . . that's a totally different animal. That's just saying, "You paid for lots of stuff; let me get this!" Some guys will always turn down your first offer to pay, out of politeness, but that kind of insisting (mentioned here) usually comes off as playful and not at all forceful.
Author Casablanca Posted August 16, 2011 Author Posted August 16, 2011 She never insisted...she was looking through her purse and started to pull out her wallet and I said, dont worry, I got this and she said okay....
zengirl Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 She never insisted...she was looking through her purse and started to pull out her wallet and I said, dont worry, I got this and she said okay.... That's just normal. Could mean anything.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 No, it does not mean she's not interested. I always offer to pay my share, whether on the first date or the hundredth, and I assure you that it has nothing to do with my interest level. I offered to pay my share on myself and my BF's first date. He didn't let me, but I continued to offer on the second, third, fourth, fifth...etc. I don't like to feel, when dating, like I am some sort of "commodity" being "bought." I know it's odd, but it's a personal preference. As a woman I'd be torn apart if I found out my boyfriend was only interested in me for the way I look. I can imagine that, as a man, being liked only for your money is just as bad.
kiss_andmakeup Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 She never insisted...she was looking through her purse and started to pull out her wallet and I said, dont worry, I got this and she said okay.... I just saw this, also. This is standard. The "wallet grab" is the oldest maneuver in the book. She knew you'd pay and probably expected it, but didn't want to come across as such.
ThsAmericanLife Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 ...does this actually mean anything? I've never had that happen until last Saturday; I've had women (before exclusively dating if it got there) offer before on dates, but never on a first date with a woman. Does it mean... A) she isn't interested and doesnt want me to "waste" my money B) she is interested and wants to pay her share C) she is interested and wants to "test" my dating ways or D) does it mean really absolutely nothing or E) something I didnt think of I know I'm looking way too much into this, but I'm just curious for a female's perspective I know you can't generalize dating...as I've had fabulous first dates where conversation and laughter flowed for hours and never get a response from her afterwards... And I've had a first date where I didn't feel like there was much chemistry and I ask if she wants to go for walk and talk more after dinner, she responds she has to go grocery shopping, and then she contacts me a few days later wanting to go out again.... D) and E) I always offer. It is my way of showing men that I'm not interested in what they can do for me financially. It has nothing to do with my interest in them as a romantic possibility. If they insist on paying, I graciously accept. However, I always feel a little wierd. If both people can take care of themselves financially, I really feel this little bit of tradition is quite outdated. Note that I don't tend to accept first dates (or any dates) at places I can't afford to pay my share. I've gone on first dates where this was arranged in advance. He wants to go to some swanky place, and I suggest something more in my budget. If he insists on going there, then at least he knows in advance that he is paying. Usually that isn't the case though. They seem relieved to not need to put on a big show. On the other hand, it is probably a good screening tool to determine how set someone is on traditional male/female roles. I'm not big on them... which is exactly the message I'm trying to send when I offer to pay my share.
bluenightowl Posted August 16, 2011 Posted August 16, 2011 I would say just let the guy pay in the beginning with out even thinking about money. Then once you’ve been out on a few dates (like 3 or 4 over the course of weeks) and you guys are more comfortable with each other then let him know you’d be happy to pay for things too. I would say this is about right. On the first date its too early to know what she might be thinking. Personally I usually pay and try to insist on it. On the whole, I would take it as a bonus if she wanted to pay half. Most of the time, these things don't work out and offering to pay is way better than getting someone who just takes advantage of you and 5 others guys she might also be dating. I think after 4-5 dates and once you know each other a bit sharing the bill or not just won't be an issue at all and you can decide together.
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