ShoeGurl1973 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I guess it had to happen sooner or later. I'm not coping well with this at all. Not at all. I feel like a loser because he has someone and I don't. They look happy in the photos - like we were in the beginning too. I held his hand like that once. It saddens me to think she will get a newer and improved version of him, after all the crap I put up with and all the lies he told. All my dreams and hopes she has stolen. I don't know how to deal with this. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Oh babe I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. If you can , delete him from fb or even ask him to block you . I asked my ex to do that , my healing comes first. they might seem happy , and who knows if he will " change " . Think of yourself first , don't give him the power. You are not a loser ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ShoeGurl1973 Posted August 16, 2011 Author Share Posted August 16, 2011 Thanks buttercup. I have deleted him as a friend, its just when my other friends get tagged in the photos, i have no choice but to see them. I removed some of them from my news feed so they won't be there when I log in directly. That way i can keep my friends but be careful about when I go to their pages. I should have known, it was the ex's birthday this weekend so a flood of photos are surfacing. I guess it had to happen sometime, feels like i just ripped off a bandaid though. Unfortunately the pain is lingering. Link to post Share on other sites
light_vader Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Hello there. I feel like a loser because he has someone and I don't. You're not a loser unless you allow yourself to be one. If you think happiness or "winning" comes from the fact of having someone next to you, then there is still a lot of road ahead for you to walk by. It is not until we learn how to achieve a state of comfort and happiness with our lives and our own selves that we can actually be with someone else and expect to have a healthy relationship, even if it means that we have to end it without any fear or remorse of being "lonely" again. It saddens me to think she will get a newer and improved version of him Au contraire... you should be better off thinking "It makes me happy to think that after a while of self-improvement and dedication towards my OWN life, my next couple will get a newer and improved version of me". Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 do not feel like a loser. mine had a new girlfriend before we even broke up, so i feel your pain. just deal with your emotions the best you can and then move on.. NC, LC, whatever you need to make your life easier and emotions easier to handle. i tried to do LC, but we'd literally try to kill each other through texts, tried to talk to him in person, but that led to other things, ___, yes even after i KNEW he had a girlfriend- big mistake- & then decided that i had to end this with some self-respect, NC and im one week in!!! finally, ugh Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 i used to feel like a loser too. right around the time he dumped me, the ex signed up with numerous dating websites and was actively dating to find "the one". it made me feel even lonelier and left out i don't know for sure if he has a new girl or not but i wouldn't be surprised if he does by now. he should as he's attractive, smart, charismatic, knows how to tell women exactly what they want to hear and we live in an area where the ratio of women to men is extremely high (something like 8 women for every man). at first i was tempted to start looking for someone too - - i even set up a dating profile of my own. but my heart just wasnt in it. besides, this isn't a race and the worst thing i could do was embark on a search for a bf without healing from the pain of being dumped (and by my first love to boot!) nevertheless, even though it's been 5 months of NC and i'm feeling much better, it would crush me to see pictures of him with a new gf. so i feel your pain. so allow yourself to feel those emotions but try not wallow in them. you're doing what you need to do to heal yourself and that's all that matters. anything regarding him and his new gf is irrelevant. this really is all about you. not them. Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Yes same boat here, mine too had a new g/f before we even broke up, except i only found out 2 mths after we broke up and i had seen him and slept with him 3 times, and asked if he was seeing someone to which he said "no-I have no reason to lie to you." Am having some pretty rough days too, went nc after e mailing him telling him i knew and what i thought of him. I hope its just a rebound. But it shouldnt matter anymore, i dont want to see him. But it hurts like hell. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Yes same boat here, mine too had a new g/f before we even broke up, except i only found out 2 mths after we broke up and i had seen him and slept with him 3 times, and asked if he was seeing someone to which he said "no-I have no reason to lie to you." Am having some pretty rough days too, went nc after e mailing him telling him i knew and what i thought of him. I hope its just a rebound. But it shouldnt matter anymore, i dont want to see him. But it hurts like hell. yea, he was lying to me too. saying he wanted to be single & didnt know what he wanted, well it's pretty hard to be single when you are back with your ex-girlfriend already? rite? i slept with him two times, once without knowing and once with knowing they were "talking". =( good that you dont want to see him, i still do, i still imagine him saying sorry for everything he put me through after the promises he made, but it shouldnt matter, but for some reason it does! one day it wont for any of us and we'll be happy like we deserve to be!! oh yea, i found a quote too for cheating ex's/ the other women: you only got what you wanted because you both destroyed what we had- dont ever be proud of that because nothing good ever comes from creating something bad. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I guess it had to happen sooner or later. I'm not coping well with this at all. Not at all. I feel like a loser because he has someone and I don't. They look happy in the photos - like we were in the beginning too. I held his hand like that once. It saddens me to think she will get a newer and improved version of him, after all the crap I put up with and all the lies he told. All my dreams and hopes she has stolen. I don't know how to deal with this. I know how you feel. When my ex left me abruptly THEN married the girl, I was floored. They posted pics all over FB and Twitter about the things they were doing, the places they had visited, declarations of how much they loved each other,etc. I chose to delete them, stay NC and avoid that pain altogether even when my ex fed me bread crumbs every now and again. I fought tooth and nail to not let him win and eventually won. NOW...fast forward almost 2 years later. My ex and his wife have legally filed for divorce! My ex called me and told me this himself along with co-workers showing the battles on their FB pages. His soon-to-be ex-wife displayed how excited she was to be rooming with her new friends and "ready to meet a good man!" My ex stated they fought almost daily, went out separately toward the end, and that he was miserable half the time since she was "not what he thought" she would be like. The point is: DON'T believe that when an ex leaves you for someone else means that person is somehow "better." They are not particularly better or worse, just different. And sometimes THAT difference is not what your ex was bargaining for either! Most of us just don't have one ex, we have a few to many. That means we dumpees should stop thinking our exes have landed on "the one." It is rare that they have found what they are looking for either. We all(dumpees and dumpers) need to spend some quality time on our own to discover what we want in a partner. We shouldn't settle or cling to a relationship that is DOA. Don't worry. That new girlfriend will start to get complacent and he will probably want to seek something new. More often than not, your ex will try to get back with you like mine did. You just have to be strong enough to know what you really deserve if and when that happens. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 yea, he was lying to me too. saying he wanted to be single & didnt know what he wanted, well it's pretty hard to be single when you are back with your ex-girlfriend already? rite? ugh! the ex did this with me too. we had been sleeping together off and on for 2.5 years (it went from a dating situation to a friends withe benefits situation) i begged him for a relationship. but he declined saying he wasn't ready for a relationship; he didn't know what he wanted. i should have left then but he was my first love, kiss and everything else and i just couldn't bring myself to do it. we had started out as friends before anything happened and i really felt i could trust him and tried to be understanding about whatever he was going through (even though he never really would tell me) less than two months after he broke off the benefits saying he wanted to be just friends, he decided he was ready for a relationship - - only not with me. he had joined several dating websites to find the one and give her the relationship he refused to give me. it hurt worse than a knife to the gut :(:( Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 what is wrong with these people? low self-esteem, insecure, leave before they are left? it's so sad that they hurt the people who care for them the most to be with the ones who really have put them through hell. i would NEVER leave someone to be with someone else. its so disrespectful, but then again, i have morals & feelings, unlike other people. i really HATE that he hasnt called me to apologize, to say ANYTHING AT ALL, but hey, after everything he has done to me, if i take him back, i am just as BAD as he is and i refuse to do that. =) Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I stay off of facebook. When we were together, my ex put up a facebook account behind my back with no indication that he had a girlfriend at all. You can bet your bottom dollar, he probably has her picture all over the place because everything he kept from me, like his time, he seems to be giving to her. I don't even have an account on facebook anymore. It's just better that we right now. Also, he was never able to be a good boyfriend consistently. So many times he was such a lousy boyfriend. I'm sure he's on his best behavior now, but once he gets comfortable with him he'll be his own lousy self again. He did it to me, his ex's and his ex-wife. He's just a really, really lousy boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
benlui Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Hey! it happens to the best of us. I remember how it was for me... she went back with her ex that treated her bad i guess some girls do love Aholes. lol Here is a funny video related to what we went through hope it helps. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hc4kbyj4FqQ Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Def not alone on this one, as if dealing with a breakup isnt tough enough, you get to watch them move on, while you are still healing. I sadly have to have my ex and his new girl in my life, so to say, due to a billion mutual friends and at the same things. It is really hard to cope with being "replaced". You are not a loser, you just have to remember, it is easier for them to move on, if they ended the relationship!! They are not typically grieving and heart broken, etc. We as dumpees, need time to heal, and we have a hard time jumping right back on the dating saddle, unlike most dumpers. Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 yea, he was lying to me too. saying he wanted to be single & didnt know what he wanted, well it's pretty hard to be single when you are back with your ex-girlfriend already? rite? i slept with him two times, once without knowing and once with knowing they were "talking". =( good that you dont want to see him, i still do, i still imagine him saying sorry for everything he put me through after the promises he made, but it shouldnt matter, but for some reason it does! one day it wont for any of us and we'll be happy like we deserve to be!! oh yea, i found a quote too for cheating ex's/ the other women: you only got what you wanted because you both destroyed what we had- dont ever be proud of that because nothing good ever comes from creating something bad. I would like him to contact me to say sorry as i feel compleatly disregarded, hurt, betrayed etc etc, the only e mail he sent was him denying it all saying he met her after we broke up, even if this is true which i doubt he totally ignored the point that he was sleeping with me and lying about seeing someone else. He didnt know i read his mail as i set an auto reply respone and he then sent it to a friend to send to me she said she would not. That was aweek ago and nothing since. It hurts to think he has got my number and hasnt got the balls ofr the heart to text and say something, he probably knows i would ignore it but he could at least try, either that or he is still"outraged" that i have negated our relationship based on his lies and cheating. Sigh....i cant wait for this to be 3-5 mths down the line and i dont think of him and her and wonder what he is thinking all the time. I feel as if i am wading through treacle and not in a good way!!The stupid thing is I know i can do better and that most of how i was feeling re the break up is just due to my abandonment issues and the fact he was the first man (and i use that term in its broadest possible sense) that i was totally and utterly myself and honest with, unguarded and beating heart on a platter!! Link to post Share on other sites
katie.x Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I guess it had to happen sooner or later. I'm not coping well with this at all. Not at all. I feel like a loser because he has someone and I don't. They look happy in the photos - like we were in the beginning too. I held his hand like that once. It saddens me to think she will get a newer and improved version of him, after all the crap I put up with and all the lies he told. All my dreams and hopes she has stolen. I don't know how to deal with this. I am going through the exact same thing. Except my ex is with the girl who pulled us apart. They have been together for a week and it's been 2 months since my ex and I stopped loving each other. I try to think positive. Don't try to think too far in the future, one day at a time. Try fill your time with friends, they are always there trust me. Only thing that will help is time. If you dwell on it, it's last longer. Stop talking about it and if you think about it try and clear it from your mind and then think of something else. You have to think it's over and you have to focus on you and not him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts