How do you get over someone, and move on?

[justletgox51]

It has been 8-9 months since my ex-bf and I broke up, and I should be already at the stage where 'I don't care about him anymore'/moving on, correct? I mean, I'm smiling, keeping my head up high, having fun with my friends and family, working out, and doing other fun, healthy activities a teenager likes to do. However, before I sleep he's the only person I think about, and whenever I take pauses from the activities I'm doing, or whenever I'm alone-- it's him who I think about inside my head. I'd also imagine scenarios of him coming back in unexpected ways, which I know is horrible and unhealthy for my side but I don't know why.

 

In addition, there are times when I'd hack my old FB account, and look at his FB profile (he deleted me on my current FB account) and see how he's doing. There are also times when I'd borrow my best friend's black berry and go on her twitter and look at my ex-bf's profile and see how he's doing-- so far, all I'd see are about his interests, hobbies and of course, new interests with girls.

 

Sigh. Someone help?

[light_vader]

Hi there.

 

It has been 8-9 months since my ex-bf and I broke up, and I should be already at the stage where 'I don't care about him anymore'/moving on, correct?

Nope. As a matter of fact there are a lot of factors that influence each of the "coping" stages, then length of the relationship, your own mindpower, the way it ended, etc etc. So first of all don't push yourself too hard into thinking there is a fixed time lapse at which things at supposed to happen. Just take the time necessary.

 

I know it's difficult (girl, should I know, having to see my ex and the "other guy" or guys whatever she's at, every single day at work hehe), and it's been four months now and yes I still think about her from time to time and like you sometimes my mind (just like my addiction to nicotine does) takes me as prisoner and I start thinking about her coming back and stuff (although unlike the very beginning now I dream about her coming back and me waving her off!!!), so yeah I still have some work to do obviously.

 

But I tell you what I'm at. Self-improvement. Big time.

You know, just finding myself again, taking some time to get in shape, worry more about my appearance and most of all shaping my mind for a stronger, better ME.

Taking some time to enjoy the beauty of life and realizing as much as I loved my EX and all the good things she had, she was a lier, a cheater, emotionally dumb and lots of other things that should have been seen by the former me as big red flags. I failed at a lot of things too.

But that's the past, whether she's changed or not, whether she is in pursue of a better self is not my business anymore and all I care now is ME.

No matter what other people say, because I'm having a good time with myself (and for most people that's crazy, nuts, to see someone "alone" having fun... no wonder why there are so many crappy relationships in this world, because we never take the time to be happy with ourselves first).

 

So ask yourself now, what is so great about your Ex that gets you still thinking about him?

Plus you say you're a teenager? Seems like you have a whole bunch of life ahead to be worrying about someone else than YOU!!!

[jeff2321]

It has been 12 months for me. While I have improved a lot, I am still not completely over her I don't think, but I need to start working harder to do so. I just found out a few days ago my ex was engaged 10 months ago, so she is likely married by now -- yes, it just kills me inside, but I'm letting the pain of this new info just flow through me, so I can get over it and move on.

 

Other than that, I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

 

Jeff2321

[smudge21]

Since January last time I saw her and a good 6 months of NC yet I still think about her every day and only yesterday made the mistake of doing some FB stalking, only to find news I didn't need to hear. That feels like it's set me right back to the beginning again.

 

Basically, you're not alone in any of the feelings or emotions you're having right now. Just try to stay away from stalking (okay, bit hard to take from the guy here who's just admitted to doing it) as that is like breaking NC in a way, and only sets you back.

[justletgox51]

I guess, it's true that there are many factors that can prolong the stage of moving on, but how come they seem to be moving on faster than us? Yeah, I still need improvement as well with imagining things that will never happen between my ex and I anymore. I guess, it's the fact that he cared about me so much -- until he decided to leave because I put down his pride in school. He's not the smartest guy around and he's not the dumbest, though he slacks off in school and puts basketball and his other sports first. I guess, it was because I emabarrassed him infront of his friend about not being able to properly comprehend a story that was written by his friend. Anyhow, I sometime think it's my fault because I get jealous most of the time-- he's very social and I'm not. Plus, our relationship was a secret with my parents and I guess that was also a factor as to why I get jealous a lot is because I'm not able to hang out with him outside of school, etc. Yeah, I'm still teenager and I still have greater things to worry about such as, school wise, and my family and friends.

 

@jeff2321: Oh my Though, kudos to you that you're trying your best to move on by incorporating the pain you've heard from your ex into your journey of moving on.

 

@smudge21: I hate when I FB stalk my ex, 'cause I'm positive he doesn't do this with me >_< And like you, I feel as though it has set me back to the beginning again, which is hell.

 

Thank you guys for responding to my thread, I really appreciate it :')

[smudge21]

At this age, what you're going through is hard but it is part of learning and you will come out stronger from it.

 

I did ask that same question, about how can a dumper heal so quickly. It's quite simple, prior to the end of the relationship, in their minds they were already moving on. In a way, they've had longer to heal. Plus, being as it was their decision doesn't give them the same shock we get as dumpees.

 

Don't beat yourself up over small mistakes you feel you have made. They're nothing and if it weren't for them, you'd be looking for other reasons. We all do that, look for answers, but sometimes there just aren't any. We have to try to accept that sometimes, things just happen.