my married boss kissed me

[smalltowngirl]

So I recently found myself in what we'll call a "situation" and I did a little Google search to see if there was anything out there about it, because I really haven't been able to tell any of my friends about it yet. Here's the deal...I came to my current job about six months ago, and since then have developed a pretty close relationship with my boss. As we kind of learned each others boundaries, it turned into consistent back and forth flirting. I love it, he's an awesome guy, and we have fun...it makes the day go by. There was always some degree of flirtatious touching, again, not unwelcome, but i never thought anything would come of it. However, the other night we had an overnight shift, and got out early in the a.m. The two of us went out for coffee and when we went out to the parking lot, hugged me, and we pretty much couldn't let go for about half an hour. Here's the thing, I was resisting every urge within me to kiss him, because he's married. He's also in his late thirties and i'm in my early twenties, not that that matters. Anyway, we ended up kissing and it was great....but extremely bittersweet. I fully understand the situation, and I expect nothing from him except that he remains my friend. I would never want or ask him to choose between me and his wife. But I guess I don't really know what I do want. He told me he doesn't want to hurt me, and I told him I won't let myself get hurt, but it still sucks that i have all these feelings for him. Why can't i feel this and connect this way with someone i can actually be with? Uggh.....some input?

[magda]

Why hug someone for half an hour and then claim to have "resisted the urge to kiss". I mean, maybe you kept your lips to yourself during your half-hour hug but by getting into that position what did you expect? geez

 

Anyways, you should work somewhere else. Maybe your next BOSS will be single. You aren't going to have much energy to flirt with available guys after flirting with this guy all damn day.

[Red Flag Rick]

why can't you feel this for an available man? why can't we be attracted to, and attract the right guy or girl?

 

i think it has everything to do with the value we place on ourselves and the expectations we set up relating to our dream of a life partner.

 

it sounds like your value is not high enough and therefore your expectations of what you want in a man were not set. our expectations, if defined, have a direct effect on the choices we make. if we have not set these expectations up, we flounder though life and usually make really bad choices that lead to unhealthy relationships and lowered self-esteem. and lots of drama.

 

in this instance, if your value (self worth, self-esteem) had already been high, and you had set up expectations of what you want in available men, you would have already thought this through and defined your ideal single guy... this process would have made you powerful, and your focus would be on the process of finding your ideal guy as you define him, not flirtation with a married man.

 

your ability to stop the flirtation initially would have been much stronger because you would have already known that you were worth more than this... and your expectations would not have included this type of guy... since your expectations are not set up, this kind of guy is on your list, and you probably didn't even know it. but look what happened... look at the misplaced investment and notice what it did to what self-esteem you do have.... your choices made you doubt yourself, and this is a red flag that means you may be on the wrong path.

 

a person with correct value placement would have never let this flirtation continue after the first red flag (the moment you realized the flirtation was unhealthy and could get you in trouble). so there is power in this process i speak of, and i think we all deserve to experience this power.

 

"he sure is cute, but he's married. i am definitely worth more than an affair with a married man, and i certainly don't need the drama. so let me nip this in the bud..." that's the thinking you will have once you work on your value and define your expectations. and imagine what it does to your self-esteem.

 

wanting to find the right guy or girl is not enough. there are dynamics that must be addressed and processes to work through with if one truly wants to know how to find their Prince or Princess...

 

so no, you did not learn boundaries at all... you saw the flirtation happen, you allowed it to continue, and it led to something more. your value is not high enough, and your expectations of a suitable life partner are not defined. search my screen name and find posts i responded to and you will see more of what i am talking about. you'll also learn more about spotting red flags... and you'll also find my blueprint for finding my life partner. i preach what i have already practiced because it works.

 

don't ever think you cannot do what i am talking about. i did it, and it has made all the difference in my perspective of what i want in a healthy relationship. it has also led to me finding the most incredible man who sees the value in me, and i see the same value in him. and there is just no drama. but there sure is lots of joy.

 

don't ever think that you are not worth the effort. and don't ever settle for this type of unhealthy relationship, because you deserve more.

[reachingskywards]

Hi

 

I think Red Flag has some good advice.

 

If you think a hug and kiss is bittersweet, make sure you don't let it get any further. It doesn't repeat, doesn't get any better. It's a double edged sword the whole thing. The closer you feel to them the more it hurts.

 

Read the posts by other women here. You will realize the hurt, frustrations, and disappointment that goes with getting involved with a married man.

 

Please reconsider what you are doing with this man. If I were you I would talk to him or send him an email saying that you thought that what happened the other night was a mistake and you don't want it to happen again.

 

Then I would stop flirting with him. Normally a bit of flirtatious behavior is OK -- but try to keep it just for single guys. I know as a woman who is involved with a married man -- you would be well well advised to keep away.

 

Sky