Daria Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I have read a lot of articles about the pros and cons of being Friends With Benefits with someone. But they don't seem to address my paticular case. I wonder if someone could give me an objective opinion. Here's the thing: we work together. He's sort of my boss, actually. I'm not sure if there is any chemistry between us. He has a long-term girlfriend and knows she is the one. But he's putting off marriage for now. And I am not what you could call a slutty type. He's been flirting with me evry now and then, or discussing frank things over GTalk. I've grown somewhat attached to him as a friend, since there are many things I wouldn't share even with my best girl friends, and I can discuss those openly with him. He's more experienced than I am. Anyways, so now we're on the verge of becoming FWB. Now, I'm pretty, but I guess just not lucky with guys. Maybe I give off these vibes that I haven't had sex in who-knows-how-long, and it sort of repels all the decent blokes. So I've been taking the option of FWB quite seriously. I know the possible complications may be: heartbreak for me (for being so naive, and most likely falling madly in love with a user), perhaps I'd even have to quit my job, and oh - also if anyone finds out, that's gonna suck. Now, the benefits are good sex, getting more experience, finally getting laid. There's also the stupidest slightest hope that he'll fall in love with me and we'll live happily ever after... Honestly, I don't really think I can pull this off, but I really hate my life the way it is now. Maybe I'm gonna regret this bitterly in the end. Maybe I'm not gonna fall in love, noone will ever know (if I learn not to get puppy-eyed whenever he comes along)... ****, I'm totally messed up. I'd appreciate your true opinion and constructive criticism. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 It seems you already know many of the obvious and serious disadvantages to this, yet you're continuing to consider diving in. This makes me wonder - do you have a pattern of shooting yourself in the foot? Of seeing a cliff and rushing toward it? My advice is...DON'T DO IT. It's that simple. FWB are not a great idea overall, IMO, but if you must, do NOT do it with someone from work and especially not your boss. And let's be frank....you don't just want to "get laid". As you and I well know, you can walk into any bar, or post on any dating site, and have your choice of 20 men in about 20 minutes, if it's just sex you want. No, you actually want to fall in love and have him love you back. That makes it doubly imperative that you not indulge in this FWB fad. Link to post Share on other sites
nalfy88 Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Nope my god the danger sign is flashing pretty loud to me! You are insecure, what is the main condition where you should not enter a casual relationship= insecurity!! You have no idea what you're doing, it's just another woman from western society thinking she has to bend over backwards for the perverted thoughts of men. Look, just because he's fantasised about it, doesn't mean you have to give him his cake so he can eat it too! If you asked him to cook you dinner could you see him dropping everything he's doing and running you to the nearest gourmet restaurant? Nope didn't think so! So why are you contemplating giving this b*****d everything he's ever wanted, like some fairy godmother? I tell you what, you tell him he can't have your body because you respect yourself and will not allow him to take advantage, you watch the hilarious shocked look on his face when he realises someone of the female species dares to deny him a sexual experience based on respect. Then and only then you will realise more women need to take control at this point in the game, and reject these perverted idiots! You will find if you ignore this sound advice you will be left with numerous mental health issues, and severe sense of mis-justice. If that being so, just join every other statistic out there, want to stick up for yourself? Then you have my full support! Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 Do not...FWB can be fine, but doing it with a coworker is really dangerous. Link to post Share on other sites
cavedweller Posted August 16, 2011 Share Posted August 16, 2011 I would not be his FWB.. my 2 cents Link to post Share on other sites
Typhoon Lizzie Posted August 22, 2011 Share Posted August 22, 2011 Been there done that... looking for a new job now. Not Kidding. Don't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lionblade Posted August 24, 2011 Share Posted August 24, 2011 So he's your boss that has a long term gf (and according to your own words "knows she's the one")? SoleMate is correct; you don't want an FWB. Any female, even the least attractive ones can have a ton of choices by posting online or walking into any random bar. You have to admit to yourself you want more than just good sex and hoping for it to progress into something more. Don't think you need other people to tell you this has a high chance of failing unless you enjoy getting hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
Lorelai Posted August 30, 2011 Share Posted August 30, 2011 I normally don't respond to posts with links to Urban Dictionary, but I would recommend googling a phrase that uses a curse word but essentially means "don't defecate where you eat." Link to post Share on other sites
midkirby Posted August 31, 2011 Share Posted August 31, 2011 Two reasons this is a very bad idea. One reason is you should never date or sleep with someone you work with. The second and most important reason would be because you wouldn't want that done to you. FWB is fine as long as both parties accepts consequences or has a mutual understanding, but when there is a victim, which would be his girlfriend, it is just plain wrong. What comes around, goes around and Karma is a b*****. Respect yourself enough to find your own man. Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted September 2, 2011 Share Posted September 2, 2011 Smells like a troll post to me, although some people are this naive unfortunately I don't think your case is particularly unusual, plenty of bosses cheat on their partners and have flings with their employees until they get bored with it or the partner/wife finds out and then she loses her job. Why are you sniffing around him if he has a gf? Don't you care how she feels? How can you just disregard her like that? Any idea how selfish you sound?! 'heartbreak for me', if you get into FWB's with this man and get your heartbroken then it's your own fault, no-one else's. Instead of thinking about deceiving someone else how about working on your personality to become a more caring, thoughtful, less selfish person. That's my true opinion. I have read a lot of articles about the pros and cons of being Friends With Benefits with someone. But they don't seem to address my paticular case. I wonder if someone could give me an objective opinion. Here's the thing: we work together. He's sort of my boss, actually. I'm not sure if there is any chemistry between us. He has a long-term girlfriend and knows she is the one. But he's putting off marriage for now. And I am not what you could call a slutty type. He's been flirting with me evry now and then, or discussing frank things over GTalk. I've grown somewhat attached to him as a friend, since there are many things I wouldn't share even with my best girl friends, and I can discuss those openly with him. He's more experienced than I am. Anyways, so now we're on the verge of becoming FWB. Now, I'm pretty, but I guess just not lucky with guys. Maybe I give off these vibes that I haven't had sex in who-knows-how-long, and it sort of repels all the decent blokes. So I've been taking the option of FWB quite seriously. I know the possible complications may be: heartbreak for me (for being so naive, and most likely falling madly in love with a user), perhaps I'd even have to quit my job, and oh - also if anyone finds out, that's gonna suck. Now, the benefits are good sex, getting more experience, finally getting laid. There's also the stupidest slightest hope that he'll fall in love with me and we'll live happily ever after... Honestly, I don't really think I can pull this off, but I really hate my life the way it is now. Maybe I'm gonna regret this bitterly in the end. Maybe I'm not gonna fall in love, noone will ever know (if I learn not to get puppy-eyed whenever he comes along)... ****, I'm totally messed up. I'd appreciate your true opinion and constructive criticism. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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