Am I a bad person also??

[Joe]

Me and my gf of three years recently broke up, about two months ago. Throughout the relationship she cheated on me. Which is weird since she's the one that asked for commitment, anyway. For the last two months I've been moping around feeling sorry for myself but I never felt any anger towards wondering why?? I've been going to a therapist and she has tried to get my anger to surface with no luck. Yesterday it finally hit me some hidden feelings finally surfaced. I knew she was cheating on me. No I can't account for everytime but deep down I knew. Yet instead of confronting her I just played dumb because I got sex whenever I wanted and it was good. The only thing I'm really angry about is she didn't use protection all the time, endangering my life!! So basically I got sex whenenver I wanted and when I wanted to be alone she would go out with her friends. Does this make me a bad person?? Also she thinks that I'm a "saint" not knowing about all this. Should I tell her? Because she feels so guilty and doesn't want anything to do with me because it reminds her of what she did. She thinks I'm just this goody boy which really I'm not. I still would like contact with her cause sex was great!!

 

Thanks,

 

Joe

[Tony T]

It sounds to me like all you wanted from this girl was sex. And you would like to have contact with her now for sex. You are not a bad person for that...but that is, in my opinion, a pretty bad singluar reason for wanting a woman around.

 

If you really loved her, you would have put a stop to her sleeping around by confronting her and working it out or leaving her. You obviously didn't want to cause any friction because you wanted her around for sex...or that is my speculation.

 

I think she doesn't want anything to do with you because she was able to cheat on you and you weren't man enough to confront her. She lost respect for you because you played dumb. Well, she wasn't dumb and she probably knew deep down that you were using her for sex and that can hurt pretty bad. Her sleeping around was probably done as an outlet for her feelings of being otherwise unloved by you except for sex.

 

She most likely wants nothing to do with you because she can find men who only want her for sex and every street corner and she wants love, something you never offered her.

 

You are the first man I have ever heard of who wasn't really pissed because his girlfriend cheated on him but was pissed because she did it without protection, endangering YOUR life. If you really loved her, you would have been concerned about HER life.

 

I hope you will continue to be tested for aids on a monthly basis for six months or so. I also hope you will entertain finding a lady you can love, do things with, have a healthy and mutually faithful relationship with. However, nothing wrong with a just for sex relationship if both parties are very very clear about its nature from the start.

 

Forget this girl, let her live her life, and pray that neither of you have contracted any fatal disease.

 

As far as anger goes, there is no reason for you to be angry. You got three years of great sex which, by your last line, implies that is mostly what you wanted. So you should celebrate that.

 

My wish for you is that you learn what true love is. Making love with someone you truly care about and you desire to share all aspects of your life with is FAR SUPERIOR to sex. I hope one day you are able to fall in love.

[Deejette]

I too just broke up with someone but will miss the sex. And the sex was what kept me in this unfulfilling relationship. That can be a terrible trap, because we can feel sexual attraction for really horrible people who happen to be hot-looking or are good in bed.

 

I feel so free now that I do not have to deal with him any more. Tony's words have really helped me understand about falling in love with the total person, not just the image we create of them.

 

Sex really confuses things because it is such a strong drive. Lots of people put up with lots of abuse for the sake of sex, which gives a good imitation of love. And many people mistake sex for love, sex for affectionk, and sex for caring. It is just a drive that allows our species to perpetuate itself and every animal does it for that reason. We are the only animals that attach all kinds of meaning to the act and we suffer badly because of it.

It sounds to me like all you wanted from this girl was sex. And you would like to have contact with her now for sex. You are not a bad person for that...but that is, in my opinion, a pretty bad singluar reason for wanting a woman around. If you really loved her, you would have put a stop to her sleeping around by confronting her and working it out or leaving her. You obviously didn't want to cause any friction because you wanted her around for sex...or that is my speculation.

 

I think she doesn't want anything to do with you because she was able to cheat on you and you weren't man enough to confront her. She lost respect for you because you played dumb. Well, she wasn't dumb and she probably knew deep down that you were using her for sex and that can hurt pretty bad. Her sleeping around was probably done as an outlet for her feelings of being otherwise unloved by you except for sex. She most likely wants nothing to do with you because she can find men who only want her for sex and every street corner and she wants love, something you never offered her. You are the first man I have ever heard of who wasn't really pissed because his girlfriend cheated on him but was pissed because she did it without protection, endangering YOUR life. If you really loved her, you would have been concerned about HER life. I hope you will continue to be tested for aids on a monthly basis for six months or so. I also hope you will entertain finding a lady you can love, do things with, have a healthy and mutually faithful relationship with. However, nothing wrong with a just for sex relationship if both parties are very very clear about its nature from the start. Forget this girl, let her live her life, and pray that neither of you have contracted any fatal disease. As far as anger goes, there is no reason for you to be angry. You got three years of great sex which, by your last line, implies that is mostly what you wanted. So you should celebrate that. My wish for you is that you learn what true love is. Making love with someone you truly care about and you desire to share all aspects of your life with is FAR SUPERIOR to sex. I hope one day you are able to fall in love.