Update: MM upset about single OW dating

[So Very Confused]

I got sucked back in. After a couple of days of NC we emailed back and forth and then got together "one more time" to end things properly. Then we were back in the old routine. Then it was my birthday and he said he wanted to wake up next to me on my birthday. Then it was his birthday and I would have felt bad about ending it after he had been so nice to me on mine. It's so easy to get sucked back in. It's like an addiction. I knew it was foolish but we had a few good talks and I thought he was seriously considering leaving his W. I even offered to stop dating for a few months to give him a chance to think about it if he was seriously considering getting a D.

 

Then, out of the blue the text messages were less "I love you, I miss you" and more about the weather. The phone calls stopped. The emails stopped. I was out of town visiting with family so I just let it go. When I got back to town I asked him what was going on.

 

He responded that he is constantly reminded that I had dated someone else. He said that he couldn't trust me anymore because I had lied to him. He said that when he was home he would constantly worry about who I was with and what I was doing. He said he just couldn't stand it anymore and wants to end it.

 

I hate it because he blamed it all on me. I can't believe I was dumped by a married guy because he couldn't trust me.

 

I think there's another reason behind why he decided to end the R at this particular time other than what he's told me. I also wonder if he really believes in his own mind that he's the victim and I'm the bad guy. Is this some sort of sick game or what?

 

That all happened Wednesday. Yesterday he sent an email saying he wanted to get together. I ignored the email. Then he sent a text asking me to please consider his offer. I asked what he was offering and he replied that he was offering lunch or dinner. He says he doesn't like the way it ended and that I deserved more than a phone call. I asked if he wanted a do-over on the break-up. He said we had both envisioned a different ending. I said I'd think about it. I've thought about it and to be honest, the thought of getting together "one more time" would lead me to have hope that we will have a magic moment and he will see what he's losing. I hope I can be strong and stick with ending we had.

 

I'm not the sharpest and brightest but isn't this dejavu all over again? All of the advice given before was spot on and I should have listened. I can't even feel sorry for myself anymore because I volunteered for this mess and I KNEW what the outcome would be. AGAIN! As if the road is going to lead to a different place this time.

 

Just venting and hoping that I'll get a clue and stay NC and genuinely start the grieving process and get over this instead of feeling stuck and feeling guilty about it all. Why can't I get mad at him instead of being mad at me? Both of us sound nuts.

[woinlove]

I got sucked back in. After a couple of days of NC we emailed back and forth and then got together "one more time" to end things properly. Then we were back in the old routine. Then it was my birthday and he said he wanted to wake up next to me on my birthday. Then it was his birthday and I would have felt bad about ending it after he had been so nice to me on mine. It's so easy to get sucked back in. It's like an addiction. I knew it was foolish but we had a few good talks and I thought he was seriously considering leaving his W. I even offered to stop dating for a few months to give him a chance to think about it if he was seriously considering getting a D.

 

Then, out of the blue the text messages were less "I love you, I miss you" and more about the weather. The phone calls stopped. The emails stopped. I was out of town visiting with family so I just let it go. When I got back to town I asked him what was going on.

 

He responded that he is constantly reminded that I had dated someone else. He said that he couldn't trust me anymore because I had lied to him. He said that when he was home he would constantly worry about who I was with and what I was doing. He said he just couldn't stand it anymore and wants to end it.

 

I hate it because he blamed it all on me. I can't believe I was dumped by a married guy because he couldn't trust me.

 

I think there's another reason behind why he decided to end the R at this particular time other than what he's told me. I also wonder if he really believes in his own mind that he's the victim and I'm the bad guy. Is this some sort of sick game or what?

 

That all happened Wednesday. Yesterday he sent an email saying he wanted to get together. I ignored the email. Then he sent a text asking me to please consider his offer. I asked what he was offering and he replied that he was offering lunch or dinner. He says he doesn't like the way it ended and that I deserved more than a phone call. I asked if he wanted a do-over on the break-up. He said we had both envisioned a different ending. I said I'd think about it. I've thought about it and to be honest, the thought of getting together "one more time" would lead me to have hope that we will have a magic moment and he will see what he's losing. I hope I can be strong and stick with ending we had.

 

I'm not the sharpest and brightest but isn't this dejavu all over again? All of the advice given before was spot on and I should have listened. I can't even feel sorry for myself anymore because I volunteered for this mess and I KNEW what the outcome would be. AGAIN! As if the road is going to lead to a different place this time.

 

Just venting and hoping that I'll get a clue and stay NC and genuinely start the grieving process and get over this instead of feeling stuck and feeling guilty about it all. Why can't I get mad at him instead of being mad at me? Both of us sound nuts.

 

Re bolded, I think it is not unusual for someone who is behaving poorly to project the bad behavior onto others - whether it is a general "everyone lies, can't trust anyone" to specific projection onto the AP (or onto the BS). It's an attempt to feel better about themselves. I agree that the real reason for MM wanting to end things now is likely something else and he is using this as an excuse to try to come out of it the good guy. Anyway, it doesn't really matter and he's not worth if for you to worrying about what the real reason is.

 

Don't beat yourself up. Seems like you have learned something more in this latest round. So hold onto that, know you deserve better, and resolve to hold firm even if MM comes around again. It really looks like there isn't any happiness for you there, only more hurt and pain.

[wannabdone]

I had gone NC with the MM and started dating other men. I told the MM that was what I was going to do and he got so upset about it I decided the only thing to do was go NC. He’s still married and it seems unfair that I can’t date. I understand that sleeping with more than one person would be a huge no no, but that wasn’t the case.

 

 

 

So after a few days of NC the MM desperately wants to talk. We talked and he agreed to accept that I was going to see other people and that I would tell him when or if anything ever became physical with anyone else. I had dates, I was vague about who, what and where. He successfully monopolized my time for the entire week and was as sweet and caring as you could ever hope for so I got suckered back in. I had a date for Friday night but the MM called on Thursday and said he wanted to spend the weekend with me and wanted to know if I had any plans for the weekend. I told him I was going to a play on Friday with some friends but that I was free the rest of the weekend. He said he wanted to stay and see me. So after the play, I went to his apartment and stayed there the rest of the weekend. He was quite suspicious and kept asking if I had a date and stupidly I told him I was with a friend. I don’t know why I lied and I can’t justify it. Anyway, the MM watched me walk into the play with my date and questioned me about it Saturday and wanted to know if it was someone I had previously been out with and I again stupidly denied it.

 

 

The rest of the weekend was great. Great sex. Great company. Great time enjoying each other’s company. Lots of good talks. By the end of the weekend, I had decided I didn’t want to date anyone else and I didn’t want to drag any innocent people into the situation until I was ready to break it off completely with the MM. The MM told me he was going to get a divorce and that we would be together. He even told me he had thought of buying me a promise type ring for my birthday but was now reconsidering because he didn’t trust me.

 

 

The MM has been acting stressed all week. Not sleeping. Accusing me of lying, etc. all week. Finally today he took me to lunch and told me he had looked at my phone while I was in the shower Saturday and looked at my Facebook page, read my texts, read my emails, etc. He feels betrayed. To be honest I haven’t been honest about everything. I didn’t feel like my dating life was any of his business. I still don’t.

 

 

I should feel outraged that my privacy was invaded but mostly I feel hurt. I feel terrible that he feels like I betrayed him. I guess I did lie to him. I told him I was going with a friend and I went with a date. I’m so shaken, I can’t even decide if he’s justified or not. I feel like this is really the end of our relationship and it hurts so bad. It’s been a roller coaster the last month and I felt like the weekend was a big high and now I’m at the bottom. I didn’t want it to end this way.

 

 

I guess I don’t have a question. I’m not sure what I need. I’d like an honest opinion on the situation. What’s wrong with me that I am so devastated and feel so awful? Why do I feel like a terrible person? Why does it matter who ended it or why?

 

 

Honey.... there is nothing wrong with you. You are a caring person and you cared about this man, you lied to him and that bothers you. Plain and simple. Would it not be nice if he felt the same about the lies he told you????

 

My MM did the same thing to me, and as I look back now, I see how it was a chess move for control. He made me feel bad, and then I was on a war path of making him see i wasn't a liar. He blamed me for not leaving, because of my lies. When I did tell him I wanted to date others.

 

Its all messed up. I'm sorry for what you went through. I know this thread was started a while back, but I am wondering how you are now and what has happened since.

[wannabdone]

oh... nvrmind. I just read your post. sorry.

[wannabdone]

I got sucked back in. After a couple of days of NC we emailed back and forth and then got together "one more time" to end things properly. Then we were back in the old routine. Then it was my birthday and he said he wanted to wake up next to me on my birthday. Then it was his birthday and I would have felt bad about ending it after he had been so nice to me on mine. It's so easy to get sucked back in. It's like an addiction. I knew it was foolish but we had a few good talks and I thought he was seriously considering leaving his W. I even offered to stop dating for a few months to give him a chance to think about it if he was seriously considering getting a D.

 

Then, out of the blue the text messages were less "I love you, I miss you" and more about the weather. The phone calls stopped. The emails stopped. I was out of town visiting with family so I just let it go. When I got back to town I asked him what was going on.

 

He responded that he is constantly reminded that I had dated someone else. He said that he couldn't trust me anymore because I had lied to him. He said that when he was home he would constantly worry about who I was with and what I was doing. He said he just couldn't stand it anymore and wants to end it.

 

I hate it because he blamed it all on me. I can't believe I was dumped by a married guy because he couldn't trust me.

 

I think there's another reason behind why he decided to end the R at this particular time other than what he's told me. I also wonder if he really believes in his own mind that he's the victim and I'm the bad guy. Is this some sort of sick game or what?

 

That all happened Wednesday. Yesterday he sent an email saying he wanted to get together. I ignored the email. Then he sent a text asking me to please consider his offer. I asked what he was offering and he replied that he was offering lunch or dinner. He says he doesn't like the way it ended and that I deserved more than a phone call. I asked if he wanted a do-over on the break-up. He said we had both envisioned a different ending. I said I'd think about it. I've thought about it and to be honest, the thought of getting together "one more time" would lead me to have hope that we will have a magic moment and he will see what he's losing. I hope I can be strong and stick with ending we had.

 

I'm not the sharpest and brightest but isn't this dejavu all over again? All of the advice given before was spot on and I should have listened. I can't even feel sorry for myself anymore because I volunteered for this mess and I KNEW what the outcome would be. AGAIN! As if the road is going to lead to a different place this time.

 

Just venting and hoping that I'll get a clue and stay NC and genuinely start the grieving process and get over this instead of feeling stuck and feeling guilty about it all. Why can't I get mad at him instead of being mad at me? Both of us sound nuts.

 

 

Okay, first off.... I hear what you are saying that "you can't feel sorry" for yourself.... BUT, you know what.... you just wanted to believe that a man that you cared for, cared for you the same. You wanted to believe what he said and hoped that his time it would be different. SO DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP!!!! I get so aggrivated with ppl, saying that you knew better, and so on and so forth. You know what...your right. We did, but we had hope. And there is nothing wrong with that. And there isn't one of us, whether we have had an A or not that has made a decision and knew it probably wasn't the best, but hoped it would be different.

 

Now on to this guy..... yes, it is a game. He is backing you into a corner to get what he wants. Blaming you for not leaving, etc. That is nothing more than a coward, that can not own up to his own actions, i'm sorry. There probably was something more to it, but he blamed it on you. And now wants to meet with you to get the cycle started. And keep pushing you into that corner, until you have no options and he is allowed to continue to do as he pleases.

 

I know its hard to say no, but you have to. If you don't, this will be your pattern for years to come. He won't stop it, you will have to.

 

Let us know how you do. Good luck!!!

[So Very Confused]

Okay, first off.... I hear what you are saying that "you can't feel sorry" for yourself.... BUT, you know what.... you just wanted to believe that a man that you cared for, cared for you the same. You wanted to believe what he said and hoped that his time it would be different. SO DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP!!!! I get so aggrivated with ppl, saying that you knew better, and so on and so forth. You know what...your right. We did, but we had hope. And there is nothing wrong with that. And there isn't one of us, whether we have had an A or not that has made a decision and knew it probably wasn't the best, but hoped it would be different.

 

Now on to this guy..... yes, it is a game. He is backing you into a corner to get what he wants. Blaming you for not leaving, etc. That is nothing more than a coward, that can not own up to his own actions, i'm sorry. There probably was something more to it, but he blamed it on you. And now wants to meet with you to get the cycle started. And keep pushing you into that corner, until you have no options and he is allowed to continue to do as he pleases.

 

I know its hard to say no, but you have to. If you don't, this will be your pattern for years to come. He won't stop it, you will have to.

 

Let us know how you do. Good luck!!!

 

I can't believe I never noticed the cycle before. It's extra pitiful because I predict trends in data for a living.

 

It is a cycle. He dumps me and tells me how awful I am. We have NC for a couple of days. He contacts me and offers to meet "one last time" for a proper goodbye, then offers me a little hope, tells me how much he loves me and misses me and how terrible this is for him and boom there we go again.

 

While I was thinking about this I also noticed that there is another pattern at work. Every time I get busy and happy or otherwise not giving him my undivided attention, he gets in a snit and finds some reason for feeling like he has been betrayed. Every single time he has dumped me, it was immediately proceeded by me being on a business trip, going on vacation or being out of town and not sitting at home patiently waiting for his triumphant return from his family.

 

Before I started thinking about the patterns, I was feeling like crap. Thinking about how I must be really awful to cause a married man to dump free available sex. I mean really, why would he? The only reasons I can think of are he's met someone else or his W demanded it or he does it to keep me off-balance and grateful to have his crumbs. I think this and the rest of our R have very little to do with me personally and a lot to do with his pathology. I know it doesn't even matter why and he'll never give me an honest answer but there's something nagging in the back of my mind about the timing of it all.

 

Anyway, maybe if I keep posting here I can keep from responding to his texts and emails.

 

Really, thank you all for the input. I don't know where I'd be without you all to vent to.

[fooled once]

So what are YOU going to do?

 

Are you going to break the cycle or are you going to jump right back on the merry go round?

 

I hope for your sake you break the cycle. We can all offer you our advice, our thoughts and our support; but it is up to you to make the decision and stick to it. I wish you well.

[2sunny]

send him a vert curt text saying never to contact you again unless his divorce is FINAL! even then i would never consider it - because: he's manipulative and terribly controlling.

 

he's married! who does he think he is making demands on YOU? can you imagine what a controlling and manipulative husband he must be? gross!!!!

 

tell him YOU have one life to live and what you do is NONE of his business!

 

get busy living - he's a complete dork.

[wannabdone]

send him a vert curt text saying never to contact you again unless his divorce is FINAL! even then i would never consider it - because: he's manipulative and terribly controlling.

 

he's married! who does he think he is making demands on YOU? can you imagine what a controlling and manipulative husband he must be? gross!!!!

 

tell him YOU have one life to live and what you do is NONE of his business!

 

get busy living - he's a complete dork.

 

Why 2sunny... you don't know who these men are??? They are the BEST thing that has ever happened to us. We should be grateftul they even look our direction. lol.... wtfe!!!

[phillyfan]

I had gone NC with the MM and started dating other men. I told the MM that was what I was going to do and he got so upset about it I decided the only thing to do was go NC. He’s still married and it seems unfair that I can’t date. I understand that sleeping with more than one person would be a huge no no, but that wasn’t the case.

 

 

 

So after a few days of NC the MM desperately wants to talk. We talked and he agreed to accept that I was going to see other people and that I would tell him when or if anything ever became physical with anyone else. I had dates, I was vague about who, what and where. He successfully monopolized my time for the entire week and was as sweet and caring as you could ever hope for so I got suckered back in. I had a date for Friday night but the MM called on Thursday and said he wanted to spend the weekend with me and wanted to know if I had any plans for the weekend. I told him I was going to a play on Friday with some friends but that I was free the rest of the weekend. He said he wanted to stay and see me. So after the play, I went to his apartment and stayed there the rest of the weekend. He was quite suspicious and kept asking if I had a date and stupidly I told him I was with a friend. I don’t know why I lied and I can’t justify it. Anyway, the MM watched me walk into the play with my date and questioned me about it Saturday and wanted to know if it was someone I had previously been out with and I again stupidly denied it.

 

 

The rest of the weekend was great. Great sex. Great company. Great time enjoying each other’s company. Lots of good talks. By the end of the weekend, I had decided I didn’t want to date anyone else and I didn’t want to drag any innocent people into the situation until I was ready to break it off completely with the MM. The MM told me he was going to get a divorce and that we would be together. He even told me he had thought of buying me a promise type ring for my birthday but was now reconsidering because he didn’t trust me.

 

 

The MM has been acting stressed all week. Not sleeping. Accusing me of lying, etc. all week. Finally today he took me to lunch and told me he had looked at my phone while I was in the shower Saturday and looked at my Facebook page, read my texts, read my emails, etc. He feels betrayed. To be honest I haven’t been honest about everything. I didn’t feel like my dating life was any of his business. I still don’t.

 

 

I should feel outraged that my privacy was invaded but mostly I feel hurt. I feel terrible that he feels like I betrayed him. I guess I did lie to him. I told him I was going with a friend and I went with a date. I’m so shaken, I can’t even decide if he’s justified or not. I feel like this is really the end of our relationship and it hurts so bad. It’s been a roller coaster the last month and I felt like the weekend was a big high and now I’m at the bottom. I didn’t want it to end this way.

 

 

I guess I don’t have a question. I’m not sure what I need. I’d like an honest opinion on the situation. What’s wrong with me that I am so devastated and feel so awful? Why do I feel like a terrible person? Why does it matter who ended it or why?

 

What a f**kin prick, he is goin home 2 sleep wit his wife evry nite, n u hav 2 live wit that, n he is goin thru ur phone, n all ur sh*t and checkin up on u, follows u, and now he dont trust u? HE DONT TRUST U?! Dude he is one big freakin loser. Datin him is like huntin thru a dumpster for old food insted of eatin at a restraunt.

[So Very Confused]

What a f**kin prick, he is goin home 2 sleep wit his wife evry nite, n u hav 2 live wit that, n he is goin thru ur phone, n all ur sh*t and checkin up on u, follows u, and now he dont trust u? HE DONT TRUST U?! Dude he is one big freakin loser. Datin him is like huntin thru a dumpster for old food insted of eatin at a restraunt.

 

That's so true and thanks for giving me that visual.

 

The last couple of days have been hard. I miss him. I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. I just want to cry. I've had a broken heart before but it's hard to remember how bad it hurts and that I eventually got over it. For some reason this feels like a different kind of hurt. I keep obsessing that he's met someone else or what he's doing with his W. I'm fighting the urge to tell him I'll take him up on his offer to get together one last time. I know that's absolutely the wrong thing to do and it will suck me back in and I doubt I'll be able to keep my head together and have some dignity. I want to email him and tell him how much he's hurt me but I don't think he'd "hear" me. I think it would make him think that what he's done is okay and that I'll still be waiting around pining for him. I'm such a mess. This is the longest we have gone without contact the whole time we've known each other. Uggg. I need MM detox.

[wannabdone]

That's so true and thanks for giving me that visual.

 

The last couple of days have been hard. I miss him. I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. I just want to cry. I've had a broken heart before but it's hard to remember how bad it hurts and that I eventually got over it. For some reason this feels like a different kind of hurt. I keep obsessing that he's met someone else or what he's doing with his W. I'm fighting the urge to tell him I'll take him up on his offer to get together one last time. I know that's absolutely the wrong thing to do and it will suck me back in and I doubt I'll be able to keep my head together and have some dignity. I want to email him and tell him how much he's hurt me but I don't think he'd "hear" me. I think it would make him think that what he's done is okay and that I'll still be waiting around pining for him. I'm such a mess. This is the longest we have gone without contact the whole time we've known each other. Uggg. I need MM detox.

 

 

SVC..... I hear you. Right now.... just breath. You will get better. I know that desperation feeling. Not knowing what he is doing, or who with. Don't let that consume you. Its no good for you. I know that is easier said than done, but if your thoughts have to be on him, focus on everything negative he has done. Sit down and write out all of the things he has lied to you about and hurt you. Bullet point those. The best thing right now is try to keep things in perspective. When we are hurting, we want a quick fix. And its times of the quick fix that we end up f***ing our selves up more than ever.

 

Take it 30 minutes at a time. I won't contact him this 30 minutes, then go from there. If you take him back with that you will be his side girl..... that too will get less and less and you will find your self feeding off of less scrapes than you have had. Its no way to live.

 

If you need to, stay on this site all day, reading and posting. Anything to keep you from contacting him. Do you think you can try to do that????

[So Very Confused]

SVC..... I hear you. Right now.... just breath. You will get better. I know that desperation feeling. Not knowing what he is doing, or who with. Don't let that consume you. Its no good for you. I know that is easier said than done, but if your thoughts have to be on him, focus on everything negative he has done. Sit down and write out all of the things he has lied to you about and hurt you. Bullet point those. The best thing right now is try to keep things in perspective. When we are hurting, we want a quick fix. And its times of the quick fix that we end up f***ing our selves up more than ever.

 

Take it 30 minutes at a time. I won't contact him this 30 minutes, then go from there. If you take him back with that you will be his side girl..... that too will get less and less and you will find your self feeding off of less scrapes than you have had. Its no way to live.

 

If you need to, stay on this site all day, reading and posting. Anything to keep you from contacting him. Do you think you can try to do that????

 

That's the plan. I'm just going to keep reading and posting and doing anything that will keep me from doing something stupid. I love to watch football all day Sunday but my heart just isn't in it today.

 

I just found a really good article:

 

http://www.lostlovers.com/lets-talk-again-a-month-from-now-affair-partners-why-no-contact-doesnt-work-and-makes-things-worse/

 

I think the article is right. It's better to go cold turkey but the first few days are miserable. I'm not feeling quite as miserable since I vented though. Thanks for your help!

[wannabdone]

That's the plan. I'm just going to keep reading and posting and doing anything that will keep me from doing something stupid. I love to watch football all day Sunday but my heart just isn't in it today.

 

I just found a really good article:

 

http://www.lostlovers.com/lets-talk-again-a-month-from-now-affair-partners-why-no-contact-doesnt-work-and-makes-things-worse/

 

I think the article is right. It's better to go cold turkey but the first few days are miserable. I'm not feeling quite as miserable since I vented though. Thanks for your help!

 

 

I'm getting ready to read it. I'll keep on here on and off all day...so if you have a moment that you might want to email him or just need to talk...I'll be here.

 

Just remember....I might need it from you at some point as well.

[So Very Confused]

I'll keep on here on and off all day...so if you have a moment that you might want to email him or just need to talk...I'll be here.

 

Just remember....I might need it from you at some point as well.

 

Thanks! I'm hear when you need me as well.

[wannabdone]

SVC.... post that article you sent me on the thread I started for articles, and books.

 

Its really good!!!!

[So Very Confused]

I caved and talked to him last night. I really wanted to know if he was as miserable as I was. I know it was stupid to even answer the phone and I wish I hadn't.

 

He claimed that he didn't really mean to break up with me. That he was just explaining how he felt and things got out of control. After talking to him, I was under the impression that he didn't really dump me and he wanted to know when we could get together. I half questioned whether or not we had broken up.

 

So I looked back at the last email. Right there in black and white, he referenced the break up. So I sent him an email with the part about breaking up bolded and told him how miserable I am and it doesn't matter if we see each other one more time or 10. It still hurts so there's not point in doing it.

 

Then he called back crying. Saying this isn't what he wanted and that he can't believe he'll never see me again.

 

This morning I'm back to feeling like crap. (not that I didn't feel like crap yesterday) But I also wonder if he's gaslighting or what. I guess it doesn't matter. It's over. It still hurts. It does suck to know I'll never see him again. I wish I hadn't answered the phone. I feel like I'm starting the whole miserable process over again. I was at the point of acceptance before I answered the phone. Now I'm at probably back to feeling a little bit of denial that the break up ever happened and that it's really over. Uggggg.

[wannabdone]

I caved and talked to him last night. I really wanted to know if he was as miserable as I was. I know it was stupid to even answer the phone and I wish I hadn't.

 

He claimed that he didn't really mean to break up with me. That he was just explaining how he felt and things got out of control. After talking to him, I was under the impression that he didn't really dump me and he wanted to know when we could get together. I half questioned whether or not we had broken up.

 

So I looked back at the last email. Right there in black and white, he referenced the break up. So I sent him an email with the part about breaking up bolded and told him how miserable I am and it doesn't matter if we see each other one more time or 10. It still hurts so there's not point in doing it.

 

Then he called back crying. Saying this isn't what he wanted and that he can't believe he'll never see me again.

 

This morning I'm back to feeling like crap. (not that I didn't feel like crap yesterday) But I also wonder if he's gaslighting or what. I guess it doesn't matter. It's over. It still hurts. It does suck to know I'll never see him again. I wish I hadn't answered the phone. I feel like I'm starting the whole miserable process over again. I was at the point of acceptance before I answered the phone. Now I'm at probably back to feeling a little bit of denial that the break up ever happened and that it's really over. Uggggg.

 

 

I'm sorry, SVC. I know how hard it is when you miss them and want to talk to them and you also want answers. Then when you get the answers you want (of course) and they make you feel like you are crazy, even though as you said its in b/w, they come back crying....that would be hard. I've never had that, so I have no idea how I would even handle it.

 

I think what you have to weigh right now is .... where is this really going? And do you want to continue to be on this path? Just because you spoke to him doesn't mean you have to start the pattern over. We all slip and fall off the horse, so to speak. Its whether or not you get back on and finish the race, is what is important.

 

So what are you thinking about doing?

[So Very Confused]

So what are you thinking about doing?

 

A part of me wants it to all be okay and go back to the way things were but that's not even possible. Even if that happened, we'd have another fight and he'd dump me all over again after he berated me for being disloyal and a liar. So I'd be back here crying and feeling guilty in a week or two.

 

I'm just going to go on about my day and try to get some work done for a change. I seem to be flip flopping pretty regularly so I'm sure I'll think something different in an hour.

[wannabdone]

A part of me wants it to all be okay and go back to the way things were but that's not even possible. Even if that happened, we'd have another fight and he'd dump me all over again after he berated me for being disloyal and a liar. So I'd be back here crying and feeling guilty in a week or two.

 

I'm just going to go on about my day and try to get some work done for a change. I seem to be flip flopping pretty regularly so I'm sure I'll think something different in an hour.

 

 

I think thats normal, and to be expected. I have learned through out my 10 years of this bs, that if I'm flip flopping....its best I do nothing. Until my head clears. Too hard to make decisions one way or another when your mind is all over the place. So, just try that. No decisions for right now, let it lie. Get as much work done as you can. If he tries to contact you, (you guys work, together, right?).... just tell him you need some time to clear your head. That way your telling him the truth, and its not telling him one way or another. He will try to get you to commit to one way right now, just don't. You are the owner of your destiny. And you do what is right for YOU. Now is the time its about you, not him.

 

And post away girl, I'm having an office day today, so I will be checking on you perodically.

 

So, do you think you can just decide to NOT make any decisions right now? Is that something you can do?

[26pointblue]

A part of me wants it to all be okay and go back to the way things were but that's not even possible. Even if that happened, we'd have another fight and he'd dump me all over again after he berated me for being disloyal and a liar. So I'd be back here crying and feeling guilty in a week or two.

 

I'm just going to go on about my day and try to get some work done for a change. I seem to be flip flopping pretty regularly so I'm sure I'll think something different in an hour.

 

You're onto him & that's wise. He doesn't respect you, he's being selfish & thinking of himself. When he's jealous because you're dating other guys, he berates you & blames you . . . when HE'S THE ONE MARRIED! When he misses you & doesn't want to lose you, he twists things around & acts like he never dumped you when he did.

 

Please stop talking to him. Please just take a few days NC to get your head straight & you'll start seeing even more clearly that this is not real love or respect . . . this is just a married guy wanting to keep you on the side & not let you have your own life because he's selfish & immature.

 

I hope your pain goes away. Please know that every time you let him back in, you're asking for more pain. Every time you keep him out, you will feel stronger & wiser, & things will slowly get better with time. I promise you because I've been there. Best wishes.

[So Very Confused]

Dammit! I'm trying to concentrate on work and now I'm having problems. He sent me an email telling me that there were other reasons for the break up but they weren't between the two of us but he didn't tell me what they were because "it's over now anyway". So I ignored the email. Then he sent another email that was total nonsense. Something about hats. So I sent him back a reply asking what that was about. No answer. So I texted him and asked. No answer. I know he's playing games with me but it's driving me crazy. What an azzhat! This man is in his 40's but he's acting like a child.

 

Ok, rant over.

[bentnotbroken]

Dammit! I'm trying to concentrate on work and now I'm having problems. He sent me an email telling me that there were other reasons for the break up but they weren't between the two of us but he didn't tell me what they were because "it's over now anyway". So I ignored the email. Then he sent another email that was total nonsense. Something about hats. So I sent him back a reply asking what that was about. No answer. So I texted him and asked. No answer. I know he's playing games with me but it's driving me crazy. What an azzhat! This man is in his 40's but he's acting like a child.

 

Ok, rant over.

 

 

The funny thing about people who play games, they typically don't like to play alone. If you continue over feed the dog it will eventually crap all over you.

[fooled once]

Dammit! I'm trying to concentrate on work and now I'm having problems. He sent me an email telling me that there were other reasons for the break up but they weren't between the two of us but he didn't tell me what they were because "it's over now anyway". So I ignored the email. Then he sent another email that was total nonsense. Something about hats. So I sent him back a reply asking what that was about. No answer. So I texted him and asked. No answer. I know he's playing games with me but it's driving me crazy. What an azzhat! This man is in his 40's but he's acting like a child.

 

Ok, rant over.

 

See he got you. He kept throwing out a line and you bit.

 

He got what he wanted; you to contact him.

 

So, next time he does this, what are you going to do?

[wannabdone]

Okay sister.... get to talking. I'm ready.