How do you know when it's time to end the relationship?

[travelbug21]

How do you know when it’s time to call it quits? (Long post, sorry)

 

My SO is my first real relationship and my first love. I don’t date much and I never planned on falling in love, getting married or having children. Then when I met him, I wanted it all. We talked about it and what we wanted for our future. We planned for me to move to his location because of how much we miss each other. I had all my things that I’m not using now packed and ready to ship but I wanted to ship them 3 weeks before I left.

 

I was doing volunteer work while looking for a temp position where I would be able to save ups some cash. I told my SO about the interviews that I had and he was supportive but his heart wasn’t in it. We discussed it and he told me that he felt that I was looking for a job in my country to stay and told me that I didn’t need to save up because he would talk care of me. Because of our conversation, I turned down a really good job (because I would be expected to stay for 2 years and if I left before then, I would burn my bridges with a very supportive contact) and took a part-time, temporary job.

 

Now he’s acting like he never asked me to move in and told me that I should focus on my life. Then he turns around and tells me that he wants me there with him and that I belong in his country with him. I asked when we’re going to close the distance and he couldn’t answer. I am starting to wonder if I’m wasting my time on him. He keeps inserting himself into my future plans but then turns around and says that he can’t and won’t plan for the future because life can change in an instance. I can understand that he’s going through some things but he giving me mixed messages and then tells me that we both want the same thing but I don’t feel so. I feel like I’m the only one putting an effort into the relationship and there’s only so much I can do on my own.

 

After our last argument (Sunday), I sent him a message on MSN and he never replied. All day yesterday his status was "away" but he wasn't away as he works from home and I know the days that he goes into the office. Today, I couldn't take the distance anymore so I send another message telling him to give me a buzz if you want to chat. However, 2 minutes later he went offline. I'm trying to figure out what's going on. He says that the reason we are arguing is because we are not speaking on the phone that often (our chat drove my phone bill extremely high and I asked that we only speak on skype and MSN video call).

[madjac74]

simple answer....you wont!

 

I agree with him though that you need to talk to him on the phone more even if its text. There is such a huge difference communicating with your partner when they are going about their daily lives than when you have to both attach each other to a computer to skype or whatever. They could do that with any random person on their own time without you. It's much better to experience them ...just getting off work, picking the kids up, doing some grocery shopping, etc...

[FitChick]

He liked the fantasy of it but when it looked like it was becoming real, he panicked. Sounds immature. Don't ruin your career for someone like that. When someone says they will take care of you, ask them if they are proposing marriage. That is the only real way of doing that. The rest is cheap talk.

[HeavenOrHell]

Marriage isn't for everyone, it's not for me, I like committed r/ships but not marriage, so IMO marriage isn't an indicator of anything, he could talk about it and not follow it through anyway.

 

 

 

He liked the fantasy of it but when it looked like it was becoming real, he panicked. Sounds immature. Don't ruin your career for someone like that. When someone says they will take care of you, ask them if they are proposing marriage. That is the only real way of doing that. The rest is cheap talk.

[travelbug21]

Thanks all for your advice!! I really appreciate it. My SO and I have discussed things are we are working on our relationship.