NC whining..lol

[TurningTables]

Hi everybody. Lately, there has seemed to be alot of "heaviness" in this forum. I was reading the other day in the Breaking up forum of someone whining about all they do is say how long theyve been in NC, etc, etc. The OP even suggested that it was as if LS has become something like a AA meeting.

 

Well, for me, I think NC is something that us fOW/OM should be celebrating. The longer we are in it, the more clarity and stronger we get. So, I thought it only be fitting to start a good thread with how long youve been in NC and how you are doing without starting thread after thread. Feel free to tell how you are and to ask others as well.Its pretty much a open discussion of how everybody is doing. So, here it goes:

 

Hello. My name is TurningTables. I am a fOW and have been in NC for about 3 weeks ( officially 2 1/2 months with dday). I am currently doing ok. The tears have stopped and with each passing day, I am learning why I made the choices I made.

[ladydesigner]

I <3 NC threads:love:

 

I am an XMOW and I have been NC for 2 years now. I feel indifference towards my XOM (who is attached with gf of 6 years).

 

NC was the best thing I could have done for myself. It has given me the clarity to see my wrongs, to refocus on rebuilding my marriage, forgetting about the XOM, to focus on my healing. So many benefits!!!!

 

Best of all I have myself back and am really REALLY happy in life nowadays.

[fooled once]

Hi everybody. Lately, there has seemed to be alot of "heaviness" in this forum. I was reading the other day in the Breaking up forum of someone whining about all they do is say how long theyve been in NC, etc, etc. The OP even suggested that it was as if LS has become something like a AA meeting.

 

Well, for me, I think NC is something that us fOW/OM should be celebrating. The longer we are in it, the more clarity and stronger we get. So, I thought it only be fitting to start a good thread with how long youve been in NC and how you are doing without starting thread after thread. Feel free to tell how you are and to ask others as well.Its pretty much a open discussion of how everybody is doing. So, here it goes:

 

Hello. My name is TurningTables. I am a fOW and have been in NC for about 3 weeks ( officially 2 1/2 months with dday). I am currently doing ok. The tears have stopped and with each passing day, I am learning why I made the choices I made.

 

Excellent post Turning!!

 

I have been NC for 13 years I am doing great. Happily married.

 

I agree, NC should be celebrated; not turned into something negative. I love it when women get to a point where they aren't preoccupied with the # of hours or days it has been -- when they say its been a few months or several week - no specific countdown of time.

[eleanor01]

The OP even suggested that it was as if LS has become something like a AA meeting.

 

People don't call each other names at AA meetings.

 

Ellie

[fooled once]

I <3 NC threads:love:

 

I am an XMOW and I have been NC for 2 years now. I feel indifference towards my XOM (who is attached with gf of 6 years).

 

NC was the best thing I could have done for myself. It has given me the clarity to see my wrongs, to refocus on rebuilding my marriage, forgetting about the XOM, to focus on my healing. So many benefits!!!!

 

Best of all I have myself back and am really REALLY happy in life nowadays.

 

LOVE LOVE LOVE this post!!! :love:

 

LD, so happy to hear that you are REALLY happy these days!!! WOO HOO!!!

[eleanor01]

Hi everybody. Lately, there has seemed to be alot of "heaviness" in this forum. I was reading the other day in the Breaking up forum of someone whining about all they do is say how long theyve been in NC, etc, etc. The OP even suggested that it was as if LS has become something like a AA meeting.

 

Well, for me, I think NC is something that us fOW/OM should be celebrating. The longer we are in it, the more clarity and stronger we get. So, I thought it only be fitting to start a good thread with how long youve been in NC and how you are doing without starting thread after thread. Feel free to tell how you are and to ask others as well.Its pretty much a open discussion of how everybody is doing. So, here it goes:

 

Hello. My name is TurningTables. I am a fOW and have been in NC for about 3 weeks ( officially 2 1/2 months with dday). I am currently doing ok. The tears have stopped and with each passing day, I am learning why I made the choices I made.

 

Good for you, TT! Hang in there.

 

Best,

Ellie

[fooled once]

Hello. My name is Lost_In_D'Votion.

 

I'm a fMOW to a MOM (re-kindled love EA/PA, 15 yrs. too late). It was a LDA that lasted 18 months. I've been in 100% NC for probably the 4th or 5th time for 2 months now (last time and tied for the longest). You can see from my join date that I've been lurking a while. My join date happens to coincide with the last 2 month NC period (broken by MM of course). They do come back.

 

I read here everyday, every chance I get. My latest addiction right? I'm so thankful to all the "veteran" posters and also the semi-new but very insightful LSer's. Because of all the info I've soaked in here, I can also say I'm OK too. I'm not to sure where I'd be if it wasn't for LS. During the last 2 mth NC, LS was what kept me semi-sane. But I'm not "Lost" anymore. I should change my name to "slightly off course but definitely heading in the right direction".

 

I still have good days and bad (sad) days, but the bad days are few and far between and not really all that bad. I think I was really ready this time. There's a lot truth to be said for not being really ready until you know "enough is enough". It's definitely easier when you reach that point.

 

Hello everyone. Sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances but here we are.

 

Thanks to the OP. I was looking for a reason (or courage really) to introduce myself.

 

Hey Lost!! So glad you have found useful and helpful advice here at LS. That is great news!!! Please jump right in. I am glad you have been NC for your longest period yet! I find strength sometimes reading another site I belong to when I am struggling with a health issue; I hope you feel the same way about LS.

 

Great to have you here and thanks for introducing yourself!! Welcome!!

[eleanor01]

Hello. My name is Lost_In_D'Votion.

 

I'm a fMOW to a MOM (re-kindled love EA/PA, 15 yrs. too late). It was a LDA that lasted 18 months. I've been in 100% NC for probably the 4th or 5th time for 2 months now (last time and tied for the longest). You can see from my join date that I've been lurking a while. My join date happens to coincide with the last 2 month NC period (broken by MM of course). They do come back.

 

I read here everyday, every chance I get. My latest addiction right? I'm so thankful to all the "veteran" posters and also the semi-new but very insightful LSer's. Because of all the info I've soaked in here, I can also say I'm OK too. I'm not to sure where I'd be if it wasn't for LS. During the last 2 mth NC, LS was what kept me semi-sane. But I'm not "Lost" anymore. I should change my name to "slightly off course but definitely heading in the right direction".

 

I still have good days and bad (sad) days, but the bad days are few and far between and not really all that bad. I think I was really ready this time. There's a lot truth to be said for not being really ready until you know "enough is enough". It's definitely easier when you reach that point.

 

Hello everyone. Sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances but here we are.

 

Thanks to the OP. I was looking for a reason (or courage really) to introduce myself.

 

Welcome, LIDV

 

Ellie

[TurboGirl]

People don't call each other names at AA meetings.

 

Ellie

 

Really? How do you know that? :bunny:

[eleanor01]

People don't call each other names at AA meetings.

 

Ellie

Really? How do you know that? :bunny:

 

Did you really just say that??

[fooled once]

People don't call each other names at AA meetings.

 

Ellie

????

 

Who is calling who names? Report the posts to a moderator. That is against the guidelines.

[MissBee]

Hi everybody. Lately, there has seemed to be alot of "heaviness" in this forum. I was reading the other day in the Breaking up forum of someone whining about all they do is say how long theyve been in NC, etc, etc. The OP even suggested that it was as if LS has become something like a AA meeting.

 

Well, for me, I think NC is something that us fOW/OM should be celebrating. The longer we are in it, the more clarity and stronger we get. So, I thought it only be fitting to start a good thread with how long youve been in NC and how you are doing without starting thread after thread. Feel free to tell how you are and to ask others as well.Its pretty much a open discussion of how everybody is doing. So, here it goes:

Hello. My name is TurningTables. I am a fOW and have been in NC for about 3 weeks ( officially 2 1/2 months with dday). I am currently doing ok. The tears have stopped and with each passing day, I am learning why I made the choices I made.

 

 

Great for you TT!

[MissBee]

I <3 NC threads:love:

 

I am an XMOW and I have been NC for 2 years now. I feel indifference towards my XOM (who is attached with gf of 6 years).

 

NC was the best thing I could have done for myself. It has given me the clarity to see my wrongs, to refocus on rebuilding my marriage, forgetting about the XOM, to focus on my healing. So many benefits!!!!

 

Best of all I have myself back and am really REALLY happy in life nowadays.

 

Yaaaaayyy! That's awesome Lady

[MissBee]

Hello. My name is Lost_In_D'Votion.

 

I'm a fMOW to a MOM (re-kindled love EA/PA, 15 yrs. too late). It was a LDA that lasted 18 months. I've been in 100% NC for probably the 4th or 5th time for 2 months now (last time and tied for the longest). You can see from my join date that I've been lurking a while. My join date happens to coincide with the last 2 month NC period (broken by MM of course). They do come back.

 

I read here everyday, every chance I get. My latest addiction right? I'm so thankful to all the "veteran" posters and also the semi-new but very insightful LSer's. Because of all the info I've soaked in here, I can also say I'm OK too. I'm not to sure where I'd be if it wasn't for LS. During the last 2 mth NC, LS was what kept me semi-sane. But I'm not "Lost" anymore. I should change my name to "slightly off course but definitely heading in the right direction".

I still have good days and bad (sad) days, but the bad days are few and far between and not really all that bad. I think I was really ready this time. There's a lot truth to be said for not being really ready until you know "enough is enough". It's definitely easier when you reach that point.

Hello everyone. Sorry we couldn't have met under better circumstances but here we are.

 

Thanks to the OP. I was looking for a reason (or courage really) to introduce myself.

 

Hi Lost: Welcome!

 

It's awesome that you're having more good than bad days and I wish you many many more awesome days to come.

 

And for everyone currently in NC...I wish you all a speedy arrival at the day when you no longer think about NC consciously, you cannot count the days anymore, as so much time, growth and living of life has passed and your pain is so far removed that you have to actually try to remember what it felt like!

[TurningTables]

????

 

Who is calling who names? Report the posts to a moderator. That is against the guidelines.

 

 

lol..I was just about to say the same thing when I saw this post about calling names. Where is that in my thread or are you talking about someone else's thread?

[waytogo]

This was a great thread TT. At least as long as I work, I'll never be 100% NC w/ xMM. I'm probably 1 of the luckier. I actually like him as a person, tho he will always be more of a distance aquaintance now.

 

I have no lingering romantic longings. He's more like that HS BF you think is fine for someone else. You just like what you have so much better than that past.

 

Does this mean I'm recovered

 

I do feel bad for what I did. Even some BS have told me to let it go and enjoy my happiness. They were amazing to say that. They're also right. The hardest thing for me is not to apologize to someone that deserves it. I always have in the past, except for this. If I did it now it would be for me; and would set off such a domino reaction for plenty of people yrs later. It makes no sense now.

[eleanor01]

Hi everybody. Lately, there has seemed to be alot of "heaviness" in this forum. I was reading the other day in the Breaking up forum of someone whining about all they do is say how long theyve been in NC, etc, etc. The OP even suggested that it was as if LS has become something like a AA meeting.

 

Well, for me, I think NC is something that us fOW/OM should be celebrating. The longer we are in it, the more clarity and stronger we get. So, I thought it only be fitting to start a good thread with how long youve been in NC and how you are doing without starting thread after thread. Feel free to tell how you are and to ask others as well.Its pretty much a open discussion of how everybody is doing. So, here it goes:

 

Hello. My name is TurningTables. I am a fOW and have been in NC for about 3 weeks ( officially 2 1/2 months with dday). I am currently doing ok. The tears have stopped and with each passing day, I am learning why I made the choices I made.

 

Hey, TT--

 

My apologies for the threadjack. It was not appropriate.

 

My experience with NC hasn't been as OW, so I don't think it's completely relevant, but I'll offer what I have. It's been almost 2 years since I initiated NC with a guy I had been living with. While we weren't married, I was the BS(BSO?). It was probably the best decision I've made in this millenium. But, it was very, very hard.

 

I wish all of you who are trying to go NC the strength to keep up with it.

 

Best,

Ellie

[all3sides]

Like LIDV, I have been lurking and learning here. I too am a LS addict!

 

I am at 3.5 months NC, but it's not complete NC, I still have to work with my xMM. I have been strong this time for which I am very proud of myself! There were too many "endings" with the subsequent caving to his crap and getting right back into the mess but not this time.

 

A lot of the threads recently have hit close to home. But it's not those that were situational to my A while I was in it, but this one that is celebrating my strength and the regaining of my *new* self that I felt compelled to comment on.

 

I'm done with him, so while it's interesting to read why some others believe he (their MM/MW) said he was "staying for his kids", I don't give a rat's *ss why he stays now, it's not my problem. I get to go to bed in peace at night, not with a man I know lied to my face with complete and utter disregard for anyone but himself.

 

great thread!

[TurningTables]

Ellie: Its ok. FO and I were just asking where the name calling was in this thread. We both were a little confused. Im like "Did I miss something?" lol I thought you might have meant as in other threads with the name calling. I did see some thrown around about two weeks ago. We're cool.

 

Anyways, Welcome to the new posters. I hope you are doing well with your journey here on LS.

 

I really just noticed the date of today and Im actually in 3 weeks of NC since dday. I have my good days and bad ones. I think I just really miss my best friend. Today was a bad one. I actually saw him without him seeing me. I got away just in time. I did however notice, NO wedding ring. I thought it was odd because every time Ive ever seen him, he has worn one. Now Im wondering what happen. He told me he told his W about me, etc and then called and called to talk to me. I never answered. I know I shouldnt be thinking about it, but I am.

 

Ugh..All these unanswered questions. I guess its going to remain that way. Im not looking back.

[Lostinlife4now]

Hey TT!!!!! Thank you for this thread! I also have a SOFT addiction to LS...

 

Just got so tired of the same old same old with a MM........and I wanted him to get his M back on track since he is not leaving until the kids reach college age....He ain't EVER Leavin........

 

It has been a long time coming to get rid of MM, I would say about 18 months...... (was involved for 7 years).It is a very long process and I have to HONESTLY SAY "I FEEL FREE"......I have had NC with him AT ALL for about a week now...and ya know what?? I don't care ANYMORE.......I actually feel an indifference toward him....And I think indifference is good on my part anyway....Don't care why he is staying in a dysfunctional marriage....DON"T FREAKIN CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am the one who is free, free to be me...I am single...and I am doing things for myself now....and I like it.....He is the one stuck in a sexless, friendless, roomate marriage...(So he has said over the 7 years..) I met her a couple of times...(long story) and they really DON'T have any chemistry between them...just 2 kids and a long history.....Which his children are very important...but of course....

 

The last straw was when he went on vacation for 2 weeks with W and kids...how the F....can you have a bad marriage if you can go away for 2 weeks with the w...He said it's for my kids...Yeah Right!! Buhbye Ass....

 

So, I am soooooooooo happy this tread came up....

 

But I am wondering if he is Missing Me?

[MissBee]

Hey TT!!!!! Thank you for this thread! I also have a SOFT addiction to LS...

 

Just got so tired of the same old same old with a MM........and I wanted him to get his M back on track since he is not leaving until the kids reach college age....He ain't EVER Leavin........

 

It has been a long time coming to get rid of MM, I would say about 18 months...... (was involved for 7 years).It is a very long process and I have to HONESTLY SAY "I FEEL FREE"......I have had NC with him AT ALL for about a week now...and ya know what?? I don't care ANYMORE.......I actually feel an indifference toward him....And I think indifference is good on my part anyway....Don't care why he is staying in a dysfunctional marriage....DON"T FREAKIN CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am the one who is free, free to be me...I am single...and I am doing things for myself now....and I like it.....He is the one stuck in a sexless, friendless, roomate marriage...(So he has said over the 7 years..) I met her a couple of times...(long story) and they really DON'T have any chemistry between them...just 2 kids and a long history.....Which his children are very important...but of course....

 

The last straw was when he went on vacation for 2 weeks with W and kids...how the F....can you have a bad marriage if you can go away for 2 weeks with the w...He said it's for my kids...Yeah Right!! Buhbye Ass....

 

So, I am soooooooooo happy this tread came up....

But I am wondering if he is Missing Me?

 

I hated that question...as it started me down the slippery slope. The truth is, more than likely this person does miss you, for whatever reason (they could genuinely miss your company, miss the sex, miss the way you made them feel about themselves, miss your cooking, miss the conversation, miss the distraction etc) BUT I realized secretly missing me or missing me but nothing changing....didn't matter one bit! We all want to feel important and like our existence mattered to this person, so our presence being taken away affects them, BUT if it is not to the point of things changing, does it matter a whole bunch in the long run? No.

 

Thanks for missing me and being a normal human but that gets neither of us anywhere....so I accepted that they probably do miss me sometimes and I did mean something but if that missing is not for a good reason or won't lead to the outcome I want/deserve...then missing is just missing and it will eventually fade.

 

 

I'm happy for you! It's NEVER fun to be in a relationship where you are wondering about all these unknowns, like how can he go on vacation with his wife, is his marriage REALLY bad, when is he leaving, so on and so forth. For me, there's not an Excedrin big enough for that headache sooo no thank you.

Edited August 18, 2011 by MissBee

[TurningTables]

I hated that question...as it started me down the slippery slope. The truth is, more than likely this person does miss you, for whatever reason (they could genuinely miss your company, miss the sex, miss the way you made them feel about themselves, miss your cooking, miss the conversation, miss the distraction etc) BUT I realized secretly missing me or missing me but nothing changing....didn't matter one bit! We all want to feel important and like our existence mattered to this person, so our presence being taken away affects them, BUT if it is not to the point of things changing, does it matter a whole bunch in the long run? No.

 

Thanks for missing me and being a normal human but that gets neither of us anywhere....so I accepted that they probably do miss me sometimes and I did mean something but if that missing is not for a good reason or won't lead to the outcome I want/deserve...then missing is just missing and it will eventually fade.

 

 

I'm happy for you! It's NEVER fun to be in a relationship where you are wondering about all these unknowns, like how can he go on vacation with his wife, is his marriage REALLY bad, when is he leaving, so on and so forth. For me, there's not an Excedrin big enough for that headache sooo no thank you.

 

 

I also hate that questions that nags me! So I seconded your quote Miss Bee! However, I know that I <dont > want him by default, so I am holding my own. Ive put a plan together if I see him at school, I know what I need to do if we should run into each other. I know its going to happen sooner or later, but I am hoping Im strong enough to put everything into action for him to know Im truly done.

[MissBee]

I also hate that questions that nags me! So I seconded your quote Miss Bee! However, I know that I <dont > want him by default, so I am holding my own. Ive put a plan together if I see him at school, I know what I need to do if we should run into each other. I know its going to happen sooner or later, but I am hoping Im strong enough to put everything into action for him to know Im truly done.

 

 

Best of luck in implementing your plan!

[no expectations]

People don't call each other names at AA meetings.

 

Ellie

 

Amen to this!!

[fooled once]

Ellie: Its ok. FO and I were just asking where the name calling was in this thread. We both were a little confused. Im like "Did I miss something?" lol I thought you might have meant as in other threads with the name calling. I did see some thrown around about two weeks ago. We're cool.

 

Anyways, Welcome to the new posters. I hope you are doing well with your journey here on LS.

 

I really just noticed the date of today and Im actually in 3 weeks of NC since dday. I have my good days and bad ones. I think I just really miss my best friend. Today was a bad one. I actually saw him without him seeing me. I got away just in time. I did however notice, NO wedding ring. I thought it was odd because every time Ive ever seen him, he has worn one. Now Im wondering what happen. He told me he told his W about me, etc and then called and called to talk to me. I never answered. I know I shouldnt be thinking about it, but I am.

 

Ugh..All these unanswered questions. I guess its going to remain that way. Im not looking back.

 

Hey you....stop that right now (wondering about the missing ring!!!!). He may have taken it off to lure his next victim or he may have forgotten it or he may have purposely not worn it to get YOU wondering!!!!! Stop. Stop. Stop!!

 

Moving forward, not backward, ya hear??