Bit of a weird situation...

[emby]

I met a guy very recently and we instantly clicked, whirlwind romance and all the rest of it. After the first date I was 100% sure that we would be great friends but not sure about the chemistry. On the second date we both had the most amazing day and shared our first kiss. I couldn't believe my luck in finding him and how well we got on. That day it turned out that I went back to his house that he shares with his parents and met his family who were also great, and we all shared a meal. That was on a thursday, and he asked if I wanted to come over again as soon as saturday! We had another perfect day at the cinema and his house, and then I ended up staying over. In between seeing him, we have spoken every day through facebook, texts and phonecalls. We have both admitted that we really liked each other, neither of us was expecting this and everything has moved really fast. His mum even referred to me his girlfriend the second time she met me! So all of that is great. When I got back home on the Sunday I couldn't have been happier. He said that I 'tick all the boxes' and I could easily say the same for him. It's one of those situations where you both think "wow, what could THEY possibly see in ME??"

 

However...he graduated from uni earlier this year and I was kind of presuming he was going to be in the same place (50 miles from my hometown and in the same place as my university) for at least the forseeable future, since he asked to meet up with me in the first place and get to know me. But he told me he has a postgrad university offer about 100 miles away which he was considering taking up. I thought this was fine because my previous relationship was much further long distance. Although he gave me the impression that his bad experiences of long distance in the past made him very cautious. So I thought the main (only) issue was dating long distance when he starts that course.

 

However...he went to look at the uni and the city and wasn't keen...and at the weekend he decided to apply to several other places up and down the country, which makes it a little more difficult. On top of that, he has been offered a job interview for an international company and could be posted in ANY continent if he gets that job. Although I have done long distance before, I don't think it would work out if he was living in another country altogether. So...for a while at least we have no idea what he's going to be doing in a month's time. It may sound strange but although I've only just met him I absolutely hate the thought of saying goodbye to him like that...we were having so much fun getting to know each other and neither of us want it to end. I think if he ends up studying in the UK it would be fine, but not if he gets this international job. We've agreed to keep seeing each other at least until we can't anymore, because we're enjoying it so much, but we've also agreed that we can't be in a relationship at least until he knows what he's doing. We have slept together once and although I regret sleeping with him so soon, I don't regret that it was with him. But we're not sure whether or not to do it again. I don't see the harm in it but he thinks we'll get more attached to each other if we carry on. He agrees though that now we've done it, chances are we're going to do it again...and if we don't then we'll just do anything but! We've discussed toning it down to just friends but agree that our feelings are too intense and we don't have a friendship from before to base it on.

 

Both of us are in this impossible limbo situation!! We feel the same way about each other but I know exactly where I'm going to be for at least another 2 years and he doesn't know where he's going to be in a month. If it had been any other time or place, I know it would have been the start of a great relationship already. I'll be absolutely gutted if we never get to try having a relationship together, even if it takes a few months to get into one.

Any advice or similar experiences?

[John Michael Kane]

I met a guy very recently and we instantly clicked, whirlwind romance and all the rest of it. After the first date I was 100% sure that we would be great friends but not sure about the chemistry. On the second date we both had the most amazing day and shared our first kiss. I couldn't believe my luck in finding him and how well we got on. That day it turned out that I went back to his house that he shares with his parents and met his family who were also great, and we all shared a meal. That was on a thursday, and he asked if I wanted to come over again as soon as saturday! We had another perfect day at the cinema and his house, and then I ended up staying over. In between seeing him, we have spoken every day through facebook, texts and phonecalls. We have both admitted that we really liked each other, neither of us was expecting this and everything has moved really fast. His mum even referred to me his girlfriend the second time she met me! So all of that is great. When I got back home on the Sunday I couldn't have been happier. He said that I 'tick all the boxes' and I could easily say the same for him. It's one of those situations where you both think "wow, what could THEY possibly see in ME??"

 

However...he graduated from uni earlier this year and I was kind of presuming he was going to be in the same place (50 miles from my hometown and in the same place as my university) for at least the forseeable future, since he asked to meet up with me in the first place and get to know me. But he told me he has a postgrad university offer about 100 miles away which he was considering taking up. I thought this was fine because my previous relationship was much further long distance. Although he gave me the impression that his bad experiences of long distance in the past made him very cautious. So I thought the main (only) issue was dating long distance when he starts that course.

 

However...he went to look at the uni and the city and wasn't keen...and at the weekend he decided to apply to several other places up and down the country, which makes it a little more difficult. On top of that, he has been offered a job interview for an international company and could be posted in ANY continent if he gets that job. Although I have done long distance before, I don't think it would work out if he was living in another country altogether. So...for a while at least we have no idea what he's going to be doing in a month's time. It may sound strange but although I've only just met him I absolutely hate the thought of saying goodbye to him like that...we were having so much fun getting to know each other and neither of us want it to end. I think if he ends up studying in the UK it would be fine, but not if he gets this international job. We've agreed to keep seeing each other at least until we can't anymore, because we're enjoying it so much, but we've also agreed that we can't be in a relationship at least until he knows what he's doing. We have slept together once and although I regret sleeping with him so soon, I don't regret that it was with him. But we're not sure whether or not to do it again. I don't see the harm in it but he thinks we'll get more attached to each other if we carry on. He agrees though that now we've done it, chances are we're going to do it again...and if we don't then we'll just do anything but! We've discussed toning it down to just friends but agree that our feelings are too intense and we don't have a friendship from before to base it on.

 

Both of us are in this impossible limbo situation!! We feel the same way about each other but I know exactly where I'm going to be for at least another 2 years and he doesn't know where he's going to be in a month. If it had been any other time or place, I know it would have been the start of a great relationship already. I'll be absolutely gutted if we never get to try having a relationship together, even if it takes a few months to get into one.

Any advice or similar experiences?

 

My advice would be to move on. It seems he has other priorities which are just about important to anyone in his position. While you two do sound like a good "couple," maybe you should try finding someone more stable.

[emby]

My advice would be to move on. It seems he has other priorities which are just about important to anyone in his position. While you two do sound like a good "couple," maybe you should try finding someone more stable.

 

Well if he's going to find out where he's going to be within the next few months, shouldn't I wait? If he does get and accept the job though, I'll have to.

[John Michael Kane]

Well if he's going to find out where he's going to be within the next few months, shouldn't I wait? If he does get and accept the job though, I'll have to.

 

Sure, but you did mention that job offer and him going to school so it seems like he'll be busy.

 

But either way, good luck to you ma'am.

[emby]

I might want to add that I'll be doing my second year of uni so I'll be busy too! That kind of puts me off having a relationship with someone at the same uni, because a lot of couples I've come across start to take over way too much of each other's time.

[spiderowl]

Can't help but think that if he was feeling as strongly about you as you are about him, he wouldn't be going ahead with plans to move far away. Instead, I feel he would be reconsidering and looking at closer options or at least discussing with you ways you could still be together.

 

Also, I doubt he would back out of sleeping with you if he had strong feelings either. He would probably do everything but. On the other hand, at least he is being considerate for your feelings and not just using you for sex until he moves.

 

At they very least, his career comes before a relationship at the moment and he doesn't seem to be doing a very good job of factoring you into his future. I think you might be best to extricate yourself before you get too hurt in this situation.

[John Michael Kane]

Can't help but think that if he was feeling as strongly about you as you are about him, he wouldn't be going ahead with plans to move far away. Instead, I feel he would be reconsidering and looking at closer options or at least discussing with you ways you could still be together.

 

Also, I doubt he would back out of sleeping with you if he had strong feelings either. He would probably do everything but. On the other hand, at least he is being considerate for your feelings and not just using you for sex until he moves.

 

At they very least, his career comes before a relationship at the moment and he doesn't seem to be doing a very good job of factoring you into his future. I think you might be best to extricate yourself before you get too hurt in this situation.

 

I wouldn't say the guy is an idiot for putting himself first because going to school and getting a job is important without a doubt but this just seems like an innocent incompatibility issue, here....

[emby]

Hm I don't think I've made myself very clear...

He applied for the international job a month before he met me, yet was only offered an interview the other day. I wouldn't expect him not to take a job for the sake of a girl he's just met, let alone not go for the interview. He's really not a bad guy! I hope it's not terrible that I'm secretly hoping he hasn't got the job. He's applied for a job in Essex too now, which would be fine as far as I'm concerned. He didn't get the university place he most wanted though which will make the international job more tempting if he gets it.

Ughh, I want to be younger again when everything was simple!

[John Michael Kane]

Hm I don't think I've made myself very clear...

He applied for the international job a month before he met me, yet was only offered an interview the other day. I wouldn't expect him not to take a job for the sake of a girl he's just met, let alone not go for the interview. He's really not a bad guy! I hope it's not terrible that I'm secretly hoping he hasn't got the job. He's applied for a job in Essex too now, which would be fine as far as I'm concerned. He didn't get the university place he most wanted though which will make the international job more tempting if he gets it.

Ughh, I want to be younger again when everything was simple!

 

I read the story, it's just that he does have a lot on his plate right now. You say you wouldn't expect him to drop everything for you, yet you're hoping he doesn't get the job. I understand your feelings but you just met the guy.

 

Sorry you're in this situation.