Differences between OM and OW and MM & MW

[Syzygypassion]

I have heard that MM are less likely to leave their marriage than MW are. The reason being that MM tend to become less emotionally involved. Also, OM tend to be able to accept a break-up, compared to OW. I guess these views are similar to normal dating stereotypes where women are seen as forming getter attachments and wanting commitment.

 

Wondered what peoples thoughts are, are different genders more likely to end up on different paths in affairs?

[Seraph1]

 

Wondered what peoples thoughts are, are different genders more likely to end up on different paths in affairs?

 

I didn't leave my first marriage due to an affair but I can tell you that I had checked out of my marriage a long time before I actually uttered the terrible 'D' word.

 

As for my exH, I can assure you that he had checked out of the marriage as well a long time before but he stuck with it because it was a comfortable, safe and predictable rut that gave him finacial security and didn't complicate or disrupt his life in any way.

 

I think that this is probably one of the big reasons why I have seen some men stay in marriages that have lost the spark and pretty much all meaning as far as a relationship goes. They stay not because of love but because of attachment to a way of life...and general fear about being alone, having to do everything for yourself and facing an unknown and uncertain future. There is also pride. Who wants to admit to everyone that they made a mistake or that they can't work things out?

 

A lot of the time the potential of losing your 'safety net' suddenly makes you marriage look and seem a lot better than it in fact was. Happened to me...but then the reality set in. I was more attached to my marriage because of what I had HOPED and DREAMED that it would be. I was attached to the image of being happy and perfect with the happy and perfect man. None of it was real and I had spent more time living my life in my head rather than actually seeing the reality.

 

Truth: When you are happier not spending time with your spouse... things are very wrong and you MUST look at your relationship realistically. In my experience...men just have a harder time admitting that they may have made a mistake in their choice of life partner. Mine was just waiting for me to admit it and get the ball rolling.

[East7]

I have heard that MM are less likely to leave their marriage than MW are. The reason being that MM tend to become less emotionally involved. I guess these views are similar to normal dating stereotypes where women are seen as forming getter attachments and wanting commitment.

 

Wondered what peoples thoughts are, are different genders more likely to end up on different paths in affairs?

 

It is difficult to compare as there are not sharp-cut differences.

 

Differences MM/MW: This is just my opinion but MW tend to divorce only in exit affairs i.e. short term A (3-6 months) - The longer the A goes on, the less they move, it becomes cake-eating and comfortable.

 

Paradoxically, the A helps them to stay in their M ! Instead of facing the reality of a dead/dysfunctional marriage, AP helps them to satisfy their unmet needs, thus completing different needs with 2 persons. Why changing that?

 

IMO reconciled and committed MW are exceptions ! Most of them go back to their H but eventually divorce later when they realize the reasons why they had an A in first place. The A just delayed a process which was already in progress.

 

Also, OM tend to be able to accept a break-up, compared to OW.

Maybe...As fOM, I never begged, asked her to stay or anything. Just accepted it and went NC. It was MW who pinned after me.

 

However the emotional pain is the same. I grieved a lot. Even if irrational (MW wasn't committed to me..), the feeling of loss was huge and very painful.

[Gentlegirl]

As East has said, OM DO have the same feelings of loss and pain when MW goes back to the H.

 

I have had some very kind xOM reply to my posts and there might be less difference in emotions than is popularly believed.

 

I guess myths tend to grow around gender. Each A is individual.

 

Gentlegirl

[So Very Confused]

I have heard that MM are less likely to leave their marriage than MW are. The reason being that MM tend to become less emotionally involved. Also, OM tend to be able to accept a break-up, compared to OW. I guess these views are similar to normal dating stereotypes where women are seen as forming getter attachments and wanting commitment.

 

Wondered what peoples thoughts are, are different genders more likely to end up on different paths in affairs?

 

I don't know. I think that it takes a REALLY bad situation for a MW to contemplate having an affair and that if she actually has one, her marriage is already in critical condition. It's also more accepted by society for a man to stay married and have someone on the side. A BH will typically kick a cheating spouse to the curb on D-day (male pride?) and a BW will more likely try to fix the marriage after D-Day. Also, I think MW are typically looking to fill an emotional void while a MW is more likely to fill the void with sex. Finding someone for sex is far easier for a man than for a woman to find someone who will give her what she "needs" emotionally.

 

I realize these are generalizations, but they seem to fit the pattern I've observed.

[y2k]

I have heard that MM are less likely to leave their marriage than MW are. The reason being that MM tend to become less emotionally involved. Also, OM tend to be able to accept a break-up, compared to OW. I guess these views are similar to normal dating stereotypes where women are seen as forming getter attachments and wanting commitment.

 

Wondered what peoples thoughts are, are different genders more likely to end up on different paths in affairs?

 

Every case is different and it depends.

 

I think we're overlooking the economic / status aspect of this.

 

Men tend to make more money than their wives. They have how to leave a marriage and still survive. Most women (even if they work) don't tend to make as much.

 

If a married woman is in love with another man, we have to ask ourselves, which man is better off money/status wise in the long term. Because from what I've seen, married women will go where the "security" (aka economic security) is in those cases. Also I've seen older married women leave their economically secure husbands for way younger men. In those cases, the younger men were way more handsome, but they also were starting secure careers themselves. There is that word again..........."security". If the guy the married woman is in love with can't provide the same security, then she will most likely stay with the husband unless he gets smart enough to kick her out. If both the husband and the "other man" can provide the same level of security, then it's a coin flip.

 

My advice for those married women in love with another man: Go with your heart, not only where the "security" is. Those women who choose "security" over happiness end up being miserable the rest of their lives. If you are seriously in love with another man, then go with him!!!!

 

Men are different. We're "secure" in that sense whether we're alone or with someone. So we men tend to think with our hearts, or our penises, or BOTH. If a married man was with another woman, and if he REALLY loved her, then he will more likely leave his wife for that other woman. Men aren't looking for security, they're looking for happiness (in their definition of it of course). Believe it or not, I think women should take a page out of the book of the men. Go with happiness.

[chalkfarm]

Shrink (male doctor) says that in a very general sense, men do not have the emotional capacity that women do. They do not have the sense of community that women do. They are simply competitive and goal oriented.

 

Presumably, women are more easily manipulated than men. When manipulated into believing lies of love (the goal being sex on the MM's part), then of course, the manipulated is hurt more, suffers more, and struggles to regain footing. Whereas, the manipulator (the one who holds the power) wins the competition (gets laid) or doesn't. No toll on him. No pain.

 

Men point fingers at women calling them manipulative. When in truth, they are unable to define fine emotions without training.