Proper boundaries

[Reckless]

Do you think there would be less affairs if people in relationships knew how to set proper boundaries?

 

It just seems that so many threads are about problems essentially caused by the fact that they allowed someone or something (can we say 'porn'?) to overstep the physical and emotional boundaries that should be set when you are in a relationship.

 

I am so sick of reading how '...I just happened to kiss my married boss', 'I just confided intimidate details of my marriage to my female/male friend and guess what?! My partner's mad/feeling betrayed/hurt about it' or 'should I ask my husbands brother to stop exposing himself to me when we're alone?!'

 

If I read one more, I love my partner but I really think I can keep this 'friendship' in its place; even though I feel a deep physical attraction, a sense of harmony and intellectual connection that is lacking with my partner and oh, I forgot to mention we both love the early work of Karen Carpenter (when she was more a drummer than a singer!!)' I think I'll gag!

 

Is it just 'old fashioned' to believe that as long as you are in an exclusive relationship your partner should be your best friend, your confident and your lover? Why do people feel that they can flirt, touch, fantasize and confide in others and not harm or (more usually) further damage their principle relationship?

[moimeme]

People don't 'get it'. I can see how people might not realize that making friends with someone could lead to trouble but certainly the rest of the behaviours you mention are already beyond the pale. Maybe there should be some stipulations written into the marriage license for those who have no clue; to wit: "The party of the first part and the party of the second part shall agree that henceforth there shall be no affectionate touching, sharing of confidences, or exchanging of bodily fluids with anyone other than the other parties of these parts."

 

[EnigmaXOXO]

Maybe there should be some stipulations written into the marriage license for those who have no clue; to wit: "The party of the first part and the party of the second part shall agree that henceforth there shall be no affectionate touching, sharing of confidences, or exchanging of bodily fluids with anyone other than the other parties of these parts."

 

Prenups!...Don't leave home without one.

 

Do you think there would be less affairs if people in relationships knew how to set proper boundaries?

 

I think people are rather good at setting boundaries for their partners. They just aren't very vigilant when it comes to maintaining boundaries for themselves.

[bowwie]

this reminds me of an issue a close friend and i discussed just last week.

it is a matter of what one thinks is okay and not okay. we were discussing the issues of how different women handle jealousy.

neither her nor i would tolerate a lot of things that other women seemingly do. so we thought we are not the norm because it seems that alot of women are not bothered by oh such things as their guys watching porn, strip bars, flirting, etc.

she told me about a friend who has a picture of her husband on her fridge with some girl wearing a string bikini and sitting on top of his ole bald head!

this girls privates were literally on his head! SHE took the picture herself and finds it very amusing!!

now. is one very secure or very stupid? or just not all there in the head. we could not believe they both or all of them thought this was just fine.

maybe it was the breed, they were all bikers at sturgis, so maybe anything goes with certain types more so then others. i for one would kill my boyfriend if he allowed some women's private parts, covered or uncovered near him! then again maybe i am just a different breed as well. i belive that monogamy is a vital part of a relationship, if you are tempted then get out and leave the other with some dignity and respect.

[Thinkalot]

Originally posted by EnigmaXOXO

 

I think people are rather good at setting boundaries for their partners. They just aren't very vigilant when it comes to maintaining boundaries for themselves.

 

LOL! Ain't that the truth!

 

I find it frustrating reading some of the posts on here too. And my partner, well he is one of the most ethical and moralistic people I know (and consequently can also be judgemental, and is aware of it!), and he is positively outraged when he reads some of the stuff on here! LOL!

 

I cannot imagine crossing those boundaries and being able to function normally with my partner! I would be paralysed by guilt and would find it hard to live with myself. But then I function on honesty.