stray Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Yup, that's right. I went a little psycho and did a full on Google search on my ex's new girlfriend, and it turns out she has a blog. And in the blog, she details her "nymphomaniac" sex life with my ex boyfriend. She also called him "The love of her life" - they've been dating for three months. Imagine reading that. This girl is a strugglist artist photographer, who takes pictures of herself, scantily clad, among pictures of other weird things - like bondage wear and other random photos. It was horrible reading it, hearing how they tear each other's clothes off and what positions they use. He was never that sexual with me. But then I realized something - I have way more class than her. I would never put something on the internet like that. And if he's in love with her, than I have way more class than him. It made sense. All his girlfriends before me were basically trash. All his "great loves" were basically some kind of struggling, emotional trash. I have my ups and downs, but over-all, I'm "normal". And I have values. And reading that made me realize, if he's in love with that girl, but he couldn't love me, then our values were never going to match. I was never going to turn into trash, I am who I am. And honestly, I like who I am. I'm a girl who respects my family, my friends, my identity and my sexuality. And I respect other people, even animals! He wanted someone as selfish and self-absorbed and crazy as himself. And he got it. And he loves it. And I'm so glad I didn't have his children (guy who made me get two abortions). It hurts horribly, but in a way it was some kind of closure. This guy is almost a PhD, he's gorgeous, Italian, and on paper a great catch. I thought maybe he'd leave me and find a wonderful, respectable person. But no, he left me and he fell in love with a narcissistic amoral freak. And that's who he REALLY is. We all have to see our exs for who they really are. We assume they're like us, we assume they identify love the way we do. We assume they can find someone "better". I made many, many mistakes with my ex that I'll regret for a long time. But I know now, that with whomever comes next, it doesn't matter how well they treat me, it matters also how they treat others. Look at how they treat other people, how they talk about other people, what's important to them. Because that is who they really are. Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Remember when everyone said, "You don't want to know what they are doing right now, you can't handle it"? This is what they were talking about. It's good that you can use some of this to help you move on, and I hope it was worth it. You can't unsee this, now stop. Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Hey there Stray I am so sorry that you had to read that it must have been gut wrenching for you. I had a similar experience when i found my exs new g/f open face book page detailing everything about her "perfect boyfriend". But like you although i tortured myself and read the whole thing (then blocked her) it was like closure as at least now i really wont contact him, after e mailing him telling him i found out (he lied to me after we broke up while we slept together he was seeing her) and what i thought of him in an non emotional non ranty way, i blocked his mails changed my account and no matter how it hurts i will not contact him again. I think if it wasnt for finding this out i would have carried on, texting, seeing him, taking the breadcrumbs and generally not moving on. His new g/f looks trashy and desperate and seems immature and quite frankly awful, but hey if thats what he wants, he's got it now. I can take pride in I havent rebounded or numbed the pain with random sex and drink and am using this pain and time to try to move forward in healthy way that will stand me in good stead in the future as i dont want to keep making bad choices and going through all this over and over. Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 If someone is openly parading that their life is 'perfect', I'm afraid I become a little bit cynical. Over compensating much? I mean, talking about good thinks is great, but when people start hurling around superlatives, then...no sorry, not buying it. You're better off without him, really. I'm sorry that you had to see that blog, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stray Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 I'm honestly glad I read it. I have my insecurities like everyone else, and I'm actually getting therapy to work on them. But the truth is, he doesn't WANT someone who respects themselves, who has standards, who cares about people. He wants someone to use, exploit, and feed his ego. And then he calls that love. He treated his family like garbage, he treated his friends like garbage, and he treated me like trash behind closed doors. And I thought, "what is it about ME - why won't he treat ME well, but he loved all his other girlfriends?" Because his other girlfriends fed him some egotistical fantasy. And that's what he wants. He doesn't want real life. You know, it was crazy. He lives with his parents...and last year his dad lost his job. And his first response was, "where am I going to live now? What if they have to move?". His mom would be crying, and begging him to eat dinner with her, and he would refuse and then go in his room and play world of warcraft. No joke. That was how he dealt with reality. Well, I'm not a fantasy. I'm real. I love my parents, my friends, and I love me, in the real world. It would have never worked with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stray Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 And by the way, this man is 27 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
danceallday Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 You go stray. Great attitude about yourself. You need to find a decent man, not an immature boy, someone who will treat you well and has the same core values as you. Find some one who will treat you like the lady you are! Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Definitely stay off the sex blog. You are getting details that NO ex should know about. The more you read it, the more you will hurt. It will drive you completely insane. Take heart. Sex doesn't cement a relationship, no matter how great it is. You get used to ANYBODY and once the newness of their relationship wears off, that's when the fork in their road appears. We all assume that when our exes find someone else, their new gf/bf STAYS new. Doesn't happen. Stay off her blog and don't interfere in their relationship in any way. You have class, right? Now, have self worth. More than likely they won't last anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 This guy is almost a PhD, he's gorgeous, Italian, and on paper a great catch. I thought maybe he'd leave me and find a wonderful, respectable person. But no, he left me and he fell in love with a narcissistic amoral freak. And that's who he REALLY is. Did he tell you in the beginning how your eyes were the stars in his sky? How your kisses were like mana from heaven? How you were the only one to ever make him feel this way? Just curious because I know this type very well, and they turn out to be narcissistic a-holes about 99.9 percent of the time. They have the moral code of a Medieval Viking raider. Conquer, destroy. Rinse, repeat. Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 Yup, that's right. I went a little psycho and did a full on Google search on my ex's new girlfriend Not psycho at all...I think it's pretty normal to go searching for answers after a break up. People have been doing it forever. Before there was the internet there was gossip, late night drive bys, and other ways of keeping tabs. The internet just makes it oh so much easier. And while it is true that often we're ill prepared for the answers that we find; that reality certainly isn't going to stop us from having that desire to go searching. I found the girl that my ex dumped me for on Match.com. (and yes, I deliberately went looking/googling/etc) We both met her at an event a couple weeks befor he kicked me to the curb...and even then she struck me as a conceited, attention-seeking, flirtatious twit. So I was astounded...absolutely astounded...when they publicly declared themselves in a relationship on FB right after the break up. I could not believe he could up and drop me just like that...completely out of the blue...for a stranger who is quite clearly just an attention wh*re. (yeah, it may still be a slightly bitter subject for me...) The point is, I watched her continue to consistently log in and spend a good amount of time on the dating website with my own sick, intense, and vengeful glee. Two months into their "relationship" she was still at it, and it made me so f**king happy to know that he got all tripped up over someone who clearly wasn't even that interested in him. Eventually, though, I finally realized that I was only hurting myself by feeding myself that information. I stopped lurking, and immediately started to feel so much better and freed for it. I agree that there is a benefit to going and looking for answers. It think it helps to gain knowledge and perspective, which in turn helps you to get your power back. It helps to see what kind of girl he's gotten himself involved with, and with that you can take comfort in knowing that he's found someone he likely deserves. But there's also the point where you cross over from gaining closure to subjecting yourself to unnecessary additional hurt. Now that you have your answers...don't linger. Walk away with your head held high and realize that he's not worth expending any more time or energy on. But then I realized something - I have way more class than her. I would never put something on the internet like that. And if he's in love with her, than I have way more class than him. I love this! Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 (edited) Eventually, though, I finally realized that I was only hurting myself by feeding myself that information. I stopped lurking, and immediately started to feel so much better and freed for it. But there's also the point where you cross over from gaining closure to subjecting yourself to unnecessary additional hurt. Now that you have your answers...don't linger. Walk away with your head held high and realize that he's not worth expending any more time or energy on. That is so true. Once you see your ex putting on a Joker-sized grin on Facebook, a blog about their wild and adventurous sex life, or a tweet every second about how life is sooo much better, don't look anymore. We all know that MOST people (especially our exes) put on phony-happy posts, tweets, photos, etc. To make their life seem as if it is 101% awesome. They are the saddest people I know. Why? Because i did that too. Many of us do. Nobody wants to showcase sadness on Facebook! In the dark, quiet of their minds, they are hurting all of the time. Always looking for happiness in someone else instead of where they need to find it...in themselves. And the ex will always do that. Search for love in person after person until the either: 1. Sit with themselves WITHOUT a relationship and find happiness and love with their own self. 2. Settle for anybody and float throughout life miserably. #1. is what we ALL should do. Edited August 17, 2011 by LovelyDaze Link to post Share on other sites
Author stray Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 I'm definitely not going to look anymore. There's nothing more to know. It's weird, you know, this guy did and said a lot of messed up things, and I really prayed for justice. And honestly, perfect justice is him finding someone as delusional and psychotic as himself. I know now, he'll never have the kind of relationship I will eventually have. He'll never feel the capacity of love I feel for people, and will feel for whomever I marry. I think that is actually, pretty good justice. Link to post Share on other sites
FinOuch Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 I'm definitely not going to look anymore. There's nothing more to know. It's weird, you know, this guy did and said a lot of messed up things, and I really prayed for justice. And honestly, perfect justice is him finding someone as delusional and psychotic as himself. I know now, he'll never have the kind of relationship I will eventually have. He'll never feel the capacity of love I feel for people, and will feel for whomever I marry. I think that is actually, pretty good justice. Yep! *applaud* Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 am i the only one that sees this as INCREDIBLY judgmental? being mad and jealous about your ex is one thing, but going so far as to insult a total stranger's lifestyle just because she's nailing your ex boyfriend isn't exactly what i would call "classy". you not agreeing with it doesn't make it wrong, it isn't YOUR life. it's so easy to call someone "trashy" that takes erotic photos of themselves, and how they are so insecure...ever think maybe they are secure enough to take those photos, otherwise they wouldn't dare? just saying. you should never avoid devil's advocate, but if thinking your ex is trash and this girl is a whore, then i suppose that's what you should focus on to feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
idntknow Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 " I went a little psycho " lol - thank you for the smile Stray, You're awesome! I love your "I will find better because I deserve better" attitude and I'm honestly trying to reach the point where you are now. There's a man out there at this very moment that will love you the way you should be loved, minus the leather straps.. Keep on movin' on.. Only good things to come! Link to post Share on other sites
wilsonx Posted August 17, 2011 Share Posted August 17, 2011 am i the only one that sees this as INCREDIBLY judgmental? being mad and jealous about your ex is one thing, but going so far as to insult a total stranger's lifestyle just because she's nailing your ex boyfriend isn't exactly what i would call "classy". you not agreeing with it doesn't make it wrong, it isn't YOUR life. it's so easy to call someone "trashy" that takes erotic photos of themselves, and how they are so insecure...ever think maybe they are secure enough to take those photos, otherwise they wouldn't dare? just saying. you should never avoid devil's advocate, but if thinking your ex is trash and this girl is a whore, then i suppose that's what you should focus on to feel better. I agree a little bit with what you say. Stray has invested a little too much emotional energy into learning about her ex's new relationship. It's only natural. If I didnt know who my ex was seeing, I would have. What I have learned is its always a downgrade or who they truly were in the first place. Every relationship I have been in, my friends have been in, etc, the dumpers always downgraded. It honestly does help with coping in the end. It helps you see that you are the better person when all is said and done. I understand what you are saying about the insecurity and everyone fresh out of a relationship is insecure. You just have to accept it as fact and let it go. I am still insecure. My friends are still insecure. Accept that everyone posting on this very forum is insecure and try to be supportive in the best way possible Link to post Share on other sites
Author stray Posted August 17, 2011 Author Share Posted August 17, 2011 Hell yeah I'm being judgemental. If I posted my sexual life in graphic detail on the internet, I'd probably lose my job. I'm certainly not jealous of her. I don't force people to look at half naked pictures of me because that violates THEIR privacy. Some people don't want to see/hear that stuff, it's a matter of respecting other people's boundaries and your own boundaries. Someone looking for forced validation isn't someone I feel gives a crap about anything/anyone but themselves and their own ego. My ex was like that, and he found someone else like that. And yes, I judge them, and I'm totally entitled to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
california15 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Stray, I don't even know what I would do in your situation. You're definitely a stronger person than I am right now. Like the previous poster said, you have a very mature, classy attitude about the whole thing, which is encouraging to others. and you're right, he doesn't deserve the love you have. You'll find so much better - you deserve so much better Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 This girl is a strugglist artist photographer, who takes pictures of herself, scantily clad, among pictures of other weird things - like bondage wear and other random photos. Please forward the website address, thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Please forward the website address, thanks. What, like you're having trouble finding pictures of boobs on the internet? Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 What, like you're having trouble finding pictures of boobs on the internet? Haha yes show us so we can tell you that she is not worth it I am a pretty open minded person and not a prude. I think nudity can be classy if done in the right way. Nothing wrong with talking about sex but there is a way to make it well , classy . Maybe it is just me , but my sex life is between my boyfriend and I . Well when I had one.. I think you are better off without your ex , his loss and you need someone more educated and classier. Link to post Share on other sites
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