Input Needed

[westcoastbound]

I know Im dead wrong on this...but here's the situation. I met this nice guy in his mid 30's who had first told me was not dating anyone........so we went out a couple of times.....During those times we went out...it was accidently revealed to me that he was living with a live-in girlfriend.... Yes. I continued to communicate with this man .......So one night decided to invite him back to the crib while the girlfriend is out of town on business.....Yes...I know...dead wrong of me....to have sex....but it would be friends w/ benefits type situation.....but he declines.....Not really sure what to make of his decline, since he had dropping hints about getting together....Can someone elaborate on this situation?..Yes I know I put myself out there....but was thinking the feeling was mutual....Pls. advise?

[Emme]

Oh you're being groomed. That's all. It's only a matter of time. You wanting him so badly and him saying no makes him look like a saint. This will not let you see him for the dog he is, that's all. In time dear, in time,

[westcoastbound]

Oh you're being groomed. That's all. It's only a matter of time. You wanting him so badly and him saying no makes him look like a saint. This will not let you see him for the dog he is, that's all. In time dear, in time,

 

Excuse the ignorance, but what do you mean when you say groomed.....He was giving me signals like the feelings were mutual.

[TigerCub]

Excuse the ignorance, but what do you mean when you say groomed.....He was giving me signals like the feelings were mutual.

 

It means just what Emme said.

This guy is holding off now - so that maybe in the back of your mind you're thinking "wow, there's still some part of him reluctant to do this because deep down he is a loyal guy, what a great guy!!!":love: :rolleyes:

 

Also, by holding off, he's playing a little hard to get and its already working, because here you are wondering and you're all puzzled and you want him even more.

 

I gotta say it - this guy is GOOD!

 

Either way - my advice - spare yourself being used by this playa and find someone single that wont cheat, lie and manipulate.

 

Hope my explanation helped

[Capris]

I dont know if he's a pro or just flirty or anything. He may of just wanted to test his "limits" for all we know.

One thing i can tell you for sure, is dont get into this situation cause the "live-in girlfriend" can turn into a "wife with 3 kids" in no time.

 

Hard to say no to emotions, but give it a try!

Take care!

[Lostinlife4now]

Oh you're being groomed. That's all. It's only a matter of time. You wanting him so badly and him saying no makes him look like a saint. This will not let you see him for the dog he is, that's all. In time dear, in time,

 

 

 

So agree with this statement....Stay away from this dude...or playa...(love that word) Are you sure he is not MARRIED.....????

[MissBee]

Maybe he felt guilty?

 

Maybe he realized he wasn't attracted to you?

 

Maybe he is the type that likes cat and mouse, hard to get thing, so when it got to the point of "the goods" being offered up, he lost interest as there wasn't anymore challenge?

 

Could be anything....but the point is...I think it doesn't matter. You dont know him well enough to really care why he does what he does...it's just not that serious for someone you don't know and can easily leave alone. That's my opinion. I'd chock it up as a mistake and leave it be versus trying to psychoanalyze some liar about why he doesn't want to sex you behind his gf's back. Not to be harsh, but that's the plain situation, and when you put it in those terms it makes it seem like a crazy thing to fret about.

[MissBee]

It means just what Emme said.

This guy is holding off now - so that maybe in the back of your mind you're thinking "wow, there's still some part of him reluctant to do this because deep down he is a loyal guy, what a great guy!!!":love: :rolleyes:

Also, by holding off, he's playing a little hard to get and its already working, because here you are wondering and you're all puzzled and you want him even more.

 

I gotta say it - this guy is GOOD!

 

Either way - my advice - spare yourself being used by this playa and find someone single that wont cheat, lie and manipulate.

 

Hope my explanation helped

 

LMAO @ the bolded

 

I have fallen into that trap before, not necessarily the same type of situation, but where some dubious man, has illegitimate plans from day one but feigns nobility and I gobble it up then in two-twos he forgets the act and is game.

 

I dunno why it made me think of the saying: "Don't hate the playa, hate the game" LOL!

[carhill]

Unless you've met said girlfriend or observed their relationship first hand, his words are just carbon dioxide. 'Grooming' is a good word, IMO. Since this appears to be quite smooth and practiced, my instinct is he's banging someone else, regardless of said live-in GF/wife/whatever, and you're being groomed as adjunct or replacement activity.

 

Easy solution, presuming you want more than just an occasional tryst:

 

'When you're not living with GF anymore and have broken up, give me a call.'

 

If you want to have an occasional tryst with nothing more:

 

'I like sex. I find you attractive. I'm not interested in a relationship. Would you like to have sex with me once in awhile?'

 

Accept the answers as his truth. By being direct rather than 'inviting him back to the crib', you will get a direct positive or negative response. If negative, it's a dry hole. Nothing there to drill for. Move on. Lots of willing and erect men in the world. Find one.

[MissBee]

Unless you've met said girlfriend or observed their relationship first hand, his words are just carbon dioxide. 'Grooming' is a good word, IMO. Since this appears to be quite smooth and practiced, my instinct is he's banging someone else, regardless of said live-in GF/wife/whatever, and you're being groomed as adjunct or replacement activity.

 

Easy solution, presuming you want more than just an occasional tryst:

 

'When you're not living with GF anymore and have broken up, give me a call.'

 

If you want to have an occasional tryst with nothing more:

 

'I like sex. I find you attractive. I'm not interested in a relationship. Would you like to have sex with me once in awhile?'

 

Accept the answers as his truth. By being direct rather than 'inviting him back to the crib', you will get a direct positive or negative response. If negative, it's a dry hole. Nothing there to drill for. Move on. Lots of willing and erect men in the world. Find one.

 

Excellent post!

 

LMAO @ " Lots of willing and erect men in the world. Find one."

[TurboGirl]

I know Im dead wrong on this...but here's the situation. I met this nice guy in his mid 30's who had first told me was not dating anyone........so we went out a couple of times.....During those times we went out...it was accidently revealed to me that he was living with a live-in girlfriend.... Yes. I continued to communicate with this man .......So one night decided to invite him back to the crib while the girlfriend is out of town on business.....Yes...I know...dead wrong of me....to have sex....but it would be friends w/ benefits type situation.....but he declines.....Not really sure what to make of his decline, since he had dropping hints about getting together....Can someone elaborate on this situation?..Yes I know I put myself out there....but was thinking the feeling was mutual....Pls. advise?

 

He is waiting to sleep with you until you are good n hooked into him. He declines now...he's making you wait... b/c he wants to look like a good guy in your eyes, it is all manipulation. So, when you get together again, and eventually do sleep with him... he will be like, I just couldn't control myself around you, blah blah blah.

 

The guy has a live in girlfriend. Dump him now. You can do better!

 

Oh, and btw... the friends with benefits thing... he could be doing this with other girls too. Probably not just you...

[YeahDotDotDot]

You should not care about what he wants or his intentions. Why? Because you can not possibly pinpoint them-unlike the facts of your...situation.

 

What you do know is that he is living with his girlfriend. You also know that he did not reveal this information when it was appropriate to do so. You also know what you want for yourself.

 

Anything else is immaterial to your decision.

[OnyxSnowfall]

Completely agree with YeahDotDotDot.

 

No one here, including you, can truly to know wtf is going on in his head --- presumptions are about all that can be mustered... and they are really besides the point.

 

If you know it was dead wrong... personally, I'd be thankful he declined and would back off before getting deeper in.

[jthorne]

I know Im dead wrong on this...but here's the situation. I met this nice guy in his mid 30's who had first told me was not dating anyone........so we went out a couple of times.....During those times we went out...it was accidently revealed to me that he was living with a live-in girlfriend.... Yes. I continued to communicate with this man .......So one night decided to invite him back to the crib while the girlfriend is out of town on business.....Yes...I know...dead wrong of me....to have sex....but it would be friends w/ benefits type situation.....but he declines.....Not really sure what to make of his decline, since he had dropping hints about getting together....Can someone elaborate on this situation?..Yes I know I put myself out there....but was thinking the feeling was mutual....Pls. advise?

Some guys, taken or not, don't like girls that are too easy. You probably made yourself a little too available.

[YeahDotDotDot]

Completely agree with YeahDotDotDot.

 

No one here, including you, can truly to know wtf is going on in his head --- presumptions are about all that can be mustered... and they are really besides the point.

 

If you know it was dead wrong... personally, I'd be thankful he declined and would back off before getting deeper in.

 

There are so many people here, on LoveShack, who wish they had the opportunity she has. I hope she takes it.

[So Very Confused]

Maybe he rubbed one out in the mens' room between courses. Who knows? Who cares?

 

I was looking for a FWB situation when I met with my most recent disaster. I honestly thought I could pull it off. I failed miserably. I thought the whole thing about women not being able to have sex without getting emotional was BS but I was so wrong.

 

Please consider his turning you down to be a gift and run fast and run far away. Don't look back.

 

Just the fact that you have put so much thought into this already tells me you aren't cut out for this at all.

[MissBee]

Maybe he rubbed one out in the mens' room between courses. Who knows? Who cares?

 

I was looking for a FWB situation when I met with my most recent disaster. I honestly thought I could pull it off. I failed miserably. I thought the whole thing about women not being able to have sex without getting emotional was BS but I was so wrong.

 

Please consider his turning you down to be a gift and run fast and run far away. Don't look back.

Just the fact that you have put so much thought into this already tells me you aren't cut out for this at all.

 

Salient point! It's only the beginning and if one just wants a FWB and already care so much, then I can just imagine that after sex and so forth is introduced, how even more invested one will become and how much more any seeming slight on this other person's part (which there most likely will be future ones) will affect the OP negatively....

Edited August 19, 2011 by MissBee

[TigerCub]

LMAO @ the bolded

 

I have fallen into that trap before, not necessarily the same type of situation, but where some dubious man, has illegitimate plans from day one but feigns nobility and I gobble it up then in two-twos he forgets the act and is game.

haha, oh I know MB!!

I've definitely been there - how else do ya think I can spot it so easily now?

 

I dunno why it made me think of the saying: "Don't hate the playa, hate the game" LOL!

oh True Dat!!