What do i do? need urgent assistance

[cjyoung1993]

Context:

 

I was with my girlfriend for 3 and a half years (we are 18) and have been very little to no contact for 4 months. The break up was extremely hard for me, she made her mistakes and i made some less substantial ones but whatever that's besides the point. She is now with a guy who she met just before we broke up, been with him for a couple weeks.

 

Here is the story:

 

I recently contacted her to talk and to make sure that whatever we had was over, or if there was anything there. You know what they say...Its better knowing and being disappointed than not knowing at all. So we met up, we talked and I heard what I thought I would hear...``its not the right timing"...Is there anything there? shakes head solemnly**...So i get up to leave but she keeps me with her, she asks me to stay, starts crying.

 

I stay and we talk some more, we walk to the harbourfront and talk...Then she says she'll drive me home (she has a car I don't). We get in the car and get near my house. So i'm getting ready to leave but again she asks me to stay...I ask her why keep me when you don't want to be with me...She says this is the last time we are going to talk (I said I couldn't be friends how we were promise I will be sometime later)...its around 3am now, we're talking and saying that we love eachother, that we'll always love eachother and care about eachother so much, that we'll be there for eachother...

 

She also said that she missed me a lot when I wasn't talking to her (I thought she didn't think about me at all while i was thinking about her all the time) and that when she wanted to call me she called everyone she knew and cried.Throughout the whole night she wants me to say that I will be her friend. Then she says exactly this "I know this is cheesy, but...To me, you're home." and says that the song "home" by edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros always reminds her of me. (we never listened to this together, its her own song)

So I say...come home (lol this is like a crappy drama) and she replies, I need to explore...so I say, home won't be here forever...and she sadly says "I know".

 

 

After talking for a little more it all happens suddenly, there's this huge attraction between us and I know there's a great connection both physically and socially, we could always talk and never ran out of things to say for 3 and a half years. We makeout, and do everything but have sex because there weren't any condoms. After we do that, she seemed sad, felt guilty (she's with someone), we joke around and talk and shes laughing again and says exactly this "I feel bad, but I don't feel bad only because it's you". we're naked and she continues kissing me, and lies on me. I say "did you do what you wanted or did you do it because you are horny". she said "I did what I wanted".

 

Eventually we establish that we love eachother and will always love eachother. I ask, me or him? I know we have something special and a much more special connection than you have with him, she replies "of course we do" (for the first time ever i'm realising she has her own issues and is very confused)"it'sjust bad timing, we're too comfortable and if we're comfortable we're not driven to work hard"(previous years we weren't as active as we both expected in the extracurricular scene) and we talked about that for a while and I said "i'm not going to try to convince you to be with me and weigh out the pro's or cons, just think about what you want to do, I know we can push eachother in university"...she sat there for 20 minutes thinking, and eventually said, "I don't think we'd work again" All in all she is choosing to continue the relationship with the other guy.

 

I told her I would be with her no matter what, and if she really needed help, I would be there for her. Just don't call me to be a rebound. And don't call me if its something small. By now its 8am and i'm about to leave, she's crying again and keeps crying for a couple minutes until i leave. She says "I love you".

 

I was with her for 15 hours, and we never stopped talking. I don't know anyone I know better or knows me better, I don't know anyone I can converse with so easily and I know we have something very special.

I want to continue being her friend, but if I am I think we will always be more than that.

 

I'm wondering, should we be best friends with benefits (like both of us free to date other people but have eachother no matter what, I am ready to look around, explore my options), or is this something I will really regret, something that does not happen. I love this girl, no matter how messed up she gets/is and I know I will always be there for her, I know it. I just don't want to be taken for a ride, and I don't know if I can continue this type of relationship with her without getting those feelings back, the feelings of wanting to be her boyfriend even though I think I can hold them off.

 

I want to be in her life, and I know she wants to be in mine. We love eachother so much and are so comfortable with eachother.

 

What do I do? Do I not talk to her again, make it back like before, no contact, always thinking about her (so freaking painful)? Or do I start talking to her (she suggested talking to me atleast once a week, she missed me a lot) and occasionally meet up and take it from there.

 

Thank you everyone from LS and anyone who read my post! Please help me! (Important to note is that we are both going to University of Western Ontario for the Ivey program next year.)

Edited August 18, 2011 by cjyoung1993

[cjyoung1993]

I Know this was posted earlier, but any other advice? Thanks