Recently Separated x Two Weeks, Husband Bailed for Younger Woman

[4everhopeful]

Hi, As of two weeks ago my husband told me that he was leaving and wanted a divorce. After 11 years of being best friends, married for 6, a young son, he bails.

 

On top of that I have been working my tail off to help him get through grad school and this is what I get for all my hard work. We left our home in another state to come here for him to achieve his goals and dreams. I gave up so much to help him and now he wants to be foot loose and fancy free. I am so hurt that he has done this to us.

 

The deal was that when he finished I would go back to school and be home for our young son. So much for that plan.

 

He has only spoken to our son once since he left. What does that say about where his head is at. How can anyone leave their child behind.

 

He hasn't filed for a legal separation yet, but moved to an apartment in another town. He says there is no reason to get attorneys involved. I'm not falling for that old line.

 

I need to find a support group and friends to lean on. I am a strong woman but I know when I need help and not to proud to ask for it.

[befuddled11]

Hi there,

 

I'm REALLY sorry that you're having to go through all of this, and I along with many many people here can understand your sadness and confusion. You are not alone.

 

Now first of all, to hell with his telling you there's "no need to get attorneys involved." Of COURSE he wouldn't want you to do that because gee, then you might actually find out your RIGHTS HERE ... and find out that he's going to owe you and your son BIG TIME ... and gee, won't that put a damper in his plans!

 

You get yourself to an attorney first thing tomorrow, but do NOT let hubby know about this ... that's important. You're not going there with the intention of filing for divorce ... you're simply going there to find our your rights and how to PROTECT yourself and your son, and to ensure you're not left out in the cold financially. Especially due to the fact that you put hubby through Grad school, with the supposed plan that when he was done, you'd go back to school for your own career.

 

Now where does that stand?

 

Also, given your husband's heartless behavior, you need to make sure he doesn't do something rash like put a "freeze" on your bank accts ... preventing you from taking money from there to live on. He may panic and fear you'll freeze HIM out ... out of anger at what he's done, so you need to IMMEDIATELY talk to a lawyer about covering your proverbial arse.

 

It's best not to take "legal advice" from people off the internet, because laws and such can change from state to state, province to province, country to country. So, really, see an attorney to get accurate info ... and don't delay.

 

How did you find out about this "younger woman"? Did he just come right out and admit it to you, or did you catch him?

 

What age is he? She?

 

Do you know how long their affair has been going on for?

 

You might also want to talk to your attorney about whether it would be a good idea for you to change the locks in your home. He shouldn't have the ability to just come and go there, if he chooses, to get his belongings, etc. You really ought to consult with the attorney about that.

 

Do you have any friends or family there in that state, for support?

 

I'm so very sorry that you're going through this. Could be that your husband is going through some type of "mid-life crisis," though that's still NO excuse to up and walk out on his family, for some other dame.

 

You have to think about yourself, but obviously also your son, too. Your son is obviously of the age (6) where he's going to be at a real loss for "why Daddy left." Deep down inside, he may think Daddy left because of "something he (the child) did." That is common for kids to think when parents split up.

 

I'm not even sure what you say to your son when he asks why Daddy left. You should also talk to the attorney about your son, in terms of "what if hubby decides he wants to take your son to spend a weekend with him and the 'new honey'." You need to have clearly stated, legal guidelines about this sort of thing, for you sure as hell don't want your son around this "mistress." You don't even know anything about her, and your husband surely doesn't sound like he's thinking of anyone but himself.

[himroyd]

I painfully understand. Although we never had kids together, my wife left me on this last Easter Sunday. I too thought we were best friends. She moved in with a man in her "Pagan" group she joined about a year ago. It hurts dreadfully and I feel that I may never trust another. I feel I made a commitment to her and therefore I will not get a Lawyer. She can have what she wants, I refuse to be materialistic. You however with your child need support so get that Lawyer. I can always live in the back of my picup. Quite a different story for you. Wish you well.