How long were you with your SO before they said "I love you"

[cracker2011]

especially if you started off as an LDR..and not a couple who were dating for a period of time before they went LDR!!

[HeavenOrHell]

He said it on msn before we met I think. And on the phone not long after we met IRL, can't remember, maybe a week after we met. He was the first one to say it, it was sweet

 

 

 

especially if you started off as an LDR..and not a couple who were dating for a period of time before they went LDR!!

[HeavenOrHell]

What made you ask this question? Worried cos your partner hasn't said it, or you want to say it but don't know if it's right to? You'll know when it's right to say it, it will just come out of your moth before you can stop it

 

It's different for everyone, some people might find it hard to ever say it, if they're not expressive, some might say it a lot and early on in the r/ship.

[cracker2011]

we started off in a LDR basically.we met on hols.he is from uk but living in california.we knew each other when we were very young for a very short period of time..with each 8 months or so..but neither of us has said it.i think i love him but i wont say it until he says it first.i got hurt in the past when someone lied and said they loved me so i said never again eud i say it first. he has hinted at it..but never actually said the the words i love you to my face.he sent me a pic once of i <3 you wrote on sand..about a month ago.!

[HeavenOrHell]

I would say it he's kind of already said it to you in his own way. Bear in mind he's not the ex which lied to you, so there's no reason why he'd act the same way.

If it feels right to you to say it and you feel/know he loves you then go ahead

 

 

we started off in a LDR basically.we met on hols.he is from uk but living in california.we knew each other when we were very young for a very short period of time..with each 8 months or so..but neither of us has said it.i think i love him but i wont say it until he says it first.i got hurt in the past when someone lied and said they loved me so i said never again eud i say it first. he has hinted at it..but never actually said the the words i love you to my face.he sent me a pic once of i <3 you wrote on sand..about a month ago.!

[cracker2011]

thanks- i jusy dont think i can.i would be devastated if i said it and he didnt said it back.i really would.i dont think i want to take that chance.

[HeavenOrHell]

How about sending him a picture/photo online like he did to you, which also says 'I love you' in it?

 

 

thanks- i jusy dont think i can.i would be devastated if i said it and he didnt said it back.i really would.i dont think i want to take that chance.

[K33]

thanks- i jusy dont think i can.i would be devastated if i said it and he didnt said it back.i really would.i dont think i want to take that chance.

 

Sometimes you just have to take that chance...My boyfriend told me about 5 months into our relationship. He called me and when he had to go he said "I love you." I'm pretty sure everyone feels the way you do when they want to say it, but you just have to go for it.

[LittleTiger]

I'm going to disagree with the others - if I were you I wouldn't say anything - your instinct is telling you not to, so don't.

 

In my own situation we'd been talking on the phone and on skype for a couple of months before we met IRL and he told me he 'adored' me before we met. I think he said 'I love you' within a few days of us being together.

 

I've never given away my level of attachment to a man until he expresses if first, because I strongly believe most men need to feel in control when it comes to emotions within a relationship - especially early on - a little old fashioned perhaps but it's always worked for me.

[cracker2011]

I think i agree little tiger. he has also said he adores me, crazy about me etc etc.. but i still need him to say it first..as least i know that when he does say it he means it..while if i say it he might say it back just because he thinks its what i want to hear and he doesnt want to hurt me

[HeavenOrHell]

Maybe he's a bit disappointed you haven't said it to him after he sent you a photo saying it. How did you respond to that pic? Have you sent him one saying I love you? Maybe he feels rejected as you haven't said it back after that.

 

I've spent too much time feeling insecure in my new r/ship partly because of my past r/ship, feeling unsure etc etc, but we shouldn't let what happened with our ex's hold us back in our new r/ships.

 

If you're only not saying it for fear of rejection but you actually feel it's right for you to say it then I think you should go ahead.

 

If he says it and you say it back he could equally think you're saying it because he said it, why's it any different? You already know he loves and adores you. He wouldn't have sent you the photo if he didn't!

 

I don't see why the man should always have to be the one to say it first. I prefer equality Men have their insecurities just as much as women do.

 

If you sent him a pic saying you love him, then from what you've said, he'll love it.

 

It's become a proof of his love for you thing, whereas we should say it because we want to say it and not to prove our love for someone, to show it yes but to prove it. When me and my partner said it the first time it wasn't to prove anything, we said it because we wanted to express our love for each other, no hidden meaning/agendas or anything. Just saying it because it feels right, it almost just comes out of your mouth before you know it, because you want to say it so much.

 

I think i agree little tiger. he has also said he adores me, crazy about me etc etc.. but i still need him to say it first..as least i know that when he does say it he means it..while if i say it he might say it back just because he thinks its what i want to hear and he doesnt want to hurt me

Edited August 19, 2011 by HeavenOrHell

[cracker2011]

when we met recently ..he was at my place and had a shower..the room was steamed and he wrote i "heart" (<3) you on the mirror..and i wrote "ditto" which he seen!

but i still need to hear the words to my face..i dont know why..i just do!

[LittleTiger]

Being first or second to say 'I love you' is not about proving anything. To me, it's about giving a man space to be sure of his feelings so that he never feels pressured.

 

I can understand you wanting to hear the words cracker2011 but, if I were you, I would accept his little gestures as a sign of what is obviously very deep affection for you.

 

You can say 'I love you' if you want to, but it sounds to me as though saying it would make you feel very vulnerable. If you're not ready or able to accept that he may not say it back then don't say it.

 

He will say 'I love you' when he's ready.

[cracker2011]

thanks agree with all you said..i hope he will too...and soon

[Audrina]

My boyfriend and I have had feelings for each other for quite some time, but have only been together (after we met for the first time) for a little more than 4 months. I love him with all my heart but we have yet to exchange those words.

 

Soon.

[HeavenOrHell]

Not all men are the same, same as not all women are, my partner would have loved it if I'd said it first I'm sure, he was just quicker off the mark than me

 

The OP is clearly wanting to hear it as proof of his love for her, maybe he's doing the same, although he's already said it in a round about way, neither of them might ever say it if they both wait for the other to say it

 

 

 

Being first or second to say 'I love you' is not about proving anything. To me, it's about giving a man space to be sure of his feelings so that he never feels pressured.

 

I can understand you wanting to hear the words cracker2011 but, if I were you, I would accept his little gestures as a sign of what is obviously very deep affection for you.

 

You can say 'I love you' if you want to, but it sounds to me as though saying it would make you feel very vulnerable. If you're not ready or able to accept that he may not say it back then don't say it.

 

He will say 'I love you' when he's ready.

[torn_curtain]

About a month and a half after we started skyping/calling each other regularly. First he hinted around the word and basically told me he loved me without saying the word but wanted to wait to say it in person. Then one night over the phone I was like "I feel it but I can't say it until we're in person." And he started egging me on, "just say it TC, SAY IT." I resisted but he kept pushing playfully. So finally I was like "Fine, I love you, M. Happy now?" And he started laughing joyfully and told me he loved me. That's the only time I've ever been forced into an ILY. It was cute. I know hearing him say it when we're together in person will mean so much more, though.

 

That said, I'll give you the non-crazy advise to wait to say it in person. That's what I originally wanted to do, but somebody pressured me into it.

:laugh: I think we jumped the gun, even though I know we both feel it.

Edited August 19, 2011 by torn_curtain

[Complicatedheart]

About a month and 10 days after we first spoke online. It just felt so right, and still does, 6 months later :-)

[LittleTiger]

Not all men are the same, same as not all women are, my partner would have loved it if I'd said it first I'm sure, he was just quicker off the mark than me

 

The OP is clearly wanting to hear it as proof of his love for her, maybe he's doing the same, although he's already said it in a round about way, neither of them might ever say it if they both wait for the other to say it

 

I disagree. I've had quite a number of men tell me they love me over the years and I've never needed to say it first. If a man feels it, he will say it eventually. If he doesn't say it, he either doesn't feel it, he's afraid of expressing his emotions, afraid of being vulnerable or afraid of making a commitment - big red flags however you look at it.

 

The same doesn't usually apply to women.

 

I do agree we're not all the same but there are some things about women that are almost universally attractive to men - being given time and space to express themselves when they are ready is one of them.

[cracker2011]

i know..i guess i just want to hear the three little words because i really want to tell him i love him..

he always sends me really cute songs and things like that he sent me this last nite

[madjac74]

What difference does it make who says "I love you" or who says it first? You should be able to feel it and it shouldn't need to be said. I can say I love you all day long....look at my profile pic I'm saying it in sign language to all of you. Of course it's nice to hear but it's the way it's said and the moment it's said that makes it special.

 

Toward the end of my marriage "I love you" became like Hi and goodbye or Aloha if you prefer. It was empty, overused, watered down. I'd rather not hear it so much and just KNOW that she loves me.

[HeavenOrHell]

He's telling you he loves you! It's harder for some people to actually say it, no matter whether male or female, I've no idea in my r/ships apart from my current one, who said it first, it's never been an issue, or something you have to think too much about it, if you feel you want to say it, which you do, just say it, if he doesn't say it back it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, maybe he's scared to be vulnerable too. But from what you've said, he will say it back.

 

 

 

i know..i guess i just want to hear the three little words because i really want to tell him i love him..

he always sends me really cute songs and things like that he sent me this last nite

[cracker2011]

I hope so heavenorhell..

will see him in a few weeks so il hold off until we meet

[FitChick]

The third time we were together -- a week each previous time, usually 6-8 weeks apart, talking on the phone and emailing daily. I was a bit taken aback but it was a nice surprise.

[carhill]

About two months. We weren't a serious LDR, only about sixty miles apart. As has been customary in my life, I said ILY first. The person would later become my wife, now exW.