beefolive Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 (edited) Ill explain the story/dilema/predicament i am in. I have recently broken up with a girl i was with for two years. We worked in the same school so we saw each other a number of times each day. We are brilliant together, she makes me laugh and keeps me on my toes! It was perfect about six months ago, when we decided to take a break for a few days as there were a couple of issue that she had that we wanted to get sorted. 1. She hadnt met my parents and we had been together for about a year.....Strange it may be but my mum and dad broke up at the time we started going out. A nasty divorce due to an affair. Dad moved away and mum had a tough time getting over it. I didnt want her to meet my dad and my mum wasnt in a great place. I SHOULD NOT HAVE WORRIED ABOUT THIS/WHAT SHE THOUGHT BUT I DID. 2. Also i play rugby as a hobbie. My rugby club is two hours away from where we both work/live. Due to this i would go away for training on both tuesday and thursday and also play on a sat!. I get really nervous before games and i hate people watching me so i LIED to her about fixtures being away when they were at home so she didnt come to watch. AGAIN I KNOW I SHOULDNT HAVE DONE THIS AT ALL. 3. We where due to go on holiday during the summer. My mum was having a particularly bad time so i pulled out. She got very annoyed which i can understand. We argued a lot about this and we said we would make it up. So we had a few days apart and got back together. However we fell straight back into the same routine of seeing each other at school and 3/4/5 times a week away from that. Both got quite complacent about each other, we were in a routine!...she never mentioned the issue much at all so being an idiot i assumed it was ok. We started arguing alot during the last few moths, nothing major...one day we had an argument about what we were going to do that day. Perhaps my fault again as i was happy to do what she wanted. I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN CONTROL AND NOT JUST SAID WHATEVER YOU WANT. So again the day came where we decided to have a break again. We didnt speak for a week and after that week i went up to see her. I was perhaps a little blaze about the whole thing and expected to get her back again. The problem is, none of the things that we said we would work on had changed, we hadnt fixed them!. So we broke up and that takes us to about 3.5 weeks ago. I did the whole texting and telling her how much i loved her etc etc.....went to see her three days later and told her exactly how much i loved her and how things would change!. PROBABLY NOT A GOOD IDEA, SHE SAID I SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THESE THINGS WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER!. We agreed to meet up for a drink after about a week!....Had a great time for an hour and a half before i broke down and told her that i thought we should be together etc etc.....It was quiet for a few days before we spoke on the phone again....same result, me being too needy!.....her telling me to stop talking about things. I have given her some time and out of the blue i get a text asking for some money i owed her. Not a hi how are you, can you please send me that money....JUST ABOUT THE MONEY!. I replied and sorted it out but also asked why the text was so cold....i got the reply that we broke up?, itll make it too hard to talk?. So im now at the point of not knowing what to do or where i stand...i need some sort of closure one way or another. Thing is that i want to be with her more than anything. I realise how much she means to me and how much i enjoy being with her. We do have issues to fix but they can be fixed. Granted it shouldnt have take me this long to realise what she means to me and how much these 'silly things' were affecting her!. It transpires that she has also had doubts about me cheating on her with my ex. She lives near my rugby club and we had a dog together....she put 2 and 2 together and got 50!...Nothing like that has ever being going on nor do i have interest in it. So do i have a chance of winning her back or is all hope lost??? I sent her the Following text yesterday with no replie....LISTEN, I JUST WANT YOU TO HEAR THIS ONE LAST TIME. I LOVE YOU AND WANT TO BE WITH YOU, JUST YOU AND ME. IVE HAD ISSUES IN MY LIFE AND I HAVNT GIVEN UP ON THEM SO ILL NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU, YOU WANT ME TO FIGHT FOR YOU THEN SO BE IT.HERE I AM FIGHTING!. I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE FROM YOU AND NOT HAVING YOU IN MY LIFE IS RUBBISH. IF YOU TELL ME YOU DONT WANT ANYTHING THEN YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN AND ILL LEAVE YOU ALONE, IF THERE IS A CHANCE ILL TAKE IT AND WE CAN TALK FROM THERE. CAN WE MEET UP TO AT LEAST TALK ABOUT THINGS, EITHER WAY LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK. So any views on what her no reply means would be great...is that the closure i need to move on or is this a game to make me wait for an answer Edited August 18, 2011 by beefolive Link to post Share on other sites
olivec Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 You need to have NC with her right now. Its gunna be tough but its the best thing for you as it will allow both of you to digest everything. If you keep up pressuring her it'll be over completely trust me. Right now your emotions are on high and its not helping you at all. Bottom line you gotta leave it be for now and if she comes back you gotta play things cool. Also you gotta be prepared she may never come back and move on from this as you'll only get more depressed if you continue to fight it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 Maybe im just being selfish but i cant understand how after two years she cant even reply to that text i sent her! any form of closure would be brilliant...or do i take that from the silence Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Your last TEXT was the correct thing to do. Hopefully she received it. Otherwise, you should have said that in person. It seems you took her for granted and women hate that. Asking for the money in a cold manner is strange. Could there be another guy? BTW, I like the part where you said IF YOU TELL ME YOU DONT WANT ANYTHING THEN YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM ME AGAIN AND ILL LEAVE YOU ALONE, IF THERE IS A CHANCE ILL TAKE IT AND WE CAN TALK FROM THERE. If she does not answer then stay out of her life. I think you messed this one. Many women need attention. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 I assume she did get it altho i suppose i have no real way of finding out?> I wanted to say it face to face but last time i tried to ring her she replied with...we broke up, talking will make it harder. As for another guy, i honestly have no idea, i would hope not after only a few weeks but i guess it is none of my business really. I did take her for granted and i realise i have made mistakes in the past..thing is i am willing to work at them. I think however as you have said i have messed up and i dont know where to go from now. How long do you hold out hope for and when do you walk away Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I assume she did get it altho i suppose i have no real way of finding out?> I wanted to say it face to face but last time i tried to ring her she replied with...we broke up, talking will make it harder. As for another guy, i honestly have no idea, i would hope not after only a few weeks but i guess it is none of my business really. I did take her for granted and i realise i have made mistakes in the past..thing is i am willing to work at them. I think however as you have said i have messed up and i dont know where to go from now. How long do you hold out hope for and when do you walk away Sounds like she is seeking NO Contact. No Contact (NC) is the best mechanism to get over a relationship. Sporadic contact makes it worse even if it feels good for a short time. That explains her communication style. As whether she comes back it all depends on: 1. She is fed up after giving you many chances. 2. She found someone else. You love her and love like that is hard to find. However, unknowingly you may have caused her to love you less and less. Most women have special emotional needs and if you fill those needs they love you forever. Perhaps she has needs that you met very poorly. The emotional need that always comes to mind is attention. How much money did you owe her? That could be a source of resentment. She probably built a lot of resentment over the duration of the relationship. All you can do now is wait and not be needy. Do not beg!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 the money i owed was only £50 sterling....which i have payed back. I guess ill just have to give her some space and time. its 3 weeks till we go back to work with each other all be it for a short time of 7 weeks before i move onto a new job Any other help or suggestions of what to do would be welcome?? Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
iJester Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Start going out and trying to enjoy the single life. Go bang some new girls, so you don't start thinking nonsense like, this girl was the only one for you. Just don't contact your ex, and start making the changes you were talking to her about..for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 yeah thinking i have to start getting on with my life!. Its tough but thats probably the best thing, she must be!. Its hard when you go from speaking a number of times each day to nothing. Is there any hope of getting her back...or am i barking up the wrong tree Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 yeah thinking i have to start getting on with my life!. Its tough but thats probably the best thing, she must be!. Its hard when you go from speaking a number of times each day to nothing. Is there any hope of getting her back...or am i barking up the wrong tree Statistically speaking there will be another reunion attempt. Breaking up is hard to do and there many songs about this syndrome. I am glad you will work with her; that is your best chance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Out of the blue last night she text me...I had accepted she wouldn't and I guess I was prepared to leave her till we went back to work together. In reply to the text where I put everything out there for her.....she sent me WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE BY MEETING UP No what do I reply to this????.....is this a test or is she genuinely just intrigued?? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Out of the blue last night she text me...I had accepted she wouldn't and I guess I was prepared to leave her till we went back to work together. In reply to the text where I put everything out there for her.....she sent me WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACHIEVE BY MEETING UP No what do I reply to this????.....is this a test or is she genuinely just intrigued?? It's both- it's a last ditch attempt for her to find out how badly you want to be in a relationship with her. If you ever had an opening- that text was it. You also gave her an out in that last text- and she didn't use it. Your answer: "what I hope to achieve is to win you back, to talk about what we/I can do to get to that place where things are 100% better. I know I've screwed up in the past, but I am commited to showing you I can be the man you need me to be". She's giving you the opportunity to make a move here- she wants you to fight for her and your relationship. She wants you to step up- what are you waiting for? Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 You see I can't decide whether this is her getting ready to tell me to leave her alone or it is a come and get me and prove how much I want to be with her text... All her texts are so so cold..no sign of emotion at all Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 You see I can't decide whether this is her getting ready to tell me to leave her alone or it is a come and get me and prove how much I want to be with her text... All her texts are so so cold..no sign of emotion at all Well, either step up now, or walk away ... If she didn't have any "want" to be with you, she would have said bugger off by now. If I was the female in your situation and I wanted nothing to do with you I wouldn't have answered you at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Yeah I guess that's how I need to look at it...I mean she is who I want to be with and who I'd change everything for. She will either let me meet up or tell me to leave her after that?. I guess I'm worried she tells me to get lost but what do I have to lose! Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Yeah I guess that's how I need to look at it...I mean she is who I want to be with and who I'd change everything for. She will either let me meet up or tell me to leave her after that?. I guess I'm worried she tells me to get lost but what do I have to lose! At this point you have nothing to lose. Most of us want a partner that wants to fight for us. Sounds like she has given you an opening to fight for her should you choose to do so. You can either walk away out of fear of being rejected or give it one last shot. If she says "no", at least you'll have an answer and not live with regret over never giving it a shot. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 I agree Many thanks for the advice I'll give it my best shot Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Ok so I went for I plan on showing u how we can be together! Just me and you and everything we talked about, the rugby, meeting all my pals, holidays, nights out! Everything! I want all that and I'll show u! Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Ok so I went for I plan on showing u how we can be together! Just me and you and everything we talked about, the rugby, meeting all my pals, holidays, nights out! Everything! I want all that and I'll show u! Thoughts? It's from the heart, so I say go for it. I normally advocate for NC, but I think you have an opening here that needs to be addressed before giving up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 I can but try, I'll send her this text and see what happens..if it goes wrong then I guess I'll have to go NC with her to help the Both of us Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 This is what i went for, hopefully get a positive reply what I hope to achieve is to talk about what we/I can do to get to that place where things are 100% better. I know I've screwed up in the past, but I am commited to making it work with us.I'd rather talk about it than text and after two years I'd hate to throw what we had away. Link to post Share on other sites
olivec Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 It might work man, but please think clearly though because girls tend to switch up in moments notice. Because i remember i had a window of opportunity with my ex. But then the next day she text me and said "i decided I want to be friends". But before that she wanted me to call her afterwork and talk things out. But somewhere between the hours she changed her mind and from there on i couldn't change her mind. And like a fool i tryed for months after the breakup to convince her to come back. So what i'm telling you is dont get your hopes up too much and just stay calm when you talk to her regardless of what she says good or bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 what I hope to achieve is to talk about what we/I can do to get to that place where things are 100% better. I know you are in Europe and marriage is less common. In America some women expect the man to step up and ask for a truly formal relationship at the two year mark. Quite often that implies getting engaged and to set up a date for a wedding. She could be old fashion and not looking to waste time in a relationship that is not going in that direction. That may be the place where you need to go. But, you should know better because you are the one that is dating her. If she wants more commitment that is the only thing you can do to salvage this. IMHO. asking her to live with you does not have the same impact as marriage. The latter means that you are truly serious about the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author beefolive Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Cheers guys Keep the advice cuming Many thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Pierre Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Cheers guys Keep the advice cuming Many thanks Is she conservative and looking forward to married life with children? If that is her mind set she could be very annoyed at you for not moving forward in that direction and she may never mention this to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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