USMCHokie Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 ...when it comes to dating...and is it different between online and "real life" dating...? Just browsing around on online dating sites, I couldn't help but notice how much women overvalued themselves and what they believe they are entitled to...I guess all that male attention would inflate one's self-perception... Since I don't look at men's profiles, what do you ladies think about how guys value themselves to women? On a separate note, I used to think online dating favored women...I no longer believe that...it definitely favors the most physically attractive men... Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 First, you have to define "overvalue." I think the whole concept is bizarre. People want what they want. If they can't get it, they should perhaps re-think, but who am I to tell someone else what their assigned value is? Isn't that relative to the viewer? Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Either gender has the capability to overvalue themselves. They want to impress the opposite sex to the fullest extent and sometimes that is done to the highest degree and then some. While that may work at first those people will eventually show their true colors and then that is where a potential mess lies. Another example of how being yourself is the best bet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 By overvalued in the sense of dating, I mean that they establish a benchmark of which they will not go below when it comes to the opposite sex. Dating below that standard would be unacceptable, so they don't consider those outside possibilities. Only the hottest people need apply... I don't really mean trying to sell oneself...rather that they feel entitled to dating only at a certain level because they think they're that attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Nexus One Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 I think in terms of looks men tend to overvalue themselves more than women do. There was a study done that concluded that men tend to think they're more attractive than they actually are. The reason for this was some biological mechanism, but I don't remember the details of it. What I do remember was that men were prone more than women to think they're more attractive than they actually are. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 disregard my comment then. Entitlement with dating will only lead to disaster. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 In terms of relationships Men tend to undervalue their own importance (to women) and women tend to overvalue their importance(to the man). Men never think it's as important as it really is, women tend to make more of every interaction than it is. In terms of looks. Women have to deal with all the pressure to look better. Women are made to feel that they are too tall, too short, too fat , too skinny, their hair color is wrong, if it's curly straighten it, if it's straight curl it and so on. Plus there are images TV and in magazines of really beautiful movie stars photoshopped to make those stars look better than they do in real life! Men probably "overrate" their attractiveness because men don't deal with 1/10 as much pressure to look just so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted August 18, 2011 Author Share Posted August 18, 2011 To put it another way, overvalue could also mean valuing one's stock higher than it really is on the market... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Do you mean in a physical attractiveness sense? Both genders are capable of being full of themselves. However, what I have noticed is that women have a benchmark for who the guy must be and provide, whereas men have a benchmark on how objectively hot the girl must be. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 However, what I have noticed is that women have a benchmark for who the guy must be and provide, whereas men have a benchmark on how objectively hot the girl must be. I do have a benchmark for a womans level of attractiveness, and in addition I also have benchmarks for other qualities in a woman before I will move forward with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Content Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Online women overvlaue thmeslves because theyre in a positon of power with a lot more men on there Its why you have 90% of the women demanding men be 5'10 or over and in good shape even if they thmeslves look like a trainwreck No offense but allot of those sites like pof seem to be filled with arrogant unattratcive women who feel they only deserve the best Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Online women overvlaue thmeslves because theyre in a positon of power with a lot more men on there Its why you have 90% of the women demanding men be 5'10 or over and in good shape even if they thmeslves look like a trainwreck No offense but allot of those sites like pof seem to be filled with arrogant unattratcive women who feel they only deserve the best Oh, you mean the one's who look like Beetlejuice, built like an NFL linebacker & hanging out in the slender or athletic section of online dating sites? Yeah. Thought something was wrong with my monitor when I saw her. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
PJKino Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Women by far..Your average Man gets humbled a lot more then your average women in the dating scene at least in the initial stages..not saying women dont but unless a women is hideous theyres a good chance shes been with guys out of her league ad gets hit on a decent amount and complemented a decent amount.. Your average looking guy never gets hit on and has to go through hundreds of rejections sometimes before he gets a yes.. Men approaching women out of their league at times isnt necassarily Men overvaluing themslves its the fact that Men are the pursuers so of course Men are gonna hit on who they find attractive then if they get rejected enough adjust their standards to women they think they can get and hope to have at least some attraction to.. Link to post Share on other sites
henderson14 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Women from online dating sites definitely overvalue themselves. Part of it comes from the ego boost they get from all the messages they receive every day, but they don't realize that all women on those sites gets tons of messages everyday. I've gone out with a few expecting something at least equal to the average girl I date, but I often am very disappointed. A lot of them never offer to pay on dates and it just reeks of entitlement and self importance. Every girl i've ever been out with from the real world has offered to pay on a date. I think a lot of these women are delusional. Link to post Share on other sites
Stockalone Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 By overvalued in the sense of dating, I mean that they establish a benchmark of which they will not go below when it comes to the opposite sex. Dating below that standard would be unacceptable, so they don't consider those outside possibilities. Only the hottest people need apply... I think it depends on how far people take this. But I don't really have a problem with that either way. For example, I am not going to date women I am not attracted to. Maybe some other guy takes it a step further and wouldn't date a woman he is attracted to, but rather holds out for a "hotter" woman. I think that's stupid but that's his problem and his life, not mine. I am worth whatever I say I am. But that might not necessarily be the same as my market value, though. Still, I don't have to sell myself if I don't think that I get a fair price for what I have to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Everyone does it. Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 By overvalued in the sense of dating, I mean that they establish a benchmark of which they will not go below when it comes to the opposite sex. Dating below that standard would be unacceptable, so they don't consider those outside possibilities. Only the hottest people need apply... I don't really mean trying to sell oneself...rather that they feel entitled to dating only at a certain level because they think they're that attractive. If you mean who writes, "Don't write me unless you're over 6 foot, have a good job, know you're sexy, whatever blahblahblah" that's women on OLD sites but only because girls are more prone to receiving messages than sending them and because hot men are less likely to mind an unattractive girl writing them (men only mind that when they aren't getting the girls they find attractive). But that's just based on the "who writes who" principle and the fact that many men cold call in writing messages, whereas women don't do that. Women DO sometimes write messages, but they write much fewer and only to men they find truly attractive and interesting and think are good fits all around (men are more, "Eh, how will I know till I talk to her?" on average, though they still cull for looks and some traits), and some women won't write messages at all. But these are just random general trends. Men, even the ones who are super attractive, likely get way less creepy messages from fewer creepers, so they almost never have those, "Don't message me" type things in their profiles. I've seen a few, though. But having standards is pretty much good. And your "level" are just the people who you like who also like you. There are no objective brackets involved. It's a bad mentality to go for the "hottest you can get" but not to set some standards. I wouldn't want to date a guy with no standards, and I also wouldn't want a guy who is looking to trade up till he gets the "best" he can. Neither provides a good relationship match. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 in the online dating world = it's not a "real" sense of the person - and who they actually are - it's a perceived sense of what they can present to the world! they can be anything/anyone they want to show you. meeting a person in real life and watching who they are - what they DO in critical situations - is WHO they really are. you can't get THAT from a dating profile - no matter what they type! Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 People value themselves in the dating market based on feedback, even if it is false or superficial feedback. People tend to value themselves based on the hottest person they can get to sleep with them, since average women can easily get hot men to sleep with them, and average men can not get hot women to sleep with them, there's your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Cee Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 This is going to sound really bad, but let me be candid. I value myself in the dating market by the men I attract. Therefore, my stock has fluctuated wildly over the years. I know I shouldn't measure my worth on the basis of others' perceptions, but I do. When I was single and not dating, I basically became neuter. I thought my desirability was neutral - neither attractive nor repellent. I have a boyfriend now and my value is stable and high. If my boyfriend were to dump me tomorrow I wouldn't think I was a horrible person. But I would consider myself unattractive to him and that would be devastating. I pride myself in my confidence and inner stability. But dating is the one arena where I become externally focused and anxious. I am so glad not to be dating anymore. It was hard on me. There you have it. My confession. Link to post Share on other sites
CatNtheHat Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 ...when it comes to dating...and is it different between online and "real life" dating...? Just browsing around on online dating sites, I couldn't help but notice how much women overvalued themselves and what they believe they are entitled to...I guess all that male attention would inflate one's self-perception... Since I don't look at men's profiles, what do you ladies think about how guys value themselves to women? On a separate note, I used to think online dating favored women...I no longer believe that...it definitely favors the most physically attractive men... What do you mean by "overvalue"? I don't think there is anything wrong with being confident and being selective. I think some women just "settle" and end up with partners that are total losers. But I also get that some people that may be unemployed or weigh 400 pounds sometimes expect to date a supermodel looking attorney. Link to post Share on other sites
threebyfate Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Hokie, here's another way to view it. If someone's garnering a lot of attention from the opposite gender, therefore are highly valued from a mate selection perspective, how is their self-valuation over-inflated? Now, let's change perspectives. What's considered highly attractive can change with social perception from generation to generation, culture to culture. So, rather than gauge externally since societal perceptions aren't constant, isn't it better to gauge internally whereby you make the best of what you've been given genetically and accept yourself for who you are, that no one is universally attractive and not being so, shouldn't be considered a knock on self-esteem? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Women no question. I have never met a man who is holding out for a beauty queen. I have met several girls who are keeping themselves single until prince charming arrives. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 Online dating is complex because it is a place where ideas about the "innate" traits of the biological sex's intersects with the notion of Gender roles. It comes down to two things. Biological males, regardless of sexual orientation, or gender identity are expected to be sexually predatory. Biological females, regardless of sexual orientation, or gender identity are expected to be sexually passive. Those are the expectations of western society in which we all live (I presume). So when it comes to online dating women (including transgender women) if they are attractive can sit back and let the men approach them. This means men (even transgender men) deal with rejection much more often than women. What makes women overrate themselves? Women sometimes forget that being attractive is not enough to make them relationship matterial. Attractive women may go on more dates, but then all the man does is hit it (maybe more than once) and the quit it. Many men, and women will agree that very attractive women can have nasty attitudes. Case in point Halle Berry. She would Vitch out her last husband and degrade him every day. One of the most beautiful women in the world and she has never had a truly successful relationship in her life. I see more women who go through life thinking they are Halle Berry, than I see men who go thorugh life thinking they are George Clooney. Link to post Share on other sites
Queen Zenobia Posted August 18, 2011 Share Posted August 18, 2011 This issue is quite simple actually: supply, meet demand. There are just about 105 men for every 100 women (until you get to the senior citizen age group). So, women can indeed value themselves a little higher than the average man can, simply because there are more men to go around, thus competition for a woman's attention is much higher for men than it is for women trying to attract men. Link to post Share on other sites
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