freebird Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 I have found solace in these posts before so I am going to try again. I just found out my mom needs open heart surgery - namely valve replacement. Has anyone had experience with a parent or loved on going thru this and did they come out alright? How was their quality of life, did they feel better? Guess I'm scared. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I just found out Friday night and she is most likely having the surgery on Wed, I am flying back home for this after the surgery. Any advice would be helpfu. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 my father-in-law had emergency open heart surgery last year ( I say father-in-law even though my partner and I aren't married, but my family are in a different country and these folks are great to me ) anyway, he is healthier now than he was before the surgery & he's an old man ( 80 in 2 weeks ) & can walk to get the morning papers & does the gardening - activities which were difficult before the surgery I guess that's why they call it life saving surgery I wish your mother the best of good health Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 My FIL had a quadurpal bypass last year. He isn't able to do things for a long time like he used to, but he is a lot better for it. The arteries were about 70% blocked It takes 12 weeks to recover (standard) and by 12 weeks he was better off than the neighbour (who had also had one about 2 weeks earlier I think) at the same time. If they need it, they need it. People don't crack open chests for no reason. Good luck and ask your doctor everything Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird Posted May 3, 2004 Author Share Posted May 3, 2004 Thanks Blue and Kat. Blue, your words were very encouraging. I know my mom has been tired a lot and I heard this surgery really gives them their life back. She likes to garden and I just hope that her fatigue will go away after this surgery. All I want for her for this Mother's Day is to get thru this. It is my birthday two days after, and that's all I want for that - for her to be well again. If she is, I will never ask for anything again. Funny, when life altering events happen like this, a lot of the other stuff in life we were worrying about, just seems to be trivial and you look at things and problems a lot differently. Life is so short, I hope everyone makes the best of it! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Originally posted by freebird Thanks Blue and Kat. Blue, your words were very encouraging. I know my mom has been tired a lot and I heard this surgery really gives them their life back. She likes to garden and I just hope that her fatigue will go away after this surgery. That's the thing. Joe, my father-in-law, ( names have been changed to protect the innocent ) always walked to the shops to get the morning papers. Over a period of months the walks took longer and longer until one day Jane, his wife, got in the car and drove to the shops. There was Joe, half-way to the shops, sitting on a bench. Jane says, "What are you doing?", Joe replies, "Just having a rest on my way to the shops. I get out of breath and have a rest, then carry on.". He'd been gone for ages!! That's when Jane took him to the hospital and they pronounced that he needed open heart surgery immediatley. What a dufus!! This was going on for months and months and he didn't say anything! Apparently that's what we men are like when it comes to things medical. Buy your Mom a bunch of bulbs, a bag of dirt and a trowel and tell her you expect her to be planting in no time !! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 p.s. ( hope no mod's are watching ) happy birthday Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Just a thought... Since you're concerned, see if your Mom has had a 2nd opinion. Even though I'm a health care professional myself, it's tough to stay objective when it's your own family and you know the procedure can be risky. In my own experience, a second opinion has assisted all of us in being more comfortable with the idea of surgery, and educated my p's about what to expect from the procedure and recovery. (Heck, I think I'll need a cardiologist if they ever listen to any advice I give them the first time!) I love the idea of the bulbs...a twist on that, which I've heard before, is to not tell her the colors and types of plans and leave that for her to see as a surprise when they come up. Best wishes. I know it's very scary. Don't hesitate to ask the doctors and nurses questions all along the way to make sure she is being cared for in the best way possible. I imagine it will make a huge positive difference in her life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird Posted May 3, 2004 Author Share Posted May 3, 2004 Thank you to BOTH "Blues". I believe she is in good hands- both god's and the surgeons. The cardiologist she has is one of the best and the surgeon in indisputably (sp?) the best. Apparently she's in the "emergency" situation where they want to operate right away - this Wed. Her ECHO shows damaged valves and they are doing an angiogram Tuesday to see if there are any blockages - there is no other option - she needs to have surgery. I trust this is the best thing for her and although I would want a second opininon, it would only prolong the inevitable. Apparently her valves have been damaged for some time as the ECHO showed this. What's difficult is I'm here in CA and she is in another state - trying to get over there was hard too - but somehow I found people to help me with my dog and my boss was cool - I'm alone here so finding help with my dog was difficult and I could not just pick up and leave. I guess sometimes being single has it's drawbacks...I don't have anyone to really turn to and although I have friends, it's not quite the same as having a husband or BF around you to comfort and help you. I will be home soon enough, I just hope nothing goes wrong before I get there next week! Since she will be in ICU for a week, it was best I fly back after the surgery to do post-op care. I'm on pins and needles waiting until then, I just hope she will come out of this. I know they say it's "routine" but still - it's hard to believe valve replacement is a routine heart surgery - but I guess one has to have faith in technology and the general consensus. I know there are angels around us when we need them too. I'm praying alot! Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 I've known someone who came through such surgery and now feels better as a result. I wish you and your mum all the very best. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 My husband at the time was 27 years old. He was experiencing strange symptoms of which I will not get into. He was told by one local doc that he was fine and then by another in the larger metropolitan area that he needed emergency heart surgery asap. He had an infection in his heart, infection in his blood, severe mitral regurgitation and vegetation growing in his heart. He was told he needed mitral valve REPLACEMENT. He went in for the surgery and it took many hours to perform, much longer than we had been told. He came out with a mitral valve repair instead of a replacement. He has a stint in his heart and is fine now. He rechecks every 5 years. It did take him a little while to recover, weeks. Not months or anything. He had a minimally invasive surgery where they went through his RIGHT side. His scar is only several inches long. PM me if you have any other questions and I wish you luck. =) Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird Posted May 3, 2004 Author Share Posted May 3, 2004 I'm glad to hear that people come thru these surgeries - I just want her to come thru it and everything is working as normally as possible and that she feels better. Tiki - did you wake up with panic every morning when your husband was going thru this? I wake up with alot of anxiety thinking about my mom. I will send you a private message - I didn't think you coud do that on here - I hope I can figure this out. Thanks for all the words of comfort everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Hey... I think it's absolutely normal to have feelings of anxiety at a time like this. Even when you have a lot of faith in God and the doctors it can still be scary. I know what you mean about how tough it is to be single during a time like this. My brother lives 2000 miles away from the rest of us, and it's just me and the p's who live about a half hour away. When they've been seriously ill, most of the time the primary caretaking falls on my shoulders. He will (seemingly) dramatically swoop in and they perk up tremendously to see him. He's here a few days then gone, and often I can do nothing right for them. But I've learned to not take it personally...just to continue to do the best I can anyhow. The other CRITICAL thing you should really remember now is to continue to take excellent care of YOU. Please do not feel bad or guilty if you need a few hours to yourself. Consider booking a massage or something else to care for yourself when you are in to care for Mom. A friend or neighbor may be willing to sit with her for a short while if you are concerned about leaving her alone, and it will recharge your batteries tremendously to be good to yourself. Best wishes...I'm sure it's scary because the situation is urgent...we'll be thinking about you. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 3, 2004 Share Posted May 3, 2004 Hi freebird, No heart surgery is routine. It is scary. It is major. It is necessary. My mom (stubborn as they come) had a quad by-pass a few years ago. Her arteries were 70% to 90% blocked. She had been "tired" for years and just attributed it to getting old and arthritis. She couldn't even walk down the hall to the bathroom without being out of breath and almost fainting and in fact she did faint a few times. We begged her to see a doctor and I actually dragged her into a hospital a couple of times, but nothing was diagnosed. She finally went in for an angiogram/angioplasty and the docs said that it would not do any good and that she would need by-pass surgery. Originally they thought it would be a double by-pass, but once she got in there they found it was worse and they did a quad. Mom's overall health was not good anyway, and we feared for the worst with this surgery. Anyway, she was in surgery for something like 16 hours because they had all sorts of complications due to my mothers other illnesess. The heart procedure went like clockwork and they were able to meet all the new challenges my mother presented quite well. She came out of surgery and spent a week in ICU and another couple of weeks in the hospital. It was a difficult recovery for her - the doctors said it would be extra slow because of her other problems, but even so - she was better pretty quickly. She doesn't feel tired like she did. She can get around and feels sooooo much better in so many ways! I like the idea of giving her some gardening things for when she feels better --she will feel much better and be ready to garden in no time! The heart surgery procedures are amazing now - more advanced then when my mom had hers done and that was only 7 years ago! I've watched some surgeries and it is just fascinating and humbling. I would be scared too if it were me, or another family member, but I would also be more hopeful and more positive then I was before. Take a deep breath and think about how great it will be for both of you when your mom is healed and feeling better! Your next trip out to see her will be active and fun and you can do fun things together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird Posted May 3, 2004 Author Share Posted May 3, 2004 Blueheavens and Hokey Religion, thank you SOOOOOOOOOOOo much for writing to me. It was really really comforting. Hokey - I truly did cry when I read your post - it helped me find some relief - I'm sitting here at work at my desk sneaking a peek on these message boards since I'm trying to find relief for my anxiety and what you said, really helped me. I hope nobody walks by - see the waterworks going on. I'm so glad your mom is better and your letter was so straight forward and heartfelt. I will not forget you or your letter to me. Blue, yes, I should take care of myself - I havent been since I've been sick with worry. I know worry is futile, but the surgery is so close, I just think about it a lot. I'm glad i am at work, if i were home,i'd be crazy. Thank you both...your perspectives really helped me alot. I am printing them out to read when in doubt. peace... Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted May 4, 2004 Share Posted May 4, 2004 We'll be thinking about you (here I am speaking for everyone, haha!) and if you can, keep us posted. I think the "waterworks" are actually a very healthy form of relief. You have lots of pressure right now...letting it out is good. Travel safely and hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 Well, thank you so much to all of you who shared your experiences with me about open heart surgery. Yesterday was the WORST and BEST day of my life. My mother had her open heart surgery yesterday and the waiting was sheer terror. I know they say it's useless to worry, but YOU DO! It's just the way it is, and if you don't worry - something is wrong!! Anyway, she underwent double valve replacement. At first they were going to replace one valve and repair the other, but when they had everything ready to go, her heart stopped on the operating table. I swear, I felt it even though I'm in another state. All I could do was wish her telepathically, no mom, don't go yet, we have more to do in this life, you can't go and I felt her come back because my heartbeat came back. It was really strange. She is NOW FINE!! She is recovering in ICU and must be getting stronger since she tried to get my brother to move her around to make her more comfortable and take out her breathing tube! She always was fiesty! I just wanted to say the support I have found on this board has been MORE supportive than my friends at times - and you all know my mother is okay before some of my closest friends! there is something special about this board and all of you are just so wonderful. Thank you for your prayers and comfort. much love and peace!! Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Great news Freebird Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird Posted May 7, 2004 Author Share Posted May 7, 2004 Thanks Blue - I shared with my mom these posts and it certainly helped!! HOKEY RELIGION!! Thank you Sooooooooo much, you are one strong lady and I will never forget your words or realistic kindness - best comfort I got in this difficult time! You're awesome! Link to post Share on other sites
BlueHeavens Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 Sooo glad to hear that your Mom is recovering well!!! I totally understand your comment when you knew your Mom was struggling. I think we all can sense those things but we aren't always open to it. So you were being supportive from a long distance away. Now you'll have a pretty good weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
Author freebird Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 Thanks Blueheavens, and the rest of you. She is out of ICU and I actually spoke to her today. She could only speak for about 1 minute since she gets tired, but it was nice to talk to her on Mother's Day. I had a decent weekend, not wracked with worry, but you still get a bit anxious when the phone rings! I will be flying home Tuesday and I can't wait to see her! Thanks again everyone and I hope you had a great weekend. Peace... Link to post Share on other sites
froggs Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 I am an exercise physiologist and work with people that have heart and lung surgery, your mom will be fine as long as she takes care of herself. She will be in the hospital for about 7 days and then will come home. Initally she will need a lot of help doing things, she is very weak at the beginning but as time goes her strength will come back and she will be able to do her normal routine. It's normal to be scared but don't worry. After surgery she needs to maintain a helathy diet and active lifestyle. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 31, 2005 Share Posted May 31, 2005 It's not 2004 anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
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