How do you know you're insecure?

[USMCHokie]

I assume if he really cared about her, he never should have started a relationship with me. Why would he get me involved if he's already involved?

 

Some men aren't the highest quality individuals...

[vsmini]

What if they are just really good friends?? I know you might think I'm crazy but I'm just trying to be as rational as possible. We all would loooove to have a cool boss that shares our hobbies. Work would be easier working with a friend.

 

I guess the problem here is that he's being dishonest with her, and sometimes not telling the whole truth about her unless I ask. Like he leaves out certain details. To him, that's not actually lying. If she's a cool boss and a friend, she should be happy to know he has a girlfriend.

 

And every time she calls when I'm with him, he will complain.."Gosh I will be so glad when she gets a boyfriend so she can leave me alone. She needs to get a life." But he'll answer the phone and be cordial and friendly with her. He'll tell her that he's at home resting and not in the mood to go out. But he won't say he's with me. So she once invited herself to come over and he told her he wasn't in the mood for company either. So she just let it go.

 

What if they are just really good friends? OK well then as his girlfriend you should be getting all of that AND more.

You are in such denial! Get out of it and dump this guy. As someone else said - it sounds like she is the girlfriend and you are his other girl.

 

He's basically denying your existance to her because she'll get jealous?????? Ummm if it was a proper boss/employee relationship she wouldn't be getting jealous. He is playing you and you're just too darn scared to see it.

[threebyfate]

Drilling down to the simplest element.

 

If you're happy with this arrangement, then it's your life.

 

But you're not happy so why are you with someone who makes you unhappy? There are no legal ties to hold you within this quasi-relationship. Fly!

[O'Malley]

He has been with the company six years. We've only been dating six months. I assume if he really cared about her, he never should have started a relationship with me. Why would he get me involved if he's already involved?

 

The sad thing is, when she finds out about you --whether from one of the coworkers or just intuition-- it will be you that your boyfriend will throw under the bus.

 

He chooses to have this kind of relationship with his boss (as the other single colleague does not) so he obviously believes he is benefiting from it in some manner. The possibility that it is not necessarily romantic on his end doesn't mean that he is not somehow manipulating her to perceive it that way. Why else her casually asking to come see him at home? Just expect to be second string to his needs as long as you're dating him.

[Butterflying]

Yes I am a little scared. If he told me he was using the boss (manipulating her) in order to get some type of promotion, I would understand. People do that all the time. The problem is that I don't know for sure. I don't want to make a decision to leave based on speculation, especially if I really am insecure and reading too much into things. It truly helps to have other people's opinions on the situation.

 

Why aren't the other guys dating the boss and trying to do the same thing.

 

If he's playing me or taking advantage of me, I just don't understand why he would introduce me to his parents, friends, and now his colleagues... everyone except the boss lady.

[vsmini]

Yes I am a little scared. If he told me he was using the boss (manipulating her) in order to get some type of promotion, I would understand. People do that all the time. The problem is that I don't know for sure. I don't want to make a decision to leave based on speculation, especially if I really am insecure and reading too much into things. It truly helps to have other people's opinions on the situation.

 

Why aren't the other guys dating the boss and trying to do the same thing.

 

If he's playing me or taking advantage of me, I just don't understand why he would introduce me to his parents, friends, and now his colleagues... everyone except the boss lady.

 

Why aren't other guys dating the boss? Who knows and who cares??? Most likely because your guy is dating the boss.

 

If he's in a real relationship with you he would talk this out with you and not just say "she's my boss!" and call you insecure- you're a fool if you fall for that excuse.

 

Why would he introduce you to his parents and friends? why not? Heck - there are men out there that are married and living at home with their wives and kids and still date other women and even propose to them while they are married. Doesn't make sense but stop trying to twist the situation and pretend like you don't understand.

[zengirl]

Um, no, you're not being insecure. His "boss" is his other girlfriend. At least, that's how he's behaving. They're basically dating...

 

Yep, pretty much.

 

Lose this guy!

[bikinibeach]

you need to look up some of my earliest threads.

 

this guy is a complete and utter moron. trust me.

 

he just probably has you for sex, justifying in his mind that he's not in a real relationship with her because they aren't having sex.

 

if you don't get out know, fast, you're going to look back at this with a lot of regret.

[Butterflying]

you need to look up some of my earliest threads.

Oh my goodness!! I just read your thread about trusting your gut and I swear I thought I wrote that myself. Holy crap!!! You're going to kick me (not literally) when I tell you my last searious relationship was with a guy exactly, I mean EXACTLY like your ex. It lasted off and own for three years until I finally got the nerve to ignore him when he'd "reach out" to me sometimes after months of no contact. And I'll be honest, that experience really made me feel insecure. And that guy blamed me for not trusting him..blah blah blah!!

 

That is the reason I'm extra careful not to make the same mistake twice. The guy I'm seeing now is 10 times better than my ex on all other levels. It's just this one situation involving "dating another woman" that is similar. I don't expect people in a relationship to never have friends of the opposite sex; but there needs to be clear boundaries, especially when they're dealing with people they used have sex with, or would like to have sex with at some point.