singsparkles Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I was with a guy for a year. We broke up 6 months ago but we were still seeing eachother like a couple and he still called me his girlfriend and we talked about our future and the life we would have together. He was trying to get me pregnant too. I found out a couple months ago he was dating another girl the whole time we were seeing eachother. I became obsessed with the reason as to why he was with her and not me. I couldnt come up with any answers. I've seen her on facebook and I can't stop obsessing over looking at her facebook. I know it's not looks-he and his friends have told me straight out I'm probably the prettiest girl he will ever date or get in his life. I did everything for this guy, I gave him my world, I would;ve jumped through fire for him and I cared about him more than myself. But in the end, she has his heart so obviously she has something I don't have. He wants her, but wants to have me on the side for sex and he's made me feel like the only thing I'm good for is sex and I have nothing else to offer because he puts me down and tells me I'm nothing and I have nothing to offer him and thats why he's with her. I feel like me loving him after all he's done to me is such an ego boost to him because he still has this great girl he doesn't deserve giving him everything and doing everything at his will. I've come out of this situation with such low self esteem it's horrible. After everything that's happened, I have such a low perception of myself. I have absolutely NO self worth anymore and I can't find anything good about myself because of the pure fact he doesn't want me and he wants her. And it's sick. I just want to know how some people cope with feeling inferior and how they get their self worth and self esteem back? Are there things to do and ways to think about things in a different light? Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I was with a guy for a year. We broke up 6 months ago but we were still seeing eachother like a couple and he still called me his girlfriend and we talked about our future and the life we would have together. He was trying to get me pregnant too. I found out a couple months ago he was dating another girl the whole time we were seeing eachother. I became obsessed with the reason as to why he was with her and not me. I couldnt come up with any answers. I've seen her on facebook and I can't stop obsessing over looking at her facebook. I know it's not looks-he and his friends have told me straight out I'm probably the prettiest girl he will ever date or get in his life. I did everything for this guy, I gave him my world, I would;ve jumped through fire for him and I cared about him more than myself. But in the end, she has his heart so obviously she has something I don't have. He wants her, but wants to have me on the side for sex and he's made me feel like the only thing I'm good for is sex and I have nothing else to offer because he puts me down and tells me I'm nothing and I have nothing to offer him and thats why he's with her. I feel like me loving him after all he's done to me is such an ego boost to him because he still has this great girl he doesn't deserve giving him everything and doing everything at his will. I've come out of this situation with such low self esteem it's horrible. After everything that's happened, I have such a low perception of myself. I have absolutely NO self worth anymore and I can't find anything good about myself because of the pure fact he doesn't want me and he wants her. And it's sick. I just want to know how some people cope with feeling inferior and how they get their self worth and self esteem back? Are there things to do and ways to think about things in a different light? So he cheated with her and now he cheated with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author singsparkles Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Basically..... yes. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Basically..... yes. So even though the guy is as evidenced, a jerk, you do know that instead of just leaving him and finding someone better-you got in an affair with him? Right? My advice is to cut all contact with him if you haven't done that yet. It's best for everyone. You know you must do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singsparkles Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Yeah. You are completely right. I have never cheated in my life nor have I gotten into any affairs. I guess I just wasnt thinking because I was so hurt and still loved him and I did a stupid thing. I was doing that in odd hopes he would come back to me. You're right. I should have let it be and moved on and found someone better. Then I probably wouldnt have all these personal issues from it if I didnt let it get this far. The thing is, he cheated on her with me a few times, but now he cut it off and says he wants to be with her and only her. I know now I have to move on and I am.... it's just the coping with the hurt feelings that is completely hard. I feel so betrayed he could do such a thing to me, but yet at the same time, he did do the same to her for a short while, even if he is trying to be faithful now, he still did it. Link to post Share on other sites
John Michael Kane Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Yeah. You are completely right. I have never cheated in my life nor have I gotten into any affairs. I guess I just wasnt thinking because I was so hurt and still loved him and I did a stupid thing. I was doing that in odd hopes he would come back to me. You're right. I should have let it be and moved on and found someone better. Then I probably wouldnt have all these personal issues from it if I didnt let it get this far. The thing is, he cheated on her with me a few times, but now he cut it off and says he wants to be with her and only her. I know now I have to move on and I am.... it's just the coping with the hurt feelings that is completely hard. I feel so betrayed he could do such a thing to me, but yet at the same time, he did do the same to her for a short while, even if he is trying to be faithful now, he still did it. Oh wow. That's all I can "say" at this moment.... Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I became obsessed with the reason as to why he was with her and not me. I think if you want to drive yourself absolutely insane, you will ask yourself this question more than once. This man says these things to you because he gets off on your reaction. It pumps him up. Do not allow yourself to keep being manipulated by this man. It does not serve you and will keep you from walking away from this guy and not looking back. I've come out of this situation with such low self esteem it's horrible. After everything that's happened, I have such a low perception of myself. I have absolutely NO self worth anymore and I can't find anything good about myself because of the pure fact he doesn't want me and he wants her. And it's sick. Who you are has nothing to do with him, what he wants or doesnt want, or what he does or doesn't do. None of this is about him, your self esteem is just that. SELF esteem. It comes from you. You decided your worth and no one else. Please, stop giving this man power over you that he does not have! You are giving it to him!!! Use that energy you are using to obsess over him to heal yourself! I just want to know how some people cope with feeling inferior and how they get their self worth and self esteem back? Are there things to do and ways to think about things in a different light? Turn the spotlight off that loser and his girlfriend, and put it onto yourself. think of how you want to live the rest of your life. Stop thinking about him! He is not worth the time or the effort! Google baggage reclaim and find the site that teaches you how to get your life back after this kind of a breakup. You can come out on the other side of this a better person, or you can get bogged down and be angry and bitter for years over this. You decide. Link to post Share on other sites
Author singsparkles Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Wow, Shayla, thank you sooo much for the reply:)...Your post was very inspiring!!!...Thank you for understanding, it is hard but you're right, I think it's time I have to think about me and kick him to the curb for good. And I think you're right...I don't realize it I do control my self esteem and I have to stop allowing him to make me feel the way he does and focus on my life and bettering myself and making myself happy now. I've spent too much time worrying about what he wants, maybe it's time I think about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Bito Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Shayla is absolutely correct. Work on making yourself a better person from it. Link to post Share on other sites
bestrong Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 It's not about him, it's you! Give yourself the power to cut him off your life. You might think you don't know where to gather the courage from, but let me tell you. you have always had the courage, but you just didn't notice it cause you put him above you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
giuliano-3 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Self-esteem can only be regained by enhancing yourself. Pick an activity (reading, sports, basket-weaving) and strive to become as knowleageable or athletic or creative as you can be. Look at past actions and try to understand how you ended up in the situation you did. What could you have seen earlier that would have led you to avoid this heartbreak? Did you set yourself up for being dissapointed? Link to post Share on other sites
jquest1280 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Don't I know that low self esteem feeling well...I'm pretty (even if I say so myself ), smart, highly accomplished, and yet, when I had even a brief encouter with my ex, the feelings of from his rejection would play back, and I would walk around for a few days with my head hung low. It is incomprehensible how this happens, but it does. What to do? Do the things that make you happy, things that you do well, develop your talents, the qualities that you get praises for. I don't know you, but you're pretty, you say? Get prettier! Model, get in your face in an ad, tv, then imagine him regretting what he let slip away... Link to post Share on other sites
stronganyway Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 AFter too many years I finally took a friends advice and went to a CODA meeting. They are for people who depend on others for their self esteem. I go to Love addicts meetings too, because I get addicted to people as if they were drugs- my whole like revolves around them, etc. I have issues with extreme low self esteem and I have BEEN where you are and the truth is you really do need to learn to accept and love yourself. He represents not just himself, but anyone in your life you did not give you the love and attention you need. So, now we get to learn how to do it for ourselves so we can be healthy and strong and then love won't hurt. Peace to you. Don't forget, your here for a reason Link to post Share on other sites
stronganyway Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 P.S. I have learned a lot about love and I will tell you this: THE CHEATERS ARE THE ONES WHO ARE LOSERS- they are cowards, they are egocentric, they totally lack compassion. They have serious psychological ISSUES. How can you get past him cheating? KNOW YOU ARE A KIND, COMPASSIONATE WOMAN. KNOW THAT WOMEN ARE (scientific fact) %30 MORE INTELLIGENT EMOTIONALLY! KNOW THAT MEN ARE LED BY THEIR TESTOSTERONE, KNOW THAT , HERE IS THE BIG ONE,,,,,,,IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU!!! IT HAS TO DO WITH WHO HE IS AND HOW HE CHOSE TO CONDUCT HIMSELF, which speaks pretty poorly of who he IS AS A PERSON. Yuck, I hated this when people said it to me, but probably because somewhere I knew it was true; you are lucky to be rid of him. Life opened up a space for you to find more self love....and a love that treats you right. Link to post Share on other sites
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