How should i feel about my wife and another man as a friend?

[lazler]

Well to start im new to these boards so forgive the way i say things.

 

I'm a married man deeply in love with his wife.have been together for 9 years and married 1 year as of this july.Just recently or marraige has really made a turn for the worse.for 9 years i been thinking we had a pretty good relationship, yes a few arguments but nothing real serious till now.

 

about 2 months ago my wife started hanging out with a few guys i know ( i trust ) but in last month she started going to a new guys house because on of our friends moved in with him.here starts the confusion. about 1 1/2 months ago i asked if she could spend a bit of time at home and a little less out , she agreed, but since then its been worse. she is now there every day..yes EVERYDAY and about a week ago i asked her if anything was going on and then WHAM! she nails me.about how i never spent time with her and ignored all her feelings..etc...

and he started buying and offering her all kinds of stuff. place to live,car, money etc. when i question it she denies she has feelings and he is just a good hearted person ( single mind you) offering to help with nothing in return. well i asked to stop going over there then and its only drawn us further apart.

 

she says she wants to leave me then in same talk she doesnt... she said she told him to back off. well then i find out he had felings for her ....then her for him. ( admitted by both)

 

but now they say they never did anything but yet she is always starting arguments and leaving to go there. then i find out they kissed.well now im floored by this unsure of what to do. i love my wife with all i have and have asked her if she wants him plz tell me so i can move on. she swears she dont. but the fighting never ends now. and she says it will take time to heal from the pain i caused from years of ignoring her and the feelings she offered. she swears she wants to make a go at it again but says i have to prove my love to her . but yet when i try to i get brushed off. in other words i have to offer what she no longer gets from him for her to show emotion toward me again. but unfortunatly we are stuck at my folks house. just moved from chicago and having a hard start here.she said get her a place of our own and she will believe i love her still and she will then show me love again.

 

but my question is what do i do?I love her to death and it tears me up in side to lose her. but i found my self telling her to leave because i cant take the hurt and then turn a around before she leaves and saying im sorry. i told her give me a few weeks to save the money for the place. she wants it now! I want to give it to her but i cant . so she still remains going over there. she says she is comfortable there and not crowded. but she dont return till 10 at night at times.

 

to me the past is the past ,live for the future right?unless it was something that i did such as sleeping iaround or such i expect her to leave but its not that way at all.

 

mind yoou we have 3 kids together that i adore to death. 1 mine 2 by another . but i accept them as mine.she says she doesnt want to leave and wants to stop the hurt but how do i live the way i am if she doesnt stay home more?... am i suppose to be ok with this? im literly crushed and been in hospital a few dayas ago cause of the pain of stress. should i believe what she says? do i believe her or think they are lies? i have a very hard time with this cause she says she has no other freinds if she leaves .... so what do i do? do i accept this and try to work it out?Should i feel i have to win her back?or should i just try to give up on this? my problem is i pysicaly cant give up with out breaking down to her and asking her to stay even thou she says she doesnt want to leave.

 

 

PLEASE A BIT OF ADVISE FOR A DESPRITE MAN<

[befuddled11]

Your wife is not acting like a wife. She's acting like a spoiled, selfish bratty teenager.

 

She has no business "hanging out with guys", even if you do think they're trustworthy. If she's got time to "hang out with guys", she should either be spending that time with her CHILDREN, or working. Being an adult wife and mother, there's certain expectations...and hanging out with da boyz isn't one of them.

 

You need to immediately develop a backbone here, or else she is going to continue to walk all over you.

 

The reason she's playing these games, and likely lying through her teeth, is because she knows you don't want to lose her. She knows you won't stand up to her because you don't want to lose her.

 

You need to be the man of the house and the head of the family here, and set some rules...that she's NOT allowed to hang out with this guy or ANY guy.

 

If she continues to pick fights with you, all in an attempt to have a reason to go see him, pack her sh*t up and put it on the lawn, change the locks, see an attorney.....Your home isn't a hotel, or the No-Tell Hotel, for that matter. She is acting like a punk, not like a wife or mother. And that guy sounds like a totally manipulative SNAKE, not to be trusted.

 

What kind of example is she setting for her children? Surely they can see you 2 fighting..and they're aware she's spending time with her "friend", who's another man. I'm sure they're confused and feeling uneasy about the tension in your home. You owe it to your children to be the parent who sets the rules and lays down the law.

 

Don't get all wimpy here and say you can't stand up to her because you don't want to lose her. What the hell is there to lose? She is disrespecting you big time. Her and her boy toy likely laugh about how naive you seem. And if you think for a minute that they're not sleeping together, I have news for you, I'm afraid to say.

 

Her other option is marriage counselling. If she's not open to working on your marriage, for the sake of the 9 yrs you have together, and your 3 children, then you don't want her anyway, and maybe just now you're seeing her "true colors" and how loyal she really is in the face of temptation.

 

Don't give HER the control here. Don't give HER the option to make the choice. YOU MAKE THE CHOICE. Do you want a whore for a wife? Or do you want a loving, respectful partner who doesn't d*ck your around.....who respects her family. The choice is yours.

 

See a lawyer. You don't have to do anything but find out your rights.....and what the best way to proceed here is. Kick her ass out of she continues with this teenage crap....because her children deserve more than this.

 

I wish you the best. I know it's not going to be easy. Don't be a doormat who puts up with crap and disrespect all because you love someone. Get a backbone and some b*lls and stand up for yourself and your family.

[SoleMate]

Harsh words from befuddled, even AFTER the moderators got through with their deletions. Calling her names like "brat" and "spoiled" doesn't help this guy. Yes, her behavior is unacceptable. But these folks have three kids and a possibility of fixing their marriage. So let's not call this woman names.

 

Lazler, this is a very painful situation for you, I am sure. If there is any good in it, it is that you have a chance to find and fix a serious marriage problem before everything gets flushed down the drain. Your wife's behavior is very wrong, or course - and not compatible with happy married life. Although you have 9 years together, you have just been married for 1 year - and the problems you mention are recent. Her feelings of loneliness and being ignored are real, and they need to be dealt with by BOTH of you if this marriage is to survive.

 

I understand money is tight, but I think right now, couples counselling is the best investment you can make.

 

I know that counselling and a new place to live are expensive, but so is divorce. Good luck, there is hope for you two.

[Thinkalot]

I agree with Solemate here. There IS hope. But it takes two. Your wife needs to be willing to change and accept things, and let past hurts go if you are to move forward. And you need to listen and talk and do your bit too.

 

Counselling, reading books and so on all could help. Set aside time to talk to each other. Draw boundaries, find out what you both need and want.

 

Best of luck to you. I am sorry for your pain.

[FolderWife]

Not to be a downer but if our friend wolvesbanned is any inclination of how relationships turn out, when the spouse has a "friend" of the opposite sex, then it ain't good.

 

If your wife thinks there's nothing wrong with her spending all hours of the night with some guy, then there's something wrong with her head!

 

How old are the two of you?

 

Really, I can't offer any advice, but you've been together 9 years, so surely you are past mid 20's right? That is way too old for her to be acting so silly.

 

Have you neglected her? She is unrealistic to expect you to get her a house NOW, but make sure she knows you are making an effort. I'm not going to say she'll quit seeing him when you do....

 

Hey, here's a thought, why don't you start visiting her friends with her???? That would show that you care, plus you'd be together, plus, she couldn't do anything and hide it with you right there.

 

Duh!

[lazler]

Yes monday i am 32 she is 33 , yes i have offered to go over with her but it seems . she thinks its just to be up her arss now. that i don't really want the time but to just watch her moves. and i have neglected her to a extent. yea

i was bad into a computer game and ignored her for a long time because of it.

 

but i thought id been alot better since i moved out here. apparently not . i had a hard time expressing my feelings to her due to not wanting arguments.so i just stayed quite. and when she tried to express her self to me as we were fighting i walked away alot to prevent hurt and pain. next day seemed as it was fine. but now she has just let into me about all the years i did it. i am very sorry to her for the time i did it but thinking every thing was ok the next day should not have been how i took it. but i want to prove to her she is first in my life and i want to talk more about the problems in this marraige and to start taking her feelings into concede ration as well. but i can only wait till she wants to allow me to do it.i seem like I'm forcing her to make choices now and pushing her further away by trying to get her to open more and answer the questions about us.but i cant help but feeling if i don't try to work it out it shows i don't care about this marriage either.

 

i want nothing more the to work it out but if it is unworkable i feel i have the right to know. i will never stop loving her she is and will be my only true love. even if i have to move on but hoping its not the case.

 

I thank you all for your advise it does help and makes you feel your not alone so ty all again

[radioflyer]

Please by all means STOP STOP STOP and schedule counciling right now!!!! Before this can go any further, yes, there is something going on between them and she is filling the void with them because you are not giving her what she needs and wants. I am going through this exact same thing right now except i found it just a little later than i should have and caught them "in the act"!!!!

Please just sit down and open up to her and express your true feelings about how you have done the research and figured out that YES you were wrong and ignored her needs and realize the breakdown in the marriage. Sit down and make a list of everything that you think on your part that you did wrong with the marriage and give it to her. Ask her to do the same and swap the lists and talk about them. Open communication is the key to a very very happy and successfull marriage. Whether it means that you cry, laugh, get angry ect....real men DO cry and just open up and express them. Do not get show your anger at all, instead, take a step back and be rational at all times and just remember that it is a 2 way street and is not all your fault. Apologize for not giving her the time and emotional support that you should have given her. Set up a romantic dinner date (just the two of you) and give her flowers and a card to show how much you do care. Trust me, I am speaking from my heart here and very much a near and dear experience if you read my threads below. Try to stop all communication with this guy(s) is another step in letting this go any further. If you value your marriage go to counciling NOW!!

Keep up posted on the progress!

md

[lazler]

well how do i begin . he makeing me sound like its all me the tore this marridge apart . i have been with him 9 years ingage 8 of thouse year finally last july he married me in a chaple (50)) dollars he didnt even get me a wedding band his mom payed for it another50dollers ok so it wasnt what i expected but its what i got and was happy for it but it still hurt because 8 years passed 1 son and many many fights .

 

see we lived in chicago were i have 4 daughters and with all the fights . we lost are home , it all started when he got in to a computer game called ac . he was always doing things with us me and are kids before this game . he became a different person we never talked made love lest and lest offten , so i game 2nd to a game ,but not only me but the kids the became out of control . to were he wanted me to give them to there dad . and i did because it was the best thing to do because of the money . plus with me fighting for his time when he wasnt on this game witch became less and less i tell him how i felt and he would say what ever . its always the same old **** with you tina , so i became jelious of him

 

i would ask him all the time if he was cheating . because all the time he never cave to me yehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i am wrong for blameing him for cheating but in my eyes if he wasnt into me then there was someone else . so during all this time 2 years latter we losse the house and i wanted to say in chicago to be by my kids that i didnt want to give up , but he promisse me that if we move here to lv that it would be a freah start , well its been a year and 5 months , and to this day i am still in is mom&dad home .

 

i dont work because i wanted to go back to school . and he said he buy me a car. to get a job and go to school ,but from day 1 have watched his family kids 1st was his cousin . then his sisters . then his mother asked me to watch a friends of her kid and i would be payed because i was never payed for the others the deal was 300 a month then it went to 200 a month i never saw a dime of that money because i gave it to his mom for help with us being here for 5 months i did this plus clean cook .and i stop going to school i fell and wasnt able to go back right away but when i was able the schooled campus closed to a new place ,

 

well i used to drop his mom and dad off at work go to school come home clean cook and be there from them to drive them home . so when the school moved his mom said that it would be to many mi;les on the car to go to new campus plus come home and drive to get them . so i am no longer in school . but my husband has a new f150 new from deler he was useing is moms old blazer and said he would work on geting me a car ,but his mom got a loan for the car , and tina who . what car he went and said he need this truck because of his job so i gave in once again .

 

now during all this time i missing my kids back home felling like a maide to his family and telling him how i feel but its was a fight each time he walk away or say what ever tina and leave me crying , so i was alway the one to make face because i am 2000 miles from my family my friends . with no car no job and other kids to watch

so ther was times that i was called names told to get my **** and get out . and i have my pride i would walk out crying look around and thing haaaaaaa were am i going to go .plus he never gave me money with out fighting for it he gamled and thought nothing wrong with it , but he alway gave to his mom . the money

 

we have a son togher and i loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee my kids he says i cant leave with his kid

but i left my 4 girls for better in hopes to give them a better life i was promised ok so there (girls ) dad never gave me money but helped when he could ) but when the kids were with ther dad . the kids needed things like money but i was told he (husband )that he would not send money because steve didnt

 

well i dont care if he his pride was there , what about what my kids needed yeh they needed me but also something to show that i still cared there kids that the way they thing , well my kids started hateing me calling me names on the phone saying your not my mom calling xs wife mom and me tina and during all this i told him he didnt care .what the **** you want from me there is no money to send them but thers money to gamble give his mom . but not for me

 

so with all the fights and the pain i was in we fought alot i told him he would losse me he say its all in your head . i wanted to talk it out before but i got what is there o\to talk about . one night i broke down baddddddddddd freacking crying trying to talk to him he said i cant deal with this **** and left me crying to were i couldnt breath and fell asleep on the couch . and he always though things were better maybe for him but not for me so this is on going just being here in is mom and dads ho9me know that i needed out of this place nad need him to show me he wanted this but it was always i will show you i promise and never happed i put my legs between my legs so to speak and tryed to act and play the role of wife

 

for soooooooooooooooo long but now i have a friend i made form a good friend that has helped me out by buying a plain ticket for one of my daughers to come and live with me , because once again i was told to waite . so now that i am in debt to this friend beause of this i clean his house , and he has seen me cry and we have talked about me and my husaband ,who else was there he wouldnt talk to me . so this guy like me and wants to help me out even offer a place to live if i needed it , so during one of are fight he told me to get the **** out . and i said fine walked out crying , came in and call my friend , my husband herd the whole thing so now he is knows i have a place to go so it makes him think i am ****ing him . not true at all i like him yeh but now the last thing i need is a other man

 

and i told my husband i need space but he pushs me to be normal he wants me to kiss and hold him and have sex like all is well ' and i cant he has hurt me behond words and i fell out of love with him .i will always love him but i am not in love with him ' sooooooooooooooooooo now that he knows there somone who wants to help me he says he wants to make thi9s marridge work , but all the time before he didnt care . yeh i want a place of my own and he says to me fine i will get it but it will take time howwwwwwwwwwwwwwww much more time can i give i need me to heal frist before i can heal this marridge . ans he says well thats what the problem i walk out and go by my friends ,butttttttttttttt he wants me to give up the only thing that can help me , and i wont because once i do that he will do what he has done before , and i am not giveing in to this i gave in to many times alreay well thats my side

 

ps i still have no car no he hasd no money saved for a place and i am hateing him more and more each time he promissse to not keep them

[radioflyer]

well...take it for what it is worth! There is always two sides to every story. First off, I think that both of you need to take a BIG step back in life and read exactly what you both have written. Are you truely inlove with each other, or are you together for all of the wrong reasons? Have you ever really been head over heels for each other at one point in time?

 

To me, it sounds as if there are a lot of personal issues involved aside from the marriage aspect of things. I would say that (you the husband) needs to stand up and take responsiblity for your actions and start providing for your family!! You are giving empty promises and false hope to YOUR WIFE of all people. Part of a marriage is to take care of each other and provide for one another!! If it means a wake up call for both of you to be apart for a while, so be it!! What you need to understand is that marriage is a two way street and AGAIN I will emphasize that communication and understanding and listening is the key. Not to sit there and play a stupid computer game and say "yeah yeah whatever you say honey, i`ll get to it later". One day she IS going to get up and leave your sorry @ss and you won`t know what to do.

 

I have learned from my mistakes and was (that guy) who sat back and said yeah whatever you say honey, and gave the false hope and promises. well, she got up and left and made me realize what an @ss i was to her and I ignored the cry for help!!

 

Dude! provide for your family! Wake up and smell the coffee burning and listen to her cries of help. You two are together for a reason and met and once fell in love for a reason!! Put some romance back into the relationship and sit down and think and talk about what made the relationship what it is now. Think about all of the fun times, laughter, life experiences that you have. It also seems to me that you two are getting too much into that "Comfort Zone" where you think that one is going to be there for the other all the time. Well, that is not going to be the case.

 

I hope that I atleast get through a little bit to you two in the midst of sorting out my own marriage after my wife left me and is living with another guy and two roommates. I love my wife with all of my heart and thought that nothing was wrong with our marriage and WHAM!! she hit me with the bomb and moved out and said she wasn`t happy anymore and have been confiding in this guy that she worked with basically because she was giving him the emotional supporr that I was not giving her. By any means, that is no reason to go out and have an affair on me!

 

Talk about things and get your life straight before moving out or kicking her out. Now, about living with the parents thing.....how old are we? You need to find a direction in life and stick to it. Whether it is living in a mobile home or whatever. If i think of any other advice to write i will...but i am a little upset right now listening to your story because i look at what i had and lost it because i didn`t listen.

md

[Reckless]

First of all it is very rare to hear BOTH sides of the story and I'd like to thank lazlers wife for teaching me how radically different the other side to the same story can be.

 

Lazler's wife:

 

Your husband is not good at communicating, he is capable of being verbally abusive and emotionally distant. He couldn't cope with living with 5 young and difficult children or your grief over moving away from them (your girls). He doesn't seem capable of giving you the support you've at least tasted with the new male 'friend'.

 

He has also proved incapable of putting his family (you and his children) first in making the best decisions for them although I suspect he always wanted to. Still, he loves and needs you enough to search for help on the internet and ask how to make it all better.

 

Lazler:

 

I know you love your wife but from her point of view at least you have proved to be a really BAD husband.

 

No woman should be forced to give up her children although I understand that if the ex was in a stable relationship and could offer financial help it would be tempting. Most women have a 'love me, love my kids' policy; it is not entirely your fault that you could talk her out of that but you did owe your wife support from the trauma of losing them. She has paid a high price for your broken promises.

 

I'm sure you regret the computer addiction and honestly thought it best to move back to your moms but you have not built for the future. You have put your wife to work and not shown her any appreciation. You have not provided a home for your family. This is bad.

 

I know you are jealous (and suspect you are right to be) over this other man. You are right, he shouldn't be on the scene but he is there because your wife has NO ONE else to turn to and she should be able to turn to you. You have been distant and abusive. She's only human.

 

What to do?

 

Time to judge actions not words.

 

Lazler:

 

You need to get out of your moms and provide a home for your wife and child NOW.

 

You need to work hard to enable her to go back to school so you can both work towards a better future - she will need transport for that.

 

You need to agree to go to counseling so that you can heal the rift between you. You need to understand that you can't make 8 bad years good by saying your sorry and offering to cuddle - it don't work that way. You need to take her side (not your moms) and fight for your family.

 

Lazlers wife:

 

You need to decide in your heart if you truly have had enough (I suspect you haven't quite finished with your marriage despite the anger you have there)but if you can't forgive him or give him any more chances you have to let your husband know coz he's hurting here.

 

If you want to give him one more chance, set a (reasonable) date for moving (you both) into your own place and stick to it. Help as much as you can to save towards that first goal. Work together. If you continue to be used as a slave, ignored and isolated - get out of dodge. Judge actions not words.

 

You need to not complicate things with a male friend (there will be plenty of those if you decide to be single again) because jealousy will make a bad situation worse.

 

Both of you:

 

You need to sit down and work out your finances.

 

Pay each other the attention lacking. Check out the net for sites like marriage builders that is often recommended here.

 

Get into counseling. See if there's something free with your local church or community service.

 

 

Would I be Lazler's wife -hell I'd have left first time he told me to 'get the f*** out'. I would never advise a woman to sacrifice her life this way but there are always (at least) two sides to every story. I'm personally waiting for Mother-in-law to log on.

 

I wish you BOTH luck. I'm afraid you are going to need a lot of it to fix this.

[FolderWife]

Well...*sigh* she isn't cheating on you. She found someone to care for her, so she doesn't have to take your crap, because she doesn't NEED you now, and you come crying to us. You don't want the love of your life back...you want your floormat back! Shame on you

 

No advice, just venting my opinion.

[lazler again]

well ok guys you have heard both sides of the story ....partially..

 

she forgot to mention that when i broke my legg and was out of work for 6 months and no money coming in . did she get a job? no..did i ask ? yes i did that was only the start i was out of work for a total of a year.first 6 with pinched nerve. ok well workers comp but only 33 % of normal earnings NOT including the over time i was use to. then when i returned we were 6 months behind in morgage so i borrow 3500 dollars to get back up a bit on that. but did she still get a joB?nooo. then i get my wages garneshed because of all the other bills that built up, yeap but still no job, she bi*&^ about finaces but when i ask for help she says what about the kids and you? Worried cause my back and leg.

 

so now at the time i was making 700 a week BEFORE taxes. so magine tring to get a year worth a debt paid and try to save house on that ...mind you the garnishment of 23% of my checks. then we lose house cause i hired a lawyer 3 times to try to save house ( 1500 a pop first 2, 3000 the 3rd time). so we lose the house . now i have 2 choices, move to vegas for a fresh start or hit the pavement for a chance. well i moved 200 miles away. then we get here i took a job at 100 bucks a week to start ( piece work) then when i get a big job at 800 a week my brother helps so now im at 400 a week after splitting + 100 out of that for insurance ( medical)....then our friend that we been mention the one we trust. needs a job so my wife says get him in . so now im splitting it 3 ways + making insurance payment.

 

so then i needed a vehicle cause the BRONCO it was is a 89 with 250,000+ miles is taking a toll. so my mom yes my mom gets a loan for a vehicle . instead of buying a sebring conv. for her self she gets a truck. unfortunalty it had rules ... needed to be a 98 or newer and less then 55k on speedo. no vans just a truck or car . mind you the bronce was parents . lost every thing in chicago due to finaces as you know.belive me i was looking at intrepeds for her but my parents said a truck because bronco wouldnt last much longer.

 

so we got a truck so now im making 1/3 of 800 a week and now got a payment of 350 and 80 for insurance. then my parents need money for grocries true? so igive a hand considering they are feeding us. some times 50 some 100 a week unless they really need a lot of money. then we try to figure out what we can do.ok so thats done .

 

OH i almost forgot the kid issue in ill. that was a nightmare. well when we feel so hard me,wife ,father of girls and new girlfriend figured it be best for them to take them. ok np ,BUT then after they went to court and got them they turned and said 2 WEEKS later they needed 1000 dollars or my wife cant see the kids....hmm what part of broke didnt they get. anyway needless to say i been screwed on money till a month ago when i fired every one to take care of FAMILY like you may think i dont. and start keeping money for us, but been cooped up in house for a long time so first few checks we went out a lot, shouldnt have but she agreed as well, so anyway i figured or wedding wasnt the bestl.

 

so last month wife not know i put a down down paymenty on a 1/2 carat ring ( owe 300 left) before i knew this was happening and also asked a freind to come out on the same day we got married to do it again but better. then this happens im like wtf! well as far as the walking away hmmm how do i put this, well when we talk i start in a calm voice she gets louder then becomes all her fighting ( just her talking) when i try to talk she interupts every time so i get mad because she wants to say it but not hear it. so yes i would walk away.but it wasnt cause i didnt feel guilty it was cause i couldnt get a word in edge wise.

 

so then it comes to were when i start making good money she demands to move out hmmm with 1 pay check? not likely . if it were you would you be happy in a empty apt. no tv , vcr coach any thing? think it was just make it worse . so i asked for a month - month 1/2 but that wasnt good enough because some one else offers it it was now or im gone point blank.

 

ok so anyway we went to try counciling guess what THE COUNSOLER STOPPED IT!! guess why ? cause she wouldnt let me get in a word edge wise wife kept interuptting took the counsloer to shout shut up to her and decided individual counsling to hear both sides.....needless to say after that we were on our way home and i calmly asked her to stopp hanging out so much at his house and to let me spend some time to talk her.....20 mins later he is at my door another 20 mins later she leaves with him to his house ... now thats something thast going to work? .... well no i asked her to stay there and now were are threw

 

....well so far till we can communacte better

[FolderWife]

What about the gambling she said you were doing?

 

Hey lazler's wife, why didn't you stay home and talk to your husband?

[lazler]

Well monday the gambling she is talking about is the 20$ a week i bet wether it be fri or on football thats all i been gambling and she agreed. but in return she gets 20 for what ever she wants.That is what we agreed, mind you when i do winn she dont mind helping spending it . but if i lose it she flips.

 

Look im not tring to make my wife sound like a total bitch.i understand i pushed away alot more then i should have . but i NEVER considered her a floor mate as some people applied.she is every thing in my life and if she asked me to kneel cause she cant leave me cause im still alive.....i would kneel and let her shoot me. but i love her to much to let her go. i pushed her to go back to school cause we were doing GREAT then , 1 she got out of the house and was glad to be doing something with her self and we talked and i helped her with studing, then she stopped and we been at each others throats. 2 because she didnt feel inclosed or trapped.

 

Monday her excuse was that the kids called him to come and talk to them.I asked her why she didnt just ask him to leave considering its a family issue and her response was cause she cant make desions for the kids on who they can talk to.Well i always thought she was the mother and made the desions , more about that because the issues were having with him.

 

so now to the i kept telling her to leave, yes that was me if she was to tell you she would just go a find someone else to sleep with all the time and come back here to rub it in .would you want her to stay?she would call me a loser ,low life worth less father, tell me sex wasnt all that and she fakes it,tells you your suppose to get everything. plus tell you that she is only with you cause of the kids.what would you do?yea ,maybe telling her to leave wasnt the best approach,but if she hurts me i try to do it back.she forgot to mention when she did try to leave i wouldnt let her,mainly cause i didnt mean it , just wanted her to know what the pain felt like.

 

anyway counselor talked to me yesterday and said , yes I do have a hard time with showing emotions. but she also said it was 1/2 her fault , she explained she felt my wife was insecure,demanding,and doesnt like it when the argument is switched to her cause she doesnt feel its her.so she tries to turn it and keep it focused on the other 1/2.

 

Monday id have her responed but she no longer resides with me.

 

well any way. all i can say is anyone with the same problems PLZ . stop arguing and see a counselor because tring to work it out alone will cause this type of situation. and the hardest part is now she says she wants to work it out and not get the divorce. but she wont move back and she wants to stay with him. i find it hard to work out anything when you got a so called FRIEND pumping crap in your head about what to do. maybe it will work out and maybe it wont ,ut i will say this its extremely hard to come home every day not to hear her warm hello and heart filled hugs to welcme me anymore

and some day i hope she will realize what type of guy he is and what he really wanted all along , but then by then i may have moved on if she doesnt decide to try to work it now.

 

If any words of advise to repairing it such as what to do for her ,our to say to help it plz words of help here are needed and to some of you ,I never wanted her to to leave but how much more of this guy do you think i really could handle before i beat him and gave him another reason for her to baby him.

ty for all your insights and ill keep reading and try counsling

 

believe me ive always loved my wife and appreciated putting up with it for as long as she did ,but understand when times are hard the time toghter are suppose to help, not cause it to get worse, when its only one person bringing in money its hard for both

 

 

ill keep posted for next few days on this nightmare